by June Ahern
Under Patsy’s supervision the children quietly walked out of the flat in single file. June broke free from the line and ran zigzag past her aunt into the kitchen, ducking anyone who put out a hand to restrain her. She ran straight to her mother and stood solemnly in front of her. With vibrant blue eyes boring directly into her mother’s swollen eyes, she said demandingly, “Don’t go away, Mammy.”
Aunt Patsy swooped up the little girl. “Think you can get away from me, eh?” she said as she carried her out of the room.
In a low, encouraging voice, Granda B said to his daughter, “Drink a wee bit, hen. It’ll help you relax.” He picked up a glass of whiskey and moved it toward Cathy’s mouth. Smelling the whiskey, she turned her head away and wrapped her arms around her middle.
A sudden angry voice jolted everyone. “My wee girl would be here if I could just have gotten her to the hospital,” Jimmy shouted. “She’d be here with us, where she belongs. No in some damn grave.”
“It’s no your fault, man, it’s them. Can you believe some of them Orangemen having the nerve to come by today?” Bernie said, dourly.
“Aye, I could hardly stomach it,” complained Peter, tossing back his drink. “We’re second-class citizens right in our own hometown.”
“Och, you lads don’t know how bad it used to be in Glasgow,” Granda B chimed in. The men’s voices became louder and angrier at each disparaging comment made against the Protestants.
Cathy’s loud sobs surprised the men. Jimmy went to his wife’s side. Uncertain how to comfort her, he dropped to his knees in front of her and said, “I’m sorry. I never realized how sick Helen was. I let you down, didn’t I? Oh, Cathy, please.”
Laying a hand on Jimmy’s shoulder, Granda B said gently, “Son, maybe God had a different plan from what you know. He knows what’s best.”
In a surprisingly strong retort, Cathy challenged her father. “Daddy, how can you say that? If God knew what was best He never should have taken another one of my weans. Have I no suffered enough?”
No one answered her. Peter finally broke the silence, “Jimmy, I think you and Cathy should think of leaving. Start over. Maybe go to Canada or Australia. Me and Janet have been talking about it ourselves. You can get a good job in the building trades there.”
“How can they go, eh?” Granny B asked, shaking her head in disagreement, “They’ve no money to leave. No son, they’ll no be going, especially at a time like this.”
Bernie struck a match to light a cigarette. “Aye, Glasgow’s a tough town for us Catholics. If it hadn’t been for that parade your wee…”
Suddenly, a chilling high-pitched wail filled the kitchen, causing everyone to jump.
“No more! I can’t take it!” Cathy cried out. “My weans, one by one, gone! I’m cursed. Oh Mother of God! I’ve sinned, Mammy! God is punishing me.” She rocked back and forth so violently that Jimmy fell backward onto the floor, stunned by his wife’s hysteria.
Bewildered, Bernie sputtered, “What’s she blethering about? Who cursed her?”
Patsy appeared in the doorway. “Wheesht! All of you. My heid’s a loupin’ with you men goin’ on,” she said as she went to Cathy’s side.
Granny B, shocked by her daughter’s outburst, recovered quickly. Like Patsy, she too was developing a splitting headache. “Aye, she’s right. All this talk about leaving Glasgow. Willie, take the boys down to the pub,” she said nodding in the direction of the front door. “Go!”
Granda B extended his hand to Jimmy to help him up off the floor. “Right, you are. Let’s go boys,” he said as he moved the men along. He was glad to get out of the stuffy kitchen filled with sadness and anger.
The door had just closed when Cathy, arms clenched across her abdomen, moaned deeper and louder than she had when giving birth to her children. A pain so intense seared through her that it pitched her off the chair and she fell onto the floor. There she lay curled in a fetal position gasping in pain. Blood pooled around her. Granny B quickly bent down to her daughter.
Patsy grabbed some dishtowels and lifted Cathy’s dress to soak up some of the flowing blood. “There, there, Cathy. Lay still now,” she said. To Granny B she whispered, “I think she’s losing another one. Don’t let her move. I’ll go call for an ambulance.”
