“Sleep in my bed. I’ll sleep in the other one.” He drops my hand and walks away.
I fall onto his bed and hide under the covers. My worst nightmare came true, he is just like Josh. He made me think he liked me, talked about kissing me, and made those comments about wanting something serious. Dangled the possibilities in front of me and then took it all away.
I stay awake waiting until the sun comes up. I spent my first night with a guy alone and couldn’t even get kissed. It’s got to be me who messes everything up. Maybe it’s time I make some changes.
Tucker’s asleep in the other bed. I assume he’s asleep, his back is towards me. The light in the room is dim as I slither quietly to put my pajamas back on in the bathroom. They’re still damp. On his bed I leave his comfortable shirt folded next to his socks. A note pad and a pen sit next to his glasses on the table between the beds. I look over at his still form. In the faint light I see the tattoo on his arm is exposed. I sneak over for a better look. A lightning bolt. I think my heart officially gives up and stops beating. The glasses, the lightning bolt… Harry Potter. No wonder I have such a crush on him. Making a rash decision I scribble a note on the pad. He starts to stir and I run for the door.
Outside is damp and muggy. I hop over puddles and traipse through the mud in my bare feet. Last night it had been exhilarating to walk barefoot in the mud. In the light of day, it just sucks.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Cassie
I mumble goodbye to Sawyer. He climbs over me and I hear the cabin door close. I open my eyes and see Tessa still sleeping so I know it must be early. Tessa’s up every day at the crack of dawn.
The room is too bright. The travel clock next to the bed reads twelve thirty. What? I sit up stretching and yawn. I can’t believe I slept this late. There is so much I need to do, starting with a trip to the bathroom. A path of muddy footprints leads to a bathroom full of mud. Where did all this mud come from? Someone has been in our cabin while we were asleep. Freaked out I run to wake up Tessa.
“Tessa, wake up,” I say, panicking. “I think someone broke in last night, there’s mud everywhere.”
“What?” Tessa’s eyes flutter open dreamily. “Oh, the mud, that was me. Sorry, I’ll clean it later.”
Oh, duh, she was probably out this morning and went back to bed when she came in. “Are you getting up now? Do you still want to go in to town?”
“Yeah, I’m getting up. I just need to get ready.”
Tessa doesn’t look like her usual perky self. She looks tired. A wave of guilt rushes through me. Maybe we were too loud last night and kept her from sleeping. How embarrassing. “Last night was only because of the storm. Don’t worry I won’t let Sawyer sleep here again.”
“It’s okay. Next time, just let me know ahead of time and I can figure something out,” she says groggily.
“Nope, no next time. I promise. It wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair, and it was a little sleazy. I won’t do it again.”
I notice Tessa doesn’t put make-up on, just hides her tired eyes behind a big pair of sunglasses. Her shower was shorter than usual and she dressed down in jeans and a tank top. I’m sorry, but when someone wears jeans on a hot day, they’re hiding unshaved legs.
I apologize again on the way to the parking lot. Her tiredness and lazy appearance is all my fault. Tessa shrugs it off and clicks the button of her keychain beeping open one of the fanciest cars there.
The silver car with grey leather seats was Tessa’s graduation gift. Nice freaking life. I’m from a different part of Pennsylvania, the normal part, where teenagers are given fifty bucks in a card for graduation. Not a new BMW.
“You said Sawyer was just a fling.” Tessa adjusts the air conditioning and zooms out of the parking lot.
I grip onto the side of my seat for dear life. Tessa is a speeder. “Yeah, I guess.”
“What does that mean exactly?”
“A fling? It means just hooking up I guess.” A squirrel runs into the road, run little squirrel, her car swerves barely missing it.
“So you don’t want anything with Sawyer, just a hook up. You have no feelings for him?”
“I like him, but no, I’m not looking for anything with him. I don’t really know that much about him.”
Tessa lowers the volume of the radio from her steering wheel. “Would you be upset if he hooked up with someone else? Are you having sex with him? Do you think it will turn into something more?”
