by Sarah Nego
“I won’t.” And I meant it.
I hung up and tossed the phone on the bed next to me. “Looks like I’m going to get a photography degree.”
“Good,” Scooter said and kicked my foot. “Now, what are you going to do about the girl?”
I shrugged. “What can I do?”
Scooter kicked my foot harder. “Are you serious? You finally broke up with the worst girlfriend on the planet, found your ball sack, and figured out what you want to do with your life. All that and you’re going to let the best thing that ever happened to you walk away without even trying?”
“Well, I…”
I closed my mouth and let my head fall back on the bed. Dammit if Scooter wasn’t right. Again. Here I was finally taking control of my life and making smart decisions for myself. Luci was a smart decision. She could be the smartest decision ever, and I needed to figure out how to get her back.
Thirty-Nine
Luci
Thursday
Cast is off!
European History
Watch game
Spanish vocab review
Calculus problem sets
Erin leaned back in her desk chair and threw a wadded-up ball of paper at me. It bounced off my shoulder and landed on top of the book I was reading. “Wanna go to an event with me?”
I threw the paper back at her, and it hit directly in the center of her forehead. “Not really.”
“Come on.” Erin pushed back from her desk and threw the paper away. “You finally ditched the crutches and upgraded to that fancy new walking cast. It’s time to take it for a spin.”
“I did that already. I went to my classes today.” Well, most of my classes. My appointment to get my cast off had been first thing in the morning, so I got the double bonus of freeing my ankle and missing Spanish class. And that meant one less time I had to see Ryan. Only two more months of classes, and then I could hopefully avoid him forever.
Those two hours I had to sit in the same classroom with him each week were the worst. I’d survived the past month by showing up seconds before the start of class, sitting in the front row, and bolting as soon as class was over. But I still saw him every time I walked into the classroom. No matter how many times I told myself before walking in that I wouldn’t look for him, my eyes had a mind of their own.
He was always looking at me. Smiling.
He looked good. Apparently being single agreed with him. It went deeper than his smile. It was in the way he held his shoulders like he’d been carrying something heavy and finally set it down. He never said anything to me or tried to make me talk to him. I had that to be grateful for. But it didn’t make seeing him twice a week any easier.
Not when I still cared so much about him.
But this was for the better. On my own, I was back on track with the plan. As long as I stayed the course, I would finish the semester with a 4.0 and be ready to start training with the team again sometime after Thanksgiving. And if it broke my heart a little bit every time I thought about what might have been, that was okay. I only had time in my life for people who understood what it meant to chase a dream, and in that moment, that was just me.
“What if I promised there would be food?” Erin said, pulling me back out of my own thoughts.
I pushed back from my desk and stretched my arms over my head. “I’m not leaving the dorm room so I can eat lukewarm pizza with your friends.”
Erin’s face broke into a wide grin. “No way. This is a catered event, and I’m told there are going to be plates of free hors d’oeuvres. Word on the street is there’ll be crab cakes and those little mini-cake cubes.”
“Petit Fours?” She had my attention. “I love those.”
“I know, so come with me.” Erin grabbed my hands and pulled me out of my chair.
“Okay, I’ll go, but I’m not wearing anything fancy.”
Erin glanced down at my jeans and Where’s the Π t-shirt. “You look perfect. Now let’s go.”
Erin held the door of the Fine Arts building open for me, and I hobbled through. The walking cast definitely came with a learning curve, but it beat trying to navigate the campus on crutches. I paused inside the door, not sure where to go next.
“What exactly is this event again?” I knew I’d asked, but Erin had been light on the details, and I’d really been more interested in the menu than the actual event.
“Some of the members of the Art Appreciation club invited me last week. It’s a student exhibit.”
She led me down a bright white hallway, and the sound of people talking in hushed voices echoed against the bare walls and tiled floor. A large poster propped on an A-frame easel welcomed us to the Photography Club Exhibit.
“Oh.” A lump filled my throat, and I swallowed it down. “It’s photography.” Just what I needed. A room practically designed to make me think about Ryan.
“Fun, right?” Erin pulled me into the gallery space.
At least she was right about the snacks. A student worker walked by with a tray full of puffy-pastry-looking things. I filled a napkin with a small handful and followed Erin deeper into the room.
Erin smiled widely at me. “I’m really excited about this student. I heard he takes amazing portraits.”
I trailed behind her as she wove through the students and faculty all chattering about lighting effects and use of negative space. A few conversations actually sounded interesting, since graphic design used some of the same techniques, but I didn’t want to engage in photography discussions. My mental health required a healthy distance from anything too related to Ryan, and this was already pushing the limits.
Ahead of me, Erin slowed down, so I took the opportunity to shove one of the dessert balls into my mouth.
Sugar was a poor substitute for love, but it did help to ease the sting a bit.
