She sounds heavy. “Okay.”
“I’m concerned about her relationship with Haruhide.”
In case you forgot, that’s Hazu.
“Okay.”
“Premarital sex is a sin, is inappropriate, and unacceptable for any student at this school. And I sense it between them.”
Hang on. She doesn’t have to lie. Niko broke up with Hazu, and this weekend, Scott and Niko become exclusive. Mother Superior has it wrong. In this area, Niko’s totally innocent.
As am I.
She answers in a clear voice, without fear of persecution.
“Mother Superior, I swear to you that’s not happening.”
“How do you know?”
“Mother Superior, I know. Niko is a virgin.”
5.
Her hand misplaces the off button for all the buttons and once it’s found and her alarm silences, she sits at bedside, unable to stand. And she stands, unable to walk. At the toilet, she falls asleep in spurts. She does the same in the shower, and brushes her teeth so poorly that her tongue flicks the leftover plaque. Her bedroom lights are flipped, and in a squinted haze, she dresses. Sort of. Her skirt is backwards. So is her undershirt. FixedX2. Her blouse is buttoned, her knee socks are straight—no, they’re not, okay, now they are—and her hair is combed, then clipped, and finally combed correctly, then re-clipped.
The mirror says she looks acceptable—for her mother.
After I get to school, I’ll have to fix everything.
Mental note, she needs to remember her makeup.
She hid it from herself last night, hoping that if her mother searched her room, it’d be hidden from her mother too. But her mother did not search, and after the lingerie was confiscated, she got tired, then slept before she retrieved it. And she’ll get it as soon as she packs her bag. Ugh, it’s heavy; and it’s worse with her books stuffing it up, as her still-sore forearms fight the zipper, especially around the VHS of Friends, its outline dug into the polyester.
It ends up not fitting. She decides to carry it.
Her mother shouts. “What’s taking so long?”
“Nothing, I’m almost ready!”
“Hurry up, you’ve got to eat!”
Downstairs, her blue Academy one-piece, which smells like fabric softener, rests on the table beside breakfast. She recalls how Mackenzie said her fatness displaced the water in the pool. I shouldn’t eat. Too late. Cereal is swallowed, OJ is drunk and a muffin wrapper lies beside muffin crumbs. Why does mom cook so much? Not like her mother notices. In the kitchen, she’s preparing for the chores that’ll make dinner insufferable, with a mug of coffee and one of those coupon books that come from the center of the newspaper.
“Get your practice schedule, okay?”
“I will.”
“Make sure you get it. I need to plan.”
“I said I will.”
“And get me the schedule of all your meets.”
“I know the drill, Mom. I’ve swam before.”
Between this and being fat, she’s already had enough of swim team today. That’s too bad for her. Last night, Niko said she found out about her wet uniform by “making some calls.” If the other Bitches “made some calls” then it could be “all over school.” Well, not all over all over school, but with the people who matter. She supposes her best hope is that everyone wants to be her friend, and that Mackenzie’s retaliation was a one-time thing.
After all, Mackenzie does want to win State.
And she needs me to do it.
Her mother bothers her. “What’re your plans with Niko’s mother today?”
She’s in the process of, like last night, stacking her plate, glass and silverware, then delivering it to the sink. “We don’t have any. It’s a play-it-by-ear thing.”
“That makes me nervous.”
Her mother thinks she’s keeping “secrets.” But this time, she isn’t, at least not yet, but she wants to avoid any issues, so she pulls from her magic hat… “Niko’s going to lose her appeal. Maybe we’ll get her a haircut.” It appeases her mother. It doesn’t appease her. “Did you talk with Auntie about getting my hair cut?”
Her mother’s voice is sly. “We’ll see.”
“What does that mean?”
“I don’t want to reward bad behavior.”
“What bad behavior?”
“You know what.”
As if her mother would sacrifice valedictorian over black underwear. That nobody saw! Besides, if it’s how she chooses to conceal her privates during her private time, then it’s none of her mother’s business. Like her masturbation wasn’t her mother’s business. And what happened? She kept rubbing. She intends the same for her undies, particularly thongs, which she will get, then enjoy—in her room, at school, on a date, or as part of swim team.
