“Junie Mae and I will leave you to unpack and rest a bit before supper,” Idalou said. “Our room is next door, so you only have to bang on the wall if you need anything.” Idalou left Mara in hopes that her spirits would improve after she’d had a chance to rest.
“Why is she so angry at Van?” Junie Mae asked when they were in their own room. “I thought she liked him.”
“She’s angry because Van started the fights with Carl. And Carl’s angry because he says if Mara hadn’t encouraged Van to think she liked him, he wouldn’t have had any reason to start a fight. Instead of things getting better between Mara and Carl, they’re getting worse. It might be better if she did marry Van. I’m sure he doesn’t love her like Carl does, but being in love has only made Mara unhappy so far.”
It hadn’t been good for Idalou, either. It hadn’t helped her stop being upset that Will seemed to put Junie Mae’s welfare before hers.
“I need to tell you something,” Junie Mae said, “but I’m afraid you’ll think very badly of me.”
Idalou reached out and grasped Junie Mae’s hands. “You know I won’t. We all make mistakes.”
“Mine was the worst kind possible. What makes it even worse is that I was so stupid.”
“You thought you loved him?”
Junie Mae nodded. “I thought he loved me, too. He said he did. For a while I thought he was the most wonderful man I’d ever met. I hadn’t gotten over my parents’ deaths when Webb died. I didn’t love him,” she hastened to tell Idalou, “but I did like him. Aunt Ella didn’t understand how badly Webb’s death upset me, but he said he did. He comforted me, spent hours letting me talk though all the things that frightened me, made me feel like I was the most important person in the world to him. I would have done anything for him.” She looked down at her stomach. “Obviously, I did too much.”
“You don’t have to tell me any of this,” Idalou said. “I won’t judge you.”
“I’ve already judged myself worse than anybody else can. I need to tell you why Will is helping me. I know it upsets you.”
“It doesn’t. Really.” Inside she was roiling with doubt. She’d convinced herself that Will wasn’t in love with Junie Mae and wasn’t the father of her baby. She didn’t want to hear anything that might resurrect her doubts.
“I don’t believe you,” Junie Mae said. “I know he loves you and you love him, but you’ve always felt that he gives me too much of his attention. He does it because he’s the kindest and most considerate man I’ve ever met. You can’t believe how lucky you are that he loves you.”
Idalou was increasingly uncomfortable with this conversation.
“I know it hurt you when people were whispering that this might be Will’s baby. I hope you never thought it was, but you had every right to think I should have told who the father is. I’ve never told anybody, not even Will, but he saw me when I told the father. Will saw him yell at me that it wasn’t his baby. He saw him tell me he wanted nothing to do with me and to keep away from him. I had collapsed, was crying in the alley behind my aunt’s store. Right then and there I vowed my baby would never know he had that kind of father.”
“Why are you telling me all of this?” Idalou asked.
“Because I have to break my vow and tell you.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do, because he has the power to do great damage to an innocent woman.”
“What are you talking about?”
“He wants to marry Mara. If he does, he’ll destroy her life.”
Idalou thought her strength would give out. “I don’t believe you! Carl would never—”
“It’s not Carl. He loves Mara.”
“Then who—”
Junie Mae didn’t have to break her vow. Idalou knew who she was talking about. “I can’t believe Van would do anything like that.”
“I was unhappy, scared, and very foolish,” Junie Mae said. “When he offered me comfort, I couldn’t turn it down, not even after I knew at what price it came. I think he liked me well enough to marry me, but not at the expense of his father’s plans for him to marry Mara. Not even his own child was that important to him.”
Tears had filled Junie Mae’s eyes and spilled onto her cheeks. She brushed them away.
“I’m going to live with Will’s parents until after my baby is born. They’ve offered to give me a home for as long as I need one. I’ll never be able to repay Will for what he’s done. That’s the reason I’ll be glad to keep Mara company. It’s the first thing I’ve been able to do to repay him for his kindness.”
“A lot of people owe Will a great deal for his kindness, not the least of whom is myself,” Idalou said. “I’m ashamed to admit I haven’t trusted him nearly as much as I should have.”
“You’re a strong-willed woman,” Junie Mae said. “You don’t like to feel that you need anyone. I’m just the opposite, which is why I got into trouble.”
Being strong-willed and stubborn had gotten Idalou into trouble. Will said he liked her because of those characteristics, but it was easy to see how he could dislike her for exactly the same reasons. “It’s not a bad thing to need someone,” Idalou said to Junie Mae. “I suspect Will likes the fact that you need him. He once told me he’s the youngest in his family, that everybody always spoiled him and did things for him. He probably hasn’t had much chance to prove he can take care of someone else. I think a man likes that.”
It wouldn’t be so bad to let Will take care of her. She hadn’t realized it until now, but she sort of liked the idea. She’d been so busy taking care of Carl and the ranch, she’d never thought of anybody taking care of her.
Until she’d met Will, she hadn’t known any man she’d trust to take care of her. Webb had had a streak of immaturity, a daredevil impulse to try something just because it was dangerous. She’d always been the one to advise restraint, to make plans.
