by C. A. Harms
Table of Contents
Whisper Forever
Copyright
Edgar Allen Poe
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Copyright
Copyright @ 2017 C.A. Harms
All Rights Reserved
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events, and other elements portrayed herein are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to real persons or events is coincidental.
No part of this book may be reproduced, storied in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior permission of the author. If you should do so, legal action may be taken to protect the author and their work
Editor: Joselle.
Cover Designer: MG Book Covers & Designs.
Formatting: CP Smith
We loved with a love, that was more than love.
—Edgar Allen Poe
Prologue
MADELYN
I can remember all the times my heart had been broken throughout my adolescence as if they’d only happened yesterday. Each time, it was at the hands of Lucas Austin Rivers. The boy I spent most of my time with as we grew up together, the boy who had forever been my best friend, and the one boy I wished would someday be more.
The brown-haired boy with the sweetest smile and those big, green “I can get anything I want” eyes had been my first crush. He was also the first and only boy I allowed to make me feel vulnerable. The only one to ever give me that deep ache in my chest that made me feel as if I could barely breathe.
I always felt a pull to him in his presence. At first I thought it was related to the fact he and I were raised side by side, which made having that connection inevitable. The fact our families had a long friendship prior to our existence added to that bond.
When our parents referred to us, it was always as a pair, as if Madelyn and Lucas were a set that could never be separated. But our connection was so much more than two kids being raised together—at least to me it was.
Our properties were parallel to each other, only separated by a long man-made fence. At times that fence serve as the doorway to some far-off land during the make-believe adventures we went in search of throughout our childhood. Sometimes it would serve as a shield during our water fights, but it never truly kept us apart. We’d meet there for many late-night talks filled with crazy laughter, and it was a peaceful place where we’d talk about our troubles and find a solution to them together. We also spent many summers playing in the fields, chasing the chickens, harassing the cattle, and going mudding through the hills after a long rain. He was my best friend and the brightest part of my days.
The more time I spent in Lucas’s presence, the more my feelings for him grew beyond simple friendship. I was young, I know, but that didn’t change the fact I felt like Lucas hung the moon. His laughter and his easygoing attitude always made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. He was home to me, that comfortable place where no matter what, I always felt safe. Each morning when I woke, all I wanted was to share the day with him. It didn’t even matter that he treated me like one of the guys. I was just happy to be part of his world.
But over time, things changed between us. We changed too. Our interests and the academic track we were on forced us to grow further apart with each year. Our dreams were just different. In mine we were always more than just best friends, but to him I would always be the awkward little girl with freckles and blonde pigtails.
Chapter 1
MADELYN
“I’m gonna marry you one day, Lucas Rivers,” I said as I skipped along the long dirt road that connected the old farmhouses we’d lived in our entire lives.
The sun was scorching and the air around us was dry, just like it always was this time of year in Texas. We’d just come from swimming in the pond hidden in the grasslands on my father’s land about half a mile away, which we did often every summer. All the kids we grew up with would meet there and use the old tire swing my daddy built to launch ourselves out over the water before diving in to cool off from the afternoon sun.
But today only Lucas and I were there. Those times were my favorite, because I didn’t have to share his attention with anyone else.
“I’m gonna pack your lunches, kiss you before you leave for work, and be waiting for you when you get back home,” I hollered over my shoulder. My towel was thrown up over my shoulder, and the wet ringlets of my golden hair felt cool against my shoulders and back.
Behind me, Lucas grumbled something I couldn’t understand. “We’re gonna have late-night snuggles on the couch and morning coffee just like my momma and daddy,” I added as I turned and walked backward, looking at him with a big smile. “You’ll call me darlin’, and I’ll call you handsome. It’ll be like a dream come true, Luke.”
I noticed the look on his face then. His nose was wrinkled and his eyes squinted as if he was confused.
“Madelyn,” he groaned as he shook his head, “I can’t marry you, and I sure can’t kiss ya.”
“And why not?” I said as I came to a stop, my stomach curling up in a tight little ball. Crossing my arms over my chest, I glared at the boy standing before me.
“Because you’re my best friend,” he said, stopping only a few feet away from me. “Best friends don’t marry each other. They hang out, fish, and go four-wheeling; they sure don’t cuddle on no couch.”
“And who says so?” I countered.
“Everyone,” he stated with a shrug, as if that was all the explanation I needed. I kept glaring, and he swallowed hard. “Besides, we’re too young to think about all those things. I’m only ten. I may never get married. I got plans for myself, and they don’t include no wife.”
