Gah, his hair even stood up on end, as if he'd had a bad scare or electrical shock. It would be comical were her heart not broken by the sight of his obvious anguish.
When he continued not to speak, she closed the distance between them, wondering if he'd get up and run.
Slow and easy, so as not to cause him to bolt, she reached out to touch his hair so that she could smooth it down. He drew a ragged breath the moment she touched his scalp. Finally, he clutched her hand in his and kissed her knuckles as if they were sacred.
His eyes filled with shame, he met her gaze. "Zeritui."
"If you're sorry, why did you leave?"
His gaze fell to her belly, which was now enormous. Anguish furrowed his brow as he placed his hands there. "We are cursed." Tears swam in his tired eyes. "I don't want our daughters to know the horrors of my lineage. I want them to grow up like you. With love, and without fear. Safe and protected, where they're free to laugh and to play. To know nothing of my bloodline."
"They need their father."
He shook his head. "I don't deserve them. Or you. I only want you to be happy and safe."
"Jullien--"
"No, Shara," he breathed. "You don't understand. I was there. Sword in hand to kill my grandmother. Without hesitation or remorse. Who does that?"
"Someone pushed to the brink of madness by her cruelty and threats."
"It doesn't make it right."
She smoothed down the furrows of his brow. "Then let it go."
"What?"
"Walk away. They think you're dead. You're listed as dead, and they have no way to prove otherwise. They've not come after us since I told Eriadne that you'd been killed. It's time for you to stop walking in two worlds.... Jullien eton Anatole is gone--put him in the grave and leave him there. Nail his coffin shut."
She gently balled her hand in his hair and bent down until her nose almost touched his. "You are my husband. That's all you need be. Jules Dagger Samari. Father of my children. Let the rest drift away and be gone. Forever."
Ushara gestured at the screen and the ships that surrounded his. "That's your family now. Not the ones who threw you away." She enlarged the images on the monitor. "Look at them, Jules. We've all been worried sick about you. I know you're not used to caring about anyone or having anyone care about you, but we do. Even Jory and Chayden have been relentless in this search for you. Because we love you. We all care about you, even when you don't. You can trust in that. I swear it to you. Now, tell me the truth. Are you ready to come home or do we leave you here to wallow in this hell you've built around yourself?"
Jullien swallowed hard as happiness and pain mixed inside him. He hadn't meant to hurt her or anyone else. Nor had he wanted to stress her during the pregnancy. Honestly, he'd been trying not to burden her with his problems or psychosis. He'd wanted to spare her everything.
And this had seemed the most rational way of dealing with it all.
To withdraw and be alone. It was what he'd always done. What he'd always known.
But when everything was stripped away, there was one thing he couldn't deny.
He didn't want to be alone in the darkness anymore.
"I want to come home."
Ushara didn't realize that she'd been fearing his answer until that moment when her breath left her in a rush. And if she had any doubt about his commitment to her, it dissipated as her gaze dropped to his bare chest and she saw something else that was different about her husband.
Scowling, she stepped closer to touch the center of his chest, where his grandmother had once tried to carve out his heart. Over that scar now lay a new, large tattoo.
Tears welled in her eyes. Andarions didn't mark themselves, especially not their princes. Yet there for all to see, Jullien had placed the Andarion symbols of eternal love wrapped around a black Kadoran rose that held her name and those of her son and their daughters.
He must have placed it there not long after he'd first run from her.
Splaying her hand over it, she met his gaze. "Should I ask?"
He covered her hand with his. "Nothing to ask. I merely made visible to the world the truth that I know in my heart. I will always be yours. No one else would ever have me."
Ushara scoffed at his self-deprecating sweetness. "That's not true." She pulled him into her arms and held him for a long minute before she stepped back to hail the others. "I've got him. Unira, take command of my ship. I'll stay on board with Jules, and we'll follow the rest of you in." She turned toward him. "Start the engines, and let me go make you something to eat."