“What do you think?” Erin asked, gesturing to a collection of photographs on the wall.
I nearly choked on my mouth of sugar. Half a dozen black-and-white pictures hung on the wall, and each and every one of them was of me. Me standing in a room, me hunched over a book, me yelling from the sidelines of a soccer game.
“What the hell?” I shoved my napkin of food into Erin’s hands and hobbled to the little sign next to the pictures.
Goal Keeper by Ryan VanKamp
“I think this one is my favorite.” A familiar arm reached up next to me and pointed at a photo of me smiling straight at the camera. Only my face was lit up, and the rest was shadows and darkness. But my expression was pure joy. “This is how I see you when I close my eyes.”
I turned slowly, and there he was. Ryan.
Erin backed away, a smug grin on her face. “I’ll just be over somewhere else.” She jerked her head behind her, and I saw Scooter and Crash a few feet away pretending not to watch us.
I looked up at Ryan, and a million thoughts ran through my head so fast I wasn’t sure where to start. “How did you… I don’t understand.”
Ryan ran a hand through his hair, and the corner of his mouth curved up ever so slightly. “I thought about what you said. About me not understanding your goals because I never went after mine.”
“I was angry when I said that.” And I had been. Angry at him. Angry at myself. Angry that once again life had dangled something I wanted in front of my face only to rip it away.
“No.” He shook his head. “You were right. Luci, you showed me what it was like to really want something and how you had to be willing to sacrifice to make it happen.”
My brain was struggling to make sense of Ryan being here and my pictures on the wall and how I ended up here, so I blurted out the first thing I thought of. “How did you talk them into letting you put up your photos?”
Ryan let out a light chuckle, and a warm smile filled his face. And there it was, that look I couldn’t quite understand in those momentary glances I caught of him in class. I’d thought it was relief from being single, but that wasn’t it. It was joy. “I didn’t have to convinc
e anyone. I’m a new photography major.”
I took an awkward step toward him. “Are you serious?”
He nodded, his grin growing impossibly bigger. “You have this big dream and all these roadblocks keep getting in your way, but you keep moving forward and making this work. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. And I figured if you could keep fighting for your goals with all these other obstacles, then I have zero excuses for not going after mine.”
Ryan reached for my hand, and I gave it to him, relishing the feel of his skin against mine after so long. A lump formed in my throat when my fingers grazed along the bracelet on his wrist. The cheap brown band I’d won on our first date.
“I don’t want to be the person who gets in your way. I want to be your biggest cheerleader, there when you need me to offer whatever support I can give. And I’ve set some pretty big goals for myself. I could really use someone with laser-like focus and mad skills with a calendar and some colored pencils.”
I took another step forward. “Are you mocking my schedule?”
The corner of his mouth quirked, and Ryan pulled me closer to him. “Never. I happen to find color-coding unbelievably sexy.”
“Really?” I took a final step and let my body fold into his. Standing with Ryan was like lining up in that little six-by-eight-foot box in front of the goal. It felt right to be there. “So, you’re really a photography major?”
Ryan nodded, his forehead pressing against mine. “Actually, I’m a double major. I figured the business major would come in handy when I open my own studio. Of course, this means I’ll need at least another year or two to get all my classes in. Any chance you want to be a part of that?”
I’d been so ridiculously wrong. I thought Ryan didn’t understand what my goals meant to me. Turned out he understood them better than anyone. I sighed and tipped my face up toward him. “I can probably work you into my schedule.”
“I love you, Luci.”
I sucked in a breath and stared into Ryan’s eyes. How in the world had I ever convinced myself I’d be better off without this beautiful man? I hadn’t. I’d spent the last month lying to myself, because even though I’d cut out all contact with him, I hadn’t managed to get him out of my heart.
“I love you.”
When his lips finally touched mine, I knew my color-coded calendar was going to need some major revisions. I was definitely adding Ryan VanKamp to my schedule. In permanent marker.
Epilogue
Ryan
Wednesday
Study for Spanish exam
Finish laundry
Kiss Luci ... lots
“Will you quiz me on this vocab list?” Luci handed me the study guide for our Spanish test and moved around on the couch to face me so she couldn’t see the paper. We’d been studying for most of the day, which was way more than I’d ever studied before. Luci was definitely the good influence in our relationship.
“What’s in it for me?” Not that I needed anything. Between finally getting to learn about photography and having Luci as my girlfriend, I pretty much had everything I could ever want or need.
She gave me a coy smile that lit up all the right buttons. “Besos. So many besos.”
“I like the sound of that.” I leaned forward and planted a hard kiss on her lips that left me ready to be done with Spanish right then.
“God, get a room,” Crash said, walking into the living room. He pulled on his jacket and grabbed his keys. “Are you guys really going to stay in all night studying?”