Looking back now, I see how silly it was to get offended by a ten-year-old boy thinking marriage was awful. But to a nine-year-old girl who thought she was in love with that ten-year-old boy, those words stung. I had a little notebook hidden in my dresser where I’d written down what I planned to do in life. And all those plans revolved around sharing my life and dreams with Luke.
That was the first time in a long series of times that Lucas Rivers broke my heart.
For a few days after that conversation, I avoided the little boy who in my eyes had shattered my innocent soul. But like most little girls do at that age, I quickly forgot my heartbreak. By the time Lucas showed up that weekend with a bag of caramel popcorn and two grape sodas while batting his big eyes at me, my sadness was long forgotten.
That summer, my daddy and Luke’s father, Lewis Rivers, helped us build a fort hidden back in the biggest oak tree on my daddy’s property, just a few hundred feet from the pond. It was big enough for the four of us, but L
ucas and I claimed it as ours. We met there every day, each bringing a bag of goodies our mommas packed. We laughed together as we shared our food before cooling off in the pond as the sun reached its highest and the humidity hung thick in the air.
Lucas didn’t bring up what I’d said about marrying him, and I chose to do the same. Though I still closed my eyes at night and let my imagination run wild with visions of him being mine.
Chapter 2
I wanted Lucas so badly that he consumed my every thought and movement as I grew up. Throughout middle school I was just one of the guys. I played football in the fields with the boys, and I didn’t care if I got tackled. In fact, I was usually the one jumping on their backs.
I was a tiny thing, but that didn’t stop me. I couldn’t let it. I refused to be a girly-girl so Luke would keep bringing me along on his tackle-football gatherings and dirt bike excursions. I didn’t let the bruises I gained or the mud in my hair keep me from going back out day after day to do it all over again. I hid my tears, fisted my little hands through the pain, and pushed forward, letting my hidden anger fuel my eagerness to be part of the gang.
But once we moved on to high school, I just couldn’t keep it up. I changed the way I dressed and wore my hair, and became more interested in looking good rather than making sure I had grass stains on my jeans from a day in the field.
Lucas changed too. He no longer asked me to tag along and only smiled or waved as he passed me in the halls. The interest he showed in other girls didn’t escape me either. He looked at them the way I’d always hoped he’d look at me—that intrigued look a boy gives a girl when he thinks she looks pretty. Each time I saw it, that ache of longing returned with a vengeance.
The times Lucas and I hung out became fewer and fewer, and usually only when our families got together. Now when we went swimming in the lake, it was more of group event, mostly with the girls fawning over the boys. I always left feeling even sadder than when I arrived. I don’t know why I chose to torture myself. Maybe I hoped that one day he’d give me that smile of his. I’d missed that smile so much.
As high school went on, I watched that sweet boy become someone I no longer recognized. The popularity of being the star quarterback for a small-town school went to his head. For the first time in a long time, our school was undefeated, and he was the key to that success. With that accomplishment came praise from teachers, faculty, and students, not to mention lots of girls vying for his attention, and that innocent boy with a heart of gold became arrogant and self-absorbed, thinking that everyone owed him something. He fed off the ability to get whatever he wanted, anytime he wanted it.
I only found out he was offered a full scholarship to play football for the University of Alabama because his father called my daddy to tell him. I was truly happy for Lucas and his success, but I was crushed that he didn’t rush over to my house to share his happiness. The idea that two kids who’d been inseparable for so long had drifted apart so easily was devastating.
The next day at school, his scholarship was all anyone could talk about as he walked through the halls surrounded by his big group of friends. When he saw me, all he offered me was a smile followed by a wink as he passed by.
I’d been stupid enough to hope that one day he’d look at me differently; that maybe he’d see that I was no longer a little girl but a woman. But each day I stood on the sidelines waiting for just one look, or one word that would let me back into his life, only to be disappointed.
I still remember the day I stood just outside the gymnasium with Melinda, trying to center the banner for senior prom over the double doors. My heart raced as I stared up at the theme written in big, bold letters, feeling confident for the first time in a long time.
From This Moment…
In my mind, prom would be nothing but glamour and glitter like a million flickering lights; almost magical. This would be the point where I’d finally tell Lucas I hadn’t been just a little girl living in a dream world when I told him I would marry him all those years ago. Because the feelings I felt then were even stronger now. He was the boy who held my heart, and even though he didn’t ask for it, I gave it freely.
I was gonna take a chance and ask Lucas Rivers to our senior prom, and pray like hell he saw me in a new light. I smiled up at the banner, feeling hopeful and motivated to move my life in a whole different direction. To stop being the girl who let the things she wanted go without a fight.
His deep chuckle came from behind me, and I closed my eyes. I smiled even more as warmth filled my stomach, reminiscing on all the times that laughter made even the worst day seem better.