Wow, I wish I sounded like that always.
Whatever, she’s finding space for her suit in her bag. “Mom, I made the team. That’s bigger than this.”
“No, it’s not.”
“You know, you can’t keep it from me forever.”
Her mother chuckles. “You weren’t born with breasts.”
“Exactly, I’m old enough now.”
Her mother gives her a look, then circles, in pen, some deal on bathroom cleaner. “You’re not. And don’t accept any more clothes from Niko.”
“Okay.”
“There will be consequences if you do.”
“Okay.”
Her mother is too used to fighting over this stuff.
“Are you listening to me?”
Duh, yes.
She wants to fight. Then get impractical about the haircut she knows she’s getting. I need to forgive her. She also needs sleep. She does neither, then deploys the silent treatment. In the car, it’s stop-go. She’d stress over her mother’s stubborn belief that the slowest lane will turn fast, but Prom’s distracted her. If only I had an upperclassmen boyfriend! It’s okay. Next year, she’ll go. And she’ll have a boyfriend. But the boyfriend part will preferably be this year, hopefully by summer break. It’s possible! Being on swim, and the Bitches, about guarantees her a boyfriend. Note, “a boyfriend” doesn’t automatically mean “a good boyfriend,” as increased popularity includes parasites. It’s an important factor that’s actually not since her too high standards will interrupt any and all romance.
Blah, blah, blah—I don’t even have a guy I like!
Her mother blocks the Academy’s circular drive. It leaves her rushed. I hate making people wait! She frantically grabs everything and she leaves the car with her face hidden, so no one who’s silently cussing at her knows it’s her. It means she has to juggle this crap through the stopped open entrance. The main hallway is lean and the first bell is loud. Class starts in five minutes. She debates if she has time to visit her locker. Maybe it’s best not to. But her teacher hates crap on the floor.
She shouldn’t move and think.
She’s hit a wall—no, it’s a boy, who kinda knocked her back, which knocked out her books.
She drops to her knees. “I’m sorry. I’m so distracted.”
He’s on his knee, too. “No, it was I who wasn’t watching.”
She giggles in the way that makes him a dork and her not.
“That’s sorta funny.”
“Is this yours?”
It’s the VHS of Friends.
“Yeah, uh, my friend and I, we watch it every week… Let me start over, we talk on the phone and watch it, but she couldn’t, she had this party that I didn’t want to go to, so, like, my dad taped it.” Jeez, who cares? Wonderful. She’s a loser. A bad swimmer. And she rambles like a crazy person. Not that he notices; he’s looking at her breasts. What? It’s true. When she collected her stuff, her blouse became slightly too snug, and his eyes became too stuck. As a result, her heart pumps, in cold shocks, what must be adrenaline, or onset Parkinson’s, throughout her limbs. “Anyhow…”
“I should help you back to your locker.”
“Oh, no.”
“Well, can I help you up?”
“I’m fine.”
His hand is out. “Come on.”
“Okay.”
His hand has taken her up. “You sure you’re okay?”
Sure. “Yes.”
“Look, I’ll take your stuff back to your locker.”
She bites her bottom lip. Distraught since he doesn’t need to do that. He doesn’t need to do anything. In fact, she’ll take his stuff back to his locker. That’s what she’ll do and… Like a magnet, her chin is at the floor, but when she blinks, her eyes peek at his. His are big and blue. Also, he’s tall, looks rich, and he’s got slicked blond hair.
She’s got no spit. “Oh, um… I mean, I think…”
Class has already started. Maybe we could hang out!
What was that?
She’ll never know. Niko is here.
“There you are! You won’t believe what happened!”
In her diminished state, she has zero resistance. “What?”
Niko nearly unloads a barrage of poorly planned sentences, then freezes mid-syllable and faces the boy. “Do you mind?”
“No.”