As she stepped away, he caught her hand and pulled her to a stop. A blush crept over his face. "Um ... you really don't want to go to the galley or the cargo bay. You definitely don't want to open any of the cooling units or freezer."
She scowled at him. "What? Why?"
Jullien hesitated as he tried to think of the best way to tell her what he'd been up to the last few months. But there honestly wasn't an easy way to let her know he'd gone crazy and, well ... "I ... uh ... found my cousin Varan, and a few others who got in the way of my search for Nyran and my grandmother."
"Yeah?" Then she went stock-still as she finally understood. "Oh my God! Are you telling me you have bodies on board this ship?"
Sheepishly, he rubbed at his neck. "Well, not Varan's. I turned him in a while back. But some of the others are worth a lot of creds. Anyway, I was on my way to make a drop later today from my latest hunt."
Ushara was horrified, but she forced herself not to show it. Only because she knew that whatever he'd done to them had been fully justified. While he was a bit unstable, he never went on those kinds of attacks without incredible motivation. And never unwarranted. If he had bodies on board, they'd tried to kill him first.
"Okay, sozibe." She kissed his cheek, then returned to hail Unira. "Scythian Nights? Remain in holding and prepare for me to board with my husband."
Unira came on immediately. "Is everything all right?"
She stepped aside so that Unira could see him. "Jules, say hi to your very worried mother."
He screwed his face up like a little boy who had forgotten to brush his teeth. "Hi, Mum."
Unira growled at him. "Are you all right?" she repeated.
"Yeah, and I'm really sorry about what I did. I didn't mean to hurt or anger you or Thraix. Is he going to kill me?"
With his arms crossed over his chest and wearing an expression of absolute murder, Thraix stepped into the frame. "He might. Depends on if Trajen beats me to it.... Actually, there's a long list of folks here who want to kick your ass."
"There usually is." Jullien's tone was even drier than the Oksanan desert.
Ushara cleared her throat. "But I get first dibs on beating him."
At least that was her thought until he gave her a look so adorable that it completely erased every last bit of her anger. Which then infuriated her at herself. How could she love him so much and still want to kill him? She'd never understand the complicated emotions this male put her through.
Yet the one thing she couldn't deny ... "I've missed you so much."
He gathered her in his arms, and she laughed at the fact that they no longer went around her enormous body.
"Go ahead," she laughed. "You can say it, and I won't be angry. I'm the size of a shuttle craft."
A playful, taunting grin spread across his face. "I think you're the most beautiful tara ever born. And my girls had better be treating you with proper respect." He pressed his cheek against her belly, where the girls were frolicking. It was as if they already knew he was their paka, and they wanted to play.
Brushing her hand through his tangled hair, she smiled down at him. "They do the same thing with Vas. Every time they hear his voice, your beans start jumping."
He rose to his feet and started to kiss her.
Ushara quickly ducked and moved away. "I love you dearly. I do. But, baby, you have to take a shower."
With a fierce grimace, he scratched at his be
Wrinkling her nose, she nodded. "And a little marinated, too."
"I prefer the term well preserved."
"Hmm..." She narrowed her gaze on him. "And how much have you had to drink?"
"I don't know. I haven't been sober since the last day I talked to you."
"Oh, that's good. I find it so comforting whenever I leave you alone. Like handing a grenade to a toddler."
"Yeah, I know." He led her toward the airlock. "But at least I didn't piss in your pool on your birthday."
She laughed even though she didn't want to. "What am I going to do with you?"
"If you were smart? Throw me out the airlock." On the way to her ship, he grabbed a jacket from the floor to shrug over his bare torso.
She arched a brow at the mess and his rumpled clothes. "What? Your housekeeper quit, too?"
Again, he grimaced at her. "You're in a sassy mood."
Straightening his jacket and the collar, she harumphed. "You better be glad it's just sassy and not slappy." She led him through the airlock and to her ship, where both Thraix and Trajen waited.
