by Stahl, Shey
I followed Dr. Clayton to her room and my heart sank as I took in her appearance. It was like walking into a nightmare, the eye of a hurricane, the hurricane I caused. I brought her into this mess. I knew I shouldn’t have wanted her, but I did and now look at what happened. My hands shook violently, palms sweaty and my stomach churning as I entered the room, nothing around me in focus, only her.
I touched her hand softly, noticing all the abrasions, bruises and how swollen her entire arm was. It was evident she’d been through something horrible.
How could I have let this happen to her? How could I have let this happen to my child?
Dr. Clayton placed his hands on my shoulders when I sat next to her. “Mr. Riley, you need to be strong for her, she needs you to be strong for her and that baby.” My head fell forward, sensing my breakdown; he left the room, closing the door behind him.
I didn’t want to be like this, but I couldn’t help it, not when it came to Sway.
I kissed her hand and told her I loved her. I didn’t know what else to say. I knew she could probably hear me, but I didn’t know what to say. What do you say in this type of situation? At a loss for words, I quietly sat there, staring at her, wondering if everything would be okay. I couldn’t lose her.
I wanted so badly to have that happy ever after she wanted and I wanted the chance to give it to her.
Fuel Pump – Emma
Why is it when something bad happens, time slows down creeping along unbearably slow. Jameson had been in Sway’s room for the last three hours and I doubted he would leave anytime soon. The one time the doctor asked him to step out for a moment so he could perform an exam on her; he went apeshit and threw a chair through a window.
I looked around the small waiting room where our family was gathered. Aiden was on the ground sleeping at my feet. Spencer was lying on the floor watching TV with his head in Alley’s lap and my mother was knitting (she knits when she is nervous). I’m not sure who the scarf is for though, considering it spanned across the entire waiting room. I glanced across the hall to see dad, on his cell phone with Phillip, pacing back and forth.
No one had left since we arrived besides when Jameson and Spencer decided to make matters worse. I was in a desperate need of a shower and a decent meal. I could tell everyone else was too and don’t even get me started on the need for a change of clothes.
Good god, I’ve been wearing the same shirt since yesterday. That has never happened before. I felt disgusting.
I nudged Aiden with my foot and he jumped up as if I’d kicked him.
“What’s wrong? Did the police come for me?” he asked startled, looking around at everyone as he wiped the drool from his chin.
“Shhh...nothing’s wrong.” I rubbed his shoulder and then smacked it when I realized how retarded he was being. “No the police didn’t come for you. I was just thinking that maybe we should leave for a little while...get cleaned up. We have to be at the track in two hours. We should also get some real food besides cookies from the vending machine.” I quipped throwing an empty bag of Oreos at him.
He sighed squinting slightly, as he looked around the room, his eyes narrowing at my mom who’d just given him a piece of her mind last night.
They didn’t approve of us getting married after only being together less than six months. I still blamed Charlie but I knew we should have waited.
My mom said something along the lines of “That’s not fair. I wanted to plan my daughter’s wedding!” and my dad’s reaction was somewhere along the lines of, “You’re a fucking idiot.”
“Is Jameson still with her?” Aiden asked, getting up to sit in the chair beside me.
“He won’t leave.” I said. “I can’t blame him though.”
“I don’t either.” His eyes glistened as he placed his hand on my cheek and I knew what he meant by that. “What time is it?” he stood shaking the cookie crumbs from his shirt.
“It’s almost seven in the morning. I’m going to call up to her room and see if Jameson wants us to bring him back anything.”
Of course, he didn’t want anything. I hadn’t seen him eat since we got here, surely he must be hungry by now. I decided I was getting him something anyways.
I felt bad for him. I knew firsthand how much Jameson loved her. A sad or hurt Sway, equaled a really sad or hurt Jameson. And it has always been that way, even when they were younger. Those two always had a lunar pull to one another, like gravity.
We returned about an hour later after showering, changing and managed to grab some food. I brought back a breakfast burrito for Jameson, hoping he’d eat it and knowing he wouldn’t.
Aiden and I walked up to the second floor where the trauma center was located. As we entered Sway’s room, I was shocked at Jameson’s sullen appearance. He hadn’t showered; the blood from the fight still covered his arms, hands and face. It was obvious he hadn’t eaten or drank anything and I was beginning to wonder if he had even slept as dark circles had formed under his bloodshot eyes. His hair was even more of a mess then usual looking like it needed its own zip code and he’d been wearing the same clothes since the race, which I found repulsive.
I handed him the food and some fresh clothes. He denied the food but stepped into the bathroom to change his clothes, thank god; he actually smelled.
I looked at Sway and she did seem to look better. The color of her skin was returning to normal at least. I watched the monitor for the baby for a moment; the heartbeat remained steady.
“Any change?” Aiden asked the doctor when he entered the room. Before he could answer the bathroom door opened, and we both looked over at Jameson.
Dr. Clayton frowned at his appearance. Jameson ignored our glances shuffling toward the empty chair beside Sway.
“The last ultrasound showed the bleeding has stopped but she’s still having contractions. We will need to continue with the magnesium until they stop. She is dilated to a two but that’s all right...there’s no thinning of the cervix and that’s even better.”
