Judy heard Gran’s throaty guffaw, the reaction startling her, and was then even more shocked to hear her prude of a mother blurt out, ‘He certainly got that right!’
Judy’s giggling fit started as a vibration and soon escalated into a full-blown belly laugh. She wiped away the tears and gave Josh another sloppy kiss before saying, ‘He did indeed mum. He did indeed.’
***
The doctors decided Josh needed to stay in hospital overnight for observation and so Judy slept in the armchair next to her son, her hand in his, his arm draped around Bruno Bear. Gran had taken a taxi home and said she would wait at Judy’s flat in the morning.
They arrived back at midday. Josh, subdued from his experience and a little groggy from painkillers, Judy in a determined mood, even angrier with John than she had been yesterday.
He had popped in to Josh’s room early that morning to say goodbye before his trip, and had tried to talk her out of her threat to speak to her lawyer. She blanked him, ever more convinced the man she had married, the man whose child she had borne, was so obsessed with his own career that he felt nothing for his son. Otherwise he would have stayed to try and convince her to relent.
Well I won’t.
She picked up the phone and dialled her solicitor, an old friend from her time at university, and explained what had happened.
‘I think we have a solid case for restricting access. He’s shown gross negligence and endangerment... Are you certain you want to go that far?’ Sarah Vaughn had graduated top of her class in law and had been involved in many high profile divorces. A celebrity lawyer, no less.
‘I want to go in as hard and as far as I can. Honestly Sarah, I really have been such an ass. I let that bastard walk all over me. And the worst of it is, you warned me.’
Judy regretted not listening to her friend. Firstly at uni when Sarah told her the man was no good, and then again during the time when they separated, advising Judy she should get a chunk of John’s earnings too. But Judy’s pride won out.
Sarah then dropped her own bombshell. ‘Yeah, but I’m not so perceptive when it comes to my own feelings. Andy and I are splitting up. Men, huh? How about we catch up over lunch, assassinate their characters together, eh? But first, let’s agree what I’m going to do.’
Judy appreciated her friend dropping everything to take her call and help her. ‘I hope I can afford you these days Sarah.’ She was genuinely worried, Sarah was much in demand by people with far more cash than she had. These days she was something of a legend.
‘Don’t you worry about that. I’ll just add it to the costs, which he’ll have to settle. Okay? We can go for some more cash, an income and also determine visiting rights to suit you.’
Maybe she should take as much as she could from John and wind down her work hours. The thought came unbidden, but, this time, was not unwelcome.
‘Brilliant. I want to restrict his visits to specific times when I can be available, or he’ll have to be accompanied by an independent chaperone. I don’t think he’s as well paid as you think though.’
‘You remember Jerry. Thick but posh, scraped an Economics pass?’
‘Vaguely.’
‘Never mind. What is important is that I saw him recently and discovered he works for John’s firm. No high-flyer like your ex, but he tells me that the bastard pulled down between one and a half and two million last year in salary and bonuses, and expects to double that this year.’
‘Two million?’ Judy was astonished. She thought John earned a few hundred grand at best. But this! It was obscene. ‘That’s ridiculous. How can anyone deserve that?’ Especially John.
‘Don’t knock it love. How do you think I got rich?’ It was not a gloat, merely a statement of fact. ‘Anyway, if he deserves it, so do you. I’ll get things moving, but trust me, Josh will be well protected and John-the-bastard won’t know what hit him by the time he gets back. Okay. Got to fly, babe. Speak soon.’
Judy was still holding the handset, disbelief on her face, as Gran walked in.
‘You okay love. Looks like you could do with a cuppa.’
Judy started at Gran’s voice, finally coming out of her trance. ‘Please mum.’ She was thinking how John had made such a big deal out of investing a thousand pounds a month for Josh in addition to agreeing to pay his school fees. A thousand pounds would be chicken feed to him... ‘The bastard.’
Gran, halfway out the door, heading for the kettle, knew she meant John.
‘I never liked him. Never trust a man who carries a comb. I told you that when I first met him.’
