by Martina Cole
‘I don’t want anything, leave me alone.’
The woman walked into the room and tried to take her daughter’s hand. Suzy shrugged her off.
‘Oh for crying out loud, leave me be, woman!’
Doreen sat down on a chair and said softly, ‘I know you’re hurting, love, but you must try and keep yourself together; that child will take a lot of looking after - children do. I know you’re upset over Boysie, God knows I am myself.’ She dabbed at the corner of a heavily made-up eye with a tissue. ‘I loved that boy as if he was me own, God rest him.’
Suzy raised her eyes to the ceiling, then, leaning forward awkwardly, she said through gritted teeth. ‘Cut the act, Mum, there’s no one here to see it but me. As for this bloody baby, I don’t want it. I can’t stand being pregnant, and I hate living here.’ She bit her bottom lip to stem the trembling and said brokenly, ‘I’m glad he’s dead, I hated him. I hated everything about him.’
Doreen sat back in her chair. Then, without warning her hand shot out and she slapped Suzy a stinging blow across her face. ‘You little bitch! Let words like that get out and there’ll be trouble, my girl. You broke your frigging neck to get up that aisle and don’t you forget it. When I think of the shame we’ve had to endure because of your association with them Cavanaghs, I could cheerfully throttle you, and that little child you’re carrying can’t be blamed. My God, I wonder at times just what you think you’re playing at, madam, with your butter wouldn’t melt look and that scheming brain. Let his Aunt Briony hear talk like that and you’ll be singing a different tune.’
‘Oh go away, Mum!’
‘No I won’t. You left that lovely house, all that nice furniture. Me and your Dad would have moved in there and looked after you, but no, not you. You had to come running home here like a baby.’
Suzy felt a moment’s triumph as they reached the nub of her mother’s annoyance. Doreen saw herself in the big detached house, bringing up her grandchild, guaranteed a good allowance and the property. Suzy had sussed that out in no time. ‘You’ll never live in that house, Mother, get that straight now.’
Doreen’s lips moved back over her teeth, and she said, ‘You’re a little bitch, Suzy Rankins, a bitch. When I think of how I brought you up, gave you the best...’
Doreen’s tirade was interrupted by the doorbell.
Suzy smiled grimly. Saved by the bell. If her mother knew how much she had been paid for her interview with the paper she’d have a fit, but there was a method in her madness. Once she was delivered of this child she would go away and make a fresh start. The name Cavanagh, which had excited her so much when she had first met Boysie, disgusted her now. She was pointed at, stared at and gossipped about every time she walked down the street.
Her heart stopped as she heard her mother’s voice: ‘Oh, hello, Briony, come away in. I was just making a cup of tea.’
Briony rustled into the room. ‘Hello, Suzy, love.’
Suzy forced herself to look at the little woman. ‘Hello, Briony.’
Doreen, overcome with awe as usual, left the two and went to make the tea.
Briony sat down on the chair Doreen had vacated and smiled.
‘How you feeling?’
Suzy lit a cigarette and smiled wanly, blowing out the smoke in a large cloud around her head. ‘All right I suppose.’
Briony patted her hand and the action so startled the girl she flinched. ‘Calm down, Suzy! Anyone would think you had something to be frightened about.’ Briony’s voice was sad. ‘I know you must be devastated about Boysie, we all are. He was a good boy, my Boysie. A good kind boy. I miss him so much.’
Suzy took another drag on her cigarette and kept silent.
‘Have you seen the doctor about Junior?’
‘I’m fine. I just wish I could get it over with.’
‘I can understand that, but it will be over sooner than you think.’
Doreen bustled in with the tea and began chattering.
‘I’ve told her she should go back to her own home, there’s no room here for a baby. I’ve offered to go with her, like. After all, it is her house now, isn’t it?’ Doreen’s voice was innocent and Briony closed her eyes for a few seconds.
‘Yes it’s her house, Doreen, but maybe it brings back too many memories, eh, Suzy?’
Suzy made herself look into the older woman’s eyes and smile gratefully. ‘That’s right. I never want to go in there again. I can’t face the neighbours, after what happened...’