He could of been rude. He chose not to. He’s, like, a mature guy! And hold up a second! I mind! “Niko, he was…”
Niko shoos him. “You can move along, then.”
Like that, the boy becomes barren hallway. The mass of her insides becomes barren too. She protests—marginally. It’s all she’s got. “Seriously, he—”
Niko interrupts. “I have amazing news.”
“You do?”
“I found out that Mike Holler is hot for you!”
“Who?”
Niko looks perplexed. Did I misspeak? “Mike Holler.”
Oh, Mike Holler! What a coincidence, she had no idea two Mike Holler’s attended this school. I’m such a ditz. Plus, a new addition to the endangered species list. It’s the Mike Holler. AKA: Donna’s boyfriend. AKA: The Academy QB. AKA: The last thing she needs. As if the target weren’t already enormous, and like she hadn’t told Niko to stop, she’s on the Bitches, she’ll probably single handily screw up State, simultaneously spark a civil war for rule of the Academy, and for giggles, she’s now threatened Donna Harly’s relationship.
I’ll be lucky to survive the day.
“Why would you do that?”
Niko looks confused. “Do what?”
“Get Mike Holler to like me! Why would you do that?”
“I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did!”
Niko smiles. “I really didn’t! He just likes you!”
“Niko, please by lying.”
Niko’s not lying.
It’s written all over Mackenzie’s infuriated face, which she’s never seen so colored, as well Mackenzie’s body, which projects an unladylike stance. Of course, the same pack of Bitches back-up Mackenzie, but they might as well not.
I’ve never seen Mackenzie like this.
“Niko, we need to talk.”
“Again?”
“Yes, again.”
Like Niko did with that boy, she acts annoyed. “Fine, but we have class, so talk fast.”
“You can start by explaining why the school thinks I’m only going to Prom because I gave Lonny a blowjob.”
Niko plays dumb. “I don’t know. I guess people just call it like they see it. Do you have anything else or can we go now?”
Niko moves aside, but Mackenzie blocks her, still upset. The BJ rumor was the first surprise. The second one happened when she, Donna, and several Bitches arrived at school.
“You told on us to the Administration.”
“You—against the Rules—soaked her uniform.”
“It’s different when you’re on the team.”
Niko acts disgusted. “How so? She stops being my friend?”
Mackenzie acts the same. “Don’t bore me with semantics, and don’t tell me how to run my team.”
“I’m only telling you how to treat my friends.”
“You know, you think you’re so smart Niko, but you’ll see. People have promised you more than they can deliver.”
Her mouth hangs open. Mackenzie didn’t just say that. She thought when Mackenzie kept her in the showers, it was so the others could soak her uniform. It can’t be that… Mackenzie was telling the truth? No, Niko’s plan is to send a “message.” That’s all, and nothing else.
Good news, even Niko looks confused.
“What’re you talking about?”
“I know you’re trying to take over.”
Niko plays dumb again. “Take over what?”
“The Bitches, I know you’re trying to do it.”
It takes Niko a split-second. “And you’re gonna stop me?”
Mackenzie locks up all over—too shocked to notice.
Yesterday, Niko openly referred to Donna as Yeti. Today, Niko openly acknowledges her intended mutiny. Mackenzie knows she needs an insult. Likely, it’d be another crack about bra stuffing since, today, Niko’s chest is its largest ever. Instead, Mackenzie backs off, showing her palms, and giving a half-convincing “I don’t care” look. “You know what? Try your stupid plan. I can’t wait to see your face when it happens.”
With that, Mackenzie leaves, her gossip hound Bitches at her tail, silent since no one dares mutter about it. Because of this, the echoes of their shoes sound closer than they are. She’s silent, too. Whoever stood Mackenzie down, it wasn’t Niko2.0. It was the Niko from this last weekend.
I guess Mother Superior couldn’t stop Niko.
“What did you do, Niko?”
Niko is stoic, but happy. She spent extra time on her boobs this morning. Even Mackenzie couldn’t see they were fake! “Let’s just say, I used my appeal to make an impression.”
