by Lynn Murphy
He leaned back in his chair. “When I was eighteen I was diagnosed with type I diabetes. I take insulin several times every day and have to stay on top of my sugar levels because they fluctuate a lot during the day. I met Evan twelve years ago when I woke up from a week in a diabetic coma. According to John, what he did when I was brought in saved my life. He sat with Ross and John while they waited for me to come out of the coma and prayed for me. Since I haven’t made my diabetes common knowledge, I know I can trust Evan when I need medical attention. I also appreciate his ideas and opinions. I consider John and Alan to be brothers just like Ross and Bobby. It’s the same with Evan.”
Tara had the sense that Kel was extremely protective of the people he cared deeply about. She liked that he seemed to have such a depth of character beneath his all too attractive façade. The questions she asked him were more about her own curiosity than what she thought would make a good article, but he answered them with ease and sometimes wit and again she marveled at how comfortable the conversation seemed between the two of them. She discovered that he was fluent in five languages, had an extensive art collection and was extremely well read. Trips to snow ski were among his favorite destinations and he owned a house on the slopes at Vail where the family vacationed as often as possible, although they had skied in Europe as well. Polo was perhaps his favorite pastime and she admitted she had never seen a polo match and knew very little about it. He spoke of his beautiful mother who had died of cancer several years before and his father who he had lost at eighteen to a heart attack. When he talked about his children how much he loved them was evident and she really liked that about him. They both avoided the subject of his late wife, and Tara decided to leave that for another day. She didn’t want the time to end, but neither did she want to intrude on his time with his family. She said as much.
“Believe me, if I wasn’t enjoying talking to you I would have cut this short,” he said, standing. “Would you care to walk down toward the stables? Molly has a steeplechase course set up and I enjoy taking my horse out on it. The others will be back soon and it can become quite a competition.”
Mary Katherine had come out on the terrace, camera in hand. “I was heading that way myself, if I could join you.”
Kel placed a kiss on her cheek and said, “You didn’t have to ask. Have you met Tara McCaffrey?”
“No, but I did photograph her dancing with you last night and I’m told I am her official photographer, so please, Tara, feel free to ask for whatever shots you want. I have quite a collection of photos of him, as he’s obviously an exquisite subject. The camera loves him.”
The three of them walked across the grounds, which were beautifully landscaped and offered a sweeping view of the ocean. She imagined what it would look like in warmer weather when colorful sailboats would dot the landscape. The horses made her a little nervous, as she’d never been one of those girls who went through a horse stage, but Kel was at ease in the stables as he was everywhere else and as she watched him mount his jet black horse and take the jumps, she decided he really was a modern day Renaissance man. Was there anything he couldn’t do and do well? She asked as much of Mary Katherine.
Mary Katherine lowered her camera and said, “If there is, I haven’t seen it myself. He just makes everything look so easy. I think that’s one of the reasons he and Evan get on so well, because my husband is a bit like that too.” Kel had given the course to Evan who did indeed execute it every bit as well as Kel had, as did Molly and Skip. Tara exclaimed over how well they all rode. Mary Katherine laughed and told her, “Don’t be overwhelmed by them. As long as they know you’re willing to try and participate it doesn’t matter if you are as good at things as they are. That was Alise’s fatal mistake.”
“Alise was his wife?”
“Yes. I never really knew her as she died before Evan and I got close to the family, but she never tried to be one of them. Listening to the stories, I wonder why she married him, except that he was Kelly O’Brien. By all accounts he adored her, but she was never happy. She was in love with someone else and she broke his heart.”
“How did she die?”
“A plane crash. She had just told him she was leaving him, she died two hours later.”
“How long ago was that?”
Mary Katherine said, “Janet was about eight, I believe. Maybe fourteen or fifteen years.”
So he’d been a single father for most of his children’s lives. Tara made a mental note to play that up in one of her articles. As she allowed herself the opportunity to admire him from a distance, she was certain of two things. It would be easy to make the public fall in love with him and she very much wanted to spend more time with him.
Chapter Four
It was Sunday evening and a fire blazed in the fireplace as Kel sat in his living room with John and Kimberly and Alan and Janet. He and John would be going back out on the campaign the next day and he had promised Alan they would talk before he left.
“I thought maybe having this conversation with everybody present wasn’t the best scenario,” Kel said. “I hope neither of you is uncomfortable having John and Kimberly here.”
“Not at all,” Alan said. “I’ve talked to John about this myself, so he knows where I am and what I’m thinking.”
“I don’t know exactly where to start. I go away for a few weeks and I come back and my daughter announces that she wants to get married. I’ll admit I didn’t handle that news very well the other night.”
Janet said, “I’m sorry I did that the way I did. It would have been better if I had talked to you in private first.”
“It would have been better,” Kel said, “if you’d put me in the loop from the beginning. I guess I am not accustomed to you keeping things from me.” That was very true, Janet couldn’t argue his point. She and Jim had always had a close and open relationship with their father. He had come to expect that anything important would have been shared and discussed with him before a major, life-changing decision was made. Who they dated, where they went to school, their grades, career plans, dreams, it had always been out in the open.
