by Dawn Tomasko
Gabriel paused, looking down into her eyes. "I'm not a big drinker, but I hurt my father, and he said some things I didn’t appreciate. Leaving was stressful. The family is important to me, and I never meant to disappoint my parents. Up until then I never went against him in anything. I admit I went to the bar with one purpose. To get trashed. Not a wise decision. After a beer and a couple of shots of tequila, Nicole strolled in, sat next to me at the bar. Of course, she knew the whole situation, Michael told her. I didn't want her there, I just wanted to be alone. So I ordered a soda and worked on a way to get out."
“After she had ordered a glass of wine, she tried to talk to me about it. I told her I wanted to be alone, I’d had enough for one day, but she said she wanted to help. ‘We’re friends, Gabe,' she said. ‘You stuck by me when my family nearly fell apart.'“ He turned to stare down at Sara. "Out of a sense of loyalty, I let her stay. I swear to you, I drank soda for the rest of the night. So how I woke up in bed with Nicole at the Plaza the next morning is beyond me."
“What?” A pang of unreasonable jealousy flared in her. Granted, she had no right, but it stung. Then Sara puzzled over his words. Something didn't sound right.
"Michael found out. Nude pictures of her got sent to him on his cell. The hell of it was they came from my phone. I've heard people say you can get drunk and do things you'd never ordinarily do, but I didn't believe it until then."
Sara turned it over in her mind. "Gabriel, I know we only recently met, but this doesn't sound like you. Think about it. You didn't drink much. Two shots and beer shouldn't affect someone your size that way, even though you were upset. You drank soda after that. Did you leave the bar for any reason? Go to the men's room? Take a phone call? You don't remember leaving the bar or how you ended up in the hotel room. Even if you got roaring drunk, would you send pictures like that to your brother? You'd have to be sadistic, to want to hurt him."
A dark expression settled over his features, and she could see the thoughts churn in his head. "What are you saying? You think she spiked my drink?"
"Not knowing her, I can't say. But I'm saying you should think it through more. There's a big hole in the story. From what I can tell, this is way out of character for you. She wanted money and you had it."
"Son of a bitch.” Gabriel shook his head, disgust clearly written on his features. "It hurt Michael and I've carried a boatload of guilt over this. I thought I got smashed and slept with her, that the tequila on an empty stomach affected me too much because of stress.” He raked a hand through his hair. Gabriel turned to look at her. "She wanted a Donovan, but not just any Donovan. She wanted the top. Nicole never accepted her lowered financial status after her parent's money problems went down. She talked about it all the time."
He raked a hand through his hair and paced in the sand. "Michael came to her defense, and she played it off like I got drunk and took advantage of her. He defended her. Nicole moved right onto Michael and now they're together. They’re living in my parents’ house! If he wants her, he can damn well have her. My mother tries to get us to work it out, but how the hell can I go to family events, sit at the dinner table, with the two of them together?” he shook his head. "I don't know how. It turns my stomach. If I tell him my suspicions he won't believe me."
“Just like Bree didn't believe me about David.”
“Yeah.” His shoulders rose, and he shot out a cleansing breath. After a long silence, he turned to Sara. "Thanks for helping me think it through. Somehow, I'll make Michael understand I didn't sleep with her.”
Tendrils of hair blew into her face. When Gabriel reached up to tuck a few strands behind her ear, she shivered. "He'll believe what he wants until he has a reason not to."
Gravely, he nodded. "Yeah, you’re right."
Sara took his hand, and they walked awhile in quiet. Not wanting to see his day ruined, she attempted to lighten the mood. "So you left the company, and took yourself in a new direction."
Gabriel smiled, his eyes still tinged with emotion. "I love what I'm doing now. I'm happy, glad to be away from the City, the job, and God knows, the drama."
Sara considered his words. "I admire you, Gabriel. After what you've been through, you still know how to enjoy life. If I didn't know your story, I would never guess so much had happened."
Those blue-green eyes she found so fascinating studied her. "It's my life, and I want to make the most of it. Michael and I will come to an understanding. We're brothers, in spite of everything. For now, I can't let it drag me down."