She bumped into the MacDonald sisters at the front door.
“Can’t go in there now,” Patsy said, pushing the girls back.
Annie cried, “June said Mammy was going with Helen to Heaven. Is she dying, too?”
The children swarmed around Patsy with frightened questioning eyes. Patsy fidgeted with a button on her cardigan while she tried to think of what to say to keep the children calm.
Just then, Mrs. MacSwan popped out of her door. “Hullo! I’m looking for children to eat the sweets I’ve just baked. Anyone interested?” she asked, winking at Patsy.
Patsy gulped in relief when the children’s heads turned toward Mrs. MacSwan. Happy for the offer, Margaret and Mary ran over to her flat. Annie and June stayed behind staring at their aunt.
“I want my Mammy,” June said, lips quivering.
“She’s sleeping. You don’t want to bother her,” Patsy replied back.
“She’s no sleeping,” said June defiantly.
“The truth is your Mammy’s very sick and I’m going to get the doctor. So, you go, pet, with your big sister to Mrs. MacSwan’s.”
The two MacDonald girls stood looking somber-eyed at their aunt, trying to figure out if she was fibbing.
Finally, Annie took hold of June’s hand and tugged her toward Mrs. MacSwan’s flat. She said, “The picture in your head wasn’t right. Mammy’s no dying.”
The men knew something was very wrong when Patsy came banging into the pub. She quickly explained the bad news to Jimmy and the others. They tossed back the remains of their drinks and rushed out of the pub and back to the flat.
Jimmy and Peter followed the ambulance to the hospital in a taxi. A hospital clerk led the men to a waiting room. Moments later Dr. MacFadden rushed past them, not noticing the two waiting men smoking nervously.
After a while Dr. MacFadden and a clerk entered the room. The doctor explained the complications surrounding the miscarriage and said that Cathy needed immediate surgery. It took only a moment for the doctor to realize that the two men weren’t coherent enough to understand the gravity of the situation. They reeked of alcoholic fumes and had blurred speech. Further explanation was useless. The doctor indicated to the clerk that Mr. MacDonald should sign the appropriate form for surgery. He then turned away and went back to work.
The waiting room had two large, curtained windows, a few uncomfortable chairs and a low wooden table scarred with cigarette burns. The men propped their feet up on the table and waited. The room became cold and drafty as the night wore on, which made things worse for the two grieving men.
It wasn’t until early the next morning when Dr. MacFadden entered the room looking for Jimmy. He found both men slouched in chairs, asleep. Shaking Jimmy’s shoulder, he said, “Did you not listen to me when I told you that if you got your wife pregnant again, it could be the death of her?”
In a stupor of sleep, Jimmy mumbled, “My wife’s dead?”
The doctor towered over Jimmy who sat slumped in his chair. His furious tone made Jimmy feel small.
“I told you about condoms, did I not?” the doctor said angrily. “Are you that selfish you can’t think of anything but your own pleasures?”
Jimmy was suddenly jolted wide-awake. “It’s no my fault she lost it. And never you mind about what me and my wife do in our bedroom. You dirty minded…”
Enraged, he jumped up too quickly and bumped right into the doctor. “I can see your no faithful to your religion,” he said accusingly.
Dr. MacFadden shook his head wearily, sighing as he rubbed his tired eyes. “I had to perform a hysterectomy on your wife, Mr. MacDonald. You’ll never have to worry about her getting pregnant again.”
The news sank slowly in
to Jimmy’s consciousness. As he watched MacFadden stride off, it occurred to him that he’d never have a son.
* * * * *
Chapter 6
LEAVING FOR A NEW LIFE
MARCH 16, 1954
THE AIRPORT TERMINAL’S windows shuddered from the vibration of the airplanes as they roared into and out of Scotland. Cathy and Granny B, sitting close to each other, didn’t notice. The older woman, still wearing dark mourning clothes, held her daughter’s hand. “I’ll miss you and the girls so much,” she said sadly.
