I didn’t have time to answer, which was good since I didn’t have an answer. Just then we heard a sound, like a car door closing. I turned my head and saw that several cars . . . a bunch of cars had pulled up at the curb and people were getting out.
Boris squinted toward the sound. “What’s going on over there?”
“I don’t know, people in the park, I guess.”
“Doing what?”
“I don’t know. Put on your glasses and look for yourself.”
He put on his glasses, and I tried not to laugh at how silly he looked. “Hey, they’re carrying covered dishes. Food. Freezers of ice cream and lawn chairs. Somebody’s cooking hamburgers. You know what? I think it’s a picnic.”
“And I’m going to cry. Nobody ever invites me to a picnic.”
“Stop blubbering! This could be your big opportunity. Picnic, people. Somebody in that crowd needs a dog.”
“Yeah, but not one like me. Nobody wants a little mutt with a stub tail.”
“Get off your duff and go work the crowd!”
“I can’t.”
“If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for me. Go find yourself a home . . .” He stepped right up into my face. “. . . so I can go home!”
“You don’t need to scream.”
“Of course I do. You’re deaf, blind, and lazy. If somebody wasn’t standing over you and screaming, you’d turn into a toadstool. Go work the crowd, move it!”
I took a few steps toward the crowd and stopped. “What’ll I do?”
He let out a groan. “Am I a dog? Have I ever been a dog? Do I know what a dog does to make himself irresistible? Whimper, look cute, look pitiful, roll over, shake hands, do a trick, chase a ball, beg.”
“Yeah, but what if they hate dogs?”
He snatched off his glasses and pointed them at me. “Okay, buddy, that’s enough! Do you want me to bite your tail again?”
“Not really. It hurt like crazy.”
“Then beat it, go work the crowd. I’ll be watching.”
Well . . . he didn’t leave me much choice. With a heavy heart, I trudged over to the picnic tables. I already knew how this was going to turn out: another big flop. No one was better at making flops than me.
A group of men stood around the charcoal cooker, talking about the weather and the wheat crop and pasture conditions, so I drifted over there and sat down. See? I knew it. They didn’t even look at me. I was ready to call it quits and go home, only I didn’t have a home anymore. My mother had kicked me out.
I sure felt discouraged, but before I could sneak off and hide, that bossy little bat swooped past and yelled, “Do a trick!”
A trick. Did I know any tricks? Maybe one. I’d learned how to shake hands, so I moved over to the group of the men and held up my paw and waited for someone to notice and shake my hand and laugh and say I was cute and take me home.
I stood there for two whole minutes and got no takers. Just what I figured. They hated dogs, every last one of them, and they hated me most of all. But before I could sneak off, Boris swooped past again and yelled, “Scratch that man on his leg!”
“What? Splash on his leg? I don’t think that’s a good idea.” But Boris had already disappeared. I studied all the legs in front of me, about twenty-five of them. Well, I thought to myself, here goes.
The guy whose leg I splashed didn’t notice it for a minute, until he felt water in his shoe, and when he whirled around, it wasn’t to shake hands. He screeched and chased me under a picnic table.
Boy, that one backfired. The rest of the men howled with laughter, but the one I’d splashed kept shooting me angry looks. I was ready to give up, but the bat landed in the grass nearby.
“What was that all about?”
“I did what you said. I splashed on his leg.”
His eyes rolled up to the sky. “I said SCRATCH on his leg! Scratch on his leg to get his attention, then shake hands.”
“Oh. I wondered about that. Well, I got his attention.”
“Oh brother!”
“Can I leave now? Everybody hates me.”
“No. Stay and work the crowd.” He put on his glasses and pointed to a group of children romping around in the grass. “Aha, kids. That’s the ticket. Everybody loves a dog who plays with kids.”
“What if they make fun of my tail?”
“They won’t make fun of your tail. They’re sweet, they’re nice.”
“They’re noisy.”
The bat puffed himself up and hissed, “Well, too bad. Get over there and play ball with the kids.”
“I’m not very athletic.”
“I don’t care.”
“I don’t know how to play ball.”
“Figure it out. Go!”
Drat. It sure sounded like a lot of trouble. Oh well. I wandered over to the group of kids who were throwing a little rubber ball around. One of them saw me and . . . gosh, he smiled and seemed glad to see me.
“Hi puppy. You want to play ball?”
Oh sure. Ball. How fun.
“Okay, I’ll throw the ball and you go fetch.” He gave the ball a toss. “Fetch! Fetch!”
Fetch? That was a new one on me. It sounded like “catch” but I couldn’t see any way of catching a ball he’d thrown off in the distance. It was confusing. He kept looking at me, waiting for me to do something. Well, maybe “fetch” meant shake hands, so I offered him a paw.
He laughed. “No, doggie, don’t shake. Fetch!”
The pressure was really on. I switched to the other foot and gave him my left front paw.
“No, no. Fetch! Fetch!”