Briony sipped her tea and nodded understandingly. ‘I was wondering if you’d like to come to me until the baby arrives.’
‘No! No really, I want to be here with me mum. I don’t want to go anywhere else...’ Her voice was rising in panic.
‘All right, Suzy, calm down. It was only a suggestion. Everyone wants their own around them in times of upset. I can understand that. Only you are carrying all that’s left of my Boysie, see. It’s like my grandchild, I always thought of the twins as my own sons, as you know. Heard anything more from the reporters? I wondered if they’d asked you why you didn’t attend the funeral.’
Suzy stared down at her cup, unwilling to answer the question.
‘If you wanted money so badly, Suzy, you should have come to me. Especially with the baby coming. As long as I see the child regularly, you’ll be amply provided for. I’ve booked you in a private clinic, that way you won’t be mobbed by press when your time comes. I don’t expect you want to have the child in a blaze of publicity do you?’ Opening her bag, she took out a small white card. ‘This is the clinic’s address and phone number. Ring up and arrange your check ups with them. I’ll pay the bill so don’t worry about expense. They delivered Princess Margaret’s children, nothing but the best for my Boysie’s baby, eh?’
Standing up, she kissed Suzy’s cheek softly. ‘Look after yourself love, you’ll see me again soon.’ Suzy stared down in her cup, her eyes riveted to the tea leaves floating on the bottom.
She was never going to get away from the Cavanaghs.
Briony walked into her house with a heavy heart. She wished she could get on with Suzy, could like her. She had to if she wanted to see the child.
Tommy was on the phone in the den; she smiled as she heard him laughing. His back was to her as she stood in the doorway.
‘Don’t worry, love, I’ll be there. Briony watches me like a hawk, but she can’t watch me all the time!’ He laughed again.
Briony felt as if someone had punched her in the solar plexus; all the air seemed to leave her body in a split second. She stepped out of the doorway and back into the hall. Tommy’s voice drifted out to her.
‘I’ll see you then, all right. Yeah, you too.’
Gathering up her strength she walked into the den.
‘Who was that, Tom?’ Her voice was brittle, over bright. Tommy smiled at her widely. ‘Hello, Bri!’ He walked across the room and hugged her tightly. ‘How’s it go with Suzy?’
Briony disengaged herself from his embrace. ‘All right. Who was that on the phone?’
Tommy flapped a hand at her.
‘Oh, Fat Peter. I’m doing a bit of business with him. You’re back early.’
‘Yeah, I gave Bernadette a miss. I’ll see her later.’
‘I dropped Danny Boy a line this morning, I’ll post it on me way out. He’s moved to the Island tomorrow so I thought a letter might cheer him up until he gets acclimatised.’ Tommy looked at his watch. ‘I’ve got five minutes before I have to go out, fancy a quick cuppa?’
The phone rang again and Tommy rushed to answer it. ‘Hello ... Oh hello Bern, hang on she’s here.’ He handed the phone to Briony and, kissing her on the cheek, went out of the room, leaving Briony more unsettled than ever.
‘I’ll ring you back Bernadette.’
She bit her lip. Since when had he called Fat Peter love?
Bernadette was lying in her darkened bedroom with a cold flannel across her eyes. ‘Oh Bri, this is torture.’ She spoke through her teeth.
‘Well if you have a facelift you have to expect a bit of pain, don’t you?’ Briony’s voice held no sympathy whatsoever. ‘He’s cut right through your skin to the bone...’
‘Oh shut up Bri, I feel sick as a dog!’
‘Well why didn’t you stay in the clinic then?’ You’ve been home a week and you haven’t stopped moaning!’
‘You know why. I wouldn’t leave that Marcus for longer than five minutes. You know what he’s like.’
Briony didn’t laugh, as usual, but said seriously, ‘Is he still batting away from home then?’
‘Not that I know of, but I won’t give the bugger a chance. They’re all the same, men - a flash of teeth, a pair of tits and they’re undone.’
Briony’s voice was cold. ‘Not all men are like that.’
Bernadette laughed softly. ‘Ain’t they? Then why have you built a fortune on your houses? Most men play the field; it’s just some are cleverer than others. As for my Marcus, even Pan’s People on the telly have him riveted to his seat! I tell you what, if dick was brains he’d been another Magnus Pike!’