“It’s already settled. Jimmy will have a secure job with no worry about some proddy taking it away,” Cathy replied as she watched Maggie and Mary chase each other back and forth, giggling. Mary was hugging a doll. It was a special doll. Three days earlier Granda B had given it to her for her seventh birthday. She lovingly carried it with her everywhere. Annie was taking June for another walk down the corridor, trying to keep her amused.
Granny B looked at her in desperation. “It’s just that I’m afraid, hen, you’ll no come back home to me again. I’m no getting any younger, you know.”
Resolutely, Cathy looked into her mother’s eyes. “Well, Mam, you made sure you got me home before.”
The old woman looked away. Her fingers fumbled over one another and settled on her wedding ring. “You’ve no forgiven me, have you?” Granny B asked sadly. “There isn’t a day goes by that I don’t say a prayer to Our Lady for peace between us.”
In an effort to avoid any more talk with her mother Cathy strained her head to look toward her husband who was waiting at the ticket counter. She could see Jimmy was reading the list he made earlier that day of the tasks to complete and information needed for their move.
Jimmy held tight to the list because it also contained the telephone number of his friend, Sandy Jordon, in America. He had been a good pal to Jimmy since they were children, and the two wrote to each other after Sandy had emigrated a few years ago. He had encouraged Jimmy to join him, promising a good job. The very day Jimmy confirmed his family would move, Sandy secured a job for his pal alongside him at the shipyards. Jimmy had told Cathy that moving to the United States was the best chance they had for a new start. “Life will be better there,” he assured her.
Looking away from her husband, Cathy said a silent prayer her husband would never learn of her secret about Dr. MacFadden making a substantial contribution to help the family have that new start. She knew he would never have taken the doctor’s money. A few weeks after her emergency visit to the hospital, Jimmy forbade her to ever talk to Doctor MacFadden again, since he felt the doctor had too much influence over his wife. Paralyzed by grief, she didn’t question his command, although secretly she confided in her mother where the money had come from. As a precaution, she asked her mother to say the money was a gift from her and Granda B. Her mother agreed to keep the secret assuring Cathy it really wasn’t a lie since Granda B had already promised to give them some money to help with their move.
She saw her husband walking toward them, smiling and waving tickets. He started to collect the luggage and handed his three oldest daughters their small carry-on bags. “Okay girls! Come on now. We’re off!” he said cheerfully.
He took hold of Granda B’s hand. He wanted so badly to express how much the old man had meant to him; that he meant more to him than his own father had.
“You’ve been like a father to me,” he said sincerely. “I can’t thank you enough for everything.”
“I only wish I could have done more,” Granda B said sadly. He respected his son-in-law for being a hard worker and good provider. He kept hold of Jimmy’s hand a bit longer. Tears formed in his eyes.
“I promise you, I’ll pay you back,” Jimmy said.
“Och, you’ll do no such thing,” Granda B said, dismissing the idea.
“We’ll write when we’re settled. Then I’ll bring you both out for a grand holiday in America.”
“Oh, aye. We’ll be sure to do that! Good luck, son.” Granda B forced himself to smile.
Jimmy turned to the three older girls and didn’t see his father-in-law grimace with pain as he touched his stomach. Like the pied piper, Jimmy led Annie, Maggie, and Mary outside under a glorious full moon to board the plane. The girls hesitantly followed him. They were torn between the excitement of going on an airplane for the first time and the fear of leaving their home and grandparents.
Granny B held onto her daughter. Cathy stood stoically, feeling only numbness in her heart. She had cried so many tears over the years that her eyes couldn’t shed any more.
She gently pulled away from her mother. Staring at Granny B’s lined face she said quietly, “Mammy, I know you did what you believed was best for the family and for that, I hold nothing against you.” She glanced over at her forlorn father as he stood staring out a large window at the plane she would soon be boarding. “Tell Daddy cheerio for me,” she said, her lips trembling slightly.
She picked up her bag with one hand and took June’s hand with the other. Turning away from her mother she followed her family to board the plane without once looking back.
* * * * *
Chapter 7
REACHING THE SHORES OF AMERICA
THE AIRPLANE’S RUMBLING engines churned loudly during takeoff. Cathy sat between Mary and June. As the plane left the ground, Cathy felt Mary squeeze her hand hard. June pressed her face against the window. Her breath coated the Plexiglas as the shores of Scotland faded and could no longer be seen.