“We weren’t really keeping it a secret. It just happened so quickly and I didn’t know how to bring the subject up on the phone and you haven’t exactly been here lately.”
Kel was silent and Janet gripped Alan’s hand and waited for him to reply. John broke the silence.
“I don’t think it really matters anymore how you happened to get together. And I’m sure you could have found a way to tell your dad what was going on, or certainly talked to Mother and Dad. But I do understand why it seemed a little awkward. Just saying to myself that my niece wants to marry my brother is strange.”
Suddenly they were all laughing, even Kel. John continued, “We can sit here for years rehashing the details and they whys and why nots, but the one thing that really matters is the fact that you both want to get married. You’re both adults, you don’t need anyone to say it’s okay. But I think the situation would be better all-around if everyone was on the same page. So I’m going to be the first to step up and say I think you should get married.”
Kimberly added her agreement. “So do I.” Everyone looked expectantly at Kel.
Kel sighed. “All I have ever wanted is for you to be happy Janet. If Alan makes you happy then set a date.”
Janet’s eyes lit up. “Really?”
“Go buy a dress, plan an extravagant wedding. Wear your engagement ring.” Kel said. “I assume you have one you haven’t been wearing.”
“I do, a beautiful one.” Janet stood and hugged her father. “Thank you.”
Alan said, “Kel, I promise you I’ll love her forever.”
“You’d better.”
“We have to go tell George and Lily,” Janet said. “I’m going upstairs and get my ring first.” She ran from the room, overjoyed to have Kel’s blessing.
The happy couple went to share their news and the rest of the evening was spent planning the next two weeks of th
e campaign and outlining what they hoped to accomplish the two weeks following that. Finally the conversation turned back to Alan and Janet.
“Mother will have that wedding planned by tomorrow morning,” John said.
“That’s a good thing,” Kel said, “because that is something I have no time for right now or any idea how one goes about doing such a thing. Just send me the bills and let Janet and Lily have whatever they want.”
“Are you really okay with this, Kel?” Kimberly brought in coffee for the three of them and sat on the sofa by Kel.
“The age difference still bothers me some, but as Alan pointed out, they have the advantage of knowing each other very well. I hadn’t thought about it until he mentioned it either, that it might be a daunting prospect for our kids to date someone and know whether or not they were sincere.”
Kimberly said, “Casey has said pretty much the same thing. Most of the people she goes out with she drops as soon as they ask to meet you or George.”
“It will take some time to get used the idea,” Kel admitted, “but I’m sure I will.”
“Everyone says dads have the harder time watching their daughters get married.” John said. “And the age thing, I wouldn’t worry too much about that. James was eight years older than Fiona, wasn’t he? Just looking at the two of them the last few days, Kel, I think this is for real.”
Kel nodded. “I know.”
After John and Kimberly had left, Kel sat watching the fire and reflecting over the last few days. He felt certain he’d done the right thing telling Janet to go ahead with her wedding plans. And setting that issue aside as settled, he thought about the time he had spent with Tara. It wasn’t often he met someone he wanted to spend more time with, but that was a prospect he was actually looking forward to. It struck him as suddenly ironic that there was a big age gap between the two of them when he had objected to that very thing with Janet and Alan. But they had been so connected, so attracted to each other that it didn’t seem to matter. He was still considering that when Janet came back home.
“It’s late,” he said, rising to go upstairs.
She knew he was teasing. “It just so happens I’m twenty-three and engaged.”
“So everyone knows its official?” They started up the stairs.
“Yes and they’re all excited. Did you know Lily has been reading Brides on the sly for a couple of years?”
Kel laughed, “No, but with four beautiful O’Brien daughters to marry off, it doesn’t surprise me at all.” He kissed her cheek and left her at her bedroom door and went into his own room and out onto the balcony which overlooked Narragansett Bay. Tomorrow he would be leaving this view behind for nearly a month. Tara had arranged to meet him at a few of his campaign stops. He found himself looking forward to seeing her again.
Chapter Five
Mary Katherine sat crossed legged on the bed, contact sheets spread out in front of her. She marked a few shots to print to send to Tara to use with her first two articles as Evan came in the room and joined her on the bed. She stacked the contacts and carefully put them on the bedside table and turned off the light. The lamp on Evan’s side of the bed cast a soft glow on the room. She slipped under the covers and Evan pulled her close and started kissing the back of her neck.
She said, “You’re in an amorous mood.”
“I guess I am,” he said. When she didn’t say anything, he added, “But I guess you aren’t.”
She wasn’t, she seldom was and it was the only conflict between them. It wasn’t that he wasn’t handsome. As an artist she had an extreme appreciation for his rugged good looks and long lean athlete’s body, with muscles sculpted from years of running. It was rather who he wasn’t, not who he was. She had often hurt him in her responses to his desire for physical intimacy and she had no wish to do that on this particular evening so she said, half joking, “Go ahead, anyway, have your way with me and get it over with.”
