Stepping back from her, he brushed at his brow with his knuckles--a gesture she was beginning to recognize as one he did anytime he felt extremely uncomfortable in a situation. "Discussions of any sort don't usually go well for me, so that's nothing new. But this--" He waved his hand between the two of them. "This is an entirely foreign landscape. I have no ability to comprehend what you're even talking about."
A horrible realization went through her suddenly. "No one's ever said that to you before, have they?"
"No." He shook his head. "No, they have not."
"Never?" she tried again.
There was a strange, panicked look in his eyes as if he might bolt. "Only that they'd love for me to die. That they'd love for me to contract a venereal disease and rot. But no. The I love you, period. Only been said around me to others. Closest I've ever personally come to it was a priest telling me once that he hoped the gods loved me because no one else ever could. So you'll have to forgive me if I'm a bit skeptical that you alone possess this incredible supernatural ability to love that which is unlovable. By anyone else."
She was completely aghast at what was obviously the truth and yet so far beyond belief that it floored her. But it made sense as she remembered seeing the pictures of him with his family.
No one had ever held Jullien. Not even as a child.
They always stood apart from him, giving him their backs. No, none of them would have ever told their son that they loved him.
"I can't imagine anyone knowing you and not seeing how wonderful you are. Or maybe, I'm defective, too. I'll go with that. Because all I see is a warm, hilarious male I love spending time with." She walked slowly forward and reached up to lay her hand against his cheek.
He cupped her face in his hands and gave her the hottest, hungriest kiss of her life.
Ushara shook from the force of his passion. Reaching up, she pulled his glasses off and set them aside. His breathing ragged, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her to the bedroom where he wasted no time stripping her clothes from her, and then removing his own. He didn't slow until he got to her panties. Those he removed at an excruciatingly snailish pace as he teased and stroked her skin with his hands.
"Are you trying to torture me?"
"No." He looked around uncomfortably.
Determined to show him how much he meant to her, she rose up on the bed and forced him to lie back.
Jullien couldn't breathe as she gently stroked and teased his cock. Whenever she touched him like this, she owned him, mind, body, and soul. He had no will where she was concerned. She had no idea how much control she had over him.
Since the day he'd drawn his first breath, he'd been a defiant bastard. Contentious. Smart-mouthed. Belligerent. Surly and nasty.
But his admiral had declawed him completely. Effortlessly. No one else had ever made him heel. Not the guards of his prison. His grandmother. His father.
Well, Nykyrian had quelled him in Camry's. But only because Merrell and Parisa had overdosed him on Bliss with the intent to kill him that night. Had he been sober, that scene in the restaurant would have played out differently, too.
Nyk had no idea how lucky he was that Jullien had been too high to fully react and counter his assault that night.
And that was the last thing he wanted to think about right now.
His heart pounding, he watched as Ushara gently rolled a condom over him. Then, she kissed her way up his abdomen until she reached his lips. Taking his hands into hers, she lifted her hips and impaled herself on him.
He growled deep in his throat as she led his hands to her lush breasts and started the sweetest swaying dance against his hips.
She leaned forward over him, allowing her white hair to sweep against his chest while her pale gaze held his captive. The warmth of her hands sent chills all over his flesh.
"I love you, Jullien eton Anatole. And I intend to keep saying it to you until the day you actually believe it." She gave him the hottest kiss of his life.
He tried to catch his breath as she made love to him. But honestly, he couldn't think straight. Not while he felt like this. There was something feral and primal in him that wanted to wrap around her and protect her. To make sure nothing ever harmed her again.
It was fierce and demanding and undeniable. Taking her hands in his, he pressed one against his racing heart and the other to his lips. The scent of her skin and the sensation of her thrusting against him sent him over the edge. With a primal growl, he came so forcefully that he shook against her.
Ushara smiled in satisfaction, but as Jullien opened his eyes, she gasped.
They were blood-red in the darkness of her room.
