I long to feel him inside of me, and soon that longing is fulfilled by his member filling my void. He enters me with a gentle thrust. He worships me with his lips all over my skin leaving warm tingles in its wake.
I feel like I’m in a scene from a movie, this is what making love feels like. I feel whole and complete as he continues to move in and out of me; his hands caressing me with care and love. He kisses me and I tilt my hips aching for him to send me blazing like a meteor across the atmosphere of the earth as I fall into oblivion. He quickens his pace and I begin to build. The setting and his sweet words linger in my mind as I begin to come. Soon I’m moaning, burning with fire, and Gabriel grunts his release. Gabriel grabs the blanket and covers us both up, then he holds me in his arms and we stare up into the sky. Meteors fall through the atmosphere streaking the sky with their remnants as they burn.
Chapter Eight
Finals
“Are you sure we should go through with this?” I ask Tiffany, I can’t help but feel sick as we clear away the stack of papers that sit in front of us. “Isn’t it enough of a punishment to her that I have Gabriel?”
“Don’t you dare pussy out on me now. I’m too close to finally having my revenge after all this time and you know that I deserve it more than anyone. After that little bitch ruined my life she’s been asking for it.” Tiffany says and glares at me. She looks almost threatening. “Are you with me or not?” Her words linger in the air and I scramble to come up with the words that will seal Emily’s fate for the rest of her college life.
“I’m with you.” I mumble almost unable to get the words out of my mouth.
“What did you say?” Tiffany asks.
“I’m with you; I’ll help you with Emily.” I say louder.
“Do I have your word?” She asks.
“Yes, you have my word.” I answer, and then look down at the floor. Oh my God, what did I just agree to do? There’s no going back now and after finals, Emily will be ruined for good, but one question keeps burning in my mind. Does she deserve it?
“I want to go over everything one more time,” Tiffany says, her tone and face the epitome of serious. “We’re going to start by…”
She starts and my mind wonders off, I know the plan by heart now, but she wants a flawless performance. I can’t help but think about everything that has happened these past few months…
*****
It’s been a long semester, but I’ve managed to survive. My days have been filled with classes, tests, studying, movies with Tiffany, motorcycle rides with Gabriel, and dates with Ryan. Kelly has been around for classes and studying, but little else. I barely hear from her much. It seems that she spends the majority of her time with her boyfriend, Nick. I’m honestly surprised, most of her relationships don’t last this long.
As time has gone by, I’ve finally worked out a routine of homework and managing my time between Gabriel and Ryan. It helps that Ryan is tied up with his job, but his absence is bitter sweet. I miss my friend, and in some weird way I miss him as my boyfriend, too. I’ve developed a new affection for him. I’ve found myself thinking and fantasizing about him almost as much as Gabriel. Could it be love? I still don’t know the answer to that question. Could I imagine my life without him? Simply put, I couldn’t imagine my life without either of them. Each one brought a different aspect to the table, where one was weak the other was strong. If I could have the both forever I would keep them, but I can’t. It’s a fact that’s been burning in the back of my mind for a while now. Just how long can I keep up this charade? I couldn’t answer that. But I have a sinking feeling that it’s only a matter of time before everything comes crashing down around me.
If I was smart I would get out now, make a choice and be done, but I like what I have and I’m afraid I will cling to it until it’s ripped from my grip forever. I know it makes me a horrible person, and the whole idea keeps me up late at night and distracts at me, picking away at my sanity like a sore, opening it up over and over until it’s infected and fever takes over my entire body. I have a fever and it burns and aches within me. I don’t know how to get rid of it or make it stop. I can’t sweat it out or medicate it away. It’s probably the guilt that causes me to feel indigestion on a regular basis, or it’s the ultra-rich food that Ryan insists I eat. Whatever it is, I wish it would go away and leave me for good.
I’ve enjoyed getting to know Gabriel over the past few months. I don’t feel as distanced with him as I did. He talks with me openly and he’s introduced me a little at a time to the world he lives in one little thrill at a time. Of course it all started with that first motorcycle ride. I’ve come to enjoy his bike a lot, when we go out it’s our favored form of transportation. Even when it’s cold I insist that we ride. Since then, I’ve learned to rock climb, ride a skate board, even though I loathe it and we’re planning to sky dive. I’m not sure when it will be, since we have to time it while Ryan is gone.
Every date and every little spare chance of time spent with Gabriel I learn more about him. I’ve found that he truly is a good guy through and through, he seems to have such a tough outward appearance, but on the inside his intentions are truly for bettering and helping people. He prefers to act with kindness rather than revenge.
When I told him about that horrible day in class, he apologized and said, “Emily will be punished for her mistakes.” When I started to tell him that I wanted to plan something against her he told me that revenge will get me nowhere. I’m not so sure he’s right, but I haven’t talked to him about it since. I’m sure he will try to talk me out of my plans and I’m not so sure I want him to. I’m also not so sure I want to follow through. But if he knew what I had planned, would that change his opinion of me?