‘Aw mum.’
‘I know you think I’m dotty sometimes, but it’s a sure sign of an insecure man with a very big ego. You mark my words.’ She did not stop to discuss it, just pottered off to the kitchen, case closed.
And Judy could not help thinking, maybe the old dear was not so daft after all.
***
That morning Doc had another hangover. This time, because he had barely eaten on Sunday, preferring instead the fugue of alcohol, at least he was not sick.
His own slack features and tortured eyes stared back at him as he stood doubled over the sink, numb in spirit while his body ached in protest at the continual abuse.
‘You stupid, useless old man.’ The mirror image spoke to him, and he wondered, had he uttered those words? He was startled, certain he had not spoken, or even thought the words. The psychiatrist in him stirred, sent an alarm signal to his brain, a warning to his inner self.
‘I’ve really got to get my act together.’
This time he did speak and the psychiatrist in his head whispered back: Talking to yourself is normal, but hearing the mirror lecture you is something altogether different.
Doc pushed himself upright, swayed and then regained his balance, determined to make it to the shower. He let the water cascade over his scalp, driving the dull throb from his temples, letting the ion-charged water weave its magic, refreshing him.
The psychiatrist started working. Analysing the experiences he had undergone recently. The persistent visions, replays of the crash, Natalie’s voice breaking in on his thoughts at random moments, the smell of her perfume in his nostrils sending his senses reeling – even after he had thrown it all out. He knew there were no such things as ghosts, just constructs of a bruised and battered mind.
No, it was not the supernatural that concerned him. Doc was sure there was no life after death. He was more worried for the flesh and blood, the patient, could feel his sanity coming unravelled from his very core, leaving his nerves vulnerable and exposed.
‘I hear voices.’
It echoed in the cubicle and again he was not sure. Had he spoken? He sagged against the wall, rivulets streaming, steam swirling round him.
Memories of interviews jostled in his head, audio clips of the words spoken by numerous convicts, justifying their vile acts of perversion and death, all with the same refrain.
I hear voices.
He wept. Groaning, heaving sobs wrenched from deep within his soul.
What the hell was happening to him?
***
Doc roused when he heard the phone. He had no idea how long he had been sitting on the shower floor, knees to his chest, arms hugging them. The answer machine picked up but he could not make out the words, the voice a low murmur, mixing with the hiss of water.
What time is it?
His brain was rational again, although, inside, he felt disjointed, limbs stiff, the short walk to the answering machine a trek through marshmallow.
The Judge. ‘Where are you? Call me please as soon as you get this.’
He glanced at the clock. Eleven-twenty? Doc was shaken. He was certain he had woken up at seven-fifteen and started showering pretty much straight away.
Four hours. Four whole hours of his life had gone missing.
This really was not good.
He dressed, drank some coffee and then called the Judge.
‘Sorry boss. I had a bad nigh
t. I’m on my way.’
‘Thank heavens you’re not going to let me down, Doc,’ the pressure none too subtle. ‘We have so many recalls and hearings I’d be tearing my hair out if I had any left.’ He chuckled, then he was serious again. ‘I don’t know if you’ve heard, but poor Judy has experienced something of a personal crisis. Her son was involved in an accident at the weekend. He’s due home from hospital today but she needs some time off to look after him... Which is why I really need some help. Right now.’
Judy?
‘Of course Judge. I’ll try and pick up the slack.’ Throw myself into work again, that’ll help. ‘Has she completed the report on Leech?’
‘It’s with me now, emailed a few minutes ago. Not had time to read it yet. Anyway, Leech needs to see it and then it can be added to his dossier for the hearing.’ A beat passed. ‘How long before you get here? There’s a mountain of work.’
‘I’m on my way.’ Doc hung up, hesitated, then dialled her number.
‘I just heard. Is Josh okay?’
‘He’ll be fine Doc. He’s very resilient. To be honest it’s a nice change to have him resting rather than crashing round the place, yelling.’ He could tell by her voice that she was putting a brave face on things.
‘What happened? Are you okay?’