He froze instantly. "Ushara?"
She swallowed hard before she responded. "You're stralen?"
"What? No."
Eyes wide, she nodded before she reached to touch his cheek. "Baby, you're stralen." As gently as she could, she slid from him to pull the mirror from her nightstand drawer and showed it to him.
Gaping, he poked at his eyes. "How's this possible?"
"You must have the gene."
"Anatoles don't have it. They've never had it. And neither do the Nykyrians. No family on either side of mine has ever possessed the gene."
She wiggled the mirror in his face. "Jullien. You can't argue this. You know the rules of genetics. Same as me. There are only three carrier families in all of Andarion history known to be stralen. Two warrior clans. One Fyreblood. You have to be related to one of them."
He let out a nervous laugh as he sat up and took the mirror from her hand to study his eyes more closely. "Well ain't this a bitch? Nyk and I are freaks, but not just because of our father. What do you want to bet that the real truth behind the insane Purging on Andaria is that Eriadne screwed a Fyreblood?"
"What?"
"Think about it ... Nyk's blond. White-blond. I'm stralen. I'd bet a million creds if there were any surviving records ... but we'd never find them now--Eriadne's not that stupid or careless, that my mother's father would be a Fyreblood Samari--the carrier family. It makes sense, right? Originally, Eriadne didn't go after the Fyrebloods at all. Only the Winged clans and that was a personal grudge against the Baturs who'd threatened her power. Once they were chased out, she'd calmed down and stopped the slaughter, until about the time she became pregnant with my mother. Then it came back with a vengeance against the Fyrebloods, and in particular the Samari clan. I'd always wondered why she went after them so vehemently. This would definitely give her a reason."
"But you said you looked like your uncle?"
Jullien let out a bitter laugh as he considered it. "Yeah. That makes even more sense. Eadvard was only about ten months older than my mother and he was always my grandmother's favored child--above all of them. They both could have been illegitimate. Would explain why they were born so close together when the rest of them weren't. And why my grandmother really cut my grandfather's throat. He might have found out the truth and threatened to say something, or he could have confronted her over it. With Eriadne, who knows? Hell, I could actually be a War Hauk. Wouldn't that be some shit?"
"But whatever you are, Jullien, you're stralen for me." She smiled at him.
That sobered him instantly as reality sank in. "You are in so much trouble ... Damn Ger Tarra. What have you gotten yourself into? You don't want to be involved with my sorry ass. I'm just not worth this kind of trouble."
"I emphatically disagree."
Reaching up, he pulled her down across his naked body so that he could hold her.
There in the faint light, Ushara saw the anguish in his red eyes. She felt the tenseness in his arms as he pressed his lips to her forehead.
"No, Ushara, you don't want to be with me. Ever. Everything I love is violently ripped from my life," he whispered, his voice filled with the same misery she'd seen in his eyes. "Therefore I dare not love anything." He brushed his hand through her hair. "Yet I cannot live without you. What am I going to do?"
"
"It's not abandonment I fear, Shara. I can take solitude. I actually prefer it." He swallowed hard as he stared at her. "It's betrayal I can't handle. Don't ever choose another over me. I've always taken second place in everyone's affections. That's what I can't forgive. Just once, I want to come in first."
"That you do."
He kissed her again, then rubbed his nose against hers. "With one exception."
"And that is?"
"I will understand that Vasili is always first in your heart. As your son, he should be there. He's the only one I will cede your affections to."
Tears filled her eyes and choked her. "That's one of many reasons why I love you."
"I love you, too, mu tarra. And it terrifies me. But I swear by every god you believe in that I will never break your heart."
"You keep that vow, and I swear that you'll never again be left out in the cold."
Jullien wished it were that simple, but he knew better. Her gods had no use for him.
And neither did this universe.
Cupping her cheek, he nibbled her lips. "I meant what I said, Shara. I won't divide you from your family."
"Then we will make them accept you."
