by Liv Brywood
Kate set the journal down in her lap, stunned that he’d tried to stop drinking. She’d had no idea. Memories of her father came back from her first-grade year. She couldn’t recall everything, but now that she really thought about it, he hadn’t been as drunk that year. She flipped a few pages and found an entry from a few months later—Christmas Eve.
Damn devil’s got a hold of my soul. Damn bottle’s been whispering my name, like it knows me. Like it’s yearning to be my lover. At least I’d have something warm in bed with me at night. Jilly’s taken up to sleeping in Katie’s room. Like she’s protecting her or something. She don’t need no protecting. I’m her daddy, not some bum off the street. I tried praying these demons away, even talked to Reverend Tanner ‘bout it. Maybe I lost my soul back in ‘Nam.
Kate closed the book as tears formed in her eyes. Logan gave her a quick glance then dropped the box he’d been digging through and knelt in front of her.
“Honey, what’s wrong?” he asked.
“I always thought he did it on purpose.”
“Did what on purpose?”
“Drinking. I thought that if he loved me enough, he’d stop bringing booze home. But it was more than that for him. It was a sickness, an addiction. He tried to stop, but he couldn’t.”
“Oh, sweetie.” Logan scooped her into his arms. “Alcoholism is a disease. Even people who stop drinking can hear the siren’s song of oblivion calling.”
“He served in Vietnam during the war. Two tours. My mom said that when he came back, he wasn’t the same man who’d left.”
“I can’t imagine what he saw over there.”
“He called it hell on earth. He fought in the Cambodian jungles too. Most of his company died. Daddy used to call them the lucky ones.” She swiped at a falling tear. “I want to read more. I feel like I’m finally getting to understand him for the first time in my life.”
“Do you want to take a break first, maybe get some air?” he asked.
“No.”
“What can I do to help?”
“Just hold me.”
As Logan wrapped an arm around her shoulder, she opened the second journal. This one started the day she’d left home for good.
I’m all alone. Wife’s dead. Daughter hates me. Why didn’t God just kill me back before I became a burden to my family? I hate what I done all these years. Katie won’t speak to me now. I don’t blame her. She got stuck with a good-for-nothing father. I know why she left. Dammed booze. I hate what I’ve become.
“He hated himself.” Kate closed the journal and looked at Logan, who had been reading over her shoulder. “I never knew. I thought he didn’t care.”
“It sounds like he cared a lot but didn’t know how to stop drinking.”
“I wish I could have talked to him when he was alive.”
“What would you have said?” he asked.
“I would have forgiven him. I would have tried harder to help him, and now it’s too late.”
She sobbed as Logan tucked her head under his chin. The weight of a lifetime of anger drained from her as sadness claimed her heart. If only she’d known how he’d felt when he was alive. Maybe she could have been a better daughter.
“Shh,” Logan murmured as he rubbed her back.
She sat like that long enough to let her tears dry up. As she pulled away from Logan, he looked at her with both love and concern in his eyes.
“How are you doing?” he asked.
“I want to go to his grave… will you take me?”
“Of course.” He helped her stand and guided her through boxes full of memories.
When they reached his house, he ran around to the passenger side of his truck and held the door open. He helped her up then jumped into the driver’s seat. Daylight waned as sunset approached. A pink haze frosted the underbelly of rain-heavy clouds.
While Logan drove through the woods then onto Highway 20 toward West Yellowstone, she took in the beauty of the sky. They had sunsets like this in Idaho too, but somehow, this one seemed sent from heaven.
As they approached the edge of town, Logan turned onto a side road which ended at a locked gate.
“We’re going to have to walk from here,” he said.
“I don’t even know where he’s buried.” She rubbed the back of her right shoulder in an attempt to ease the tension in it.
“I know where his grave is. My brothers and I attended the funeral.”
“I didn’t even bother,” she said.
“You were estranged. No one expected you to come.”
“They probably think I’m a horrible person,” she said.
“You had every reason to stay away. Knowing everything I know now, I’m surprised you came back at all.”
“You can understand why I don’t want to stay then, can’t you?” she asked.
“I can understand, but that doesn’t mean I like it, or that I won’t find a way to make you stay.” The edge of his mouth twitched as if he wanted to smile, but didn’t.
As they passed through rows of gravestones, she wondered about their lives. Had other people died alone, estranged from the people they loved because they couldn’t find a way to show them their true selves?
When they reached the farthest point in the cemetery, Logan released her hand. “If you need anything, I’ll be right behind you. Okay?”
“Logan?”
“Yeah.”
“Thank you. I couldn’t imagine doing this alone.”
“You don’t have to.”
As he stepped back a few feet, she turned to stare at her father’s gravestone. Nondescript amongst the others, she brushed snow off of its face.
Jack Peter Wrangler
October 17, 1949 – December 1, 2015
“I’m sorry we never understood each other,” she whispered. “I hope you’re up in heaven with Mom. I know she’d forgive you too.”
She cried until a deep calm came over her. She looked up, half-expecting to find her father standing next to her, but the space beside her was empty. Still, she felt his presence and knew in her heart that deep down, he’d really loved her.