After taking a deep breath, I climbed down the ladder and turned around to face him, only to feel as if I’d been kicked in the stomach by a mule.
Luke stood only ten feet away, leaning forward with his hand pressed against the wall, smiling as he stared into the eyes of Rose Greenwood, who stared back at him with a dreamy look. I remained there like a deer caught in the headlights as my heart broke once again.
“Yes, I’ll go to prom with you,” she said a whole lot louder than I found necessary as she rose onto her toes and wrapped her arms around Luke’s neck. As if someone were forcing me to watch, I stared at them as the deep burn in my stomach rose up my throat, making me feel as if I were on fire inside. I wasn’t foolish; I knew Luke had probably done a hundred different things over the last few years with more than one girl, but watching the cattiest girl in school kiss him destroyed me.
I decided then to let go of the hope that Lucas and I would ever be more than two people who shared a lot of great childhood memories; two people who let the world divide them before one went on to be a college football player at an amazing school, and the other remained a small-town girl, living a small-town life.
Chapter 3
LUCAS
“Home sweet home, brother,” Liam, my older brother, said from the driver’s seat.
I didn’t answer as I stared ahead at the familiar land as we drove past it. I hadn’t visited home in a while, and I knew it was wrong of me to stay away, but I’d gotten a taste of a new life and grew selfish.
A lot of good that did me now.
I knew I was done for the moment I took the hit from Dion Harris, the linebacker from LSU who was all muscle. The pain in my left leg was worse than anything I’d ever felt. A torn ACL and a tibia fracture meant my dreams of being a professional football player were over. That broken dream, along with two surgeries and months of agonizing physical therapy were all I had to show now for all those years of hard work and dedication. Yes, I could play again one day, but never at the capacity I had before, and the scouts knew it.
Finishing out the last term of my senior year was hard. Especially when I was forced to sit on the sidelines while Paxton Miles ran my team down the field toward one victory after another. I was proud of my team, of course, but I should have been the one leading them, not the one congratulating them as I watched my dreams of going pro fade away with every touchdown.
I was thankful that Liam volunteered to fly to Alabama and drive my truck filled with all my belongings back home to Texas. My leg still gave me problems, and I wasn’t sure I could drive that far. Now here I was in the passenger seat of my truck, riding down US-81 toward Alvord, Texas. Each mile marker we passed only brought me that much closer to my new reality. When I left home more than four years ago, I thought I’d never move back, but now I was only minutes from the old ranch house I grew up in; a place that held so many memories. Thoughts of the people and places I’d left behind were now flooding back.
Liam and I were polar opposites. He’d found the girl he wanted to marry when he was sixteen. They had their first child three years later and lived just minutes away from my parents. He was an investment banker now, and his wife, Sierra, stayed home with their little boy and baby daughter, and they couldn’t be happier. He and I hadn’t been close growing up. The four-year gap between us meant our lives always went in opposite directions. But af
ter my accident, things changed between us. Now I found myself thinking of all the years I’d missed out on having my big brother at my side.
I’d been a cocky, arrogant asshole who thought small-town life was beneath me. I guess I failed my family as well as myself by behaving the way I had. Now I wished I’d done everything differently, especially picking a backup plan if football didn’t pan out. I took courses during my time at ASU, pursuing a degree in human relations just so I settled on something. But I never thought I’d need a career outside of football. ’’
Now it was time to find out what to do with my life. Coming back home was my best option because being in Alabama just made me want to hide away and feel sorry for myself. Being around family, especially my father and brother, wouldn’t let me drown in my sorrows. I needed them to push me, and I knew they would. The Rivers men were a determined bunch.
And if I was honest with myself, I missed Texas. I missed the friends I’d grown up with, and one in particular, especially her sweet, innocent smile that always, no matter how dark the times, made me feel happier and lighter.
I wasn’t sure she would be as happy to see me, though. When it came to Madelyn, I’d been wrong on more than one occasion. I’d grown selfish in high school and my ego took over, and when I left for college on a full scholarship, I got even worse. Hell, it didn’t take me long to forget those who had gotten me to that point. When I left Alvord, I left them all behind. I didn’t stay in touch with anyone other than my immediate family. I’d forgotten about the life I led before. Okay, that’s not quite accurate. I tucked it away in the back of my mind and only thought of it when things in Alabama slowed down, allowing me some downtime to think. I stayed busy with new friends and college life, but I thought of Madelyn often, and when I least expected to, I remembered the times we’d shared. I never found the kind of friendship at college that she and I had shared growing up. She was a special girl who had deserved better than how I left things between us.