Though the doctor’s words were hopeful, my brother didn’t seem to hear any of it. And I knew what that meant, he blamed himself again.
Fuel pump – Jameson
Dr. Clayton left the room leaving Emma, Aiden and I alone with Sway as she slept.
Aiden bent down and kissed Sway on the forehead before walking out. No one wanted to see her like this. I didn’t blame them. I didn’t want to either but I had to be with her.
Sway’s head had gauze wrapped around it, her hair matted with blood. Both eyes were swollen, deep shades of black, green and blue. Her upper lip cracked, swollen with faint purple bruises across her cheek. All of it left me seeing red again every time I looked at it. A thick white blanket hid the rest of her body, but I knew the bruises that covered her entire body from the fall and the fight. She had been through something horrible, and I wasn’t there to protect her.
“Did the police question Aiden?” I asked Emma as she gently held Sway’s hand and said a prayer for her.
“Yeah,” she snorted rolling her eyes, “About three hours ago. I thought he was going to die from a heart attack by the time they were done with him. He was all sweaty and shaking...pathetic.”
I just shook my head as eyes drifted back to Sway.
Needing some air, I left Emma in the room alone with Sway for a few minutes to speak with my dad. I took notice of the time and knew I needed to leave in less than an hour.
When dad saw me come out, he motioned for me to come over to where he was standing at the nurse’s station. He was talking on his cell phone with Marcus I assumed.
Alley was standing beside him on her Blackberry. Noticing me, she smiled hesitantly and looked away when the person on the other line began talking.
“You need to get back to the track. Kyle will be here in a few minutes to pick up you and Aiden. Spencer is already there with the rest of the crew.” Dad said in my direction. I looked up and nodded. “I have to meet with Phillip, thanks to you.” He turned his
attention toward his phone again. “All right Marcus, yes that sounds good. Um...I don’t know. Call Alley on that part. I will have Jameson get with you to release a statement later this afternoon.” He raised an eyebrow.
I nodded confirming I would issue a statement. It would be the right thing to do. I had no idea what I was going to say but I had to say something, they would want answers. Hopefully Phillip would know what to say so I didn’t get myself in trouble.
I realized then, watching my dad and Alley fighting to protect me, protect our family, just what happens when you lose control and that anger bubbles over the edge.
At the time, in the heat of the moment, everything seems so simple, the anger gets the best of you and the consequences, well, you don’t think of them until it’s over, you react in the only manner you know how to. Now I was dealing with the consequences the only way I knew how to.
And when I thought a little more, my family never condoned that type of behavior I displayed last night but I knew in the face of everything, my family was on my side and would do anything to protect me.
“I thought for sure I was going to have to bail you out of jail.” Dad shook his head stepping closer. Yanking me forward, we walked down the hall. “Van called...” his voice faded as he waited for me to ask.
“What did he say?”
“It’s not important.” he smiled the same crooked grin I had.
His hand swept across the back of his neck. His expression was one of love that brought me back to when I’d wreck my car. It didn’t matter if I’d lost my head and wadded the car up. He was still there for me. Now wasn’t any different. He was here, helping me repair what I destroyed.
“I have to leave for Eldora tonight. I won’t be back for two weeks. Are you going to be okay here? Will you control your temper while I’m gone?”
“I’ll try.” I said coldly, fumbling with the hem of my shirt. I wasn’t trying to be short but I was and he knew I meant nothing by it.
“We haven’t called Charlie yet. Your mom tried to but ended up just crying. So that hasn’t been done.”
I nodded lightly. “Should I call him before I leave?”
“I think we should wait. Sway and the baby are stable, for now. I just think it’s best if we know everything before we call him.”
“How long will he get?” I asked changing subjects but I knew he’d know what I was referring to.
“Yeah, so about that,” his hand swept across the back of his neck once more. “He’d have to be found before that happens and that’s probably never going to happen.” he paused looking at me with concern. “That’s why I’m going to have Phillip meet with you. I really can’t see where any of this would come back to you.”
I started breathing heavy again. Remembering the night, I leaned forward gripping the edge of the granite counter top where we had stopped.
“Did I...?”
Even if I did kill him, I had no regrets. Not after what he did.
“Van didn’t come out and say it in so many words, but I saw Darrin when we left. I think you did.” He paused and took a deep breath. “Did the doctor let you know the results of the test?”
I felt my entire body tense just thinking of that goddamn word. “He said it was inconclusive.”
He nodded and looked down at his phone that buzzed.
“I’ve have to go. Wes is waiting for me.” His hand came up to grasp my shoulder. “Get over here shit head.”
I laughed lightly against his shoulder as we hugged. “Thanks dad.”
“Keep an eye on Aiden.” he said. “That kid is like a ticking time bomb today.”
I laughed again before pulling away. “How did it go with you guys?”
“Those two are worse than you and Sway when it comes to bad decisions.” He drew in a deep breath and shrugged into his jacket. “I can’t even imagine what would make the two of them decide to get married,” he paused glancing around fugitively. “...wait a second...is she fucking pregnant?”
