Learning to Walk Again

by S. L. Kassidy

  His shoulders slumped. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to bug you. I’m a little freaked out over the whole thing with my crappy partner.”

  She looked at him, really looked at him, standing in the library entrance with the night sky framing him right outside of the glass doors. He had an expression that reminded her of Haydn when he wanted a treat. With a sigh, Nicole put her hand through her hair, brushing stray auburn locks from her face. Damn it, heart, this can lead nowhere good. She didn’t have time for this on several levels. She had a project and partner of her own to worry about, and between work and school there weren’t enough hours in the day. Not to mention, she had a lover at home who was stressed out and was, in turn, stressing her out.

  “I know school can be stressful, but I’m sure you’ll get through it. I’ve already got a lab partner. Even if you follow me home, it’s not going to help.”

  He laughed, throwing his head back and everything. His eyes weren’t as amused, though. There were some worry lines under his dark brown eyes. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be a creep. I’ll let you go.”

  “Thank you.”

  He ducked his head a little, an awkward nod. She gave him one last look before exiting the library. Thankfully, he didn’t follow her, but to be sure, she took a winding route to her car and made sure to stay close to any campus call boxes. He didn’t seem dangerous, but lots of things didn’t seem dangerous and she turned out to be wrong. She felt it better to err on the side of caution tonight. She was able to make it home without problems, but it was still rather late. The glow of the house lights felt warm compared to the night chill.

  “Chem?” Danny called from the living room as Haydn charged Nicole.

  “Hey, love,” Nicole replied, rubbing Haydn’s head. He yelped and nuzzled her stomach, which growled. He barked at her abdomen and nuzzled it again, as if trying to let it know who was the alpha around here. His enthusiastic greeting was more than enough to make her feel happy.

  Danny stopped dead in her tracks and gave Nicole a wide-eyed stare. “Whoa, was that your stomach? Damn it, Chem, I didn’t make anything. Shit.” She grabbed a handful of her onyx locks.

  Nicole blinked. Danny didn’t make anything? She really shouldn’t care, but it still sent a shot through her, like rubbing salt in a wound. No, let it go since you don’t want her stressing herself out anymore. She shook her head. “Baby, please, don’t do that. It’s okay.”

  “Hell, no, it’s not okay. I wasn’t thinking.” Danny rubbed her brow. “I just got in too late.”

  “Danny, honey.” Nicole went to Danny and grabbed her into a hug, wanting to assure both of them. Dinner didn’t matter. The press of Danny, her warmth and subtle scent made up for the lack of food. How does she make me feel like this even when we’re on different pages? It made her want to get back on the same page. “It’s okay. I can fend for myself. You’ve been making more meals than you should anyway.”

  “But, I was here!” Danny stepped out of her embrace to throw her hands up wildly. “I know you’re going to be hungry. You’ve been out all day. The least I could do is make dinner.”

  “I don’t need you to make dinner for me when you work all day, too,” Nicole insisted. Why was Danny so stubborn? I’m sure she wonders the same about you. “You don’t need the added stress.”

  Danny shook her head. “I was here first, though. I just grabbed a slice of pizza after work and wasn’t thinking. I could’ve at least got you one, too, but it would’ve been way too cold.” Danny paced a few steps.

  Nicole grabbed Danny’s hand. “Baby, so what? It’s not the end of the world. I’ll pull something together to eat. It’s late. I shouldn’t have anything heavy either.”

  “It doesn’t matter. Damn it, I could’ve at least had a sandwich or something waiting for you. I mean, damn.” Danny made a crazy arm gesture.

  Nicole stepped over to Danny again and grabbed her once more. She caressed Danny’s hand with her thumb. Danny didn’t pull away, but she also refused to look at Nicole. Nicole crumbled on the inside. Danny wanted to take care of her so bad, and she couldn’t fault Danny that. She felt the same way. She needed to make sure Danny didn’t tear herself apart trying to take care of Nicole, for both their sakes. After all, if Danny went insane, Nicole would have to follow.

  “Danny, it’s not that serious,” Nicole said, sneaking a little kiss.

