by S. J. Hooks
Please don’t say anymore! She’ll run in the opposite direction if she knows how much.
I couldn’t wait any longer and risk that Sophia would mention the word “love.”
“Julia?” I called out as if I’d just walked outside. I turned the corner and all three girls stared at me.
“I, uh, I brought your jacket. It’s a little chilly tonight,” I said, handing it to her.
“Yeah, we should get back to the guys,” Sophia said, practically pulling Megan with her around the corner, leaving me alone with Julia.
“So, um…how have you been?” I asked awkwardly, burying my hands in my pockets.
“Pretty fucking bad,” she said, taking drag of her cigarette.
“I’m sorry. Listen, Julia. About the grade—”
“I told you, it doesn’t matter,” she said quickly. “Just forget about it.”
“It does matter,” I insisted. “I did something completely reprehensible. I read your paper while I was drinking. A lot. I was upset after you sent me those texts, and, well, you remember how I was when you came to my place—angry and frustrated. But that’s no excuse. You were absolutely right. I was an asshole and I couldn’t separate things.”
“Stephen—”
“And you deserve the A you got on the paper. Brian, I mean, Professor Barrie even said that it was a great start to a thesis and that you had some exciting new ideas. Your paper’s excellent and I’m a moron. I just wanted you to know that.”
“I think I already knew,” she said.
“What? That you’re a great student or that I’m a moron?”
“Both,” she said, giving me a hint of a smile. I let out a nervous laugh.
“Do you want to go back inside?” I asked as she stubbed her cigarette out on the ground.
“I think I’m heading home,” she said. “I wasn’t really in a party mood to begin with and I only came because Megan and Sophia dragged me here.”
“Let me give you a ride,” I offered immediately. I still hadn’t convinced her to start our arrangement again and I wanted to talk to her without all the noise in the club.
“I can just walk,” she said.
“Hell no!” I growled out of nowhere.
Julia chuckled. “Wow, listen to you.”
“I learned from the best,” I said with a grin. “Um, you know I mean you, right?”
She laughed loudly, and I determined that it was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. “I almost forgot how funny you are.”
“So can I take you home?” I asked after she was done laughing.
“You don’t want to stay?”
“No, I just came to see you,” I admitted. “And I really don’t like the attention I’m getting in there.”
“Fair enough,” she said. “I should tell the girls that I’m leaving.”
I followed her back inside and couldn’t stop myself from smiling so much that it almost hurt my cheeks. I had made Julia laugh and she had agreed to let me give her a ride. It was more than I had dared to hope for.
By the bar, Sophia and Shawn looked like they were eating each other’s faces again while Megan and Matt stood next to them looking very uncomfortable. A few of the gay gentlemen close by were making gagging noises and mumbling about having no sacred place to themselves anymore.
“I’m leaving in a minute,” Julia announced, grabbing one of the drinks. “Yours?” she asked.
“I guess so,” I admitted. “Some guy bought it for me.”
She smirked, taking a large sip. “Sophia,” she said, tugging on her friend’s sleeve.
“Don’t bother,” Megan said, rolling her eyes. “I already tried that. Are you guys really leaving? Umm, together, I mean?” She looked curiously between me and Julia and judging from the conversation I’d overheard outside, I couldn’t blame her for being surprised.
“Stephen’s giving me a ride,” Julia said. “Are you guys going too?”
Surprisingly, Megan turned and looked at my brother. “Are you leaving?”
“Hell, no. I like it here!” he exclaimed, pointing to the bar top. “Look, I got drinks!”
I couldn’t help but laugh as Megan smiled at him. “I guess we’re staying,” she told Julia.
“You’ll get her home safely, right?” Julia asked Matt with a hint of warning in her voice. “And make sure your friend does the same for Sophia.”
“Of course, Julia.”
“Jules,” she corrected him and smiled.
Why hasn’t she told me to call her “Jules” if that’s what she prefers?
“Are you ready to go?” she asked, turning to me. I nodded. Behind Julia’s back, Matt gave me a thumbs up, followed by some very crude pelvic movements that made Megan cackle in delight and even hit his arm in a playful manner.
Those two seem to be getting along. Who would have thought?
I walked behind Julia, trying my best not to stare at her backside, which looked incredibly appealing in her skintight pants. As we passed a table I heard one of the men complain about me leaving. Julia stopped and smiled at them.
“Relax, boys,” she said. “Better that he leaves with his hag than some other guy, right? We’ll be back another night.”
“Hag”? That doesn’t sound very complimentary.
I tried not to look too shocked, but I didn’t think I did a very good job. The men still seemed disappointed.
“I know, I know,” Julia said, sighing. “He is quite the piece of man candy. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve shown him my boobs, hoping for a little action. Sadly, he doesn’t like girls.”
Why is she saying this?
“Stephen, honey,” she purred, tugging at the bottom hem of my T-shirt. “Why don’t you give the boys a little peek as a consolation prize, since I’m stealing you away and all?”
She smiled at me but I could see an evil gleam in her eye.
She’s doing this to punish me!
