Jullien buried his face in her hair and took a deep breath to savor the sweetest scent he'd ever known. "This life you've given me ... my greatest fear is waking up and finding it all a dream. As far as I'm concerned, I am Dagger Samari, Gur Tana to Ushara of the Pavakahira Nyth Altaan, paran of her incredible and honorable son, Vasili Davers. This is the only life I want, and I will fight the Korilon himself and all his kybyks to keep it. So there's nothing for me to leave behind."
Ushara bit her lip to keep from crying as her love for him overwhelmed her. She started to tell him about the baby, then caught herself. He would never leave with Davel if he found out. She knew that with every part of her being.
He's going to be furious if you don't.
She laid her hand against his whiskered cheek and savored the rough texture of it. "I love you, Jules."
"Love you more."
Smiling, she watched as Vasili finished his dance and extinguished his Thinsan-boll in the fyreboll near the altar, then hung it up with the others. Unira blessed them each and passed them to their families.
Ushara sent Vasili on ahead with her parents so that she and Jullien could remain behind.
Once everyone was gone and the temple closed, Unira turned to Jullien. "You didn't want anyone else here to witness your exordium?"
He shook his head. "No one else knows I haven't received it. Not exactly something I brag about since it shows a genuine lack of regard for me on the part of my birth family."
"That is an indictment against them, tana. Not you."
He leaned down to whisper to Unira. "Doesn't feel that way, High Mother."
Shaking her head, she gently pinched his ear. "Come, we can do this quickly in my office, and then you can go home to finish celebrating Vasili's Confirmation."
Unira led them toward the small alcove that was one of the few enclosed areas in the temple compound. Her office was small and opened into a larger dressing room and antechamber. The antechamber held the door to the confessional area and a larger, extremely ornate room for private infant exordioms.
This had always been one of Ushara's favorite places in the Gorturnum station. The paneling had gold inlaid over the carvings and filigree, and it highlighted the historical paintings that chronicled the birth of the Fyrebloods as the descendants of the gods. She'd been here many times for the exordioms of her family, and soon she'd be here again to present their child for his or her first blessing.
Biting her lip, she couldn't resist caressing her stomach as she watched Jullien glance around the unfamiliar space.
In the shape of an elongated octagon, the room held a basin in the center and curtain recess at the far end where the priestess's small altar was placed between two columns that held up an ornate arch.
"Remove your jacket and shirt while I prepare the sacrament."
Jullien obeyed quietly and handed his clothes and his scarf and glasses to Ushara to hold. She was grateful that his back was to Unira. Because when the priestess turned around and saw the multitude of scars on his body, the horrified expression on her face would have cut him deeply.
It took the priestess a moment to regain her composure before she rejoined them.
With an uneasy smile, she placed a small stool in front of the basin for him to kneel on.
His stare empty, Jullien hesitated. "We don't have to do this."
Unira frowned. "Are you having second thoughts?"
"No, but I can tell you are after seeing..." His gaze went to his scarred chest and arms. And especially his wrists that bore out the harsh tragedies of his past.
Sheepishly, he reached for his shirt in Ushara's hands. "It's okay. I accepted the fact that your gods abandoned me a long time ago." When he started to pull his shirt over his head, Unira stopped him.
"I don't have reservations about this, Jullien. I only weep at the trials the gods have put you through, and can't help wondering why."
"Obviously, I chafe their asses."
Unira tsked at him. "You shouldn't blaspheme here."
"Is it blasphemy to speak an obvious truth?" he asked honestly.
She took his shirt and handed it back to Ushara. "Kneel, child. Benediction has been wrongfully withheld from you for far too long."
Jullien let out a long sigh. "Here's hoping I don't burst into flames."
Unira laughed so hard, she had to step back for a moment to catch her breath.
After a few minutes, she returned to brush her hand through his cropped hair that was only just starting to grow back as she began the prayers of invocation, benediction, and blessing. She tilted his head forward, across the basin, and poured the water and oils over his head.