  Danny sighed. “I just want to take care of you and instead, I got wrapped up in my stupid music.”

  “Hey!” Nicole gave her lover’s hand a tug, which got Danny to look at her. “Your music is not stupid. It’s important. Your job is important. It’s equal to my work and school. You’re not second to me, Danny. We’re equal in this.”

  Danny pouted, lip poked out and everything. “But, I got home first.”

  Nicole gave her another hug, hoping it helped. “So, what? If I was really thinking or as hungry as my stomach makes me out to be, I’d have stopped for something on the way.”

  Danny frowned. “Why would you? I cook all the time.”

  “But, you don’t have to.”

  “I want to!” Danny stomped her foot.

  Nicole wanted to scoff, but offered a soft smile and reached up to caress Danny’s cheek. “Love, you know I appreciate it, but this isn’t the end of the world. You don’t need to be so upset. Can we sit down and talk for a while? You don’t need to get worked up.”

  “I’ve been ignoring you, not treating you right.”

  “No, you haven’t. You got wrapped up in your work, and you made it up to me with an apology and a gift.” Nicole wasn’t exactly over it yet, but time would heal that sore and once Danny wasn’t as tightly wound as she was, they’d be able to move on. “It’s all right. We’re all right.”

  Danny looked down at the floor and nodded, but gnashed her teeth and had fists clench tight enough her hands shook. It hurt to see Danny out of sorts. She knew completing the score weighed on Danny’s shoulders, but she hoped Danny wasn’t collapse under that weight.

  “Love, let’s go upstairs and you can tell me all about your day,” Nicole suggested with a smile. She’d like to be able to give Danny a massage and hear about what was going on. Maybe they could even do a little more, if it played out right. It had been a while since they were intimate.

  Danny arched an eyebrow. “You’re sure? You don’t want something to eat?”

  “It’s fine. Come on.” She tugged Danny toward the stairs. Whatever was troubling Danny was more important.

  “But…” Danny whimpered and glanced toward the kitchen. “Dishes.”

  “Let them sit until morning. It’s fine.”

  “And Haydn.”

  “He can be spoiled for a day and come with. God knows he hasn’t seen enough of me in the past couple of weeks.”

  School was expectedly consuming, but she missed their little family. Haydn could spend the night with them. They prepared for bed while Haydn made himself comfortable at the foot of the bed. Once Danny was down, Nicole settled behind her and began rubbing her shoulders.

  “Angel, you don’t have to.” Danny tried to shrug off her hands.

  “I want to. Take it and tell me about your day.” Nicole kneaded tense muscles. Massaging Danny, being allowed to do this, soothed Nicole like hot tea on a cold morning. She kissed the top of Danny’s back tattoo, the one that read “demon.”

  “It was pretty normal. Andrew came in at one point to tell us to calm down the noise, whatever the hell that means. He’s like a cranky neighbor on TV or something. Dougie still insists there needs to be more woodwinds in everything. Pedro almost swallowed his sax trying to play a bit I wrote for him the other day.” Danny laughed a little, like the day was fun because of these things rather than in spite of them.

  “Are you writing overly complicated things?” Nicole asked, teasing a little.

  “Nothing these guys can’t handle. Pedro eventually got it and it sounded on point. Lennox came up with a good riff for a piece me
and Samiyah came up with the other day.”

  Nicole stiffened for a moment. Her stomach twisted and turned. Danny spent a lot of time with Samiyah. You already know that. It’s nothing. It shouldn’t bother me. No, it doesn’t bother me. Okay, it bothers me a little. Samiyah got to see more of Danny than she did and they seemed to be on better terms than Nicole felt she was with Danny. It wasn’t fair.

  “You’re enjoying it?” Nicole hit a particular spot that made Danny moan. Can Samiyah do that? God, she hoped not.

  “The rubdown or the gig?” Danny shifted and mewed a little.

  “I can guess the answer to the former.”

  Danny laughed. “But, not the latter?”

  “You sound like you’re having fun, even when you have writer’s block or have to deal with Andrew.”

