by Brenda Novak
Used? Because that pretty much summed it up.
“Sure,” Dylan said. “Come on in.”
Aaron shook his head. “I’d rather we took a ride, if you don’t mind.”
Dylan blinked at him. Aaron had never dragged him out of the house like this before. Generally, if they had something to discuss they could handle it at work or over the phone. But he didn’t hesitate. “I’ll be right back,” he said to Cheyenne.
“What’s going on?” he asked as they both climbed into Aaron’s truck.
Aaron started the engine, drove two blocks and pulled over at the park. They didn’t need to go far. He merely wanted a few moments of privacy. “I just came from Presley’s.”
Dylan managed to keep his expression neutral. “You’ve made it perfectly clear that you’re going to do what you want where she’s concerned, so...why are you telling me?”
“Because I didn’t go there for the reason you think.”
“Then why did you go there?”
He drew a deep breath. “I went there to see my son.”
The placid mask on Dylan’s face cracked. “Your son? Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“Wyatt is mine.”
“And you haven’t done a damn thing to support him? Or Presley?”
“How could I?” he snapped. “I found out today.”
“Holy shit.” Dylan kneaded his forehead. “Are you sure?”
“I’ll order a paternity test to verify it. But it’s easy to believe, wouldn’t you say?”
“Now that you’ve told me, it is, but...we talked about this once before, when we first learned she was pregnant. You told me the baby couldn’t be yours, that you used a condom every single time you were with her.”
“I did.” And as far as he’d known, they’d all worked. Until recently...
“So how...”
He shrugged. “Nothing’s foolproof. You took health classes in high school. Even the pill isn’t one hundred percent effective in every situation.”
“But you believed her....”
“Completely. Thanks to what happened after she left here—or what you guys hinted at—and what she said about the father of her child, I accepted it without question.”
Dylan turned off the radio; Aaron hadn’t even realized it was on. “Okay, but Presley’s had a rough go of it. There were months when she lived on noodles so Wyatt could have everything he needed. Why would she lie when she could’ve had your help? You’ve always had more money than she has.”
Aaron shook his head. “That’s what I don’t get. She said she was doing me a favor. That I wouldn’t have wanted him, anyway. But why wouldn’t she give me the chance to decide for myself?”
“She wasn’t in a good place back then.”
Although it was true, that was difficult to acknowledge. He was too angry.
“Maybe she thought you’d give her too much trouble,” Dylan said. “That she’d have to take you to court to get you to step up.”
He scratched his cheek. “But I’m equally responsible for creating Wyatt, so I would’ve been willing to do my part.”
“And now?”
“I’m still willing. But she doesn’t want my help. She just asked me to sign away my parental rights.”
Understanding suddenly dawned in Dylan’s eyes. But he didn’t react the way Aaron had expected. “Oh! Now I get it.”
“Get what?”
“It’s not that she was afraid you wouldn’t want Wyatt. She was afraid you would.”
“What?”
“She knew you’d help, Aaron. Maybe nobody else saw it, but I was living with you. I remember how you used to look out for her. No doubt that was part of what made her fall in love with you. But think about it—a man who participates financially is much more likely to insist on being involved in his child’s life.”
“Isn’t that how it’s supposed to go?” Aaron asked. “Isn’t that what’s best for the child? Why would my participation be a bad thing?”
“That’s not the point. You’ve always had more resources than she has. Maybe two years ago you weren’t quite where you are now, but you were still a lot more stable than she was. You had a reliable job, a house, close family. Her mother had just died. Cheyenne, her only sister, was planning to marry. And you didn’t want to be with her in the way she wanted to be with you. She had nothing but her baby when she left here. Not even a way to earn a living.”
Aaron rubbed his temples. Dylan described a pretty sad picture, but Aaron had wondered about Presley and where she’d been at that point in her life many times. He’d agonized over how he’d treated her when she came to the door that night, wished he could go back and be kinder. But somehow she’d gotten through it. She’d gotten over him, too. And these days she didn’t want to risk associating with him. What options did that leave him now that he knew about Wyatt?
“So what do I do?” he asked.
Dylan took a moment to answer. “Wyatt’s a great kid, Aaron. I’d think long and hard before giving him up.”
“If I don’t give him up, Presley and I will have to figure out some way to share him. She won’t be happy about that.”
“It’ll scare her. But you can handle it fairly.”
Aaron shifted in his seat. “I thought you wanted me to stay away from her.”
The beard growth on Dylan’s chin rasped as he ran a hand over his face. “That was before.”
“You were feeling a great deal of loyalty to her just a few days ago.”
“I still feel that loyalty. She’s my sister-in-law. But you’re my brother. I guess that’s why Cheyenne didn’t tell me.”
“So you realize she knew all along? And you’re not upset about that?”
“No. I’m glad she didn’t put me in the position of having to choose. She must’ve known I’d tell you.”