Once finished, she wiped and dried his hair with her sacred cloth and kissed each cheek and his forehead. "There, child. You didn't burst into flames, and since you are definitely past the age of consent, if you wish to sign the registry, I can go ahead and confirm you."
"Sure."
Unira handed him a regular towel before she folded and tucked away the sacred cloth and pulled out the registry that Vasili had signed earlier.
Jullien paused. "Shara?"
"Is something wrong?"
"Did you see how Vas signed this?"
He stepped back for her to look at it.
Ushara let out a small gasp in surprise, then smiled. "I think it's sweet."
"It doesn't bother you?"
She rubbed his arm before she kissed his cheek. "Not at all. Are you okay with it?"
"Of course." He towel dried his hair. "I just didn't want it to upset you."
"I'm actually happy that he thinks of you as his father. He was so young when Chaz died that he doesn't really recall him. It's time that he had a paka to claim."
Smiling, Jullien signed just below Vasili, then put his shirt and jacket on while Ushara took a picture of the registry. "What are you doing?"
"I want a photo of it to show my parents. They'll think it's sweet, too."
Jullien wasn't so sure about that. Seeing their grandson using his new Samari surname might incite them to riot against him again. It definitely would make Chaz's parents want his head on a pike if they ever saw it.
Unira handed him his own copy of their holy book, the Gaest Haelend that she'd already had imprinted with his name on the cover. "I thought you'd prefer J.D. Samari on it since I've noticed that's what you've been using on official documents."
"Yes. Thank you."
She patted his hand and gave him a small box. "The gods' blessings to you both. I won't keep you any longer. I know you have a party to attend. Cald mitta."
"Mitta, Matarra. Thank you, again." Jullien kissed her cheek.
"Thank you," Ushara repeated before she gave her a hug. "For everything."
Unira patted her back kindly. "Good luck," she whispered before she released her.
Ushara reached up to clean some of the smeared paint from beneath Jullien's eye. The exordiom had removed almost all of it from his face so that practically none of the Samari crest was left. She tweaked his nose playfully. "Now that you're a sanctified Demurrist, you have to marry me at temple. Full ceremony."
He draped his arm over her shoulders as they headed for her parents' home where everyone was gathered for Vas's party. "You know you'll be stuck with me after that. Demurrists don't believe in divorces from sanctified temple marriages."
"True." She sobered as she saw the expression on his face. "What's wrong, mi'ki?"
"Are you sure that it doesn't bother you for Vas to use Samari as his surname? I know that you loved Chaz and--"
"Jullien, I was a child when I married Chaz. We were children when we were pledged. It was an arranged marriage between our parents. Yes, I loved him, but it was a girl's love. Naive and innocent. What I feel for you makes a mockery of what I thought I felt for him. I honestly don't know what I'd feel for Chaz if he were still alive. We were very different creatures. As you so often say, that was my past and I don't want to live there. You are my present and my future. You
He scowled at her. "I just don't understand how you can love my irritable, contentious ass."
She laughed at the angst in his tone. "You are warm and sweet. Intelligent and protective ... a little psychotically so," she teased. "You give without asking. No male has ever made me feel as loved or needed as you do. What is there not to adore?"
"I'm belligerent. Crass. Ill-tempered. Quick-tempered. And half of your family, and the entirety of mine want to kill me. That's just for starters. And as you noted, I'm psychotic."
"Well, no marriage is without its problems."
Snorting and rolling his eyes, he opened the door to her parents' house to let her enter first.
The party was already in full swing and every corner of their home was packed with a family member or friend.
Trajen met them a few steps inside the door and handed Jullien a bottled ale. He smirked at Jullien's damp hair. "Congratulations. I see you're finally sanctified."
Jullien wiped at the oil that was still clinging to his forehead. "Indeed. You can kill me now."
"Later. I'm in a peaceful mood at present. Though I'm sure you'll ruin that in no time." He inclined his head toward Vasili. "You've no idea how much it meant to him to have you here tonight."