  Danny shrugged and hunched over a little. Nicole worked lower. There were more moans and little purrs. Nicole missed these sounds. They had both been too busy the past couple of weeks to do more than cuddle when they got into bed. She hadn’t been in the mood to try anything more and Danny hadn’t made any moves since the necklace incident. Maybe that’s why I feel a little raw when she brings up Samiyah.

  Leaning in, Nicole kissed down Danny’s spine, hitting each letter in the demon tattoo. Danny shivered, and Nicole couldn’t help going in for another kiss while her fingers traced the angel wings Danny had tattooed on her back in Nicole’s honor. Danny turned at that one.

  “Kisses are better done here.” Danny pointed to her lips.

  “Maybe I want to trace your tattoos with my tongue.” Nicole smirked. She retraced the right angel wing on Danny’s shoulder.

  Danny trembled a little. “Such dirty talk.”

  Nicole chuckled. “Wow, this qualifies as dirty talk? It’s been awhile, huh?”

  Danny turned all the way around and gathered Nicole up in her arms. “Since your birthday.”

  That was over a month ago. It didn’t feel like a month, but it felt like they hadn’t connected enough lately. She kissed Danny and Danny kissed her back. Next thing Nicole knew, the firm mattress was pressed against her back and Danny was above her. The press of Danny’s body was a soothing welcome. She clutched Danny’s shoulders, trying to pull her even closer. And then, the next thing she knew, she was asleep.

  ***

  Dane could only smile at Nicole when she drifted off when they broke for air. Nicole falling asleep didn’t hurt like it did when Nicole flat out rejected her, saying she wasn’t in the mood. Nicole had been willing this time, but her body wasn’t able. Nicole had been out of the house for over fourteen hours. In the past, Dane wouldn’t have understood how arduous that could be, but now with a steady gig and a loving home, she knew how bothersome it could be to be gone for hours on end.

  “Sleep well, angel.” Dane kissed Nicole’s forehead before getting her under the covers. She pulled Nicole close and closed her eyes.

  Exhaling, she held onto the loose feeling Nicole rubbed into her muscles. I have to take it easy. She still wants me. Nicole didn’t need her to be perfect. It was like Samiyah told her. Some things needed to be fine. Nicole wanted her to be fine. I have to take it easy, but I must do this job right. The thoughts alone hurt her head. She blew out a slow sigh.

  When Dane woke up, she was alone in bed. That was new and she wasn’t sure she liked it. As she suspected, Nicole was downstairs making breakfast. After such a tiresome day, she didn’t want Nicole starting off another day with a task she didn’t need to do. Besides, she could make up for not having dinner ready.

  Not bothering to get dressed, Dane rushed downstairs, hoping she’d be able to step in and finish up breakfast. Unfortunately, things seemed to be done. Nicole was still in her pajamas with Haydn moving around her, but breakfast was on the counter, along with a glass of orange juice.

  “Good morning,” Nicole said, smiling. She blatantly checked Dane out, as if her basketball shorts and tattered tee were sexy.

  “Good morning. You know you didn’t have to do this,” Dane replied. The drowning feeling was back, and she wasn’t sure how long she’d be able to keep her head above water.

  Nicole sighed, but continued to smile at her. “Danny, baby, can I please do something around here? I live here, too. Just like you’re happy to pay bills, I’m happy to do chores.”

  Nicole was right, but Dane still had this driving desire to be a housewife. She wanted to keep Nicole from throwing her away, like everyone else in her life, but she also knew Nicole wouldn’t throw her away. The notion that Nicole would keep her no matter what made her want to do everything and more as thanks.

  Dane was aware she had to fight against this instinct to basically be Nicole’s servant. Nicole didn’t want a servant. Nicole wanted a companion, a lover, a partner. And Dane honestly wanted to be a partner. Stop trying to do it all. Let her be there for you. She’s not going to throw you away, idiot. Dane wished she could believe that, but her mind got lost in the rejection from days ago.

  Dane put her hand through her hair. “I’m sorry, Nick.” She shook her head.

  “Baby, we’re a team, right?”