Trajen curled his lip the instant Jullien stepped on board. "Well, hell. I was going to kill him, but he smells like someone beat me to it a few years ago."
Thraix laughed. "Yes, he does. Make sure no one breathes fire or holds any kind of open flame near him. Otherwise, he's likely to combust."
Unira tsked at them. "Stop it. Both of you. He's not that..." Her voice trailed off into an impressive gasp as she got a bit closer and realized that Jullien was indeed that bad. So she changed her argument. "You'll hurt his feelings."
Trajen grunted. "I stand by my earlier assertion that with that degree of stench, he's already dead and thus can't be offended by anything I say."
Thraix nodded his agreement. "I'm going with that and to the fact there must be a funeral, 'cause he's making my eyes water, and it's not from happiness. I'm definitely grieving over the loss of my olfactory senses."
Ushara gaped at them. "Oh, dear Eri! You both are so evil. Stop! You're going to make him run off again."
Jullien snorted at them. "It's fine, Shara. I deserve it, and you're all correct. I need a shower, shave--"
"Fumigation," Trajen muttered.
"Detox and decontamination." Thraix frowned at Trajen. "You think it's safe for Ushara to be standing that close to him in her delicate condition?"
"Honestly? I'm not sure it's safe for us to be standing this close to him."
Groaning out loud, Ushara pulled Jullien past his critics. "Ignore them and their meanness."
"You think we're being mean?" Trajen called after her. "Just wait until Davel and your sisters get ahold of him!"
She rolled her eyes at them and kept going with Jullien. "Sorry about that."
"It's fine. I've missed their disgruntled asses, too. Though, at the moment, I'm not sure why."
After leading him to the head in her quarters, she started the shower for him. "Other than slaughtering your family and pickling your internal organs ... what else have you been up to?"
"Spying on you and Vas, mostly. I hate that new chair you bought for our bedroom, by the way."
She pulled his jacket off. "Get used to it. It's comfortable."
"I hate it. I didn't even know you could buy fabric that hideously bright a shade of pink ... vomit."
She made a face at him. "Well, you weren't there to protest when I bought it, so you have to tolerate it in silence. Besides, it'll be comfy for breast-feeding."
At the mention of that last term, his gaze dropped to the aforementioned region of her body and darkened in a way that was all too familiar to her. She smiled up at him. "After you bathe."
He whimpered in protest. "You're killing me."
"You're the one who stayed away. I hope you're in agony."
Grumbling under his breath about her cruelty, Jullien peeled his pants off and stepped inside the shower. Ushara handed him soap and a razor through the door. But she didn't leave the room. Rather, she opened the door enough that she could watch him bathe and continue their conversation. Something that made him rock hard.
It was a cruel torture his Ger Tarra had devised to get back at him, and it was working.
She handed him a toothbrush. "Well, at least now I know where all those exorbitant creds came from that appeared suddenly in our accounts. I thought they were a banking error."
He brushed his teeth before he answered her. "I acted as your muscle dump and had them wire the creds to you whenever I claimed the bounties for my family and their friends. Otherwise, they'd have run my ID and prints for it." He handed her the toothbrush. "And that wouldn't have worked out well for me, since I'm supposed to be dead."
She gaped as she took it. "How can I claim them? I don't have a tracer's or assassin's license."
"You do now."
She went bug-eyed. "Pardon?"
He stepped back to wet and lather his hair. "Relax. It's through the Andarion Nizari Virgyl. One thing I know how to do is forge the Tophet out of our official paperwork." He paused in the middle of soaping his chest. "Although ... is it really a forgery? I mean, I was tahrs. I technically could still be considered a tiziran ... and my mother's the tadara. Tylie and Galene are the ones who normally sign off on those licenses, and if I weren't in exile, I could legally do it, too. So it might actually be legitimate, when you think about it. We could at least make a strong argument for its legality."
