‘Well don’t leave me guessing,’ Jamie teased and squeezed my hand. ‘What was your maiden name?’
‘Haddock,’ I grinned ruefully. ‘At school I was called Fish Face.’
‘Ah,’ Jamie nodded sympathetically. There was a small pause. ‘So how did you get on at the speed dating gig? Did you find anybody?’
‘Oh that. No,’ I gazed at my drink miserably. ‘I’m giving up the dating game. Can’t seem to work out the rules. And you?’
‘The person I was interested in didn’t tick my box.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘I haven’t given up hoping that she might change her mind though.’
I carefully removed my hand from Jamie’s. It didn’t seem appropriate to continue letting him hold it now that he was expressing interest in somebody else.
‘Are you hoping for a reunion with your female colleague?’
Jamie looked startled. “Selina? Good Lord no! Actually, the lady I was referring to is somebody I’ve liked for quite some time. I’ve been bumping into her on and off for several months now. I wanted to ask her out ages ago but I wasn’t sure whether she was single in the true sense of the word. She gave me the impression at one point that there was another guy on the scene.’
‘She sounds a bit flighty,’ I sniffed.
Jamie laughed out loud. ‘Really? I don’t suspect she’s that at all. More,’ he considered, ‘completely unaware how captivating she is and sorely lacking in self-esteem. As a result she needs handling carefully. A kid glove approach.’
I nodded miserably thinking that I wouldn’t mind a bit of the kid glove approach myself.
‘Cassie?’ Jamie shifted in his chair. Was it my imagination or was he giving me a smouldering look? If I wasn’t feeling so deflated I’d have attempted a few smoulders back. ‘I’m surprised you haven’t worked it out. I’m talking about-’
At that precise moment Morag and Matt returned in high spirits. Morag seemed to be fizzing and bubbling all over the place.
‘Ooh Cass this naughty man is utterly delightful,’ she cooed. ‘I think I’ll have to marry him.’
Matt roared with laughter. ‘Lovely lady, I would be delighted to have you as the fourth Mrs Harding.’
Morag seemed to find this terribly funny and screeched with laughter. Jamie set about attending refills and finding a soft drink for me while Matt broached the subject of holidays. Now this was a subject I could definitely get enthusiastic about! Excitedly I joined in and told everybody about the impending Benalmadena trip.
‘Pretty place,’ commented Jamie. ‘I’ve been there. Where are you staying?’
‘The Garden Apartments.’
‘But I know them! They’re up a bit of a steep hill but still close enough to the sea. It’s a quiet residential road – no yobs.’
I sighed with relief. ‘The travel agent said I was very lucky to get the booking – there were only two apartments left.’
‘Were there now,’ Jamie murmured. ‘When did you say you were going?’
‘Third week of July. Not long to go now,’ I smiled happily.
Evening came. It was still light but rapidly cooling down so we moved inside.
‘I’m feeling hungry again,’ Morag complained.
‘Who fancies a takeaway and a movie?’ Matt asked.
The children melted off to another room with an assortment of Matt’s children and step-children to watch their own choice of movie while the adults grouped around Matt’s prized fifty inch big screen, eventually with vindaloos balanced on knees.
A couple of hours later Jamie called out to Petra and Jonas.
‘Come on kids, it’s late.’
I got up too. It was way past the twins’ usual bed time.
Matt gave Jamie and I big bear hugs as he said good-bye. I suddenly realised that, despite Morag standing in the hallway, she wasn’t actually saying farewell.
‘I’m not coming with you,’ she mouthed to me.
‘What do you mean?’ I mouthed back.
Morag took me to one side while the twins provided a noisy diversion looking for trainers. ‘I’m staying the night with Matt.’
‘Bit soon isn’t it?’
‘At our age Cass, life is too short not to dive into things head first. I’ll be round for my car tomorrow and will give you a postmortem of what Matt was like in bed.’
Oh God.
Chapter Eleven
Finally all the children had their belongings. They ran ahead of us as Jamie and I walked to our respective cars. He touched my arm causing such a jolt of electricity I almost rocketed out of my skin.