Evan rolled away from her and looked up at the ceiling. “Ouch. When you put it like that you certainly killed any romance.”
She moved closer to him. “Evan,”
He said softly, “Why can’t you love me, Mary Katherine?”
“But I do Evan. How can you doubt how much I love you?”
He looked at her with an extreme sadness in his ice blue eyes that she hated to admit she recognized all too well and smiled slightly. “I know you do. You just don’t love me in all the ways I want you to. You love me as a best friend or the way you would love children if you’d ever agreed to let us have any.”
“You know why.”
“I know what you told me. But the reason-the person-you keep hanging onto died a long time ago Mary Katherine. I’ve spent a lot of years waiting for you to let go.”
She lay down next to him and was relieved when he put his arms around her. “ I’m not sure I will ever be able to do that.”
He sighed. “So what do I do, darlin’? Spend the rest of my life wishing for more?”
She said, “I guess you can pray about it.”
“Sometimes Mary Katherine, that’s the only way I can handle this part of our relationship. And I really wish you wouldn’t joke about prayer and things related to faith.”
“You knew I didn’t believe the same things you do when we got married.”
“I’ve never asked you to. I wish you did, but I’ve never forced that on you.”
“You haven’t. You’ve always been very quiet about that. I don’t know what to say about the rest, Evan. If I thought things could be different, they would have been. Something inside me just died when Harry did. I don’t know what else to tell you.”
Evan reached over and turned off the light. They were both silent. They had learned over the years to be quiet when this topic came up because if not a huge argument could erupt and neither of them ever wanted to fight with the other. Mary Katherine reached up to touch Evan’s face and found it wet with tears. “I’m sorry Evan.”
“I know.” He kissed her. “Goodnight.” He kept holding her and they were both silent again. After a while she could tell by his breathing that he had fallen asleep. She lay awake, thinking back to her first meeting with Evan, in the ER after she had sprained her wrist. He’d flirted with her as he wrapped it up and then, in what she later learned an uncharacteristic move, asked her out to dinner. She had surprised herself by saying yes. The dinner was good, the conversation even better. He entertained her with stories of strange ER patients and shared about his days training to run in the Olympics. She talked about her artwork. That dinner led to more dates and a marriage proposal and Mary Katherine had been so hopeful that Evan could erase the memory of the love she had lost her sophomore year in college.
Harry Thurston had been the love of her life from the time she was fifteen years old. By the time she’d become engaged to him it had turned from a sweet high school romance into a deeply passionate and physical relationship that ended abruptly when he was killed in a car crash. By the time she met Evan he had been gone three years and the pain was still raw and real. She would never forget the first time she took Evan to meet her parents. Her mother still had pictures of Mary Katherine and Harry everywhere, scattered about the house. Mary Katherine avoided her parents’ home for that very reason because she hated being reminded around every corner. All of her photographs had been carefully put away in chronological order in an album which she pulled out whenever she needed to see his face and put away when she didn’t need to think about him. Her parents had questioned Evan almost nonstop during the two hours they were there for dinner and had made their disapproval known from the very beginning. Mary Katherine was furious when they left, and called her mother the next day to ask why she had been so rude to Evan. What was wrong with him, she had wanted know. He was handsome, a doctor, had high moral standards, cared deeply for Mary Katherine. The answer? He wasn’t Harry, whom they had expected and wanted their daughter to marry. She knew their open disapproval made her care more for Evan and she went
into the marriage with every intention of being a wife in every sense of the word. It hadn’t been an issue before because Evan’s strong spiritual beliefs didn’t include that kind of intimacy before marriage. On the first night of their honeymoon in Bermuda, she had realized how little she felt in a physical sense for a man she loved so much otherwise. Afterwards she burst into tears and told him the whole story and admitted that she wasn’t sure she would ever be able to give him that part of herself , at least not in the way he deserved. That was the first time he had held her in his arms and told her it was all right and he would be there when she felt like she could. It hadn’t been the last time.
Their marriage hadn’t failed or turned into a disaster because of her faults. They genuinely enjoyed each other’s company and were happy to spend time in the other’s presence. She learned to appreciate polo and enjoy it, he became well versed in discussing the art world in which she became quite successful. They both loved taking the sailboat out and wandering down the streets of Annapolis, which Evan considered to be his hometown, or taking in a museum in DC. As their relationship with the O’Briens grew, they found friendships that didn’t exclude either one of them. And ironic as it might seem, many of the best conversations they had took place in their bedroom, whether as they read the Sunday paper there, or were drifting off to sleep after keeping up with their busy careers. They were affectionate with each other, it was a partnership, a deep friendship. The one thing it lacked was the deep physical passion Evan never gave up hoping for, and children, which he’d have liked and she had never wanted. She worked around the children by volunteering to ‘borrow’ the O’Brien offspring often.
Evan had, in deep sleep, let her go and rolled over on his side. She looked at him in the moonlight and wished could find a way to be everything he wanted and needed. As she fell asleep she promised herself, as she always did, that the next time he asked, she would.