‘Tommy wouldn’t do it to me.’
Bernadette took the flannel off her forehead and raised herself gently on her shoulders. ‘Who said anything about Tommy?’
Briony shrugged. ‘No one, I’m just saying he wouldn’t do it to me, that’s all.’
‘Well,’ Bernie said grudgingly, ‘he seems all right. I mean you think about it, Bri, he’s no children, nothing, has he? He gave up a lot for you if you could only see it. That man’s a diamond and you’ve never really appreciated that fact.’
‘Well, I wouldn’t go through all you do, no man’s worth that pain.’
Bernie grinned painfully. ‘In another week, I’ll look the dog’s gonads, as Boysie used to say. Then it’ll all have been worth it.’
‘Boysie also used to say that one day you’d come out of the clinic with a beard and your belly button on your forehead!’
Bernadette sighed heavily. ‘I thought you was going to cheer me up! Instead you’re sitting there taking the piss!’
Marcus walked into the room and saved Briony from answering. ‘Cissy’s just rang, your Mum’s up and looking for you, Bri.’
Briony stood up and, saying goodbye to a subdued Bernadette, she walked down the stairs with Marcus. ‘Can I ask you something personal, Marcus?’
‘Course you can.’
‘Do you still play around?’
Marcus laughed and the laugh turned into a heavy smoker’s cough. ‘Chance would be a fine thing! I ask you, Briony, at my age?’
Briony smiled and left the house. She was taking her mother to church and she quickened her step. She was looking forward to Mass this afternoon.
‘Are you sure you’re not coming, Tommy? Only your name’s on the visiting order as well. This is the second visit you’ve missed this month.’
‘Honestly, Bri, I feel rough, the ferry crossing will knacker me. You go with Delia and give Danny my best.’
‘All right then. I’m picking Delia up on me way. See you later if you’re in!’
With that she marched from the house and got into her car, wheelspinning it out of the drive. Tommy shook his head and Cissy tutted. ‘You’re heading for a fall trying to get one over on her, Tommy Lane.’
‘Be fair, Cissy, it’ll be the first time ever if I do! Did it ever occur to you that I might want a bit more out of life than what I’ve got? That I might want a woman who belongs with me, who has my name?’
‘Well, it’s not bothered you up to now has it? Christ, you and Briony have been an item for the last five decades, that’s longer than most marriages!’
‘Yeah well maybe it’s not enough!’
‘She’ll go spare.’
‘Well, we’ll see about that won’t we.’
Delia was quiet, watching the other people on the ferry. The children laughing and joking around. The women in their catalogue coats and home perms calling them to order.
‘Have you seen anything of Faithey?’
Delia nodded. ‘Yeah, I popped round yesterday. Me Dad’s been looking after her while me Mum had her op. Honestly, Auntie Briony, my Mum’s embarrassing. She looks better than I do!’
Briony looked her niece over from head to foot and said scathingly, ‘Cissy looks better than you do. You could at least have made an effort. You’re getting enormous again!’
Delia looked out of the ferry window, took a deep breath and said, ‘That’s because I’m pregnant again.’
‘You’re what!’
‘Four months. I’ve got to tell me Mum.’
‘Who’s the father this time?’
‘Ray Stockyard. He wants to marry me.’
‘Oh he does, does he? And what does this Ray do? Another drug pusher is he?’
‘He’s unemployed. Look I ain’t happy about this either, but I can’t have another abortion, the doctor’s already told me that.’
Briony shook her head sadly. Give her a good honest working girl any day of the week, rather than this fat individual beside her.
‘I don’t know what’s happened to this family. Boysie’s dead, Danny’s banged up, and now on top of it all you’re pregnant. One child with your mother because you couldn’t look after her, and now this! Another poor innocent on the way. I hope you’ve knocked the drugs on the head, girl. If you harm that baby I’ll murder you.’
They were quiet for the remainder of the journey. Briony had enough on her plate with Tommy’s erratic behaviour and Suzy’s attitude towards her. It seemed trouble was determined to dog her family and she was getting too old for it.