Sometimes I wonder if he sees me for who I really am, the dirty lying slut that I am. It’s not that I’ve lied to him, but I continue to lie to Ryan. Is that really okay for me to do? Who am I kidding though? I knew exactly what I was getting myself into when I started this. I either face the music, or look like an idiot and I’m certain it will be both. At least I’m only lying to one person. He may not deserve it, but it’s much easier than lying to both Gabriel and Ryan, but why does Gabriel allow this to continue. Why hasn’t he stepped in and demanded I choose either him or Ryan once and for all. Surely he grows tired of constantly hiding and keeping everything a secret. It’s a question that has puzzled me over and over and I wonder if I’m being played like a pawn in chess.
Does my continued relationship with Gabriel serve a secret purpose for Gabriel that I don’t know about? It doesn’t seem that way, but I’ve found myself more anxious than usual. Maybe it’s all the plotting and planning with Tiffany that’s making me this way.
That was a surprise, the friendship that I found with her. It was unexpected. I was so sure that she was against me and an ally with Emily, come to ruin me further, but I was mistaken. Tiffany had endured constant slander and put downs from Emily. It turns out Tiffany went to high-school with her. It all started then, and it’s only continued. It was late at night, when Tiffany told me her story. We had just finished watching Carrie; it was one of her favorite movies. She looked at me, her expression serious. “Sometimes, I wish I could have the kind of revenge Carrie did.” She said and looked away.
“Why is that?” I asked, unsure if she was leading me into a joke or not.
“Emily has to be the most evil person I know to exist.” She mumbled.
“Don’t be so dramatic, there are far worse people out there, just look at Omar al-Bashir.”
“Who?”
“Omar al-Bashir has not only been responsible for hundreds of thousands of deaths, and wide spread rape, but he has also embezzled billions. He makes Emily look like a playful kitten in comparison.”
“How do you even know all of that?”
“I like history, current events and leaders are all part of history. It’s important to know what’s going on in the world around me,” I shrugged.
“Well, Emily
may not be Omar, but she’s still evil. I don’t think I’ll ever get over what she’s done to me.”
“What did she do?” I asked, hoping that I would finally know her connection to Emily.
“Emily be-friended me in high-school.” Tiffany starts then takes a deep breath.
“You’ve known her that long?” I butted in.
“Yes, I had just moved, it was November and I was nervous. I hated transferring schools and making new friends. I wasn’t outgoing and I was shy. Emily singled me out and acted like my best friend. I was fooled. I never should have trusted her.”
I scooted closer to Tiffany, like a child who was listening to a bed time story, when the action started to get good. I knew this was going to be an intriguing tale.
“I thought she liked me, really liked me. She was popular and always asked me to go shopping with her or to her house, we were inseparable. What I didn’t know is that when I wasn’t in the room she was talking about me and laughing at me with her other friends. It turns out I was a walking punch line.
Everything I did was being analyzed. Emily had this condescending way about her. I would show her something and ask her if she thought it was cool. Once she realized it was something I liked she would tell me it was stupid. Soon, I was dressing like her and liking the same stuff as her. I was a copy and I didn’t realize the kind of influence she had on me.
One night when I was over at her house, it was just me and her and she looked at me, tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and told me I was beautiful. I was infatuated by her and she had just given me the highest compliment anyone could ever give. I thought she was beautiful and I was attracted to her. Over time she began to make further advances with me. A kiss on the lips, a slap on the butt, a grope of my breasts; She was coming on to me and I wanted her, too. That was the year I realized I was attracted to girls. I always thought I was weird when guys just didn’t seem appealing to me. I used to wake up from explicit dreams that never involved men. I used to suppress those urges and I did date, but when it came down to the kiss goodnight; I couldn’t follow through. I thought something was wrong with me. But when Emily started flirting with me, I finally understood. I am a lesbian.” Tiffany paused and looked directly at me. I don’t know what kind of reaction she was expecting, but I wasn’t fazed by her words. I waited for her to continue and she finally did.
“One night Emily caressed me and began kissing me. I had been waiting and longing for her, one thing led to another and we were naked in her bed. I experienced my first orgasm with her and I fell completely in love with her. I wanted her more and more and I desired her approval over all.
That wasn’t what I got though. I was so stupid to trust her. She told everyone in the school I was a lesbian. She told them she caught me “lezzing” it up with a girl after school. How she got another girl to agree to the story, I’ll never know. But the boys? They were the worst.
One day I was walking home from school and they followed me, harassing me, asking me if a bit of cock would make me straight. I didn’t look at them, I ignored them, but their taunts continued. I walked faster, but they still pursued me, I began to run and they ran after me. I was scared; I haven’t been more scared in my life. I was trying to lose them before I got home and took a wrong turn. I found myself trapped in a dead end alley with no way out.
They backed me in a corner and held me down. They ripped my clothes and they raped me one after the other. They asked me after each one finished if I was straight yet.” Tiffany’s voice broke, and I felt tears well up in my own eyes as imagined how horrible that was. To endure that kind of pain? I’ve only had a glimpse and it haunted my deepest darkest dreams, but to live with the memories forever? I felt horrible for her.