‘I’m okay thanks. His father took him on the helicopter trip of a lifetime. It was almost the last trip of his lifetime. They crash landed and... I’ll tell you all about it later. Are you still on for Brighton? I think we’ll go Sunday if that’s okay. Josh should be fully fit by then.’
Brighton? He’d forgotten. His demons had managed to shunt any thoughts of the future from his frazzled mind.
‘Of course I am. I’ll see you then. I’ll call Friday to confirm the arrangements. You take care.’ He managed to stop himself adding ‘kid’.
‘Oh, one thing. Do you mind if I introduce you as Colin? To my mother, and Josh. It’s just...’
‘No problem. We don’t want them thinking I’m there to check up on their mental well being, do we?’ He felt better. Something to look forward to.
‘Exactly! Thanks for calling Colin. I really appreciate it.’ Her voice was a sunbeam, bathing him in its golden warmth.
Was there a possibility he might get through this after all?
***
Doc spent the week attempting to subjugate his demons, with some success. He worked from the moment he woke to the moment he reached the oblivion of pharmaceutically induced sleep.
Physically he was wrecked, the punishing schedule and artificial rest a recipe for a full blown breakdown. But he was in denial, ignoring the professional inside himself, scolding, telling him he needed help to recover, demanding the therapy his conscious mind refused to consider.
The Judge was delighted as Doc ploughed through the workload, poring over dossiers, leading parole board discussion groups, organising and attending oral hearings, and scheduling the training that had been deferred since the car accident collided with his life.
At night he took a triple dose of sleeping pills and read case files until his eyes could no longer focus. He set two alarms to drag himself from narcosis, and needed three double espressos to kick his brain into gear first thing each morning. By the time Saturday arrived he was exhausted but he pressed on, immersing himself in work to divert his mind from his personal tragedy. That evening, after a day reviewing files for up-coming parole hearings, he eventually came to Leech’s dossier. He re-read it twice and was staring at the police photograph from Leech’s arrest when he slumped into a state of unconsciousness, somewhere beyond sleep.
His demons, no longer held at bay by the barricade of sleeping tablets, took their revenge.
Clack. Clack. Clack-clack-clack...
The cruel projectionist tormented his spirit with constant replays of the crash. Natalie’s voice screeched at him, crying and wailing for a life lost.
And the evil men, the faces of the hundreds of criminals he had interviewed, all with twisted, vile tales to tell, were judging him, laughing at him, finding him insane.
Then one face floated out of the ether, a toothless man-boy, green eyes alight with hatred, knife arcing, stabbing Doc over and over. But worse, with each painful blow Leech shouted the word that plagued him.
Guilty!
And gradually Doc shrank back, and realised Leech was not stabbing him. He was plunging the knife deep into Natalie’s belly. The blade sliding in and out, slippery with blood, Leech’s hand inside her, her precious mound torn open, their baby boy exposed. And Leech continued slashing, carving the baby inside her belly as Natalie screamed at Doc, words now coherent and ugly.
‘You killed my baby! You killed us both!’
Her scream bored into his very marrow, and he fought against it, straining with his all his being. Finally he managed to surface to the sound of his own demented wailing bouncing off the walls.
Oh God. Please make it stop.
He sobbed.
***
‘Mum, this is Colin.’ She glanced at him, a reassuring smile. ‘And Colin, this is Betty.’
Doc felt the old lady’s eyes beetle over him, checking him out, exposing him, making him wonder if he’d forgotten to shave or brush his hair... It wouldn’t be the first time.
‘Call me Gran, please.’ Her features melted into a cheery smile, welcoming. She shook his hand and then patted it with the other. ‘Nice to meet you at last. Judy’s told me so much about you...’
Judy’s face splotched red. She called to Josh but Doc saw the look, the warning flash at her mother.
The boy was the image of Judy, and polite too.
‘Pleased to meet you, Doctor Powers.’ Doc shook the tiny hand and smiled at the lad.