"He's a good kid."
"That he is." Trajen took a swig of his own ale before he pinned a hard stare on Jullien.
"You know you shrivel my nuts when you do that. Get your Tris ass out of my head."
Trajen laughed. "Ah, see, you've already slaughtered my happy place." He sighed irritably. "And if it makes you feel better, nothing's going to happen to them here. I will keep watch over them both while you're gone."
"Yeah, but you didn't keep the finger out of his backpack. No offense, Tray. Hard to trust your Tris sense, after that."
"They didn't come in here with the intent to harm."
Jullien cocked his brow. "That was harmful. Trust me. I was there. I saw what it did to Vas's mental state. Kid still has nightmares from it."
Trajen shook his head. "Sadly, I can't detect those kinds of attacks. But I can tell if they were here to harm them physically. And I can stop those. You have my word to you, little brother. No one will touch them in your absence. I'd shut them down and send you their hearts in a box if they were to dare such."
A bad feeling went through Jullien at Trajen's nagging insistence. "Why do you want me gone so badly?"
"Honestly? I don't. I'd much rather have you here. I sleep better knowing you're at my back. But I want you with citizenship and Canting. As much as I like you, I can't break protocol. I can only bend it so far. The sooner you make full Tavali, the happier we'll all be. So get it done. Sooner rather than later."
That didn't help his mood. If anything, it made his hackles rise more. "What aren't you telling me?"
"You know what I'm not saying."
"There's a storm coming."
Trajen nodded. "You know what sucks the most about seeing the future?"
"Not being able to stop it."
"Yeah. And knowing that more than one outcome exists is the worst of it all. I can see multiple truths at the same time. So I know what happens if you listen and if you don't. While I can advise you, I can't make your choices. Only you can."
"I'm listening, but I have one question..."
"Yes, I have been," Trajen said coldly. "But it's been a long time since I was wrong."
Jullien sighed at something he really didn't want to hear. "What made you wrong, then?"
"There are certain people who can lie to me. Certain minds I can't read. Things that will drain my powers. It's why I stay secluded. It's harder to be weakened this way. I don't ever want to be weak again."
Jullien glanced over to where Ushara was laughing with her sisters, then to Vas who was gaming with his cousins. "I know what you mean." He now had his heart on the outside of his body where he could no longer protect it at all times, and he hated it.
Trajen snorted at him. "She's not your weakness."
"What do you mean?"
"Haven't you realized it yet, brother? That little girl is the heart that beats inside your chest. She's the air inside your lungs. While she is the very tool that can bring you to your knees, she's the only reason you're still standing today. And she's the only reason you'll be standing tomorrow.... For on the darkest night when the storms come and batter at the helm, even the best-made ship and crew will be forever lost at sea--"
"Without their Darling to guide them home."
Trajen tapped his bottle against Jullien's. "You seriously read way too much our literature, little man."
Jullien laughed. "That I did. Forever ruined my sorry ass."
"Basha Dagger!"
Jullien handed his ale to Trajen as little Nadya came running toward him and launched herself into his arms for a massive hug and kiss. "Umph! You've been eating a lot of cake, little Naddimaer. I think you've gained thirty pounds since this afternoon. Or I'm getting really old."
Laughing, she offered him a piece of candy. "I saved some for you!"
"That looks good, but I'll let you eat it for me."
Davel came up to them and ruffled Nadya's hair before he spoke to Jullien. "Remember, we've got an early start in the morning. Don't stay up too late."
"You taking Basha Dagger from me, Basha Davel?"
"I am, Nadya. Sorry."
She stuck her tongue out at him. "Who's going to carry me to temple?"
"I'll carry you till my paka gets back."
Nadya screwed her face up at Vasili's offer, then sighed heavily. "All right. You'll do, I guess." Still, she poked her lip out into an adorable pout. "He's not as comfortable to sleep on though. And he don't smell near as good. I will miss you, Basha Dagger. Don't be gone long."
"I'll be back as soon as I can."