Roll over? Okay, it seemed like a lot of trouble, but maybe I could do it. I rolled over . . . twice, in fact, but when I looked around, they were all gone, chasing after the ball. I thought about romping around with them, but you know, romping is a lot of work. I’d never been real keen about romping and what I needed was a nap.
There was some nice shade beneath the picnic tables, so I headed in that direction, hoping Boris O’Nuisance wouldn’t notice. But of course he did, and here he came.
“Now what?”
“I flunked that one, too.”
“They wanted you to chase the ball and bring it back. That’s fetching.”
“Oh, I wondered. Well, it’s too late now.”
“Get back out there and play with the kids!”
“I’m exhausted.”
“You’re a lazy slug, is what you are.”
“Maybe a nap’ll bring me around, just a couple hours.”
He rolled his beady little eyes. “Fifteen minutes. I’ll be back to wake you up.”
I hoped he’d forget about me. No, he wouldn’t forget. He’d be back to pester me again, but maybe a rest in the shade would restore my energy. I’d never dreamed that looking for a home could be so much trouble.
Chapter Sixteen: A Hero Finds a Home
I parked myself in the shade under one of the tables and watched all the activity. The men were cooking hamburgers, and the smoke smelled good. Several of the ladies set cakes on the tables and opened up three freezers of homemade ice cream. I was tempted to go on a begging expedition, but what if they yelled at me and chased me away?
Besides, ice cream is so cold, it hurts my teeth.
So I just laid there in the shade, watched all the action, and flicked my ears to keep the flies from biting. You wouldn’t think that flicking your ears would make you tired, but it did. I had almost dozed off when a woman walked past the table and something fell right between my front paws. I leaned my nose toward it and gave it a sniff.
It appeared to be some kind of jewelry. A necklace or something. I wondered if it might be good to eat. Nope. It was hard and had no taste and I spit it out. Then I noticed a group of ladies walking around the picnic area, with their eyes
on the ground. Huh. Maybe they were looking for something.
One of them said, “Sally May, it’s here somewhere.”
And the lady named Sally May said, “It was my grandmother’s favorite necklace. If I’ve lost it, I’ll just die! Loper, would you come help me look for my necklace?”
I’ll be derned. She’d lost a necklace. What a coincidence. I had one right between my front paws. After a couple of yawns, I took a closer look at the necklace. Hmmm. Necklace? Gosh, maybe the necklace they were looking for was the one between my paws. Well, surely they would see it sooner or later.
Several people walked past but none of them noticed the jewelry, and I even barked once to get their attention. It wasn’t much of a bark, more of a grunt, but they should have heard it.
Then an interesting idea popped into my head. If they were looking for the necklace between my paws, maybe I could pick it up in my mouth and take it to the lady named Sally May. That would be a noble thing to do, and she would be grateful. Maybe she’d give me a burger. Or a piece of cake. I love cake.
But the afternoon sun was glaring down, and it had gotten awfully hot. To deliver the necklace to her, I would have to jack myself up to a standing position, bend down, pick up the necklace in my mouth, and walk all the way over to her in the hot sun.
Whew! Just thinking about it made me tired, and then my old leg went to throbbing and that pretty well killed the idea.
The search party grew larger, until the whole picnic came to a stop. Everybody was walking around, searching the ground. The hamburgers burned, the ice cream melted, and Sally May dropped into a lawn chair and buried her face in her hands. The others stood around, wearing long faces and shaking their heads.
This was really sad, and I even started sniffling. A family treasure, lost at a picnic. It was just a pity they hadn’t looked between my paws. Heck, it was right there in plain sight. Anybody could see it.
A big tear had just slid down my cheek when I heard a fluttering sound, and Guess Who landed beside me. He had his glasses on and his eyes reminded me of grapefruits. I wanted to laugh but didn’t. It would have made him mad.
“Take the necklace to the lady.”
“Me?”
“You.”
“It’s not mine.”
“That’s the point.”
“What if they think I stole it?”
“Take the necklace to the lady!”
“My leg’s tearing me up.”
He lifted his lips and showed me his spike teeth. “You’ve got a choice here. I can either chew off your tail or both ears.”
“You said you ate bugs, not tails.”
“Hurry up.”
“I don’t like you.”
“Ears or tail?”
“You’re a bossy, ugly, crabby, grapefruit-eyed little creep of a bat.” He opened his jaws and moved toward my tail. “Okay, okay. I’m going.”
“You ought to be ashamed of yourself.”
“Yeah, but I’m not. If I die of heat stroke, it’ll be your fault.” I picked up the necklace in my jaws and walked out into the broiling sun. I almost fainted from the heat, but somehow I dragged myself across the grass to the chair where Sally May was sitting.
I stood there, waiting. She didn’t notice. Nobody noticed. Well, I’d done my best. I turned and was about to go back to the shade when someone said, “Oh, look. That dog found your necklace!”