These are rather personal questions. Where is she going with this? “I don’t really know. I’m not having sex with him and I doubt it will turn into anything more.”
“And you’re okay with all of that? You’re not scared of getting hurt? Would you have sex with him? Would it even be good if you didn’t have feelings for him?”
“Tessa, I’m kind of uncomfortable with some of these questions. Why do you want to know?”
“Sorry.” She slumps back in her seat. “I didn’t mean to be nosy. I was just wondering is all.” Tessa ends her slew of private questions. She does some fancy race car move practically sliding her car into a parking space in front of a small drug store. That was an interesting ride.
I follow Tessa through the small aisles waiting to see what products she picks up. Casually, I place all the same things in my own basket. Way more than I would normally spend, but I can’t go back to crappy products now.
“Where do they have your shampoo and conditioner? I wanted to get some, I’ve been using yours and I want to replace it for you and buy some for myself.”
Tessa’s nose scrunches crinkling her forehead. “Oh no, you don’t get shampoo like that in a drug store. But don’t worry, I have plenty and you are always welcome to use it. I have more than enough to last both of us all summer long.”
“Really? Thanks.” I’m happy. I get to smell like a million bucks the rest of the summer without spending it. Tessa picks up a bottle of coconut suntan lotion and twists the cap off. She takes a long sniff and places the cap back on. When she notices I’m watching her she blushes and shoves the bottle back onto the shelf. Weird.
By the registers there’s a large cardboard display of Pez dispensers. I pick one up and smile. “Last year I forgot Mark’s birthday and I ran to the store really late and they didn’t have anything good. So I wound up getting him like ten of these things. Oh my God, we ate so many Pez that night I was so sick.” My smile fades. “I felt bad because he had gotten me such a nice gift for my birthday.”
“How could you forget? Don’t you have the same birthday?” Tessa stops emptying her basket on to the counter to glance over at me.
God, this girl doesn’t miss anything when it comes to “my brother.” I shrug and sigh. “Yes, I’m a bad sister.” I throw the Pez dispenser in my basket. “I’m starving. Is there anywhere to eat around here?”
Tessa and I toss our bags in her car and cross the street to a small diner. The smell of fried eggs and bacon welcomes us and I immediately know what I’m ordering.
The place is packed, mostly with people from camp. We recognize most of the faces seated in the small restaurant. It’s gonna be at least a fifteen minute wait for a table. While we wait I take out my phone to go online. A self portrait of Mark and Courtney comes up in my timeline. The close image of their faces mushed together makes my stomach hurt. I didn’t realize they were at the serious “selfy” stage of their relationship. Later I’m taking a picture of me and Sawyer to post.
The waitress finally signals to us and seats us at a booth with ripped red vinyl seats covered with worn out duct tape. She hands over sticky laminated menus, and hurries off to the next table.
“This is probably the nicest place in town,” I joke and Tessa agrees laughing.
The bells on the door jingle. I look up to see Mark walking in. A huge smile spreads across my face, I wave him over excitedly. He returns my smile and walks over. I scoot over so he’ll sit next to me. “Hey, come sit with us, you won’t have to wait.”
“Are yo
u sure?” His eyes travel to the door.
“Yeah, of course. I haven’t even seen you in days. Hello, I miss you.” Tone it down. It sounds like I’m gushing.
Mark sits down in the seat next to me and my skin warms from being so close to him. I’m not sure why, I guess I just really missed seeing him. Everything’s been so weird and I feel desperate to fix things between us.
“You guys are doing better I see. I was nervous.” He looks from me to Tessa and smirks. The front door bells jingle again. Mark raises his hand motioning to someone.
The smile on my face vanishes as Courtney walks over to our table. She slides in the booth next to Tessa.
“Oh my God, this is awesome we don’t have to wait for a table. You guys are the best. I’m starving.” Courtney raises her eyebrows at Mark giving him a wicked smirk. “Are you starving, too?”