By the time she was ready to leave, the sky had turned a deep navy. A million stars twinkled in the night sky. She turned away from her father’s grave and from the past that had haunted her all of her life and walked toward her future. She didn’t want to leave Logan. She had no idea how she would make the transition work, but for the first time since she’d returned, she wanted to find a way to stay.
Chapter 11
The next day, Logan heaved the last box of her father’s junk into the dumpster. She’d kept the journals, her first written words, and three boxes full of other mementos, but she still hadn’t given him a solid indication of whether or not she was still planning on leaving. There was nothing to keep her here anymore. They’d cleaned the house from top to bottom, and all the repairs were complete. He almost wanted to kick down a couple of doors just to keep her there a few more days.
As he turned away from the dumpster, a black SUV roared up the driveway. Damn son of a bitch. He had some balls to come here after what he’d done.
Logan ran toward the house. Milton had better hop back in his damn car and leave. If Logan’s bear wanted to come roaring out, he sure as hell wasn’t going to stop the beast.
He reached the front door of the house at the same time Milton did. Logan slammed one hand against the door, then shoved Milton to one side so he could guard the door.
“Get the hell out of here. You have some nerve, coming up here after burning down the barn.” Logan’s bear roared in his chest.
“I did no such thing.”
“The hell you didn’t. You’ve got about five seconds to get back in that truck,” Logan snapped.
“Or what?”
The front door swung open. Kate tried to push past him.
“Hang on, honey.” Logan wrapped a protective arm around her waist.
“Honey?” Milton smirked. “What, are you two getting m
arried now?”
“Yes, we’re engaged. We’re getting married tomorrow and she’s keeping the land,” Logan blurted. He had no idea where that had come from, maybe from the depths of his heart, but he had to say something to get rid of the bastard.
Kate gasped and stared at him while Milton’s eyes narrowed.
“Is that true, sweetheart? Are you marrying this backward piece of crap?” Milton asked.
“Yes, I am, and I’m not selling, so please leave,” Kate snapped.
Although Logan could feel her trembling against him, the anger in her tone was enough to send Milton scurrying to the SUV. When he reached the driver’s side door, he yanked it open.
“You’d better watch your back,” Milton snarled. “You wouldn’t want to see anyone in your family hurt, would you?”
“You ever come back here, I’ll shoot you on sight,” Logan said.
Milton’s eyes narrowed as he hopped into the SUV. He raced away in such a way that made Logan confident that he would never return to bother his mate, or his family.
Kate slipped out of his grasp and turned to face him. “Did you mean what you said?”
“About shooting him?” He knew what she meant, but just in case she thought he was kidding, he wanted to give himself a way out.
“No,” she said. “About getting married.”
He didn’t hesitate as he dropped to one knee. As he reached for her left hand, her right hand flew up to cover her mouth.
“Kate, I know I wasn’t the nicest guy back in high school,” he said.
“You were a jerk.”
“I was,” he agreed. “But I’ve changed, and so have you. The last few days have made me realize that I need you in my life. The thought of losing you is too much to bear. Hell, my bear’s going to rip out my heart if I can’t find a way to make you stay.”
“He doesn’t have to,” she said.
“He doesn’t?”
“No.”
Buoyed by her responses, he regained his composure. “I love you, Kate. I’ve probably loved you my whole life but was just too stupid to see it. I’m not perfect, but if you’ll have me, I’ll build you the biggest house Hebgen Lake’s ever had on its shores.”
“And who’s going to clean this huge house?” she asked with an arched brow.
“Well you are, of course,” he joked.
“Barefoot, pregnant, and cleaning… I can’t wait.” She slapped his shoulder playfully.
“Seriously though, I love you. I want you in my life—no—I need you in my life. I want to spend every day for the rest of my life loving you and protecting you.” When she smiled, he continued, “I would have waited to do this proper, so I don’t have a ring yet, but honey, will you marry me?”
“Yes.”
She flung herself into his arms, toppling them both over into the snow. He gave her a kiss hot enough to melt a glacier before scooping her into his arms. It wasn’t until he’d crossed the threshold into her bedroom that he realized she hadn’t said she loved him yet.
He gently set her down on the bed then stood beside it, staring at her like a fool. If he came out and asked her, she might not give him a genuine answer. But just when his chest started to implode, she pushed him down onto his back.
“Logan, I’ve really only known you for a handful of days. But in that time, you’ve helped me see that love is possible, and that it’s all around you if you really look for it. I love you. More than I ever thought I could love anyone. I’ve had all this love locked up in my heart my whole life, but never had anyone to give it to until you.” She leaned across his chest and lay her head over his heart. “I love you, now and forever.”
His throat went raw. He pulled her on top of his body so he could feel the solid weight of her. God, he loved this woman.
“Tomorrow morning, we’re going into town and I’m going to find a perfect engagement ring for you.”
“I can’t wait.” The vibrant smile in her eyes morphed into something dark and sensual. She shimmied down his body and straddled his thighs. As she unbuckled his belt, she murmured, “I want you again. Right now.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said with a sultry grin.