‘My name is Colin. Only people who consult me professionally call me Doctor.’ Josh was quizzical, but Doc just added, ‘According to your mum she’s the only one here that might need a psychiatrist, because she says you might be driving her crazy!’ Judy had made the joke on Friday when she had called to confirm the trip.
The little group stood on the platform at Victoria Station, their train due to leave in ten minutes, allowing Doc some time to daydream.
Judy was stunning. Casual, but like a model who had stepped from some genteel country lifestyle magazine. In fact the three of them were so well turned out that his own outfit – check shirt and faded corduroys – was decidedly scruffy by comparison. Natalie would have had a fit.
Natalie.
He felt his conscience prickle. Here he was, not yet four months since her cremation, playing at happy families with this woman he barely knew. He thrust the thought into a box in his mind, nailed it like a coffin and buried it deep, certain his demons would dig it up and rip it open later.
Oh well, he thought, right now I am going to try and have a good day. Baby steps.
The train ride that morning breezed laughter into his crushed and crumbling spirit – Judy’s family was a delight. Joking, teasing, poking fun, but never with malice, the affection and warmth radiating from them sucking him in. He really started to enjoy himself.
Much of the day was spent on the beach, skimming stones and paddling in the chilly water, Josh squealing as he chased seagulls, splashing and filling the air with his joyous laughter. They pick-nicked on the pebbles, a sumptuous feast of delicious sandwiches, pies and cakes, all fresh baked by Gran.
Doc lay back, the ground a lumpy bed, the warmth of the sun soporific as it spread a comfortable glow through his body.
Josh, far from having exhausted himself, pestered Judy to take him to the games arcade. All three adults were reclined, in postprandial nap mode, the food and heat relaxing them to the point of sleep.
Gran creaked her way to her feet, joints protesting and audible to everyone, took Josh’s hand and said, ‘I’ll take him. If I doze off now I’ll not sleep tonight.’ Doc saw her wink at Judy through his half closed eyes. Gran went on, ‘We’ll leave you two sleeping beauties alone for an hour or so. Come
on tiger, let’s go.’
Judy sat up, called after them, ‘Nothing too violent mum, and don’t let him play any of those shoot-em-up video games.’
‘I know. I know. Aliens only. No humans.’ She trudged off, Josh dragging her, their feet crunching the pebbles.
Judy was looking down at Doc, eyes roaming over his face.
‘Are you asleep?’
‘No, just... totally relaxed. I haven’t felt this good for ages. Thanks for inviting me.’
Judy lay back, propped herself on her elbow facing him. Close enough for him to smell her, her scent wholesome and fresh, yet with the promise of excitement. He felt like grabbing her, kissing her. Instead he said, ‘You have a wonderful family. You must be very proud of Josh.’
‘They like you too – they must do to be having such a good time. Believe me, you’d soon know if my mother didn’t!’ She gazed out at the sea, grey-blue waves, topped with froth, breaking with a gentle shush on the shingle. ‘She detests John.’
Doc listened as Judy recounted the events of last weekend. He rolled to face her, head on his hand, supported by his elbow, mirroring her posture. Shocked, he blurted, ‘You hit him?’
‘Twice. I knocked him down! But don’t worry – I don’t make a habit of hitting men.’
‘You really are full of surprises,’ although, as he spoke, Doc remembered his first assessment of her – the lioness, now protecting her young. ‘So how will John react?’
‘He’s in the States.’ Bitterness seethed in her voice. ‘His bloody work is more important to him than our son. Well, sod him! By the time he gets back he’ll be restricted to seeing Josh two weekends a month, daytime only. No more overnight stays, and either I’m with them or he pays for a chaperone.’
‘And Josh?’ He asked gently. ‘What does he say? Have you talked to him?’
‘I’ve explained that his father is so important now – in his company – that he has to share his time more carefully. Josh just nodded, said he hoped his dad would one day own a helicopter.’ She laughed, an incredulous gurgle. ‘Can you believe my son? He not only wants to fly again – he wants to be a helicopter pilot! For his dad!’
Remorseless: A British Crime Thriller (Doc Powers & D.I. Carver Investigate #1) Page 11