“I am.” His grin is equally wicked. “That was some night last night.” He snaps out of whatever moment they’re sharing. “The storm I mean.”
“Mark said he’s gonna take me fishing. Cassie he said maybe I could use your fishing pole being you haven’t been fishing,” Courtney says over her menu.
When he looks over at me, my head drops down. I can’t look at him. Every time I see Mark he’s with Courtney. In the short time we’ve been here I’ve been completely replaced. Replaced by someone much better I guess because she’s doing things with him I never did. I didn’t even kiss him.
“What do you say Cass, think she can borrow it?” Mark asks.
Get me the hell out of here. I can’t do this. The waitress comes to the table, pen in hand to take our order.
“I’m not feeling so good.” Tessa grabs her stomach and grimaces. “Cassie, is it okay if we leave?”
I know Tessa is faking it, I don’t know why, but I love her for it. “Yes.”
“No stay, we can drive you back.” Courtney reaches her hand out and touches my arm. “I want to hang out with you, you’re Mark’s sister. I want to be your friend.”
I coil my arm back, disgusted by her touch. “No, let us out. I should be with her if she’s sick.” Everybody shuffles out of the booth, I grab Tessa by the hand and the two of us flee from the diner.
“Why did you say you were sick?” I ask once we’re buckled.
“I don’t know. Something didn’t seem right in there. If you ever need someone to talk to about things you can talk to me. I can try and help you if something is wrong.” Tessa words are slow and deliberate.
Mark and I barely spoke since we’ve been here. That’s wrong. No more fishing. That’s wrong. He’s with someone else. Wrong. I’m lonely and miserable without him. I miss him. Last night when I was with Sawyer all I could think of was Mark. So, yes, something is wrong. Everything is wrong. Why did it take me so long to realize? Now that I finally do, what am I supposed do about it?
Tessa
“Are you sure?” Cassie asks for the tenth time.
I finish loading the trendy new laundry tote I ordered online. The extra-long shoulder strap it has makes it easy to carry. Best purchase I ever made being the laundry room is located all the way down by the front entrance. “Yes, I’m sure. I’m going to do my laundry tonight when everyone is out. Then tomorrow I won’t have to worry when it’s probably jammed with everyone who waited till the last minute.”
“I just wish you would come out, we were all so cooped up last night in the rain.” Cassie tugs on another pair of my borrowed shorts. Again, they are really short on her. She’s out to impress tonight, though, it’s not exactly clear who anymore. Today at the diner was really…weird.
“I’ll be fine. I have all the new magazines we bought today and I have a ton of laundry. I’ll probably be home later than you,” I say half kidding on my way out the door.
Hopefully I left early enough to avoid anyone who’s heading down to the lake. I haven’t run in to Tucker all day and part of me wants to keep it that way. The letter I hastily scribbled this morning was a daring move, one I might regret. One that goes against everything I stand for. It’s up to him now.
The lights to the empty laundry room flicker on. This isn’t going to take nearly as long as I thought. I have the place all to myself. Having the luxury to separate, I load up three machines, darks, lights and delicates. Once the machines are all swishing my clothes clean to a rhythmic hum, I vault onto the counter, cross my legs and open up the first magazine.
Dressed up celebrities holding hands, kissing in public, sex implying headlines in bold print displayed above their images stare back at me. Are they in love or is it a fling? Do people just hook up and have sex hoping it turns into love? Doesn’t anyone fall in love first and build their way up to the other stuff? The answer is no. Look where I am right now. The only person who hasn’t hooked up is alone, reading magazines in an empty laundry room on a Saturday night. Everyone else has it right. I’m the one who has it all wrong. It’s why I had no choice but to write what I wrote to Tucker this morning.
I move the clothes from the washers to the dryers, squash a spider with my sneaker and return to my magazine. I can’t believe how comfortable I’m already getting with bug squishing. I’m doing so much better with the whole nature thing.