“I should take your advice.” Standing on her toes in the sand, she brushed a kiss on his cheek. She curled her fingers around his bicep. "Thank you for sharing this with me.” Wanting to put a smile back on his face, she plucked the keys from her pocket, dangled them in front of his face.
"Want to drive back?"
"Hell, yes I do!” he yelled, tore the keys away. Gabriel grabbed her hand, bolted into a full run. Wet chunks of sand flew up behind them and their laughter carried on the wind as she tried to keep up.
"What an incredible day,” Gabriel pulled into her driveway at her cottage. They made a trip to the shed to put the sand chairs and cooler away. Since they made a plan for more day trips, they agreed to leave his things there. Sara took the towels and draped them over the railing on the back porch to dry so she could put them in the wash hamper later.
The sun deepened the color of his skin today, and he looked hotter than ever. Although her shoulders stung a bit, she picked up a bit of color herself but was glad. Now she wouldn't look quite so pale.
To her surprise, Sara felt relaxed and happy, and she didn't want their time together to end. "Can I make dinner for you? I haven't cooked for anyone in a long time."
A huge smile spanned his face. "Hell, yeah, you can cook for me.” He tugged his fingers along the neck of his shirt and pulled it away from his skin. "Do you mind if I take a shower? I’m a little ripe."
He smelled amazing. Sweet breezes, the sun, sweat and a pure male scent that belonged only to him. If she ran her mouth over his skin, she knew she would find salt. How else would he taste? The idea of Gabriel naked in her shower put a powerful image in her mind and a strong tug of pure lust between her thighs.
"Sure, go ahead. I'll go later once I have the meat marinating. Towels are in the basket."
Before he went upstairs, he let his hand drift over the soft waves of her hair, which she'd unbraided in the car. "Remember when you're ready I'll listen to your story."
Immediately, her chest tightened, and the skin between her eyes pinched. The light mood of the day started to leech away. "I don't know when I'll be ready. It's a long story. I don't think I can get it out in one sitting."
His long fingers skimmed her cheek. Heat and sparks flew from his touch, spearing her. “You don’t have to keep it short. If you lived through it, I think I can handle hearing about it.”
A ghost of a smile drifted across her lips. He might be able to handle it, but could she?
Chapter Eleven
After dinner, they cleaned the kitchen together, a novel experience for Sara. Gabriel cleared the table, scraped the dishes, which Sara rinsed and stacked in the dishwasher. After he had grabbed spray cleaner from under the sink, he wiped down the table and countertops and toweled them dry.
"Wow.” At his raised brows, she laughed. “I'm used to doing things myself. Thanks for the help.” Sara enjoyed the quiet way he worked beside her to get the job done.
Gabriel sauntered over to her, his stride sexy and predatory. He dropped a kiss on her sun reddened shoulder and goose bumps ran over her skin. "You're an excellent cook. It's the least I can do.” His voice drifted over her, gentle and soft. “The sun got you. Does it hurt?"
Sara shrugged to disguise the way he made her feel. There was a distinct loosening of the tension in her shoulders, and the ever-present ache in her chest. “Only a little. I needed the color.”
So close to her, the heat came off his body in waves. “What wou
ld you like to do now?”
“Go down to the beach?” she asked, with a sheepish look up at him. “I can’t get enough.”
“Neither can I,” he murmured, and she wondered if he meant the beach…or her. “Let’s do it,” he smiled down at her, eyes glinting in the fading light. The looks he gave her did things to her. Made her feel things she’d always dreamed of in the most secret places of her heart.
Sara picked her way through sand and beach grass while Gabriel followed close behind on the narrow path. They spread an oversized beach towel not far from the water's edge at high tide, with the sun already far into its descent. All that remained was an orange-yellow half-moon rippling at the horizon.
“I love it here. Time takes on a whole different meaning for me. All the chores and duties associated with time fade away.”
