Alex sat silently, staring out the window as Sasha drove. At first Sasha thought it was because he was still enjoying the feel of the car and the smooth rumble of the engine, but soon he realized that something was bothering the younger man.
“You okay?”
“Hm?” Alex turned from gazing out the window, smiling a little. “Nothing. Just a tough practice. You know how it goes. Kinda pissed we lost yesterday, but the team was so tired after that road trip.”
His tone was upbeat enough, but something about the smile on Alex’s face seemed forced.
Sasha pulled into the parking lot of the small restaurant and found a spot in the back, away from any other cars. Alex gave him a knowing look but didn’t complain about having to walk a bit farther.
“A sandwich shop? I figured you’d take me something a little nicer on our lunch date.”
Alex dropped just enough emphasis on the last word to catch Sasha’s attention. Is he flirting with me? But no, that wasn’t possible. He must have misheard. Still, Sasha had his honor to defend here.
“Trust me. It might not look like much, but I think you’ll be pleased by the end.” The words slipped out of his mouth before he could think, and Sasha felt a moment of horror. If Alex took it the wrong way….
But Alex laughed. “Oh, I really hope so.”
The shop was close enough to the arena that the team sometimes stopped here on their way home from practices to pick up food. The staff all knew them, and no one usually bothered them. Sasha ordered, motioned for Alex to do the same, and pulled out his wallet.
“Wait, I’ll pay my half,” Alex said.
Sasha stopped him with a frown. “You say this is a lunch date. And I brought you here, gave you a ride in the Camaro. So I’m gonna pay, and you can go find a seat.”
Alex’s eyes went wide, then narrowed teasingly. “Yeah, I guess you did give me a pretty nice ride.”
Jesus, what is he doing? But Alex just grinned and left Sasha to pick up their food.
Thankfully, for Sasha’s sanity, the flirting died down once there was food between them.
“So hey,” Alex said, biting into his sandwich. “Thanks for taking me out to lunch today, seriously.”
“Of course.” Now that Alex was somber again, focused on his food, Sasha could see the same fake layer of happiness on the surface. Maybe it wouldn’t be obvious to anyone else, but Sasha had spent enough time watching Alex over the last few weeks to know that there was something upsetting the other man.
The realization was enough to make Sasha put his own sandwich down and ask, “What’s wrong?”
“Huh?” Alex looked up. “Nothing, nothing. Just focused on this sandwich…. You were right. It’s fantastic.”
But he was tense as he picked up his fork to eat the side salad he’d ordered.
Sasha took another bite and chewed slowly, studying the lean form across the table from him. Alex had his head down and his shoulders hunched, as though trying to make himself unnoticeable. It would have made sense if there were a few fans hovering nearby, but it wasn’t a busy period for the shop, and there was nobody around them.
“You nervous about tomorrow’s game?”
Alex glanced up, genuine confusion on his face. “Huh? No, it should be fine.”
“You break up with your girlfriend, then?” he asked.
Alex dropped his fork. “What? I don’t—” He stopped suddenly, then tried again. “No, I didn’t break up with anyone.”
Hmm. The mystery deepened. Alex definitely looked like something was upsetting him, but it wasn’t anything obvious. Still, he’d reacted strangely when Sasha had mentioned Heather, so he pushed forward on that note. “You forget it’s Valentine’s Day in a week? Worrying about presents?” Sasha had to hold back a laugh when the fork, having just been picked back up, clattered once more onto the table.
Alex’s eyes were wide. “No, that’s not it. But, uh, that explains why Heather’s making me take her out next week. Dammit.”
Fond amusement made Sasha shake his head in disappointment at the goalie, even as his own heart ached. Alex didn’t seem like the kind of guy who forgot about holidays or important dates. He was usually pretty on top of things, organized and tidy in the locker room.
“Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, yes? Nice to see you are only human after all.” Sasha laughed.
For some reason, however, that made Alex’s shoulders go up even farther, and frown lines to appear between his eyes.