Scoffing, she stepped away to return his toothbrush to the stand. "How about we don't find out?"
"Yeah, with my luck..."
"They'll hang us both."
Jullien was going to respond to that, but when he turned around and opened his eyes, he saw Ushara peeling off her clothes. He could barely breathe as she stepped into the shower with him. "I thought I was too disgusting for you?"
"You were." She kissed his lips. "But you smell much better now." She took the cloth from his hand and finished bathing him with an excruciatingly slow thoroughness.
Jullien's head spun at the sensation of her hands sliding over his skin, of them delving into every part of his body as she set him on fire with her touch. Especially when she took extra-gentle care and time to stroke and cup his sac. Unable to stand it, he gently pinned her to the shower wall to kiss her.
Ushara growled at how good her husband tasted and felt in her arms. And at his raw hunger. This was what she'd missed most. The feeling of being needed and of belonging. Of knowing that to him, she was one of the most important things in the universe. No one held her the way he did.
As if she were the air he needed to breathe in order to live.
Until he pulled back suddenly and left her breathless and wanting.
Panting, he nipped at her chin and gave her the look of a starving beggar eyeing a banquet. "I don't want to be selfish and hurt you or the babies."
His thoughtfulness and the sincere fear she saw in his stralen eyes brought a lump to her throat. This was why she loved him so. For all his bluster and irritable ways, he always tried to put her and their children first. No matter his own needs or wants.
Even when he'd run, he'd done it in an effort to protect them, not out of his own selfishness or neglect. "You won't."
He scowled fiercely. "Are you sure? I can wait ... trust me on that. While I don't enjoy it, I have the control of a Demurrist hermitic saint."
Laughing, she arched a brow at him. "Do you think I'd take a chance on harming them or you?"
"No. I know you wouldn't." His eyes darkened with inner turmoil. "I just don't want to hurt you, Shara."
"You only hurt me when you leave me."
He brushed his thumb down her lips. "Then I will never leave you again."
She smiled at him. "I'm going to hold you to that promise."
Jullien was about to turn the water off when she slowly sank to her knees in front of him. Mesmerized, he couldn't move as she took him into her mouth and made him see stars with her exquisite torture. His head spun from the pleasure of it. Unable to believe what a lucky bastard he was, he sank his hand in the wet strands of her hair while her hands stroked him in sync with her tongue.
Emotions tore through him as he surrendered himself to her. How a female so precious could have any tenderness for something as worthless as him, he'd never understand. The last thing he'd wanted was to leave her or hurt her.
I'm no good for you, Shara. He knew it for everything he wasn't worth.
Thank the gods she couldn't see it. And on the heels of that thought, he came in a blinding wave that left him weak and panting, and at her complete and utter mercy as she continued to tease his body until she'd wrung every last bit of pleasure from him.
With the sweetest smile, she stared up into his eyes. "Better?"
He traced the line of her jaw as he marveled at her beauty, and the miracle that had brought her into his life. "Yeah." He helped her to her feet. "But I'm not done with you." After turning the water off, he gently dried her, then led her to the bunk, only to discover it was a little too small for the two of them.
Growling, he whimpered in disappointed misery. Had she not been pregnant, he would have been a bit more creative and inventive somewhere else, but he didn't want to stress her body or risk injuring the babies.
She actually laughed at his pain as he slid off the bunk to stare down at her with a stern pout. "I wasn't married at the time I bought the ship, so I didn't really think about this aspect of the sleeping arrangements. Sorry."
"Fine, but when we get home..." He raked a hungry glower over her naked body.
"I'm all yours."
He kissed her cheek before he helped her off the narrow bunk and handed her a clean set of clothes. When he started for his old set, Ushara stopped him.
"You have fresh gear in the closet. Please, for the love of the gods, use it."
Arching his brow, he smirked at her. "You were that certain of success?"
"Yes. One way or another, I was coming home with you."
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