I reached out to her and gave her a hug. She hugged me back, and then started into the story again. “I found out later that Emily told those boys to do that. I overheard her talking to her friends, bragging like it was an amazing achievement. I didn’t call her out on it. How could I? Everyone thought the world of Emily and I was no one. I remained friends with her, and began plotting a way to get back at her. I will never forgive Emily for what she did to me. Not only did she ruin my reputation, but she organized my rape. I still have nightmares from that day. I can still hear their voices, feel their grubby hands touching me, and smell their sweat. It haunts me and it follows me everywhere I go.
I’m not the only person she’s manipulated and turned against, there are many more like me, and in a way she did the same to you. It may not have been as bad as what I endured but it was still horrible all the same. You’ve said you want to make her pay for what she did to you and I have a way to make that happen. You and everyone else she has ever hurt wants to get her back for what she did.” Tiffany looked up at me, her eyes were cold.
“I can’t believe she did that.” I said my voice breaking.
“She did though. I’ve always wanted to know why.” Tiffany said her voice just above a whisper.
“I’ll help you.” I told her and hugged her again. “Tell me what you want me to do and I’ll help you. No one should have to go through what you did.”
“I was hoping you would say that. Before I tell you what I have planned, I want to make one thing clear. Do not breathe a word to anyone about my sexuality. I’m not ready for the world to know.” Her voice was dark and almost threatening.
“I won’t tell anyone. It’s not my news to tell.”
She watched my face with intensity and decided that I meant what I said. “Good. I’ll talk to you about the plans later, right now I feel drained.” She said and suddenly sounded exhausted. I nodded, “That’s fine, take your time. Good plans always take a lot of time.”
Tiffany yawned, stretched and stood up. “I’m going to call it a night.”
“All right, I’ll see you tomorrow.” I said getting up and then I gave her a hug before she went to her room.
I slowly undressed, while I thought about Tiffany’s story. I couldn’t believe someone could be so cruel. What did Tiffany ever do to deserve it other than being gay? I felt enraged and saddened for her. Then a fleeting thought darkened my mind; just exactly how many people has Emily been with and does she have an STD? I hope that she doesn’t but now I feel disgusted over what I did with her. If I knew the kind of person that she is, it never would have happened in the first place, but then Emily would have found some other way to damage my reputation, since that’s what she does. Gabriel would have ended up with me no matter what.
I put on pajamas, turned out the light and crawled into bed. I closed my eyes and decided that I was going to get tested for STDs just in case. Just as I was settling down, I heard sobs from Tiffany’s room. I couldn’t help but think about those dark nights I’ve had when I remember my own rape. I wanted someone to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be okay, but no one was there.
I got out of bed and entered Tiffany’s room. A black light gleamed against a wall and posters of horror movie villains eerily glowed as they sneered at me. There were also shelves of little figurines that I couldn’t quite see. If it was any other time I would have examined each one, but Tiffany was in need of a friend. I saw her lying in her bed shaking with sobs. I sat down next to her, “Tiffany, I’m here.” I told her and lay down. I held her and brushed her hair with my hand as she cried. She didn’t say anything, and neither did I. Eventually Tiffany stopped shaking, her cries lessened, and we both fell asleep.
The next morning, Tiffany smiled at me when I woke up. “Thank you,” she said, and then got out of bed.
“I’m here whenever you need me. I understand what you’ve been going through, although my rape wasn’t as traumatic as yours.” I responded and managed a tight smile.
Tiffany’s smile faltered, and she sat down next to me. “Every rape is traumatic no matter what the circumstances; there is no rape that is worse than the other. It is all just as monstrous, but I’m sure together we can fight our demons and slowly find some sort of normal.�
�� She said and gave me a hug. I didn’t know how to respond other than agreeing with her.
She stood back up and left the room. I shortly followed her after I took a look around. All the tiny figurines were all horror movie miniatures. I knew she liked horror, but I didn’t know she liked it this much. Her room was almost creepy. I felt like Freddy Krueger was watching me as I left her room. Now I know why her boxes were sealed and heavy.
Tiffany brewed coffee in a pot and offered me a cup. I’ve never been a coffee drinker, but little by little she has converted me. I poured creamer and sugar into the coffee until it was white, then sipped on it letting the liquid warm my body and wake me up. Tiffany sat down at the table across from me and held her cup between her hands. “Emily Williams,” she said shaking her head.
“I know, I’m sorry.” I said meeting her eyes.
“I have a plan; I want to talk to you about it.”
“I would like to hear it.”
Tiffany started in explaining to me that she has a network of friends who have the intention of bringing Emily down. Apparently Emily was planning a party right after finals and that’s when they want to make their move. They were anticipating the majority of the students to attend the party and that’s when they were going to take her out.
It was going to be humiliating and public. Tiffany knew all of Emily’s plans because she was still friends with her. In fact Tiffany was helping Emily plan the event, and Wreck Hock would be playing. As soon as I heard that I knew I would be hearing from Kelly. She would want me to go, which was fine because I fully intended to go. Now all I had to do was keep my grades up and pass my finals, while juggling everything else. It seemed my to-do list was just getting longer and longer.
Secrets (Swept Saga) Page 8