I let her pull up my shirt to reveal my stomach for a few seconds, but when one of the men reached out to touch me, I had had enough. Grabbing Julia by her hand, I stormed out of there. I could feel the anger building in me as I dragged her across the deserted parking lot.
“What the hell were you doing back there?” I demanded when we reached my car.
“Relax. I was just playing.”
“This is not a game!” I seethed. “You can’t just do something like that.”
“Yes, I can, actually,” she said, raising her chin. “I can do whatever the fuck I want.” She poked me in the chest with her index finger, sneering at me. “And you can’t tell me what to do,” she said with a final poke.
“God, why do you have to be such a—” I was very close to calling her a derogatory term, but managed to control myself. Her eyes flared. She obviously knew what I’d wanted to say.
“What did you expect?” she asked. “Why did you even come here tonight? We’re over, Stephen!”
“No, we’re not—don’t say that!”
“Why not? It’s the truth, after all. We were just having sex and now we’re done. You can get yourself a nice normal girlfriend and live happily ever after. Isn’t that what you want?”
“No!” I said immediately. “I want you!”
I took two steps forward, forcing her to sit down on the hood of my car. I stepped in between her parted legs and pushed her back on her elbows.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I want you,” I repeated, placing my palms on the hood as I bent over her. I had no idea where this bravery was coming from. I’d only had a few sips of the drink that the bartender gave me, so it definitely wasn’t alcohol-induced like last time. I was angry with her for trying to reduce whatever we had to just sex. She had told her friends just minutes earlier that she liked me, but now it seemed that she was trying to push me away.
Not going to happen.
I made her lie all the way back and stared into her beautiful eyes. She was breathing faster and her skin had brok
en out in goose bumps. Tracing lightly from her neck down between her breasts with my index finger, I watched her, waiting to see if she would protest. When she didn’t, I leaned all the way down, stopping when my lips were an inch from hers. I felt her hands come up to my shoulders and I feared that she would push me away. But she fisted her hands in my blazer and pulled me down, mashing our lips together in a heated, aggressive kiss. She whimpered into my mouth when my tongue massaged hers roughly and I pressed my erection against her. She pushed a little on my shoulders, but I wouldn’t let her stop this. I knew that she felt it too. I grabbed her hands and pinned them above her head, something I would normally never do. My show of dominance made her gasp, breaking the kiss. For a second I worried she didn’t like me holding her down, until I felt her wrapping her legs around my waist.
“I missed you,” I moaned before kissing her jaw. “God, I missed you so much, Julia!”
She didn’t say anything, but I knew that she wanted this as much as I did. She was moving her hips with mine, and whimpered when I sucked on the soft skin on the side of her neck.
“Stephen,” she whispered. I finally lifted my head to look at her.
“Please say that you forgive me,” I panted. “Please, Julia.”
“I forgive you,” she whispered.
Thank you, God.
I kissed her again but this time it was slower, softer, and I released her hands, which she tangled in my hair. I wrapped one arm underneath her and held the back of her head with my other hand so she could lie more comfortably, and held her tightly while our kiss continued. I was in heaven. She was perfect in my arms, despite the fact that we were on the hood of my car in the middle of a parking lot. I never wanted this feeling to end.
I love her.
Through my love- and lust-filled haze I heard voices close by and reluctantly pulled my mouth away from hers.
“Someone’s coming,” I whispered.
“If we’d had a few more minutes it might have been us.”
I dropped my head and chuckled against her skin before helping her off the hood of the car. We drove in silence just listening to the radio and I wished that some of my bravery from the parking lot had lingered so I would have the courage to reach over and hold her hand. I pulled up at her apartment, unsure of what I should say or do. Would she invite me upstairs? Would she kiss me good night and send me on my way? Would she simply thank me for the ride and leave without a second glance in my direction? She unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned over to give me a quick kiss.
“Thank you for taking me home,” she whispered, turning to open the door.
I can’t let her go like this.
“Julia,” I said, holding her hand gently.
“I’m tired,” she said with a sigh, looking back at me. “I’m sorry. I can’t invite you up. I haven’t been sleeping well.”
I could see that she was telling the truth. When I looked closely I could see the dark circles under her eyes, although she had attempted to cover them with makeup. I traced them lightly with my fingertip.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured.
“Thank you. It’s just…I have a lot on my mind.”
I wanted to tell her that we could just sleep if she invited me up. I didn’t even care about sex right now. I would gladly hold her in my arms and stroke her hair all night while she slept, but offering to do that might be too much for her. It was definitely the sort of thing that a boyfriend would do for a girlfriend, and something told me Julia wasn’t ready for that.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I offered, but as I had expected, she simply shook her head and gave me a watery smile.
“Will I see you again?” I managed to get out.
“You’ll see me in class on Tuesday.”
“Outside of class,” I pressed. “I want to…”
Take away the pain I see in your eyes, kiss you, hug you, talk and laugh with you, make love to you, cook for you. I want to watch you sleep and brush your hair and feed you strawberries. I want all of it, Julia.