The way she said that, he could almost believe in miracles. But he wasn't a dreamer. He knew the futility of reaching for things he couldn't have.
Still ...
She made him want to believe again. To hope. To dream. She, alone, mended the broken pieces of his life and made him feel whole again. It was stupid, but he couldn't deny what he felt.
He wanted to believe in the impossible.
But did he dare? How many times could one being be kicked down in his life and still find the strength to stand up again? It was one thing to take shit for himself--to have his nose rubbed in it, but another to watch that flak fly at someone he cared about. He had a hard enough time navigating the barbed missiles aimed at his own head. He didn't know how he'd deal with those that would come for Ushara.
You're an unstable, psychotic bastard.
Nyk had been right about that. Not even Jullien knew how he'd react to things.
Until it was too late.
Yet Ushara calmed him in a way no one ever had. If he ever had a hope of being normal--of fitting in--she was it. Maybe there is a future for me here ...
Jullien was just starting to relax when her link went off with Vasili's ring. He reached for it and handed it to her.
She kept her head on his bare chest as she answered it. "Hey, Vas, what's..."
He heard the tears in Vasili's unintelligible voice as he struggled to speak. Concerned, he rolled out from under Ushara and got up to turn on the lights while Ushara scrambled from the bed.
"I'm coming, baby. Don't worry. I'm on my way." She hung up and searched for her clothes.
"What happened?" Jullien handed her what she'd been wearing earlier.
"I don't know. He was too upset to say really. I haven't heard him like that in a long time." She took the clothes from his hand, then paused as she realized he was dressing, too. "What are you doing?"
"I'm coming with you." Whoever had upset Vas was about to meet the worst side of him. "They hurt your son, they hurt you. And no one hurts you, mu tarra."
Ushara would normally argue, but right now, she was grateful to have someone else with her. She didn't know what she was walking into or what she'd find. Over and over, she kept seeing Vasili as he'd been the night Chaz had died.
Her baby had been so traumatized, he'd been a walking ghost, refusing to speak, eat, or sleep. He'd been inconsolable. They'd all been terrified that Vasili would follow his father to the grave.
Then when he'd finally spoken again, he'd sounded just like he did tonight.
"Shara?" Jullien paused as he caught the panicked hurt that was deep in her eyes. It concerned him to see her like this.
She balled her fist in Jullien's coat. "You don't know what it's like to have a vital part of you out there where you can't protect it. To know it's vulnerable to the cruelty of others. I can't breathe, Jules. I can't stand for my baby to be hurt."
He cupped her face in his hands and locked gazes with her. "No one will harm your son. My blood honor."
Ushara felt the power of him as he released her, and she saw the feral determination as he walked away. In that moment, she realized just how deadly Jullien really was. The stories of his family's cruelty went through her.
The Anatoles had finished second only to the War Hauks in that first Plenum. They were one of the most violent and capable blood lineages in Andarion history. And they had protected their heritage by marrying and breeding with only those families who produced the strongest and best warriors of every generation. If not the sanest, always the strongest.
Her stomach tightened. What have I done?
Had she just set loose the true Dagger Ixur?
Just how much blood-fury would he unleash this time?
And who would he kill?
CHAPTER 10
Nervous and desperate to find Vasili as soon as possible, Ushara waited with Jullien by her side outside a small home near the shopping district, for someone to answer the door.
"He's in a back room. You want me to kick the door in and get him?"
Horrified at the suggestion, she glanced over her shoulder and frowned at Jullien as he read something on his link. How strange that with the red glasses on, it hid the fact he was stralen. Rather, it created an odd optical illusion that made them appear like normal Andarion eyes now instead of his human ones. "What are looking at?"
"I have him tagged." Completely unabashed over his illegal and immoral action, he showed her his link. "I chipped him as soon as he started hanging out with me in the bay, weeks ago, to ensure you didn't lose track of him again. Unlike the external biolink you were using, this chip is embedded in his body, and won't run out of juice. It charges off his electrolytes."