He’s upset because he’s not perfect, forgets things sometimes? It didn’t make any sense.
But if Alex wasn’t going to talk about it, Sasha really wasn’t going to force him. They were teammates, and maybe friends, but Alex wasn’t Carts or Misha, both of whom Sasha knew well enough to make them spill whatever was bothering them.
They kept eating their sandwiches, Alex plowing through his meal with almost single-minded focus.
And then—finally—Alex dusted his hands and squared his shoulders.
“Hey, you see the news about the stuff the GMs are going to be voting on in April?”
Well, that wasn’t what Sasha had been expecting. The question threw him for a loop, and he had to think fast to understand what Alex was asking. He could recall having seen mention of it in one of his group chats earlier that day, as the agenda had apparently just been released.
“Yeah. I saw a little.” There were at least half a dozen topics that the GMs would be discussing… so which one of them had upset Alex? More arguments about review calls from on-ice refs versus the League officials; another chapter in the eternal debate for-and-against fighting; something about health screenings for Paras; and… oh. “You are upset about the goaltender interference discussion?”
Alex blinked, glanced off to the side, and then nodded tightly. “Yeah.” His voice was oddly uneven. “That’s what I’m upset about.”
Sasha leaned back in his seat, proud that he’d figured it out. “I agree, not fair the GMs discuss policy and do not listen to goalies on this.”
“Really unfair.” Alex hesitated. “You’d think… well, you’d think the NHL would listen to whatever group of people they’re trying to make rules about, instead of having a bunch of guys in suits hash it out amongst themselves, right?”
Sasha couldn’t disagree. “Sure. If teams are making new rules about fighting, I want them to talk to me so I can say, ‘Leave it alone!’” He laughed.
Alex cracked a smile. “You just want to be able to fight more often, you goon. Carts has told me about your tendency to drop gloves given even the slightest provocation.”
“Well, Carts is not wrong.” Sasha grinned.
Regular Season Fight Card
Name: Alexander Petrov
Height: 6’ 6” / Weight: 245lbs
NHL Career Fights: 19
Date: December 5 / Time: 16:30 P2
Game: DAL @ SEA
Opponent: James Benning
Height: 6’ 4” / Weight: 220lbs
Voted Winner: Petrov (82.4%) / Rating: 7.3
LUNCH HAD been surprisingly fun. Even with that morning’s news hovering in the back of his mind, Alex found himself smiling and laughing as he chatted with Sasha. He’d tried flirting a little, but it had been obvious that Sasha wasn’t really sure what to do with Alex’s teasing, so he’d eventually dropped it.
In fact, he kept forgetting about the announcement for short periods of time, relaxing completely and trading stories with his teammate.
But try as he might, Alex couldn’t escape it entirely.
The vote was more than two months out, but it still loomed over Alex, a potential life sentence waiting to be handed down. If it passed, he’d never play NHL hockey again. Hell, even the AHL wouldn’t take him back if the results were released. His pro hockey career would be over because a bunch of rich old dudes were afraid of what they didn’t understand.
When it passed, Alex thought fatalistically.
Talk turned from recapping some of Sasha’s favorite fight
s, to talking about their upcoming games.
“You probably heard,” Alex said, his joy bubbling up in his words. “They’re starting me tomorrow… and again Friday against Edmonton.”
Sasha’s smile was genuine. “Yes, I heard. Congratulations, is huge accomplishment.”
But something in his tone was off. Alex tried not to let it upset him, but it was obvious that Sasha wasn’t completely happy about the news. “I’m hoping the increase in starts means they’ll give me a chance to make the roster full-time next season,” he said carefully, watching Sasha’s reaction.
And there it was, a tiny wince. If he hadn’t been looking for it, he never would have noticed.
“Very exciting. You’re incredible, so much talent.” The words sounded genuine, at least, and there was no deception in Sasha’s eyes.
And yet. “Now it’s my turn to ask: what’s wrong?”
Sasha didn’t look surprised by the question. If anything, he seemed resigned to it. “It’s Ed.”