"Okay." She hugged his neck, then started crying.
Jullien panicked at the sound. "Did I break her?"
Trajen laughed. "No. She wants you to stay."
Oxana came rushing over to check on her daughter. She glared at her brother. "What did you do?"
"Nothing!"
"H-h-he's taking Basha Dagger away, Mama. Tell him no!"
"Oh, baby. It's okay." She pulled her daughter from Jullien's grasp. "He'll come back."
She cried even harder.
Stunned, Jullien felt terrible and had no idea what to do. All of sudden, a pair of arms wrapped around his waist. He jumped until he realized it was Ushara.
"I know exactly how she feels," she said against his shoulder.
He covered her arms with his own. "Please tell me you're not going to do that to me tomorrow."
"I might."
"And if you do, I definitely won't leave."
Davel snorted. "Yeah and I'd be a member short for my crew. I'll shoot him and carry him onboard before I allowed him to stay behind."
Ushara glared at him. "And that's when I started hating my brother."
Jullien laughed.
Ushara kissed his shoulder, then reached for Vasili. "You ready to go home?"
"If it's okay, I'll stay with Yaya and Graspa tonight. They said they'd walk me to the bay in the morning to say goodbye, but we figured the two of you would want tonight to yourselves."
"Vas," they said in unison.
He hugged them both. "It's okay, parental units. I know I'm loved. My ego will survive this. But I'm old enough to know that the two of you need some time alone without Vasili in the house. It's all good. I already packed a bag and stashed it upstairs earlier. I will brush my teeth and everything. Now go."
Ushara kissed his cheek. "Love you."
"You, too."
She waited while Jullien hugged him. Her throat tightened as he buried his fist in Vas's hair and held him close. Vas fisted both of his hands in Jullien's jacket. When Jullien finally released him, Vas patted him on the back and inclined his head. Neither spoke, but the expression on their faces said more than words ever could and it almost reduced her to tears.
Jullien clapped him on the shoulder, then they and Trajen left.
Trajen paused outside their condo. "I will not be getting up in the morning as that is a side of me no one needs to see. However, safe journeys, my friend. May you never need to carry more than you can hold. And let the gods' conscience keep you clean and hoist you back before you reek."
Jullien laughed at the nonsensical words. "Just puckle your breath, brother. We'll be jock'n the devil's mickle ladly in the dale, come the pitch dingle on the dreich moon's back."
Ushara's eyes widened as Trajen held his hand out. When Jullien took it, he pulled Jullien in for a brotherly hug.
Jullien had no idea how rare it was for Trajen to allow anyone to touch him.
"Vale," Trajen said before he literally vanished.
Ushara arched a brow. "What was that gibberish?"
"Old Trisani sayings. Just means we'll raise some hell when I get back."
"No wonder he loves you."
"Love is a strong word. Tolerate, I think, would be more apropos." He opened the door for her and let her in.
Ushara hesitated as she saw his bags and gear by the couch, and the reality crashed down on her. He would really be gone in a few hours. Even though she knew he had to do this, it hurt to think of his not being here. She choked on a sob.
"Shara?"
"Sorry," she breathed, trying to blink back her tears. "I warned you."
"Shh." Cupping her face, he kissed her. "Don't. You cry, I cry, and I'm really not attractive when I cry."
She laughed at the very thought of her tough male crying. "I doubt anything could break you."
"Not true. But ... I made something for you." He reached down and pulled her link out.
"What'd you do?"
He turned it on and downloaded something to it. "Hold on a second." He pulled his out and synced them. After a few seconds, he pressed his watch.
Her scowl deepened as she watched him.
Until she felt her wedding band begin to vibrate. "Is that..."
"My heartbeat." He returned her link to her. "You can check my vitals and location at any time through my watchband. You'll always know where I am, and that I'm all right. Likewise, I can check yours. And Vasili's."
"Does Vas know?"
He grinned. "I told him. He's the one who helped me wire your band without your knowing. I wanted to surprise you. This way, we'll never lose each other again."
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