His dark head turned in her direction. “I know what you mean. As you can imagine, time meant everything in the City, in my old job. Here, every morning, every night, every moment? Time holds opportunity. The natural environment alone can inspire me to spend a lifetime of exploration.”
Gabriel understood, she thought as they sat side by side on the towel. Warmth radiated off him, seeped into her, where she soaked it up thirstily. If she got it over with, the telling of her story, the suspense would end. He'd either stay or go. No need to wait and wonder, let days slide one into the next as she became closer to him, wanted him, all while holding onto old secrets. Sara took up a stick and drew intricate designs in the damp sand.
For a while they sat, not speaking, and appreciated the slow fade of the day. Time, she mused. Why waste it?
"My growing up years…were hard. Mom, my sister and I lived with our grandparents."
He gripped her thigh. "You don't have to do this tonight."
Sara smiled at him, placed her hand over his. Better to have him leave now than later after he’d found out what she was. What ugliness lay hidden under the surface and decided Sara Shepard wasn’t worth the effort.
“I want to. You’ll either go or stay, but at least, the suspense will end.”
“What the f ─” Irritation flashed across his face. “In the interest of hearing your story, I’ll let that go for now. Later, I’ll tell you what I think of your thought process.”
We’ll see. “My parents divorced when I was five. For being little, I remember things, too much about their life together. I'd wake up in the dead of night when he came home drunk, swathed in the perfume of paid-for women and liquor. I would creep to the doorway, stand in the shadows. While I guess I haven't allowed myself to remember everything, I do know he hurt her, and me. I was so afraid of him,” she stated in a harsh whisper.
Gabriel's voice rasped out, a grating sound she hadn't heard from him before.
Sara continued. "She stayed a long time. Too long. When she worked up the courage to leave we landed at my grandparents' house a couple of months into my first year of grade school.”
She flung the stick into the water, then dug her heel in the sand, dragged her foot forward and back. "Drugs and alcohol were a mainstay in our house, for all the adults. Life could spin out of control any minute. My grandparents would fight with each other, then with Mom. Lots of times it involved us and their disagreements over how she raised us. I loved my mother and wanted to be with her. Some days she came home from work too tired to spend time with me or fight with her parents. She'd take her dinner plate up to her room and eat alone."
Gabriel tucked a wind tossed lock of hair behind her ear.
Sara stared out over the water, thick, inky and churning now, since the sun slipped beneath the horizon. "Other times I could say something, look at her the wrong way, and she would explode. With a word or a look, she could cut you to pieces."
Tiredly, she pinched the bridge of her nose. "To me, she seemed powerful and scary. In my teens, I challenged her. Natural, I suppose, most kids have their moments. We argued all the time. The emotional distance she kept seemed impossible to bridge."
A sigh caught in her throat. Gabriel reached over to smooth a hand down the back of her head. Opening the deep wounds in her soul brought memories to the surface, ones she would rather keep buried. But it mattered. He mattered and wanted to know. If anything special came of it, it would be worth the effort, however painful.
Gaze pinned to the shoreline, she continued. "I was jealous of other kids at school. Their mothers came to plays, special events, brought in cupcakes for bake sales my mom wouldn’t give me so much as a quarter to buy. God, how embarrassing. They went to the zoo, on vacations. Everyone I knew went to Disney at some point, or so it seemed. I longed for what they had. I wanted it so much. Silly laughter shared between a mother and daughter. We didn't watch movies on the couch with popcorn or─” her breath caught, “─go to the park."
Chin up, determined, she faced him. "I made those times with Brianna. We had them,” she said with no small amount of force. “I cherish the countless things we’ve done together. No child of mine would feel less than worthy, or doubt her mother’s love."
"It was the right thing to do,” Gabriel told her in a voice both raw and unsteady. "But I suspect those times with her also filled in gaps for you."
One brow rose while she thought about it. "Yes, I guess they did."
"That’s a likely reason you chose not to be on the move all the time during your marriage. I didn't question your motives before, but I understand them better now. You wanted stability for both of you."