“Eduard Despres, you mean?”
“Yes.” Sasha sighed, picking at the remnants of his sandwich. “He’s my best friend and having a very rough time right now. The injury, and he has to go to court soon.”
Alex had read up on the older goalie once he’d had a chance. “Yeah, for the drunk driving.” His second, and Alex knew that meant Despres was in serious trouble in the eyes of the law.
Sasha hissed, looking upset, but he didn’t deny it. “He worries that he won’t play next season, or even this year in playoffs if we make it.”
Privately, Alex thought it was a valid worry for Despres to have. The media made it sound like the charges against the older man were serious, and the injury had been pretty bad; even the best trainers in the NHL couldn’t guarantee that Despres would recover full use of his arm again, if the shoulder dislocation had been severe. And he’d seen the words “jail time” mentioned by more than one reporter.
But Sasha was clearly unhappy with the topic, so Alex dropped it.
Eventually lunch had to end. Sasha gathered up both of their trays, and Alex drifted after him toward the exit.
“Hey, Sasha.”
Sasha paused, letting Alex catch up so they were walking side by side.
“I was thinking about this earlier. The fight, in the Vancouver game. Why’d you do it?”
He half expected Sasha to get defensive. And Sasha did tense up for a second, but then he relaxed and laughed. “Don’t know how they do things in the A, Fanning, but that wasn’t a fight. Just little disagreement. But as for why….” Sasha looked contemplative. “Because he insulted you, I guess.”
Alex was confused. “He insulted me?”
“He snow-showered you. Rude, had to tell him this isn’t allowed, you know? So I shove him, and he shoved me back.” Gone was the man who’d stood like a stone statue while Alex berated him in front of their entire team; now Sasha was clearly amused by the entire situation.
“Oh.” Alex let Sasha hold the door for him, and followed him outside. “Well, thank you.”
Sasha smiled. “You’re welcome.”
Alex stared up at him, oddly charmed. He smiled at Sasha. “I guess I should apologize.”
Now it was Sasha’s turn to look surprised. “For what?”
“For getting upset with you. I was too”—hungry, aching, frustrated—“emotional, I guess.”
Sasha returned the smile, and Alex’s heart skipped a beat. It was yet another cloudy day in Seattle, though the sun threatened to poke through that afternoon. But Sasha’s eyes were as clear as a summer sky, and the upset from earlier had completely vanished from his face.
He was gorgeous.
They stood on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant, Alex with his hands tucked into his hoodie pockets, staring up at Sasha. I could kiss him, Alex thought, not for the first time. But Sasha hadn’t responded to his flirting earlier, and he had to remind himself that they were in public.
And a glance at his phone told him it was later than he thought. “Ah, damn. I told Heather I’d meet her this afternoon. Guess we should head back to the arena so I can grab my truck.”
Something in Sasha’s posture changed subtly. “For sure, let’s go.”
The car ride back was silence, and there was a strange tension between them now that Alex couldn’t figure out the source of. At one point Alex reached out to adjust the air vent, just as Sasha went to change the radio station, and their hands brushed against each other.
“Sasha,” Alex said.
But Sasha snatched his hand back with a muttered apology. Instead of turning the air on, Alex rolled down the window and watched the scenery outside.
He turned into the parking garage, then drove up the ramp until they spotted Alex’s truck.
“Sasha,” Alex tried again. “Thank you for lunch. I had a really nice time.”
Sasha’s smile was thin but genuine. “Glad we can go, talk. Glad we’re friends.”
But there was something sad in his tone. As he got out of the car, Alex found himself wondering again if there was something else there as well, the same longing that he’d seen directed at him a few times before.
He closed the door behind him, then turned around to lean over, watching Sasha through the open window. “I’d like to do this again sometime, if you’re interested.”
Sasha’s gaze went carefully neutral, and his smile thinned. “Maybe. Next time we invite Carts and Misha, okay? But I should go now.”
Wait, Alex wanted to say, puzzled and not a little disappointed.