She wasn't sure if she should be grateful.
Or mortified.
"You did that without my permission or Vas's?"
"Figured you wouldn't care if you lost him again. It's a good, noninvasive program. He doesn't even know I did it. Neither did you."
"Jullien!"
"What?" he asked innocently.
She wasn't going to argue privacy issues with him right now. That fight would come later.
The door finally opened to show a larger Fyreblood male. He grimaced at them. "Yeah?"
Jullien barely held his temper at that tone. It brought out the royal beast in him that wanted to put the male through a steel wall.
Ushara went into her commander's role. "I'm here to get Vasili."
"Why?"
Jullien's nostrils flared at the disrespect. He glanced to Ushara, waiting for any cue that she wanted him to go on an attack. Unfortunately, she was in a cruel mood and gave him nothing.
Damn it! She wanted to handle this.
Oh, the Andarion frustration!
"I'm his mother. I don't need a reason. Would you please get him?"
Dismissively, he turned his back on her. And that seriously pissed off Jullien. But he managed to keep his temper leashed. Barely. And only because he'd promised Ushara on the way over that he would let her deal with this matter.
Until he heard the bastard speaking to someone in another room, under his breath. "No wonder the boy's a cocupun. You should see what just walked over to claim him. He must have cried to his mama that he couldn't be away from her tit for five minutes."
Locking his jaw, Jullien forced himself to keep his feet planted. To take no violent action.
You made a promise to Ushara. He chanted that silently.
It held solid until he heard the sharp sound in the back of the house of someone being hit and Vasili crying out in pain ...
Fuck it.
Ushara saw a peculiar expression darken Jullien's features a split second before he pulled his glasses off and went storming through the doorway with murderous intent.
Well, this can't be good ...
She rushed after him, knowing by the set of his jaw and bloodlust in his stralen eyes, he was about to start something, and most likely wind up back in the brig.
How he knew where to go in the house, she had no idea--he must be using his program. He made his way down the hall as if he were intimate with the layout, straight to the backyard. There, a group of boys had Vasili surrounded, taking turns shoving and hitting him.
Before she could run to protect him, Jullien descended on them like the Dagger Ixur he called himself. And the moment he did, the elder Andarion males of the house joined the fight.
Faster than she could blink, Jullien literally lifted Vasili from the group and shielded him with his body until he had her son tucked safely in her arms. Then Jullien returned to the fray with an unimaginable fury.
No, not unimaginable ...
The fury of the famed Kadurr. Ancient warriors, they were said to be the children of Kadora and the Korilon. The Andarion war goddess and the trickster god of the damned. Fearless and bloodthirsty, they were invincible and unstoppable. Skilled beyond mortal means.
Long ago, before Andaria was civilized, those warriors would drink the sacred Adiem, a blessed drink that was supposed to summon their spirits before battle so that the Kadurr could hopefully possess Andarion warriors for the fighting to come. But only the best and bravest could commune with the gods and would be selected as hosts for the Kadurr.
That was what Jullien reminded her of. Now she understood exactly what the high priestess and her brother had meant. He caught the largest of the males a blow that lifted him clear off his feet and knocked him straight to the floor. Turning, he kicked the next one into the wall so hard that he busted through the paneling. Jullien didn't falter or flinch. Not even when they hit him. He took the blows as if he barely felt them. She'd never seen anything like it. He was equal to the best of any Andarion Ring fighter she'd ever witnessed.
In a matter of minutes, he had every male lying on the floor, screaming and crying in agony.
And as he went in for a fatal strike, Ushara panicked and caught his arm. "Jullien!"
He turned on her with a growling snarl and moved to hit her. But before his fist made contact, he caught the blow and froze. Horror replaced the dark rage in his eyes. "Shara?"
She nodded.
His breathing labored, he blinked and swallowed, then pulled her into a fierce hug. He held her so tightly that she could barely draw air into her lungs.
-->