  Dane nodded. They were a team. They made each other better. They supported each other and pushed each other through hard times. We’ve proven that. Then, why is it suddenly so hard to believe?

  “It sucks to know I have stupid abandonment issues,” Dane grumbled. Feel like such a fucking cliché.

  Nicole took Dane’s hand. She liked when Nicole held her hand. It tethered her to the world. She wasn’t sure why, but it reminded her that there were good things in the world, good things that wanted to connect with her. She pulled her close, giving her a proper hug and kiss.

  “It’s okay, love. We’re in a relationship and we want to maintain it,” Nicole said, holding Dane tight.

  “Yeah, we are. Again, I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry. We both know from experience there’ll be ups and downs. We just must press on. Let’s eat and then get dressed. Just so you know, I’ll also handle dinner tonight, okay?”

  Dane wanted to argue, but it didn’t make sense to do that. I need to let Nicole do things. I have to act like we’re a team because we are. They ate and dressed and were off to work. Slowly, the ball of anxiety in her chest unraveled, but never truly left. She’d be able to forget about it at work, though.

  “Dane, tell your crew of savages to keep their asses in that room!” Andrew barked before she was even all the way in the damned theater.

  Dane rolled her eyes. “And good morning to you, too, Andrew.” She blew him a kiss. He glared at her, and she couldn’t help smirking. Sometimes, I wish I could see into his head and know how much it pisses him off when I look at him like this. “Look, whatever Lennox did, I’m not responsible for him.” Lennox could be immature when he had free time on his hands. It was possible he was harassing the actors or asking the prop people if there was anything they’d let him take home.

  “He’s a menace and your responsibility. Keep your musicians back there or I’ll start firing people, starting with you.” Andrew stuck his finger in her face.

  Her eyes rolled once more. I better be careful before my eyes fall outta my damn head with this guy. To save her eyes and her sanity, she escaped by sidestepping him. “Uh-huh.”

  “You think I can’t? Just because one producer likes you doesn’t mean anything. I could have you out of here like that.” Andrew snapped his fingers.

  Dane waved him off. If she could get through the day without one of the musicians doing something silly, ridiculous, or immature, she marked it as a success. At least they tended to keep their shenanigans in the music room.

  “Everybody here? Great! Let’s begin,” Dane announced as she marched into the orchestra room. She wasn’t even sure if everyone was there.

  “I’ve got stuff to share after talking to my acting counterpart,” Lennox said with a grin. It was good to know he wasn’t wasting time when he was ‘bothering’ the actors.

  “Goo
d. Everybody, let’s get to it.” Dane clapped her hands.

  Her motley band assembled—thankfully they were all there—and went through their rounds with new insight since they had spoken with the actors. They tended to practice the songs in the order of the scenes of the play. Each time they did it, they improved, but it was noticeable now that they had better understandings of the characters. They made it through three songs before they had a surprise guest. Calvin showed up. Dane paused the practice to go greet him at the door.

  “Hey, sir,” Dane said, leaning over to shake his hand. He hovered around the theater some days, but not often. This was the first time he made it to their little space. She wasn’t sure if it was because he trusted her or if he had other things to worry about.

  “Hey, Dane. Just coming to check on the production. I watched the actors go through some scenes. Now, I thought I’d sit in with you guys for a while.”

  That sounded logical, especially since she didn’t know how these sorts of things worked. If not that, then she suspected Andrew gave Calvin a call, possibly knowing she had writer’s block on a few pieces. If that was the case, the joke was on him. She had a good deal of the score worked out enough to show Calvin her work. As long as everyone played like they had been, and no one decided they needed a solo, things should be fine.

  “Sure. Here, meet the orchestra.” Dane introduced him around.

  Calvin made sure to shake everyone’s hand and find out what they played. Then he took a seat, which creaked and scratched the floor. Everyone winced at the sound, and Dane hoped it didn’t squash their vibe. They went back to work.

  Dane pretended Calvin wasn’t there. Thankfully, they acted professional with the play producer sitting there. Calvin sat with them for an hour, the smoothest hour she had with her group. It was almost a little boring, but it allowed them to troubleshoot different spots.