“At least until you guys leave.” I winked at Luci and turned toward Crash. “Then we’re going to get naked and do an entirely different kind of studying.”
“Jesus,” Crash whined, his face screwed up in disgust.
Luci slapped my arm. “Ryan, don’t say that.”
I shrugged. Fine, I didn’t have to say it, but that was definitely going to happen.
Crash turned his attention to Luci, a sly grin spreading across his face. “So, Luci. While you’re here studying anatomy with my boy, what is that foxy roommate of yours up to?”
Luci rolled her eyes, and I laughed. Ever since Crash had met Erin at my photography exhibit, he’d been trying to get into her pants. Luckily Luci’s roommate had better sense than that.
“She’s going to the Halloween party at TriSig.” Luci gave Crash a loaded look. “Not that it will do you any good. I already told you Erin isn’t interested.”
Scooter finally walked into the living room, and Crash grabbed Scooter’s elbow, ushering them both to the door.
“We’re going to TriSig, man,” Crash said, winking at Luci. “Aren’t you the one always talking about going after your goals?”
Luci laughed and rolled her eyes again. The guys finally left, and we had the house to ourselves.
“Okay,” Luci said, clapping her hands. “Vocab. Let’s do this.”
I raised an eyebrow at her. I hadn’t been joking about switching out our study plan, but I knew Luci wasn’t going to relax until we finished up.
“First word. Library.”
“La biblioteca,” Luci said without missing a beat.
I scanned the vocab list, looking for one that might stump her. “Winter.”
“Invierno.”
Luci knew these words up, down, and backwards. She was great at keeping me on task and helping me manage my increased course load. My strength came in reminding her that it was okay to enjoy life along the journey.
“I love you.”
Luci’s face flushed a pretty pink, but she still responded, “Te amo.”
I set the packet aside and leaned toward her until our faces were less than an inch apart. “That wasn’t a vocab word, Luci.”
I kissed her, just a light brush of my lips against hers. But Luci got the memo and wasn’t going to be satisfied with sweet kisses.
She reached her hand around my neck and leaned back, pulling my body on top of hers. Her fingers ran through my hair, and she scorched my lips with her kisses. I had planned to move the festivities back to my bedroom, but when it came to Luci, I would take her anywhere I could get her.
In a few months, I’d gone from absolutely certain I was done with girls for the foreseeable future to not being able to see a future without Luci in it.
I pulled back a little bit, lifting myself above her on my elbows. Luci made a plaintive noise that almost undid me. “Shouldn’t we be getting back to the vocab?”
Luci scraped her fingers down the back of my neck, and fire lit down my spine. “Ryan. Shut up and kiss me.”
“I love you, Luci Ryder.”
And I did. Falling in love with Luci was the last thing I’d imagined would happen this year, but we were both learning that sometimes changing plans was the best idea ever.
The End
Thank you
By the time a book finally reaches reader's hands, there are about a million people who need to be thanked. So I guess I better get started.
First to Lori Ryan for her willingness to jump in and help me with last minute panics. You have a crazy schedule and your own books take up so much of your time, but you were still willing to put aside what you needed to do to help me without asking for anything in return. I am so blessed to call you friend.
For the ladies of the WritePro mastermind. There are too many of you to list here, but every conversation we have leaves me feeling better armed to make it work and more rejuvenated to keep trying.
Thank you oodles to Kate Baray for being the accountability partner that gets me typing words by 8:30, but also cuts me some slack when I'm barely moving at 10:00. We may be part-time slackers, but that also means we're part-time bad asses!
Thank you to Christi Snow for finally getting me to write my first sex scene and then convincing me I didn't totally suck at it. This sex scene is for you.
Ethan Gregory! This book is dedicated to you, but you deserve to be mentioned everywhere possible. Who would have thought that a random online encounter
would lead to such an awesome friendship all these years later. You do so much for me, from Beta reading and promotion to telling me how it is without pulling any punches. I hope you know how much you mean to me and I can't wait to return the favor soon.
And finally to my sweet family. Honestly, I hope none of you are reading this, because that's embarrassing. But I want the rest of the world to know how awesome you are. Not every author out there is lucky enough to have support for this crazy career path, but you've all been there for me 100% from day one. I will never be able to tell you just how much that means to me. Besos, so many besos.
About the Author
Sarah Nego had the great fortune to win 5th place at a regional writing competition back in the 8th grade. This naturally propelled her to get a degree in public relations. Neither of which makes her qualified to write books. Nevertheless...she persisted.
She lives in Texas with her husband, two mini humans (which she grew herself), and a rotating supply of identical goldfish (which she did not grow herself). Sometimes she sings and dances on stage, because why not.
Sarah writes books without steamy scenes under the name Sarah Negovetich. You can find out more about her and all her books at www.SarahNegovetich.com.