“How’d you do that?”
“I tipped them off to some hazing pranks at tryouts.”
This is bad. “You shouldn’t have done that.”
“I had to. This shit with them has gone too far.”
“So you took it further? How’s that a solution?”
Niko looks like, “whose side are you on?” but only says, “They started it.”
She hates this. She can’t worry about it. She needs to know the truth. “Are you really trying to take over?”
Niko’s dismissive. “Of course not.”
“Okay, cause I have to be on swim team with them.”
Niko isn’t concerned. “Mother Superior is involved—they can’t touch you at swim.”
“Well, I guess I’ll take all my classes at the pool.”
Again, Niko looks like, “whose side are you on?” She’s also gone tense in her back. “I’ve got control of it.”
What bullshit. And shit—class!
“Come on, let’s go. I don’t wanna be late.”
What she wants isn’t what will happen. The boy’s been gone long enough for feeling to return to her face. And it’s not what she feels, but what she doesn’t. I’m not wearing makeup. She forgot it. And he saw her without it, a rolled skirt or a put back blouse. It solves the mystery of why he disappeared at Niko’s first word.
He thought I was hideous.
She tries to ignore it, then ends up holding out the VHS. “I need to trade. Can I borrow your makeup?”
“Right now?”
She could bump into him between periods.
“Yes, I think I can do it before the tardy bell.”
Niko hesitates. “Actually, can we talk about Mike?”
Why me? “Fine, come to the bathroom with me.”
Niko scrunches her face. “Um, I’m going the other way.”
They both take European history. The bathroom is there.
“Why?”
“I’m meeting someone.”
“Who?”
Niko struggles. “I’m going to see Hazu. We’re ditching.”
“I thought you two weren’t dating anymore.”
“We’re not—we’re just friends.”
S
he wants to believe Niko. She does.
But, she can’t.
In the car after Sadie Hawkins, she heard Niko and Hazu.
At first, Hazu was getting Niko hot. Kissing her, sure, but also to Niko’s glee, divulging his deepest sex fantasies. He said he’d change the girls’ uniforms to their underwear. “That’s so dirty!” And, he said, if a girl gets in trouble, she should shave her pussy for the class. “In front of everyone?” He said yes, and added that girls should have mandatory classes on stripping. “Oh, that’s so bad!” And the Academy should have a designated room where the girls have to fuck the boys. This time, Niko said, “No, no.” So Hazu offered an addendum. He said the girls had to give blowjobs.
“Okay, yes!”
Hazu appeared. His hair was messy and his shirt barely on. Niko was next, her cheeks splotched and her dress below her belly. Like a bitch in heat, Niko commanded them outside. “For just five minutes!” At that point, she was disgusted, yet fascinated by what she heard. Turned out it was comparatively tame. For what followed was in-san-i-ty. She only knew it was over because Niko kicked open the door, then leaned out to spit cum on the pavement like a big leaguer would chew.
As she sees it, that’s not a friends dynamic.
“Niko, be real, are you seeing Hazu again?”
“No, we’re just friends!”
She feels the need to state the obvious.
“Cause you can’t date two boys at once.”
Niko’s already taken off down the hall.
“It’s not like that! We’re friends!”
6.
In European history, in science, in Spanish, and mathematics, she thinks and is taxed. The teenage mind is underdeveloped. Fortunately for her, her chest is overdeveloped. I lucked out there. And not solely because of that boy. Like, boobs are, by themselves, a fun topic. Go ahead, try to deny it. She dares you. Yep, that’s what she thought. And that’s what she knew. And not to bring him up again, but that boy knew it too.
See? Everybody likes boobs.
Back to him. And his hotness. It’s revitalized her and when he sees her next, he might want to take her someplace, then, like, the next weekend, he might want to take her to another place. By dismissal, she’s plotted out the entire relationship. It’s why, after she visits her locker and releases another blouse button, she searches the social sciences wing, the library, and the length of the main hallway.
Sykosa, Part I: Junior Year Page 17