thesefourwallsthathaveheldmeprisonerforsevendays,andtofacetheglancesofMarkand AlessandrowhowillthinkIamcrazy.OrthatI'maliar.Awriterofromanticnovelswhohas smokedajointandhaslethermindinventimpossiblefantasies.Worstofall,Mark'sfatherisn
´t alive anymore to corroborate him, although he never suspected anything, nor was he responsiblefortheactshecommitted.NorisIsabellatoaffirmit.I'malone.Iamtheonlyone whoknowsthetruthofastoryinwhichIhaveinvoluntarilybeeninvolved.
It's five oćlock in the afternoon. The internet connection is desperately slow and the documentthatIhavetosendtoCindyisstillbeingloaded.Normally,frommybedroom,Ihear thevoicesofMark,AlessandroandAmy,butIseemtohearsomeoneelse.Avoicethatisvery familiartome.IgetgoosebumpswhenIhearit.Itcan´tbe...Itcan´tbehim.Heshouldbein Baliwiththetwenty-five-year-oldblonde.
"Mom!Mom,comedown!"
Amyshoutsatme.Theattacheddocumenthasbeensentsuccessfully.Oh,God...Thiscan´t behappening.Itcan´tbehappening.
MARK
Thesearebeingdifficultandstrangedays.AweekagoIsabelladiedandalthoughitwill beimpossibletoforgeteverythingthathappenedinsuchashorttime,wetrytocontinueliving asnormally.Alessandrohasfascinatedme,heisaveryspecialboy.Heisfondofcookingand fortunately,IhavebeenstruckbythatenthusiasmfortheprofessionthatIhadalreadygaveup for lost. He has given me ideas that I have immediately passed on to the managers of my restaurantsandmadesomesurprisingingredientcombinations.Hehashelpedmetoinnovate newdishes,experimentandtrydeliciousflavors,thatifitwereformetheywouldneverhave been discovered. He even supported me on the TV programme that I will start working in a fewweeks;hesaidthatitdidnotseemlikeagoodideaifIwantedtocontinuebeingaserious andrespectablechef;Butthatatleast,itwouldbefuntobeabletoboastwithhis"flatmate thatisonTV."
"You'reagenius"Itoldhimtheotherday.
"I'm lucky to work with the best" he said, looking at me with admiration and smiling at Amy,whoisalwayswithusandveryattentiveofAlessandro.
Strangedays.Saddaysbutwithjoyfulandfunmoments.It'sgoingtobegreat,forsure.I ampositiveaboutit.
Throughout these days, I have hardly seen Alice. She has locked herself in her bedroom and focused on her novel, she has spent most of the hours writing. I understand that writers needthosemomentsofsolitudesothatthemusesorwhatever,comeandvisitthem;Butinthe fewmomentsshehasbeenwithus,shehasbeencoldanddistant.Shedidnotlookmeinthe eyeatanymoment,andwhenIaskedherseveraltimes,ifshewantedtogoforawalkaround thetown,shehasonlyshookherheadabsorbedinherworldandfarfromme.WhendidIthink Icouldbenearher?Atwhatpointdiditcrossmymind?Iwanttotalktoherandknowwhat shereallythinksaboutallthis.Maybeshe'suncomfortable,maybeshedoesn´tknowwhatto say or what to do. Maybe she isn´t the simple, easy-to-treat woman I thought she was. Once again, I've gone overboard and gone wrong. It's already difficult to really know someone in years, why did I think that I knew everything about Alice, if it’s only a month ago that I met her?
WhentalkingtoCindy,whofeltreallysorryforthelossofIsabellaandwasdumbfounded whenshefoundoutIwouldn´treturntoNewYorkalone;shetoldmethatAlicewasabitlike this: "It's very common, don´t worry! Alice often isolates herself from the world and all the distractionsthatmayaffectherwhenshehastowork.Especiallyhavingasmuchpressureasin the current situation... "And then, she interrogated me about Alessandro, about these days in Tuscany and insisted that there must have been something going on between Alice and me.
"Therehasn´tbeen,andthereisn´tanything,Cindy.Iswear"Irepeatedahundredtimes,tostop herinsisting."So,you'regoingtokeepbreakingheartsallaroundyou,Hope"shesaidwitha laugh. I did not answer to that. No one can change overnight. I plan to continue having adventures,IintendtostayawayfromthosewomenwhocanbreakmyheartandIwanttohave fun;Enjoyeverymoment.ButI'mnotgoingtopretendtobesomeoneI'mnot."Mark,Ididnot thinkyouweresosensitive"Amytoldmeafewdaysago.IwasandIam.Isetonfirethehard
and insensitive shell. "Life can change in a matter of seconds. Even people can, Amy" I replied.Shenodded,tookmyhandandhelditaffectionatelyagainsthercheek.