Molly and Briony were sitting by the fire. Molly was drinking her habitual hot rum toddy and Briony was nursing a scotch.
‘Where’s Tommy tonight?’
‘He popped out, he said he won’t be long.’ Briony glanced at the long case clock as it chimed the hour. It was eight o’clock and he’d been gone over two hours.
‘Sure he’s never in these days! How’s Bernadette now?’
Briony shrugged. ‘Over the shock. The boyfriend’s another of the great unwashed. Marcus went garrity. Honestly, Mum, I don’t know what happened with all the kids.’
Molly laughed. ‘Every parent says that at some time. Get the telly on, I don’t want to miss Kerry.’
Briony got up and switched the television on.
Molly sighed with contentment. ‘I love Morecambe and Wise. Kerry said she’d get me their autographs!’
Briony heard Tommy’s key in the door twenty minutes later and went out to the hall. ‘You’re back then?’
Tommy laughed. ‘I am! Now how about making me a scotch and soda, I could do with one.’
‘Tommy, where have you been?’
Tommy slipped his coat off and grinned. ‘I’ve been out, Briony, with a mate. Now are you going to interrogate me or are you going to let me in to watch Kerry on Morecambe and Wise?’
Briony stood her ground. ‘I want to know where you’ve been Thomas Lane and I want to know now!’
‘I just told you, Briony, I’ve been out! You’re sounding more like a wife every day. What’s it you’ve always said? You don’t want to be married, you don’t need a piece of paper to prove to the world who you are with... Marriage is outdated... So stop sounding like a harping wife and let me in to watch Kerry. I came back especially to see her.’ He pushed her gently out of the way and went into the lounge.
‘Hello Molly, love. Have I missed her?’
‘No, Tom. She’s not been on yet.’
‘Good, want a refill Moll?’
Briony stood in the hallway and felt an urge to cry. She walked slowly upstairs and went into her bedroom. All her life Tommy had been there as and when she wanted him, now all of a sudden she wasn’t sure of him. She felt a subtle shifting in position. It occurred to her that she needed Tommy Lane a lot more than he needed her.
It was a frightening thought.
Kerry’s voice was loud. ‘Will you hurry up,
Briony, Liselle will be here in a minute to pick us up.’
‘All right, Kerry, keep your hair on. I don’t see why you want me there anyway!’
Kerry rolled her eyes at the ceiling. ‘Let’s not start all that again, please! You know how nervous I am when I’m doing TV. We’ll be in and out in no time.’
Briony brushed her hair, looking at herself critically in the mirror.
‘You look lovely Briony.’ The two sisters smiled at one another.
‘I don’t know why you’re so worried about how I look, you’re the one going on telly!’
‘Quick, put your hat on, I can hear Lissy sounding the horn.’
Briony pushed her hat on her head and they rushed down the stairs.
Inside the car Lissy smiled. ‘You two look lovely.’ She pulled out of the drive. ‘That Delia’s a cow isn’t she? You know Bernie’s taking on this child as well?’
Briony nodded. ‘In fairness to Bernie, as silly as she can be, she looks after Faithey brilliantly. If Delia was my daughter I’d have got her done with the cat!’
Liselle laughed. ‘Delia’s all right really, she’s just a bit scatty.’
Briony sighed heavily. ‘I don’t know where we got her from. Look at Becky, she’s all right and they come from the same stable... Hold on, you’re going towards Barking!’
‘I promised Gran and Cissy I’d pick them up from Mass first.’
‘You’re cutting it a bit fine ain’t you?’
‘Stop worrying, we’ve all the time in the world.’
As they approached St Vincent’s church, Briony looked at Kerry and said, ‘What’s going on here today? Look at all these cars.’
They pulled up in a space right outside the church.
‘There’s Tommy!’ Briony got out and stared at the people outside the church, all dressed in their Sunday best. Mariah was there, her mother and sisters, nieces, Cissy, crying as usual. She saw women who had worked for her years before, bouncers from her clubs. Bessie Knight and the Velvetones. Even Jonathan La Billière was there, with his usual posse of press photographers. It was as if her whole life had risen up before her eyes.