“…I want to keep seeing you privately,” I said, cowardly hiding my true feelings but also acting out of self-preservation. Julia would run in the opposite direction if she knew, and that would not bode well for me.
“Maybe we can talk after class?” she suggested.
“You’re not saying no, then?”
She shook her head. “I…I have a lot going on,” she said quietly. “But we can talk more on Tuesday, OK?”
I nodded. She hadn’t agreed to restart our arrangement, but she wasn’t rejecting the idea either. When she leaned over and kissed me again, I cupped her face in my hands.
“Good night,” I whispered against her lips before she pulled away.
“Good night, Stephen,” she said softly as she exited the car.
Upon reaching her door, she turned and smiled at me before going inside. It made my stomach feel fluttery. I watched as the lights in her apartment went on and I knew that she was safely inside.
“Sweet dreams,” I whispered.
I knew that all my dreams, asleep and awake, revolved around her now, and I also knew that this was not going to change. The realization was both terrifying and exciting, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I could never go back to safe and predictable again after having met Julia. Matt was right. She had resuscitated me, made me feel alive, and, most important, made me experience what it was like to be in love. Now I only hoped that I might be able to do the same for her.
Chapter 20
The snippet of “Sexual Healing” woke me the following morning.
Not now!
I had been having the most wonderful dream about Julia. We were outside in a field or a meadow somewhere making love. Not sleeping together, having sex, or any of the other terms. No, we were making love, and it was beautiful. I had told her how much I loved her and she had touched my face and smiled before saying that she loved me too.
My phone rang again and I stumbled out of bed and into the living room to answer it. Why I never learned to put it on my nightstand before bed was beyond me.
“Hey, bro,” Matt said cheerfully when I picked it up. “Come meet me and Shawn for brunch.” My stomach rumbled the second he mentioned food.
“The usual place?”
“Yup. You can bring Julia if you want,” he offered.
I could feel my lips turn into a pout at the reminder that Julia and I hadn’t spent the night together.
“She’s not here,” I said simply, not wanting to get into it over the phone.
“Oh,” my brother said. “I’m sorry, Stephen.”
“Thanks. When should we meet?”
“Is half an hour enough to get ready?”
“That’s fine. See you then.” I launched myself back into bed and buried my face in my pillow.
I wish she was here.
I let my mind drift back to the kisses that we had shared on the hood of my car last night. The first one had been so wild and unrestrained. Well, Julia was pretty much restrained by my hands, but that was another matter entirely. I loved her passion and lust when she moaned and rubbed herself against me. Although the next kiss had been different, it was just as good, if not even better. It had been soft and tender but still passionate, and I had embraced her through the whole thing. Even though Julia hadn’t agreed to start seeing me again I still saw last night’s outing as successful. She had forgiven me, kissed me, and made plans to talk to me again on Tuesday after class.
I showered quickly, dressed, and headed downtown to the café where Matt and I always met for lunch. He and Shawn were seated at a table outside when I arrived and I was surprised to see them alone. I had thought that maybe Sophia and Megan would be with them, since I suspected that they had spent the night with them after leaving the club. That was certainly my brother’s MO, and the way that Sophia and Shawn had been all over each other made me sure that they would go home together. Of course, that didn’t necessarily mean they would also spend the morning t
ogether, as I had learned from my visits to Julia’s apartment. I always left before morning.
“What happened last night?” Shawn all but yelled the second I was within hearing range. “Matt said that you left with Julia.”
“You didn’t notice?” I asked dryly, although I couldn’t help but smile a little.
“I, uh, I guess I got a little distracted,” Shawn said, grinning.
“I’ll say!” Matt boomed and grabbed his shoulder. “You should have seen him and the tiny chick, Stephen. I thought they were gonna to fuck on the bar!”
“Her name is Sophia,” Shawn said sternly. “And she’s not just a chick. She’s…amazing.”
“What about you and Megan?” I asked. “You seemed to be getting along.”
“They went home together,” Shawn revealed.
Typical.
“It wasn’t like that,” Matt muttered. “She didn’t want to stay at her place while Shawn and Sophia were getting it on.”
“Sure it wasn’t,” Shawn said. “I bet you were a perfect gentleman.” My brother looked down, shifting in his seat.
“What happened?” I asked him.
“I, uh, I’d rather not talk about it.”
OK, that’s definitely a first! He usually loves to brag about his conquests. Unless…there was no conquest?
“So you two didn’t…” I trailed off.
“We just…cuddled,” he mumbled.
“What?” I spluttered. “You…cuddled?” I never thought that I would hear those words coming out of my brother’s mouth.
“It was nice,” he said defensively.
Shawn was staring at Matt with his mouth hanging open. “Wow,” he finally said, shaking his head. “Matt’s a cuddler. Who would’ve guessed? Anyway, what happened with you and Julia?”
He looked expectantly at me but before I could answer the waiter appeared. We placed our orders and the second he was gone again Shawn repeated his question.
“I just drove her home.”
“That’s all?” my brother asked, looking very disappointed. “We went through all that with the clothes and the spa, and nothing happened?”