“Don’t forget about Valentine’s Day, hm?” Sasha added, before he could say anything. “Your girlfriend will be very upset if you do!”
He held one hand up in a halfhearted wave, then shifted the car into gear and drove off without even saying goodbye.
What the heck was that? For a second he’d thought Sasha looked… heartbroken, maybe? And the comment about Heather. Fuck. It seemed so obvious now. He’s jealous. Because of course he thinks I’m dating Heather, so if he is interested, then he would think I’m off-limits. Maybe Shawn was right after all.
Maybe it was time to put Shawn’s theory to the test and see if Sasha really did return his interest.
Emma (@Cascadiac)
GOALIE POINT ALERT! Alex Fanning gets his first NHL assist on a stretch pass up to Engel, who buries it on a breakaway.
I think we can all agree that the performance from Fanning tonight was absolutely exceptional. He was playing like a man on a mission, and even red-hot Arizona couldn’t break him. Well deserving of the first star of the game. I wouldn’t be surprised if Henrique and the Cascades coaching staff decide to give him even more starts as the season continues.
—Chloe O’Donnell, ESPN Post-Game
SASHA HAD been upset going into that night’s game, but after the performance he’d witnessed, he couldn’t help but feel much happier. Alex had been sensational, somehow even better than he’d been against Buffalo, and it had been a pure joy to watch him stop Arizona in their tracks at every turn.
It didn’t mean the disappointment wasn’t still there, however. Lunch yesterday had been fantastic, a chance for him to really connect with Alex one-on-one and get to know the younger man better. But it had hurt, after the meal had ended, to be reminded that there was nothing more that could happen between them; he and Alex could be friends, and that was all.
And I want more.
Looking across the locker room now, seeing Alex looking so happy as he pulled his chest protector off and bent to untie his leg pads, made the longing even worse.
I wish yesterday had been an actual date. I wish the look Alex had given me at the end, before we drove back, was real.
But it wasn’t, and it would never be, because Alex had Heather.
Still, Sasha must have been a glutton for punishment, because after he hung his skates up, he found himself walking around the locker room to approach Alex.
“Incredible game,” he said, offering a fist to b
ump.
Alex’s returned the fist bump, looking up at Sasha with a smile that was so radiant that it made Sasha struggle for breath. “Thanks. It means a lot, to hear it from you.”
The way Alex looked at that moment was too much. His face was lit up, eyes gleaming with joy and adrenaline from the game. He was sweaty, and his hair was getting a little long, falling over his eyes only to be brushed aside unconsciously. His Under Armour clung to his muscular frame.
The realization hit Sasha all at once.
I think I could love this man.
It was a devastating revelation. Sasha forced one last smile and quickly excused himself.
He made his way back to his stall blindly to finish getting undressed, chest aching. I think I could love him, he thought, but he will never love me in return.
Chapter Thirteen
Edmonton Hockey Updates (@EDM_Ice_Report)
Edmonton falls to Seattle, snapping a four-game win streak, in a disappointing 4-2 loss.
Seattle Cascades (@CascadesNHL)
Another win for your Cascades, and another win for @goaliefanning! Now let’s cross our fingers that this snowstorm doesn’t stop us from getting to Calgary tomorrow.
“SO WE’RE going out, right?” Braiden, one of the team’s rookies, asked loudly.
Someone threw a dirty sock at him. Alex couldn’t see who, but he heard Merkley call, “You’re not even old enough to drink.”
Braiden pouted. “We’re in Canada, not Seattle. I can drink here!”
Shawn was the one to reply. “Yeah, but none of us want to haul your drunk ass back to the hotel when you can’t walk straight after one beer.” That got laughter from the rest of the room. Alberta had a drinking age of eighteen, which meant their under-twenty-one teammates were clamoring to hit the bar. The victory over Edmonton had only increased their excitement. “But the kid’s not wrong… we should definitely go out tonight, eh?”
“What are you, Canadian?” Merkley balled up his sock tape and tossed it at Shawn’s head.
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