Theex
IfearthemomentwhenAlicewillgetoutofherbedroom,godownthestairsandface herex-husband.Idon´tknowhowAmycameupwiththeideaofinvitinghim,hopingtocome backwithhermotherwhenshefoundoutthathehadbrokenupwiththetwenty-five-year-old blondegirl.Itislogical.Asondoesn´twantthebestforhisparents,hewantsthebestandthe easiestforhimself:tobetogetheragain.
Jack isn´t the man I had imagined. In my mind, he was a man in his forties, athletic and attractive,whohadbeenabletohookupwithayounggirl,havingtheopportunitytoleavehis lifelongwife.NowthatIhavehisinfrontofme,Idon´tknowwhatAliceorthetwenty-five-year-oldblondesawinhim.Shortandplump,hehasanunkemptgraybeard,whichcontrasts withthelittlehairthatremainsonhishead.Hiseyesaresmall,ofadarkgreencolorandhis nosewiththeglitteringpoint,toobig.
"Dad! " Amy exclaimed as she opened the door. She hugged him, and he, somewhat arrogantandcold,justpattedherback."Goodthingyoucame.Momdoesn´tleavetheroomor eat.She’sreallyweird!Writing,youknow...Look,I'llintroduceyoutoMark.He'stheowner ofthishouse,Cindy'sbrother,remember?Mom'sagent.Ofcourseyouknow.Well..."Shehas turnedredlikeatomato,havingtointroduceher"newboyfriend"."Andhe'sAlessandro,my boyfriend."
Amy, nervous, hasn´t stopped talking at all times. Jack shook hands with me and Alessandroandlookedatusindifferently;payingmoreattentiontothestairsonwhichAlice shouldcomedownatanymoment.
"HowaboutBali,Dad?SothatgirlfriendyoudumpedMomforisoutofyourlife,right?
Youdon´tknowhowhappyIam!Momandyouhavetogetback,you'llseehow..."
"Call for your mother" interrupted Jack, with that arrogance and dryness with which characteriseshim.Itmakesmewanttobreakhisteeth.IsupposeAlessandrothinksthesame abouthisfather-in-law.
"Sure,Dad"Amysaysdisappointedly."Mom!Mom,comedown!"
ALICE
IcouldpretendIamdeaf.AsifIhadnotheardanything.Icouldjumpoutthewindow andgetawayfromhere.TakeataxiinMontepulcianoanddemandtotakemetotheairportand back to New York. After all, Amy is with Mark, she's in good hands and he'd be the one to bringherhomesafeandsound.
"Mom!"Amyinsistsfromdownstairs.
Igetupfromthechairmakingasuperhumaneffortandapproachthedoor.Iopenitslowly, asif I wantedthe moment tolast forever. It maysound dramatic, butthe abyss looms before me,whenIamatthethresholdofthestairsabouttogotoaninevitabledestination,andhaveto seemyex-husbandaftermonthswithoutanynewsabouthim.
I stop under the archway leading to the living room, where Mark, Alessandro, Amy and Jackare,sittingonthecouch.Thefourofthemlookatme,eachone’slookisdifferent.Isee excitementandhopeinAmy'seyes;ConfusionandfearinMark's;Alessandroseemstoknow nothing at all and as for Jack it is as if he had seen the immensity of the sky before him. He approachesmeandgivesmeaneffusivehugthatIrefusetocorrespond.Marksmiles,frowns, andshrugsatmyreaction.I'dliketoaskwhyMarkallowedhimtogetin.Whyhehasn´tbeen soboorandarrogantwithhim,ashewaswithmeandmydaughterthefirstdaywemetinthis samehouse.
; "Whatareyoudoinghere?"IaskJackcoldly.
"Alice,youdon´tknowhowmuchIneedyou.Please,let'stalk.Ineedtotalkwithyou."
"YouandIdon’thaveanythingtotalkabout."
"Mama,please..."Amysays.
"Didyouarrangeallthis?"Didyoucallandtellhimtocome?"Iaskherfuriously.
"Yesmom.Itwasme.Becauseheissingleandyoudon´tknowwhattodowithyourlife sinceheisn´twithyou."
"Amy,shutup!Youknownothing!Youhavenoidea!"Ishoutather.
AssoonasIseehertears,Iwanttobackoffforafewsecondsandsaynothingelse.Iwant tosuppressthefurythatIfeelrightnowthatIhaveJackinfrontofmyeyesandnotpayitwith mydaughterasthemaincauseoftheuncomfortableandunexpectedsituation.