‘Sorry, didn’t mean to make you jump. I just wanted to say that it was really good to see you this evening,’ he smiled.
We came to a halt by my car. ‘Oh and it was absolutely marvellous to see you too,’ I gushed and then instantly cringed. Steady Cass. Jamie took a step closer and brushed his lips lightly against my cheek. For an awful moment I thought my knees were going to give way. Jonas let out a low wolf whistle.
Jamie grinned. ‘Kids eh?’
My cheek sizzled and scorched all the way home.
‘Mum?’ Toby asked as we drove along. ‘Isn’t Matt your boyfriend any more?’
‘Matt was and still is my friend Toby. But I think he could be Morag’s new boyfriend.’
‘Are you upset?’
‘No. Why should I be?’
‘Well, I thought you wanted a boyfriend and to fall in love and everything,’ he shrugged.
‘If you are referring to that little chat we had a while ago, I said I’d like to fall in love again one day, but that doesn’t mean to say it will ever happen and I certainly wasn’t anticipating Matt to be The One.’
Toby looked thoughtful. ‘What about Jamie? He’s really nice. Why don’t you go out with him?’
Yes why didn’t I? The day had been nothing short of wonderful culminating in a delightful evening spent in the company of a man who I had felt increasingly drawn to. I genuinely clicked with him on a deep level. Jamie had bared his soul to me in the garden talking about his dead wife, discussing immensely personal and private feelings. I suspected he didn’t talk like that to any old Tom, Dick or Harry. And there had been something else, something unspoken, those nuances of body language that I’d initially interpreted as flirting. There was no doubt about it, Jamie made my heart race. Even now my cheek was still burning from that kiss. But, confusingly, he’d mentioned the speed dating gig and gone on to talk about another woman he was interested in. Apparently not Selina, but nonetheless somebody else. I sighed.
‘Well?’ Toby persisted.
‘Look Tobes, much as I appreciate your concern, it’s not as simple as that. For a kick off, Jamie hasn’t even asked me to go out with him.’
‘But what if he did?’ Liv piped up. ‘Would you Mum? Would you go out with him?’
‘Kids, can we just drop the subject please.’
The following morning Stevie turned up to collect the old double bed languishing in the garage.
‘Morning,’ he gave me a curt nod.
‘Hi. I’ll just get the garage key and – oh!’
I gasped with pain as Stevie grabbed my arm in a vice-like grip. He spun me round to face him.
‘Have you got a man in the house?’
‘I beg your pardon?’
He stalked over to Morag’s sports car and kicked an alloy wheel.
‘I presume this piece of turbo testosterone shit that’s been parked on your drive all night belongs to a man.’
I didn’t know whether to slap his face or burst out laughing. Just who the hell did he think he was? I’d suffered his constant infidelity, embarrassment amongst the neighbours, humiliation at our children’s school, and currently he was knocking about with a girl young enough to be his daughter. And here he was audaciously questioning my personal life! We stood glaring at each other. Suddenly Stevie raked a hand through his hair and apologised.
‘Sorry. I’m bang out of order.�
�
‘Too right.’
‘I can’t help being jealous.’
‘Oh grow up Stevie. The sports car is oestrogen-laced and belongs to a girlfriend who is such a man eater she should have Government Health Warnings stamped all over her. In fact I seriously advise you to collect the bed and scarper before she returns and pins you down upon it.’
Stevie instantly perked up, doubtless nothing to do with any potential man in the house but everything to do with being ravaged by a nymphomaniac.
Morag made an appearance late afternoon grinning like the proverbial Cheshire cat who’d found double cream instead of skimmed milk. Matt dropped her off and gave a brief toot and a cheery wave. Morag stood, girly and giggly, twiddling hair around one finger and issuing dinky little waves at the retreating car.
‘God he’s divine,’ she gushed. ‘Absolute knock out. Go and put the coffee on Cass and I’ll tell you all about it.’
I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to hear about Matt’s performance under the duvet but Morag was determined to take me through the whole event kiss by hungry kiss, quiver by feverish quiver.