Aaron smiled. Of course Dylan would tell him. Dylan had always looked out for his best interests. “I admit I was hard to raise. And we still bump heads now and then. Sometimes I don’t even know where the anger inside me comes from. But...” He wanted to tell his big brother that he appreciated everything he’d done, that he loved him. He’d never come right out and said it. There’d been a lot of times when he hadn’t shown it, either—and yet Dylan was still there after all the years, ready to stand between him and any threat.
“But what?” Dylan asked.
Somehow the words seemed to get trapped in Aaron’s throat. He couldn’t speak without breaking down, and there was no way he was going to do that. He swallowed hard, struggling to curb his emotions before he embarrassed them both—but as soon as Dylan clued in to what was going on, he bailed him out.
“It’s okay. I know,” he said, and squeezed Aaron’s shoulder before getting out. “I’ll walk back.”
The tears came, anyway, but at least he was alone.
* * *
Cheyenne fidgeted nervously as she heard the door open and close. Dylan was back, but was he mad? She’d never kept anything from him before—just Wyatt’s paternity and, in the past few weeks, the plans she’d been making—so she had no idea how he might react. She hoped he wouldn’t assume that she’d lie for any old reason. Or that she didn’t love him.
“I’m sorry, Dyl,” she said, meeting him in the hallway. “I’m really sorry. I got mad at you for keeping the news about your stepmother from me, and now you find out that I kept something much bigger from you, but...I didn’t know what else to do.”
He looked more thoughtful than angry. But she didn’t touch him; she wasn’t sure he’d welcome it. Knowing how protective he was of his brothers, this could be their first serious fight. She’d broken the rules of loyalty, and loyalty was more important to the Amoses than love.
“Are you upset with me?” she ask
ed.
“No.”
“Disappointed?” She winced because that would be even worse. He’d always made her feel so good about herself, as if he accepted her and loved her just as she was and always would no matter what. That she’d done this put her at risk of losing something very precious to her.
“Do you think I betrayed you by keeping Presley’s secret?” she asked. “I would’ve told you, but...she begged me not to. And I...I couldn’t take the chance that it would wreck everything if Aaron found out. I couldn’t begin to guess how he’d react. You know how her life has gone. Not only that, but I believed her when she said that Aaron wouldn’t want the baby. It made sense considering where he was two years ago, but...”
“But?”
She clasped her hands in front of her. “The more time passed, and the more I came to understand Aaron and see him gain control of his life, the harder it was for me to keep my mouth shut. So I did the wrong thing, but it was for the right reasons—for Presley’s sake. I hope you’ll believe that. It’s been terrible to feel so torn. I’ve almost told you a million times.”
The words poured out but, by the end, he was smiling. “Shush,” he said, and gathered her close. “It’s okay.”
Filled with relief, she wrapped her arms around him. “Really, Dyl? You understand? Because I’ve been so scared of how you’d react if you found out.”
“How could you be scared of me?” he murmured into her hair.
“Not of you—of what you might feel about me.”
He pulled back far enough to look into her face. “Nothing could ever make me stop loving you.”
“But I know how you feel about Aaron and the boys—”
“Which is exactly why you did the right thing. I wouldn’t have wanted to be in your shoes—knowing the truth but feeling I couldn’t tell. You saved me from being in that spot, from having to betray one or the other.”
She rested her head on his shoulder and breathed in his comforting, familiar smell. “That’s it. I couldn’t be true to both of them, and it was so difficult, because I love Aaron, too.”
He gently massaged her back. “I know you do.”
Now that she could think beyond how the secret might damage her marriage, her thoughts turned to Aaron and what his reaction might mean for her sister and nephew. “How’s Aaron taking the news?”
“He feels blindsided, as you might expect. It’ll take him some time to come to grips with this.”
“But do you have any idea whether he wants to be part of Wyatt’s life?”
“Not yet.”
“If he signs away his rights, Presley won’t ever ask him for anything.”
“I think she made that clear.”
“And?”
“It was a direct hit.”
She drew him into the living room so they could sit. “What does that mean?”
“It hurt his feelings, Chey. Just because he’s never wanted to marry Presley doesn’t mean he doesn’t give a shit about her. He cares, just on a different level. For her to reject even his participation in their son’s life...that would sting, right? So he seemed rattled.”
“I’m sorry about that. I realize Aaron’s sensitive under all that male bravado.”
“He’s particularly sensitive to this issue because, for all intents and purposes, we lost both parents. He wouldn’t walk away from a child of his.”
That sent a chill through Cheyenne. “If he can’t care about Presley, too, it would be better for him to let her have Wyatt.”
“I’m not convinced of that.”
“Do you understand how hard she’d find it to have to see Aaron on a continuing basis? She’s still in love with him, Dyl.”
“That’s unfortunate for her, but at this point our concern needs to be for Wyatt. If he has a father who’s willing to be part of his life, he deserves that.”
“In other words, the adults will have to muddle through.”