Will tended to hang back and think before deciding what to do. He made light of his success and took his responsibilities seriously. He made promises he didn’t need to make, yet he always kept them. He put himself out for people, yet didn’t hold their mistakes against them. He was ready to believe the best of people without being blind to the worst.
He was the finest man she had ever met, and she had done her damnedest to lose him.
“You two don’t need me for this conversation,” Will said to Carl and Mara.
“I want you to stay,” Carl said. “I can’t always figure out how to say what I mean. I might need you to help me.”
That was just about the most ridiculous statement Will had ever heard. He hadn’t managed to make one simple statement to Idalou—I love you—yet Carl thought Will could help him unravel what was going on in his teenage mind.
“I want you to stay, too,” Mara said. “Carl never believes anything I say.”
This was getting even better. There wasn’t a man alive who could fathom how the female mind worked, especially the strong-willed, stubborn type. He hadn’t been able to figure out how his mother and sisters’ minds worked, and he’d been around them for twenty years. Mara was as impressionable as she was impassioned, a combustible mixture if there ever was one.
“I’ll stay, but if things start getting rough, I’m running out the back door.”
Will settled in a chair at his desk and waited, but neither Carl nor Mara seemed to know where to start. “Nothing’s going to get decided unless one of you starts talking,” he said.
“He already knows what I want to say,” Mara said. “I love him and want to marry him.”
“And I’ve already told her that she’s changed her mind so many times, I don’t know what to believe,” Carl said.
“She’s young and has been under a lot of pressure,” Will pointed out.
“Like I haven’t, with her father trying to ruin us.”
“What about your sister blaming my father for everything that happened? Why do you think Webb broke up with her?”
“It’s not
going to help if you two start dragging up every problem from the past,” Will said. “Concentrate on what you really feel now, what you really want.”
He had the answer to both questions for himself. He just hadn’t been able to coax Idalou into forgetting about the things happening around her and concentrate on what was happening inside.
“It’s not that easy,” Carl said. “Mara’s supposed to pretend she’d run away from her father because he won’t let her marry me, but how do I know she wants to?”
“You were there when I told Daddy I wasn’t going to marry Van no matter what he did,” Mara said. “They came up with this plan after that.”
“She’s right,” Will said.
“It’s not just that,” Carl said. “She’ll be marrying a poor man. And don’t say it won’t matter because your father’s rich,” he said when Mara started to speak. “What kind of man would I be if I let my wife’s father support me?”
“I understand what you’re saying and agree with you.” Will could easily understand the boy’s pride, his need to be able to stand on his own two feet. “But don’t discount the possibility that Jordan might have a legitimate job for you. It won’t be supporting you if he makes use of your skills.”
“People will still think he’s supporting me.”
Will had seen this sudden burgeoning of tender self-esteem in his own brothers. Jake and Isabelle had been careful to nurture it. With all the trouble Carl had had, it must be even more important to establish himself as a man.
“There’s something else,” Carl said. “I don’t want to be responsible for coming between Mara and her parents. They’re the only family she’s got. I think it would just about kill her mother to know she had grandchildren a short distance away that she couldn’t see.”
“It won’t be that way,” Mara said. “Mama and Daddy want me to be happy. Once they see I’m happy with you, they’ll change their minds.”
Will could see that Carl wasn’t convinced. It wasn’t hard to understand why. Will had seen nothing in Jordan or his wife to make such a change of heart likely.
“I think we ought to wait until this whole thing with Van’s father is over,” Carl said. “Once we know who’s responsible for all the trouble, we can try to sort everything out and figure out our feelings for each other. Right now everything’s too mixed up.”
“I’m not mixed up,” Mara insisted. “I love you. I always will.”
“I love you, too,” Carl said, “but I’m not ready to talk about getting married. You need to grow up more. Maybe I do, too.”
Mara tried to convince Carl to change his mind, but he held firm. After he left, Mara sobbed on Will’s shoulder until the front of his shirt was damp with her tears. He tried to be sympathetic, yet he couldn’t help wondering why of all the women who insisted upon throwing themselves at him, one of them couldn’t have been Idalou. It was probably his fault. He’d been too polite, too understanding, too willing to stand back and not put any pressure on her. And maybe he’d been a little too willing to go to the aid of any female in trouble. Isabelle had taught him to respect a woman’s independence and to help any woman in need. What she hadn’t taught him was that both those admirable traits could combine to work against what he really wanted.
He had a few lines of his own to untangle.
Chapter Twenty-one
Idalou hadn’t managed to see Will all day. Either she was working or he was out of his office. She’d finally given up and decided to try again tomorrow.
“Are you sure you don’t mind staying with Mara tonight?” she asked Junie Mae.
“I enjoy it,” Junie Mae said. “We have a lot to talk about.” Junie Mae looked at Mara, who was blushing. “She wants to have lots of children and wants to know what it’s like to have a baby.”
“My mother said the last four months were the hardest,” Idalou said. Her mother hadn’t wanted any more children after Carl. “Your aunt asked how you were getting along. I think she’s sorry she made you move out.”