Relief flooded her heart. Sara nodded, grateful he understood. "David didn't agree.” She shook her head, still working it out. "The issue was a sticking point."
Gabriel handed her a water bottle, and they both drank deeply from it.
"When I turned fifteen, something snapped in both of us. Mom seemed to be on a mission to get rid of me, and I acted out, a royal pain in the ass. Even my grandparents, who did their best to run interference, seemed stumped by my behavior. No one could deal with me, and soon I found myself in a psychiatrist's couch with a choice. Take tranquilizers or be sent away to a school."
“God damn it, Sara."
Sara sat in silence for a time. Her heart thudded in her chest, and waves of nausea rolled in her belly. "I never doubted her word, and with no choice left to me, I took the pills. The threat of going away scared me. It would mean not only did she not love me, which I already suspected, but if she carried it out, I might disappear altogether. What if they forgot about me? I might never go back home."
Gabriel surged up, stood in the sand, and faced the water. “My God, Sara. Who could forget you?” For long moments, he stood there with hands on his hips, head bent low.
Touched by this revelation of his feelings for her, she rubbed a fist over the fierce ache in her sternum. "She favored my sister, which I never understood. We fought like cats, which Mom encouraged by not putting a stop to it. We’re better now. But as for the growing up years? Not an ordinary life."
Sara looked up at Gabe, who turned to face her. "I never stopped asking myself why. What was wrong with me? In the middle of one seriously ugly argument, I screamed at my mother and asked why she hated me so much."
When Sara surged to her feet and went down to the water to bury her feet in the smooth, wet sand. The lap of cool water faded in and out, sluiced over her ankles. She waited until she once again felt calm and grounded.
"I never expected an answer, but damn it, she had one. 'Because you look like your father' she screamed back at me,” Sara said, her voice detached, monotone. She shook her head. "How destructive. I can't imagine ever saying such a thing to Bree. What kind of parent would tell a child such a thing? A lie would have been more compassionate. You know when you say something awful, and you’re sorry right away it came out of your mouth?"
He nodded, and her eyes filled. “It never happened. She meant it.”
Gabriel didn't speak, his dark eyes focused, intent. He didn't try to calm, or soothe or reassure. Didn't rationalize or simplify. For this alone
, she might fall in love with him then and there.
"Over time I came to know I was the spinoff of a toxic relationship. With my strong resemblance to my father's side, my existence must have been a painful reminder. I wanted her to love me, but she didn't. Maybe couldn't. After all these years, it's still right here,” she clutched a fist to her heart. "It's a physical pain, imprinted on my soul. But I push it away. I push it way down, so I don't have to remember every day."
She started to pace. Gabriel stood still, hands fisted in his pockets. Deeply affected, his shoulders lifted with each breath. "But it doesn't go away, does it, Sara?"
"No,” she shook her head hard. "It doesn't. I moved on from there to create my brand of reality. If I didn't, I'd go crazy. Sometimes I would stare at my reflection in the mirror. I had no identity. She told me I was nothing special. I believed it. If I looked too long in a mirror, I saw myself…outside myself. It's hard to explain, but I'd be scared as hell when it happened. I never told anyone. I was too afraid I was going crazy, and they’d put me away for sure."
“You disassociated.”
A pain-filled silence followed. "Yes. Later I came to understand coping mechanisms and how we use them. I don't know how I kept it together.” Sara continued to pace in the sand. "When I turned eighteen, I got the chance to spend a summer here. A friend intended to go to college for marine biology and the Maria Mitchell Association here does internships. We worked together there, and also took some side jobs, which are plentiful in summer. Except my daughter, I fell in love for the first and only time in my life. With this place. Nantucket."
Gabriel gave her a small smile, but sorrow shadowed his eyes. Sand caked between her toes as she curled them hard. "For the first time, I felt real, alive!” She threw her hands up to the sky with fingers spread wide, then let them drop. Sara sucked salt-rich air into her lungs.
Moving forward, she went knee deep in the surf. Gabriel knelt next to her, watched as she put her hands in the water, gripping sand in her fists.