“Don’t ask me,” I held my hands in defense. “I don’t know!”
“Emma!” he yelled after her when she snuck out of the room and ran down the hall away from him. “Get back here you little shit.”
Walking back to Sway’s room, I heard the end of their conversation.
“No dad! I swear I’m not pregnant.”
“Well good, but seriously!” he pushed her shoulder walking further down the hall. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“I grew up with Spencer and Jameson.” She mused. “You shouldn’t expect so much from me.”
He slung his arm around Emma. “At least get the asshole to buy you a decent ring.” He told her. “That one looks like shit.”
Approaching her room, I could see through the window that she was finally awake, glancing around and her hand that wasn’t in the cast resting on her swollen stomach. It took everything in me not to run to her but I needed a minute...to gain control. She couldn’t see me like this.
I needed that control I didn’t have. Taking a deep breath, I pushed the heavy wooden door open. She didn’t notice me until I was beside the bed.
When her eyes finally met mine, I lost what was left and fell to my knees at her bedside, sobbing. When my hands touched hers, I felt the same connections I’d always felt.
Her eyes fluttered. “Jameson?” she croaked out and began crying, wincing in pain as she tried to reach for me.
“I’m...right...here...honey...don’t move,” I cried out in broken sobs, my chest tightened as my heart began racing. “I’m so...sorry.” I brought her hand to my wet lips, my tears falling to her ivory bruised skin. “I’m...sorry...I’m so fucking sorry.” My free hand reached for her stomach rubbing it softly. I’d hoped the baby would move for me, reassuring me, but it didn’t happen. Though I could see on the monitor that the baby was moving, it just wasn’t enough for me to feel.
Sway just let me sit there, clutching her hand desperately with my other hand over our child, crying with her as I repeated over and over again how sorry I was. All the emotions I had felt yesterday came crashing back in an instance. The moment I felt her safe and in my arms, I never wanted to let go.
I jumped when her door cracked opened a few minutes later.
An older light haired woman peeked inside. “Oh...sorry,” she said taking in our appearances. “I’m Renata from Obstetrics but you can call me Ren.” She smiled rolling in a large machine. “I’m here to perform the ultrasound this morning.”
I stood, keeping my hand wrapped around Sway’s, “Should I...uh...leave?”
“No!” Sway panicked reaching for me once again and then wincing in pain, clutching her side. “Please don’t go, please stay!” her eyes were frantic with worry and need. “Please don’t leave me.”
“Sway honey, I have to go soon.” I choked out. “I can’t stay today...I have to be at the track. We couldn’t find a relief driver for me.” Dad had told me that he and Kyle asked around but Justin had to be in Eldora and it seemed no one else was available. Gordon was also the last say of who could get into the car so he denied anyone we asked for.
Tears spilled over her cheeks. The emerald in her eyes spoke for her pain.
“I know...” she hiccupped understanding as she always did. “Can you stay for the ultrasound?”
“Yes, if that’s what you want.” I gently wiped the tears from her cheek, careful not to touch the bruises. I wanted so badly to hold her right then, feel the warmth of her body against mine and feel that she was okay but I was afraid to even touch her, afraid I’d hurt her. And afraid I wouldn’t let go.
She nodded carefully. “I want...you to see the baby.”
“All right then.” Ren began opening drawers and equipment needed before pulling the machine toward the bed. Gently she drew back the thick white blanket covering Sway and removed the monitor wrapped around her bruised midsection.
After pouring an insane amount of lubricant on her slightly swollen belly, she moved the wand looking t
hing back and forth. “Ah, there’s the little person.”
Sway’s eyes flickered to the monitor as did mine.
And there, seeing it for the first time; was my child. A part of me, a part of Sway, a part of us, was inside of her. I was mesmerized. The loud steady heartbeat reassured me the baby was okay for now. I couldn’t divert my eyes even if I wanted to. That was my child moving around inside her, our child, we created.
“Would you like to know the sex of the baby?” Ren asked. Her eyes glanced back and forth between Sway and me.
“Oh,” Sway said with a hint of excitement in her tired voice. “Can you tell already?”
“Yes. Do you want to know? It’s very obvious right now.” Her smile had grown into a full grin.
Grasping my hand with Sway’s, I chuckled lightly pressing her hand to my lips. “I want to know if you do, honey.”
My eyes locked with Sway, wide emerald eyes that would never lie to me, heart shaped face with porcelain skin staring back at me and for a moment, I saw our entire lives together.
It was strange to me that when something in your life begins, you generally have an idea of how it’s going to end or how you want it to end. The career you dreamed about your whole life becomes your reality. The eleven year old girl who stole your heart without knowing it at, becomes the love of your life. And the baby that happened by accident, becomes your world.
I’ve known people who have spent their entire lives planning for the future and trying to predict every step of the way, subconsciously cushioning themselves for the blow if anything went wrong. But the thing was, you can’t predict the future. Every step you make takes you in a different direction toward another path, maybe even a completely different path. But what happens when that future you thought you would never have, reveals itself to you? You take it because for being a future you never thought you wanted, it was better.