Instead of focusing on what I’m reading I think about the diner earlier. There’s something not right about Cassie and Mark. The way Mark seems to flaunt his relationship in front of Cassie, who’s obviously bothered by it, is just off. Cassie has this odd jealousy thing with him. Starting right on the first night with the kiss she encouraged Mark to give me then got mad about. Next time I see something weird I’m calling them out. Maybe even reporting it.
The first dryer sounds. I fold my delicates and place them neatly in my bag. Ten minutes left on one dryer and twenty on the other. I check on the machine with my towels, still pretty damp. I toss in another dryer sheet and reset the timer to thirty. I take a deep sniff of the warm air. Nothing smells better than the smell from the dryer. Almost nothing, coconut-smelling jerk, I sigh wondering why he never came looking for me today and if he’s out partying with everyone down at the lake right now.
I don’t have to wonder long. I look up and there he is.
“I got your note. Want to explain it to me?” He’s wearing the glasses again, making it hard to concentrate.
“Explain what?” I ask after taking a few seconds to soak him in. Wasn’t it self-explanatory? It was two sentences.
Tucker unfolds the piece of paper. “Forget serious. If you want we can just hook-up,” he reads my note and frowns.
“Well, you said you don’t do relationships and I’m getting tired of sitting around waiting for something that’s never going to happen. Everyone else can hook-up without feelings getting all involved. Everyone here is having fun. So, I thought about it last night, and I can do it too.”
He reaches up and rubs the stubble on his chin. His face always has this subtle sexy blonde shadow. When exactly does he shave?
“No you can’t,” he makes a flat out statement.
“I can.” My hands start to shake. I hide them behind my back and keep talking. “No feelings allowed, like everyone else does.”
Tucker shakes his head and steps forward. “Okay, I’m gonna do something, then you can tell me how you feel or don’t feel.” In one swift motion he slides his hand around my waist and pulls me in close. I lift my head, my mouth ready to meet his. There goes my heart, immediately bouncing away wildly in my chest.
“You ready for this?” His voice is a throaty whisper.
The answer is more than anything in my entire life. Hopefully I can survive long enough before my heart explodes. Our lips touch and I’m lost. This is the kiss I’ve been waiting for. The kind of kiss I knew existed. Soft, tender and as I sink into his arms he parts my lips and kisses me like I’ve never been kissed before.
A firework goes off.
Wait; make that the dryer goes off. Tucker pulls away and I hold onto the counter for support, breathless and wobbly.
No.
I can’t. Not after a kiss like that, not ever. He’s right. I’ll never be able to hook-up with “no feelings.” Obviously he can, obviously everyone in the whole flipping camp can. But I can’t. I’m so angry. I’m so hurt. I have so many feelings.
“Fuck you,” I say to him.
Tucker backs away his eyes staring into mine, told you so, they’re saying to me. He dips his head expressively, turns and walks out the door.
I’m ready to lose it, collecting my clothes from the dryer, shoving them recklessly into my bag handfuls at a time. No, screw this. On top of everything else right now I do not need wrinkled clothes. I dump the bag on the counter and fold everything neatly before slamming the clothes into the bag. You know what…everyone else has it all wrong. I’m the one who has it all right. Feelings and love, it is worth waiting for. Even though I feel something for Tucker, if he doesn’t feel it back then he’s not worth my time.
I stomp back to the cabin thinking of ways to erase that kiss from my mind. They need to invent a laser where you can just zap a memory from your head. Oh please, even if I had a laser I wouldn’t erase the memory of that kiss. It might be the only good one I ever get. I’ll probably never be kissed like that again. Oh God, I’m feeling very dramatic right now. I miss Ashley.
From the bottom step I see light coming from our cabin window. Cassie’s home already? She promised no more Sawyer sleepovers. Does that mean he’ll still be over for other stuff? Not tonight. I’ve been through enough crap tonight. This is the last thing I want to deal with right now.
Annoyed I drag myself up the stairs, balancing my laundry bag against my hip. Loud voices coming through the open door cause me to freeze where I am and listen to their heated argument.
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