MarkandAlessandrocomeuptoAmytoprotecther,andIhavenochoicebuttotakeJack out of the room, and talk to him in private, like two grown-ups that we are, to make certain thingsclear.
"There's lemonade in the garden. In case you want some "says Mark, the perfect host, wrappinghisarmsaroundmydaughter.
Myhandsareshaking.Alsothechin.Iammakingagreateffortnottocry.Jackfollowsme andwesitinthegarden.Ipourmyselfarefreshingglassoflemonadeandsecondslater,Jack doesthesame.
"Ididnotthinkyou'dreactlikethatwhenyousawme,Alice"Jacksays.
"Didn’t you? And what were you expecting? A ... Oh, you're finally here! You're finally back!HowmuchIhavemissedyou!"Ilaugh.Ilaughnottocry.
"No,butalittlemorejoy,atleast."
"Jack.Wesignedsomepapers,youmadeyourowndecisions.Andworstofall,isthatin allthistime,itseemsthatyoudidn’tonlyseparatefromme,butalsofromyourdaughter.That iswhathurtsme,ithasmademeseethatyouaretheworstpersonIknowinthisworldandI don´tknowhowIhavebeenwithyouforsomanyyears."
"Well..."shemurmurs.
"Iwantyoutodisappearfrommylife,butnotfromAmy's.Amyneedsyou,infactIthink she gets along so well with Mark because she has tried to find in him what you have never givenher."
"AndthatMark...Areyouwithhim?"
"Ofcoursenot.It'sCindy'sbrother,wejustmetinthishouseand...andIdon´thavetogive youexplanations,Jack.Iwantyoutogetoutofhere."
"Donotyouevengivemeachance?"
Istareathim.VacationinginBalihastannedhisskin,buttheyoungladyhe'sbeenwithhas lefthimwithlesshaironthehead.Ichuckle,thatmakesJackthinkhestillhashope.
"Thatisayes?"
"Sorry...Iwasthinkingof...nothing,forgetaboutit."
Buttheonewhocan´tstoplaughingisme.Jacklooksatmeindisbelief,Itellhimtowaita momentuntilthissilly,nervouslaughdisappearsfromme.ButIcan´t...Ican´tstoplaughing.
AndI'mstilllaughingmore,whenMarkpeeksoutandasksifeverythingisokay.
"Whathaveyoudrunk,Alice?"Jackasksseriously.
"Sorry...sorry...Yes,Mark,allgreat.Come,youcanstaywithus."
"No,ofcoursehecan´tstaywithus"Jacksays.
"It'smyhouse,Jack.IcangowhereverIwant"Marksays."Andthetruthis,thatalthough Amyishappytoseeyou,youareapersonanongrata.Isitcalledso,Alice?"
"That'sright,Mark.
"Isee.Ithoughtwecouldbebacktogether,Alice."
"Howmany"Isaysuddenly.
"What?"Jackasks.
"Howmanywomenwereyouwithwhileyouweremarriedtome?"
Silence as an answer. Doubt in the expression of his eyes, affirming everything I had suspectedforsolong,inwhichIhadlivedwithablindfoldonmyeyes.
"GowithAmy.GoforawalkaroundMontepulciano,you'lllikeit.Andleavemealone."
ThelasttimeIsawJack,itwasinourlawyer'soffice.Wesignedthedivorcepapersand shared the properties. Jack did not look at me once. I, desperate and with tears in the eyes, alwayssearchedhiseyesandhiscomfort.Ididnotgetit.Ineverbelieved,afterallthis,thatI fellsolowandflewsomanymilestorecover.
"Iwantyoutobehappy,Jack.Thankyouforgivingmesuchagreatdaughter,it'sthebest thingyou'vedoneandyou'lldoinyourlife,believeme."
Jacknodsinsilence,looksatMarkandthenatme.Amylooksathimfromthehallway,I thinkJackwillhugherandtakeherforawalkaroundMontepulcianoasIhavesuggested;But insteadheignoresherandleavesthehouseslammingthedoorbehindher.Thesceneimpacts me,itintensifiesthefeelingalotmoreatseeingAmycryinglikeshe'sanunprotectedgirlwho hasjustlostthemostvaluablethinginherlife.IruntoherandhugherashardasIcan.
"Whyisit,Mom?Why?"Sheasksbetweensobs.
"It’sallright,honey,it’sallgood..."
"Ineverwanttoseehimagain.Never."
MARK
PoorAmy.Inawaysheremindsmeofmyownperson.Myfatherwasaguyjustlike Jack.Hard,coldandunforgiving;Theybelievetheyowntheworldandthefeelingsofothers.