‘I looked fabulous Cass.’ Modesty had never been a strong point of Morag’s. ‘Naked but for a pair of leather riding boots.’
I boggled into my coffee mug. ‘And, er, Matt? Was he in riding boots too?’
Surely it was only polite to ask.
‘In the buff and tied to the headboard.’
‘Right,’ I croaked.
‘I strutted about brandishing an enormous lunging whip and demanded to be called Miss Spanky.’
‘Goodness. And did he oblige?’
‘Oh yes,’ she purred, eyes glazing at the memory. ‘I’m going to wear rubber next time.’
‘Excellent,’ I muttered. ‘More coffee?’
‘I won’t actually Cass. I want to get home and have a nice hot soak and an early night. We didn’t do much sleeping last night,’ she winked.
I’d barely waved Morag off when Nell turned up on the doorstep.
‘Hello!’ I beamed. ‘You’ll never guess what – oh! What’s the matter?’
My neighbour looked dreadful. Dark circles shadowed her red rimmed eyes. She stumbled over the threshold and collapsed, sobbing, on my shoulder. Gently, I led her into the kitchen. Digging around in the fridge, I produced a bottle of wine.
‘Drink,’ I ordered.
Nell obediently glugged and, in halting gasps punctuated with stutters and shrieks, imparted the cause of her terrible distress.
‘I’m pregnant.’
‘But Nell, that’s marvellous – isn’t it? You always wanted a brother or sister for Dylan. What does Ben think?’
‘Ben has no idea.’
‘But why ever not? Why haven’t you told him?’
‘He’ll go ballistic Cass.’
‘Don’t be so silly. He’ll be over the moon.’
‘Take it from me. He won’t.’
‘This is ridiculous, I can’t believe I’m even hearing this.’
‘It’s an unplanned pregnancy Cass.’
‘So? Surely it’s no big deal. After all, it takes two to tango. This is as much Ben’s doing as yours. Why is having another baby such a problem?’
Nell fell silent and momentarily contemplated her fingernails.
‘What I’m about to tell you is highly confidential.’
I regarded my neighbour in horror. ‘You’re not about to tell me this baby is another man’s?’
She shook her head and gave me a watery grin. ‘No, of course not.’
I exhaled noisily. ‘Well thank heavens for that.’
‘Nonetheless, it’s still private stuff. Ben’s a proud man – he’d die of embarrassment if he got wind that you knew – so Mum’s the word right?’
‘Of course.’
‘A few months ago Ben re-mortgaged to finance setting up business on his own. He truly thought it would be a get-rich-quick thing. Business started off promisingly – until the customer went bust. Meanwhile Ben has incurred costs that run into thousands of pounds,’ she pulled at her hair. ‘So I took the job at the school to help out financially. But how can I work with a new baby? And babies cost money Cass! Even second hand stuff is pricey. And what about all those sleepless nights again? For months on end? Maybe years? Dylan was five before he went all the way through the night.’ She looked exhausted just thinking about it. ‘I don’t think I can go through all that again.’
‘Oh Lord,’ I sucked in my breath, momentarily overwhelmed by both Nell’s revelation and her honest reaction about the impact of a newborn. Even taking the financial ramifications out of the equation, I could totally identify with the endless sleepless nights and never ending exhaustion. ‘Look Nell, this has come as an enormous shock to you and, for the moment, you just need to take a step back and calm down. Get used to the idea. In a few more weeks you’ll be thinking completely differently and the pair of you will be over the moon.’
‘Ben won’t be.’
‘Of course he will!’ I soothed.
‘I’m not going to tell him.’
‘Oh Nell, don’t be daft. The problem isn’t going to go away by you not telling Ben. You’re going to get big at some point. How are you going to pass it off?’
‘I won’t let myself get big.’ Her lip wobbled dangerously, ‘I’ll get rid of it.’
I stared at her, shocked. ‘Terminate? Nell I don’t think you could go through with such a thing. I know you too well. You’d never forgive yourself.’
‘Well that only leaves adoption and I definitely couldn’t do that. I’m fresh out of other solutions.’
‘Nell you simply must talk to Ben. Everything will be all right. You’ll see.’