“Exactly.”
“So you do think he’ll want to be involved.”
“I don’t know my brother as well as I thought I did if he gives up his son.”
“You know him.” Cheyenne released her breath in a long sigh. “Poor Presley. I pray she’ll be able to cope.”
“We’ll do all we can to offer her the support she needs. Maybe, in the end, this will wind up being for the best.”
She managed to smile despite her worry. “I can’t believe I married such a wise man.”
He leaned over to peck her lips. “Your luck had to turn some time, babe.”
He was teasing, but she was serious when she responded. “I’d go through ten more childhoods like the one I had in order to reach the happiness I’ve found with you.”
He pressed a hand to her stomach. “We have only good things to look forward to.”
A fresh dose of guilt ruined everything. He’d taken the news about Wyatt in stride. He’d understood her dilemma, as only Dylan could. She should’ve had more faith in him.
Should she strip away all the lies? Tell him she’d been to the doctor and that she’d tested his sperm? She could explain she’d already researched artificial insemination, offer that as an alternative. But she no longer had any idea whether Aaron would still be willing to help. She couldn’t blame him if he’d changed his mind.
Maybe Grady or Rod or Mack would do it if Dylan knew and was okay with it....
If she told him, she’d also have to admit that she wasn’t really pregnant, but she had no more appetite for secrets. “Dyl?”
A text from Grady, something about work, had come in on his phone and he was looking down at it. “What?”
“Did you cancel your appointment with the doctor?”
“Of course. Why would I keep it if we’re already pregnant?”
She closed her eyes. “I was just...wondering.” How could she say what she had to say? She couldn’t come up with the right words.
She decided to launch into it, but as soon as he finished with his phone, he pulled her close.
“I can’t tell you how happy I am about the baby,” he said. “There might be some crazy days ahead with Aaron and Presley, but we’ve got that. There’s no way I can be upset about anything when I think of my baby growing inside you.”
The words she’d been about to say—about how, if he wasn’t able to be a biological father, they could try other options—congealed in her throat. She tried to force them out, anyway. If she was going to tell him, now was the time. Once they performed the procedure—in the unlikely event that Aaron was still game—they’d be past the point of no return.
But then he said, “Maybe we had screwed-up childhoods, but we’ve come out of it just fine. We have each other, and we’ll soon have our baby.”
After that, Cheyenne couldn’t destroy his happiness. “The future will be everything you want it to be,” she promised instead.
* * *
“So what’s Aaron going to do?” Presley had called Cheyenne twice, but it wasn’t until the third try that her sister answered.
“We don’t know, Pres. He didn’t tell Dylan. He’s just trying to come to grips with it, right, Dyl?”
Presley hugged her legs tighter to her chest as Dylan murmured in the background. After putting Wyatt to bed, she’d been sitting on the couch, unmoving. She hadn’t eaten any dinner, but she wasn’t hungry. She needed sleep more than food, if only she could unwind. But since she didn’t dare call Aaron, she was hoping for some reassurance from Cheyenne and Dylan. “Let me talk to Dyl,” she said.
“Just a sec.”
The phone changed hands and her brother-in-law came on the line. “No wonder that kid of yours is so cute. He’s a blood relative of mine,” he joked.
She appreciated that he wasn’t angry with her. Cheyenne had alrea
dy told her that, but she felt she owed him a personal apology. “I hope you don’t hate me now, Dyl. I would’ve told you, but I was too afraid you’d tell Aaron.”
“He is my brother.”
“So can you see why I thought it would be best to keep it to myself?”
“I’m not sure I agree with ‘best.’ But you weren’t in the greatest place emotionally, and that makes it possible for me to understand.”
“You’re saying you don’t condone it.”
“Being a guy, and seeing it from a guy’s perspective, I’m afraid I can’t, no.”
She hugged her knees that much tighter. “But can you forgive me?”
“Of course.”
“How upset was he?” she asked, her mind immediately switching to Aaron. “I mean...he’ll be reasonable, won’t he?”
“Are you asking if he’ll sign away his parental rights? Because I doubt he will, and I can’t encourage that.”
“He wouldn’t have wanted Wyatt two years ago.”
“Things change. People change. You’ve both proven that.”
“But I think we should go by what we both wanted when I had to make the decision. Aaron often mentioned that he wasn’t ready for children.”
“What about Wyatt?” he countered.
“What about him? I’m taking care of him. And I’ll find him a good dad someday.”
“He already has a good dad–if you’ll let Aaron have a role in his life.”
She felt her hopes wilt. “I can’t have Aaron in my life. How will I ever get over him? How will I move on if he’s there as a constant reminder? How will that be beneficial to Wyatt?”
“Other people deal with this sort of thing all the time, Presley.”
Then other people were stronger or smarter than she was. Maybe those bad genes of hers were getting in the way again. “You can’t expect too much from Anita’s daughter,” she said bitterly.