Jimmy and Cathy had decided that a night flight would be best. Their hope was that everyone would sleep during the first leg of the long journey, but sleep was elusive. The power of the plane’s vibration as it ascended into the sky left them all feeling lightheaded and queasy.
Maggie was the first to cry out for help. “Daddy, I’m going to be sick!”
Neither parent was prepared to deal with four pitifully sick children. Hearing their cries, a stewardess rushed forward with brown paper bags.
The cough June had before leaving Glasgow, worsened into spasms. A doctor had said it was the whooping cough. The medicine he prescribed didn’t help and June continued to cough. Cathy and Jimmy fretted. They knew that if their daughter’s cough caught the attention of the American immigration officers, the family could be detained until she was declared healthy enough to enter the United States. Or, worse yet, they could be sent back to Scotland.
The night was very long and seemed even longer with the loud rumbling of the propeller plane. Jimmy and Cathy prayed for daylight, while the girls moaned and whined, asking “Are we there yet?”
Cathy couldn’t rest with June sleeping fitfully on her lap, her little legs twitching and giving small kicks. Once she jerked awake, shouting “Mammy, don’t leave me!” Cathy rocked her as she did during the weeks following Helen’s death when June had shouted the same concern in her sleep over and over.
June’s restlessness started to get the best of Cathy’s patience. She looked back to see if Jimmy was awake, but he wasn’t in his seat. She debated whether to ask him if he’d take a turn with June. But in the past he had often protested about caring for June, saying that she was such a handful with her constant chattering. Finally, in tired desperation, she struggled out of her seat, telling the girl to hold still.
Cathy wobbled down the aisle of the plane to find Jimmy. She found him standing at the back, smoking and talking with another passenger. She stood next to him, listening for a moment as the men reminisced about why they were leaving and the uncertainties of what lay ahead. Quietly she made her request.
At first he was irritated but he wanted to make the journey easy for his wife, so he went back to his seat and picked up June. Hoping to keep her quiet, he opened one of the children’s books that they had brought along. A picture of a sailboat cruising through the water caught her eye. Pointing to it, she asked her Daddy, “Did I fall off this boat?”
“No,” he answered, sharply.
When he started to turn
the page, she put her hand on the picture. “Where are the people on the boat?” she asked.
“Will you just listen to the story?” he said, slapping her leg.
She quickly stopped talking. He continued reading until her small chest heaved a deep sigh, signaling the beginning of sleep. With his daughter cradled and asleep in the crook of his arms, Jimmy soon fell asleep, too.
At the New York airport immigration inspection line, their hope of being welcomed into their new country was dashed as their worst fear was realized. The beefy immigration officer had laid out on a table every article in their suitcases. It embarrassed Cathy and made Jimmy angry. They felt vulnerable. June’s face was flushed red as she hacked and shook while coughing.
“Hi-yeh, how you feel-un?” the officer asked, drawing out the syllables in hopes of being understood by the new arrivals.
June didn’t understand his strange language. She hid behind her mother. Cathy was glad when her daughter pressed her face into her coat, which muffled the coughs.
“She’s caught a wee cold coming over. That plane was terribly chilly,” the nervous mother answered the officer with a slight laugh. She hoped to sound nonchalant about the coughing.
The officer pressed his lips tight, saying, “Hmm.”
June peeked out from behind her mother. The family stood frozen in place as they waited for the decision. The customs officer looked at the redheaded girl and then at Jimmy, Cathy and the other girls, who huddled together and stared back at him. As immigrants, their entry or denial into America was at the mercy of this man, who could quarantine them if he deemed that June might be carrying a contagious virus.
The officer looked intently at the bright, blue-eyed child. Suddenly, June gave him a big grin, widening her apple-red cheeks. In an unprofessional moment, the officer put his feelings into his job, “Yeah, alright. Put your things back in,” he said gruffly. He then stamped their passports and turned his attention to the next passengers waiting for inspection.