“I think she really does like me and would probably learn to like the baby,” Junie Mae said, “but she couldn’t forgive me for not telling her who the father was.”
“Do some people still think it’s Will?” Mara asked.
Idalou hoped her blushes didn’t give her away. She’d never truly believed Will had fathered Junie Mae’s baby, because common sense told her the timing wasn’t right. It was just jealousy that had kept her from thinking straight. And fear that if she stopped guarding her heart, she’d get hurt again.
Now she wanted Will to know she had put all of that behind her. No more doubt, no more excuses for not admitting her feelings. No more putting everything else in her life before herself. Will was the best thing that had ever happened to her, and she didn’t want to lose him.
“There’ll always be speculation as long as Junie Mae refuses to name the father,” Idalou said, “but Will doesn’t live here and Junie Mae is leaving, so I expect people will forget about it in a few months.”
She stopped by Will’s room, but she wasn’t surprised that she got no answer when she knocked on the door. The priviledge of providing the sheriff with supper had expanded until it covered providing him with entertainment for the evening, too. Idalou had heard that Will had had to sit through adolescents singing, playing the piano, and even dancing. She hoped he was being liberally supplied with whiskey. Even Edwina Sullivan, Dunmore’s legitimate star performer, was hard to take now that she was years past her prime. With Will’s background, he was surely accustomed to the best theater San Antonio and Galveston had to offer.
That thought depressed her even more. She didn’t know anything about San Antonio or Galveston. She probably wasn’t sophisticated enough even for San Angelo, which was nothing compared to Fort Worth or Dallas, neither of which compared to San Antonio or Galveston. She couldn’t imagine why Will would fall in love with anyone like her. What did he see in her? What could they have in common?
She reached her room. She lit a lamp and settled into a chair by the window. In the dark street below, lights from the saloon penetrated the darkness like long, tawny spears. Sounds of music, laughter, shouts, even subdued conversation drifting up on the soft evening air, contrasting with the heaviness that settled inside her. She’d always been weighed down by worries and troubles, but they had never seemed so terrible until Will showed her what her life could be if she would just let go of everything.
She wanted to, she already had, but she was afraid it was too late. She had never let herself want the kind of love he offered. She hadn’t believed it existed, hadn’t believed that men like Will existed.
A knock at the door caused her to jump.
“Idalou, are you in there?”
Will. She leaped to her feet, practically ran the short distance to the door, and wrenched it open. The man she saw standing before her caused her heart to swell until she could barely breathe. How could she not have realized she was in love with him days ago, maybe even weeks? Mara had been dazzled by him on first sight. Junie Mae would have married him in a flash. Nearly every female in Dunmore grew warm at the sight of him, yet she was so distrustful that she hadn’t been able to see that this man was unlike any she’d ever known.
“I was hoping to talk with you before you went to bed,” she said, opening the door so he could enter the room. “There are some things I need to tell you.”
Will didn’t move. “Maybe we ought to talk in the lobby or my office. Or we could take a walk.”
“Are you afraid I’ll take advantage of you?” She couldn’t believe she’d asked such a question. “Come in before somebody hears our conversation and takes it all wrong.”
Will hesitated a moment before entering the room and closing the door behind him. “I suppose you want to know if Sonnenberg has heard that Mara has run away to marry Carl?”
“Yes, but that’s not what I wanted to talk about.”
“Lloyd told him when he was in the bank this afternoon. He
didn’t appear to care one way or the other.”
“Frank Sonnenberg is not a man to show what he’s thinking. Sometimes I think even Van doesn’t know what his father is thinking,” Idalou said.
After what Junie Mae had told her, she was too disgusted with Van to be interested in what he might be doing or thinking. She couldn’t believe she’d misjudged his character so badly. She turned away from Will, walked over to the window, then turned back to face him. He was still standing at the door looking uncomfortable. Could he have decided he didn’t love her anymore and was waiting for a chance to tell her? Had she rebuffed him so many times he’d given up and just wanted to take his bull and go home? He didn’t look like a man in love, only a man who was unhappy to be here.
She tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach, the nausea that filled her throat. He couldn’t have stopped loving her. She couldn’t have waited too long. She had to have one last chance.
“Now that Carl has found the bull, you aren’t in debt anymore,” Will said.
She didn’t want to talk about the bull. She didn’t care about the ranch as long as Carl wasn’t going to lose it. She didn’t care whether Jordan spent one night or ten years in jail. And at the moment, she really wasn’t interested in what Van or his father might be planning. She wanted to tell Will that she’d been wrong to hold back so long, that she loved him and hoped he still loved her.
“The debt will be one less thing to stand between us,” Will said.
Will’s words were like a barrier being torn down, pressure being released, the breaking of fear’s paralyzing grip.
“I didn’t mean to make it a barrier between us,” she said before she could lose her nerve. “I don’t know why I held back from you. I suppose I was too afraid that what we felt wasn’t real and I would be hurt again.”
“Did losing Webb hurt that much?”
She couldn’t tell whether he was sad for her or sad because another man had apparently meant more to her than he did, but his hurt drew her away from the window toward him.
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