‘Maybe. I’d better get back. Thanks for the shoulder.’
I closed the door after her pensively. Thank God I didn’t have her dilemma. My own life was difficult enough, but at least I was in the driving seat with no complications. One never knew what problems were hurtling around the next corner of life.
I bent down to tidy a pile of jumbled shoes and resolved to buy a shoe rack for the cupboard in the hallway. As I stooped and stacked, I couldn’t help thinking how good it would be if problems could be sorted like the pile of unruly shoes. Sighing I straightened up. I needed to throw myself into a new project. Something to take my mind off depressing problems. I stood back and surveyed the hall’s paintwork. Tatty. Like the entire house actually. I nodded decisively. Redecorating would be my next assignment.
‘But why white Mum?’ Livvy asked later.
‘Because I like it.’
‘But it’s not actually a colour,’ Toby protested.
‘White is clean,’ I nodded knowingly at Livvy, ‘and terribly contemporary.’
Bingo! Contemporary was a word Livvy adored. In her eyes the word could do no wrong conjuring up a picture of hip coolness. And anything cool was definitely in.
However, I had a suspicion that my overwhelming desire to paint everything white was psychological rather than fashionable. It represented wiping the slate clean. Starting again. And the urge to spill white silk into a virgin paint tray and roller it over every vertical surface ran so deep it was almost a physical craving.
The children chose their own colour schemes for their bedrooms. Livvy opted for the palest of pinks. Toby selected a combination of retro green and electric blue to be painted on alternating walls which promised to be eyeball stingingly hideous.
That night I lay awake fretting about Nell and her unwanted pregnancy, feeling more and more repulsed by the suggestion of a termination. It was unthinkable for Nell to end something that was only just beginning. Before I drifted off, I determined to try reasoning with my friend.
The following evening, while the twins were lost in The Simpsons, I stuck my head around the living room door.
‘Just popping over to Nell’s.’
No response.
‘I’ll be ten minutes.’
Silence.
‘Don�
��t answer the door to anybody. Livvy? Toby? Are you listening to me?’
Two grunted acknowledgements.
I stuffed my feet into a pair of trainers and crossed the grass strip between the two houses just as Ben’s car swung into the cul-de-sac. Damn. Nell opened her front door and stood silhouetted in the hall light as Ben’s car purred to a standstill.
‘Hi!’ I grinned at them both.
‘Well hello stranger,’ smiled Ben slamming the car door and slinging his jacket over one shoulder. ‘It’s not often two good looking women greet me at the end of a hard day’s work.’
Nell threw me a questioning glance. I gave a meaningful look back. She frowned.
‘I was going to ask Nell if I could pinch a couple of tea bags,’ I smiled brightly.
‘Since when have you ever drunk tea?’ Ben looked amused.
‘Oh it’s not for me. It’s for the twins. They wanted to try it. But not to worry, I’ll go to Tesco. I need loads of other stuff anyway.’
‘Well there’s no need to rush off,’ said Ben. ‘Come in and have a coffee with us.’
‘That’s very kind but I won’t. I only wanted to say hello anyway. Haven’t seen you for ages Ben. So hello! And, er, goodbye.’
‘Cass?’ Ben called after me. ‘Are you okay? Not lonely or anything? You’re very welcome to come in. Have a drink and a pow-wow.’
‘Oh!’ I brightened perceptibly. ‘That would be-’
I caught sight of Nell standing behind Ben, an index finger making slicing motions across her throat. My eyes bulged a bit as I caught her drift.
‘-highly inconvenient I’m afraid.’
‘Really?’ Ben looked perplexed. ‘I was hoping you girls might indulge in some gossip and leave me free for a swift half at the local.’ He was already sliding back into his jacket and taking a tentative step down the driveway.
‘Excellent idea,’ I strode determinedly over to Nell. ‘See you later.’
‘What time do you want me back darling?’ Ben called to his wife.
‘As soon as possible,’ Nell replied through gritted teeth as she pulled me into the hallway and shut the door on her bemused husband. ‘What in God’s name are you playing at Cass?’
STOCKINGS AND CELLULITE Page 18