Theymistreattheirwomenbydeceivingthemwithothers,andignoretheirchildrenwhenthey need them the most. Always busy, always thinking about themselves, they don´t realize what reallymatters.That'swhymysisterandIarewhatweare.Wehaven´tgotmarriedandhave hadnochildren;Perhapsforfearofhurtingthem,justasmyfatherdidtoourmotherandus.
ThepainofothersaffectsmemorethanIthought;Irealizedthattwocompletestrangers,have becomeessentialinmylifeandsoIwanttopassitontoAliceandAmy.Whenwereturnto NewYork,wewillnotliveunderthesameroof,butIwouldliketokeepintouchwiththem.
When Alice finishes soothing Amy, she tells her to go with Alessandro to take a tour of Montepulciano. When the teenagers leave, Alice sighs and approaches me in the garden waitingwithmyglassoflemonade.Alicelightsacigarette.Shelooksexhaustedandsad,still doesn´tlookintomyeyes.
"Somethingwrong?"Iask.
"No,nothing..."
"Youfinishedthenovel?"
Shenods.
"We must celebrate! Do you want all four of us to dine at a great restaurant I know in Montepulciano?"
"Maybe."
"Alice,what'swrong?SinceIsabelladiedyoulockedyourselfinyourbedroom,youhave hardlygoneoutortalkedtous.Youcan´tevenlookmeintheeye.Hasitaffectedyousomuch?
"
Atlastshelooksatme.Ahostoffeelingscomestraighttome.Ithinkofthatnon-datewe had in New York, the literary critic who bittered me at night and the day that Alice slapped Angelo,ofwhomwehaven´theard.IalsothinkaboutAmyandhowmuchIthoughtaboutAlice the night I was with Isabella. Now that she's gone, I've convinced myself that what we had wasn´t love. That may sound ridiculous if we were in love with the memory, but we had nothing else. We were two strangers who made love, with the sole purpose of having a nice memorytogetherandagoodtasteattheendoftheirlives.Justthat,nothingmore."
Now, my heart is racing for Alice. The promises I have made to myself, to ignore the womenwhocandestroyme,areofnouse.Withherisdifferent.AndIdon´tknowifshewill feelthesame;Ifshecan´tlookmeintheeyesbecauseofshyness,fearorbecauseshethinks she doesn´t attract me. It may be a good time to confess all the mess I have in my head and makeherunderstandthatshecantrustme.ThatmytimeasCasanovaisoverandthatIhave learnedtovalueotherthings.
"Itwasveryhard,wasn´tit?"Shesaysatlast.
"We'llgetoverit"Isay,smiling.
"Whatapitytohavetoleaveallthis...togobacktoNewYork...itmakesmefeellazy."
"Youcancomebackwheneveryouwant."
> "We'renotpersonasnongratasanymore?"Shelaughs.
"Youknowthatyouaren’t.It'sbeenaweirdsummer,youknow?"
"Veryweird,indeed."
"Alice,doyoulikeme?"Iasksuddenly.Aliceopenswidehereyesandsmiles.Shepuffs onthecigaretteandsipssomelemonade.Suddenlyshestartstolaugh.
"Whatquestionisthat,Hope?Ithoughtyoulikedthoseofthirty."
"Thatisano?ShouldIinsistorshutup?"
"Mark, I think you're confusing yourself. Everything that has happened with Isabella, AlessandroandAmy;Thisplacethatissoidyllic...Idon´tknowwhyyouaskmewhetherI likeyouornot.InafewdayswewillreturntoNewYork,youwillworkonthatprogramfor womenintheirearlymenopauseandIwillbepromotingmynovel.Wewillforgeteachother and..."
"Will we forget each other?" I interrupt. "Does that mean you think of me as something morethanafriend?"
"It'spossible,Mark.Idon´ttellyouno,Idon´tknow...IrememberthemomentwhenIsaw youenterthedoorofyourrestaurant,thenightofournon-date.Shestartstolaugh.Andyes,I thoughtyouwereveryattractive...butthenyouscreweditupinsuchawaythat...Ididnot wanttoseeyouthatwaywhenwegothereandwesawyouinthepool.Whenyoutreatedusso badly.Dayshavepassed,differentthingshavehappenedtousandnowIthinkyouaregreat.
"Idon´tlikethatofyouaregreat."
"Ihaven´tfinished.Yes,IlikeyouMark"shesaysatlast."OfcourseIlikeyou,butthisisn
´tthebesttimeto..."
I kiss her. I have always been a man of action and few words. Alice gives in, puts no impedimentandplacesahandonthebackofmyneck.Howmanyyearswithoutfeeling,how manyyearswithoutknowingwhatitfeelsliketogivearealkiss.Atthemoment,Iknowthat what I felt when I kissed Isabella the last night of her life, was only a small confusion and illusionofthatteenagerthatstillremainsinme.
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