Her fingers worked to unhook the buttons, then his zipper. After peeling his shirt and pants off, she slid his boxers down. Already semi-erect, he watched her through a haze of desire. He had no idea what to expect next, and he loved it.
“I want to kiss every inch of you…” She leaned over and grazed his abs with her lips. “Every hard muscle…” She nipped at his chest. “And every valley…” She kissed the dip where his thigh met his torso.
He lay back, enjoying the rasp of her tongue across his nipples, across his neck, then across his mouth. He cupped her butt through her jeans and pulled her up so he could tease the contours of her mouth with his tongue. She moaned as he swept his tongue across hers and whimpered when he sucked gently.
She pushed back to straddle his waist. In a slow, seductive display of pure feminine power, she stripped. Sweater, shirt, bra, pants, panties... as each layer came off, his cock hardened to the point of being almost painful.
Desperate to be inside her, he grabbed her hips and tried to pull her over him. She pushed him back, leaving her pussy just out of reach.
He growled.
“Not yet,” she said with a mischievous chuckle.
“Don’t tease me like this.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
As she slid down his body, her breasts brushed across his cock. The contact sparked bolts of need throughout his entire body. This striptease was going to kill him.
When her mouth reached the curly patch of hair over his cock, she slowed. With long, luxurious strokes, she licked him from base to tip and back. A single drop of pre-cum formed on the head before she swiped it away with her tongue.
As she closed her mouth over him, he tensed. Oh shit, she was going to make him come. He tried to think about anything but the velvet slide of her mouth against his cock.
After gliding up and down, deeper and faster, he couldn’t take another second. He grabbed her hair and dragged her mouth away.
“Mine,” he grunted before rolling her onto her back.
She spread for him, open, willing, wet. God, she was so wet. Liquid desire spread across his fingertips as he slid them against her clit. He teased and tempted her pussy until she writhed and begged him to make love to her.
But as he positioned himself at her entrance, she pushed him over and rolled him onto his back. She interlaced her fingers with his and undulated against his cock. The temptation to plunge into her was overwhelming. He couldn’t resist. As he surged up, she sat down hard, forcing his cock deeper than he ever thought possible. She tossed her head back in ecstasy, while smoothing her hands over her breasts. He leaned up and captured one nipple between his lips.
She rose and fell, advanced then retreated, never letting him slip away. His heart burst with love as he watched her through half-closed lids. She bit the edge of her lip and closed her eyes while moaning his name. It was enough to drive him insane with hunger.
He rolled her onto her back and plunged into her again and again, each time sliding closer to the point of no return. But he wouldn’t come without her. He shifted his hips, putting pressure on the sensitive spot that drove her wild. She clung to him. Her cries became a symphony of passion until one final scream tore from her lips. She clawed at his back as pulsing waves of ecstasy drew him into the softness of her body.
As much as he wanted to prolong her pleasure, he couldn’t hold back a second longer. He filled her with everything he had, before collapsing against her still-quivering body.
Her skin glowed with radiant contentment. She looked even more beautiful tousled and thoroughly taken. His bear curled into a sleepy ball in his chest, satiated by the knowledge that she would be his—now and forever.
***
Kate sat inside the oldest jewelry store in town. A week ago, she never would have dreamed she’d be
looking for an engagement ring. Now, as she admired a multitude of rings, her hands balled into fists and rested in her lap. Getting engaged hadn’t seemed like such a monumental step forward until now. She’d been so swept up in his proposal that she hadn’t really considered the long-term implications. Was she really ready to be a wife?
Diamonds, rubies, and sapphires glittered in a rainbow of colors. She’d been staring at the case for ten minutes and had no idea which one to pick. But even worse, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go through with it.
“Pick any one you want, honey,” Logan said.
“There are so many, I don’t know how I’ll ever choose,” she said.
“Do you want to go with something traditional, or something modern?” Edwin asked.
The ancient proprietor had owned the store for decades. Everyone in town knew him as the kind old man who could make any rock sparkle with a thousand facets of light. He shifted in his chair and leaned back from the case.
“I like the idea of something classic, but I don’t want a plain ring. I want something unique.” She took a deep breath. Of course she wanted to marry Logan; she was just letting her nerves get the better of her.
“Do you like sapphires?” Edwin asked.
“Yes. I love their blue color.”
“Sapphires come in a lot of different colors, not just blue. In fact, they come in every color imaginable.”
“Do you have any bridal sets?” she asked.
“I have a couple of new, one-of-a-kind designs I can show you. I’ll be back.” He headed into the storeroom.
“Are you sure I can pick anything?” she asked. “Some of these are really expensive.”
“You only get married once and you’re going to wear it every day for the rest of your life, so you deserve anything you want,” Logan said.
“Thank you, honey.” She leaned over and kissed him. It was enough to dispel her nervous energy.
When Edwin returned, he grabbed a black velvet cloth and laid it on the counter. He placed a small display case on it, and then flicked the top open. Stunning, unusual designs reflected light from all of their facets.