A gasp went up from the crowd and things happened so fast, it was all a blur. The next thing I knew, I was sitting in Sally May’s lap and she was laughing and hugging my neck. And everyone around us was smiling and patting me on the head. Gee, it was almost like I’d become a hero or something. Or even a handsome prince.
It was about the most exciting thing that had ever happened to me, and it got even better, ’cause Sally May noticed that I didn’t have a collar and asked her husband if they could take me home to their ranch. He grunted something about how I didn’t look much like a ranch dog, but he finally said okay.
And that’s how I ended up on the ranch, by doing good deeds and being a brave little doggie. The bravery didn’t last long, but it was there when I needed it.
While the crowd ate their lunch, I sat in the shade and watched. Boris landed beside me and gave me a grin. “What did I tell you? You worked the crowd and look what it got you.”
“Yeah, I still can’t believe it. They didn’t even care that I’m a stub-tailed little mutt.”
“See? There you go. It’s like I said, a good heart trumps everything else. An honest dog can always find a job.”
“Yeah, but if you hadn’t been here to nag and threaten, I would have messed it up.”
He shrugged and flashed a smile. “Well, the math worked out, didn’t it? You pulled me out of a pond, and I helped you find a job. That’s why we all need friends.”
“I kind of wish you could stay around. I’m just starting to like you.”
“Nope, got to go. Austin’s calling my name.” He cocked his ear and listened. “Yep, there it is: ‘Boris, come home!’ Any messages for the legislature?”
“What does that mean?”
“It’s a joke, never mind. Well, congratulations on finding a home. They look like nice people.”
“Thanks for your help. You’re a pretty nice bat, but can you find your way back to Austin?”
He flashed a grin and pointed to his bug eyes. “Oh yeah. This time, I’m wearing my specs. The Panhandle’s okay, but I don’t want to be here come winter. Snow? I hate the stuff.” He threw his wings around my neck and gave me a hug. “Be good, be brave, and eat your spinach!”
“Spinach?”
Before I had a chance to tell him that dogs don’t eat spinach, he spread his wings and flapped away. He flew around in a couple of circles, then set a course straight south . . . toward Austin.
I guess that business about eating spinach was another joke. Sometimes it takes me a while to catch on.
Well, there’s My Secret Life. It wasn’t so bad, was it? And it had a happy ending. I got me a home on a nice ranch and found some friends: Hank and Pete and J. T. Cluck the rooster, and Loper and Sally May and Slim Chance the cowboy. Six months later, Little Alfred was born. He grew up to be a noisy little boy, but we get along okay. When the noise gets unbearable, I duck into the machine shed.
Mom was thrilled when she heard about my new job, but you know that deal about the Toxic Waste Dump? It was just a trick. She fooled me.
Oh well. It’s turned out nice and I love happy endings. As Hank would say, “This case is closed.”
Further Reading
Have you read all of Hank’s adventures?
1 The Original Adventures of Hank the Cowdog
2 The Further Adventures of Hank the Cowdog
3 It’s a Dog’s Life
4 Murder in the Middle Pasture
5 Faded Love
6 Let Sleeping Dogs Lie
7 The Curse of the Incredible Priceless Corncob
8 The Case of the One-Eyed Killer Stud Horse
9 The Case of the Halloween Ghost
10 Every Dog Has His Day
11 Lost in the Dark Unchanted Forest
12 The Case of the Fiddle-Playing Fox
13 The Wounded Buzzard on Christmas Eve
14 Hank the Cowdog and Monkey Business
15 The Case of the Missing Cat
16 Lost in the Blinded Blizzard
17 The Case of the Car-Barkaholic Dog
18 The Case of the Hooking Bull
19 The Case of the Midnight Rustler
20 The Phantom in the Mirror
21 The Case of the Vampire Cat
22 The Case of the Double Bumblebee Sting
23 Moonlight Madness
24 The Case of the Black-Hooded Hangmans
25 The Case of the Swirling Killer Tornado
26 The Case of the Kidnapped Collie
27 The Case of the Night-Stalking Bone Monster
28 The Mopwater Files
29 The Case of the Vampire Vacuum Sweeper
30 The Case of the Haystack Kitties
31 The Case of the Vanishing Fishhook
32 The Garbage Monster from Outer Space
33 The Case of the Measled Cowboy
34 Slim’s Good-bye
35 The Case of the Saddle House Robbery
36 The Case of the Raging Rottweiler
37 The Case of the Deadly Ha-Ha Game
38 The Fling
39 The Secret Laundry Monster Files
40 The Case of the Missing Bird Dog
41 The Case of the Shipwrecked Tree
42 The Case of the Burrowing Robot
43 The Case of the Twisted Kitty
44 The Dungeon of Doom
45 The Case of the Falling Sky
46 The Case of the Tricky Trap
47 The Case of the Tender Cheeping Chickies
48 The Case of the Monkey Burglar
49 The Case of the Booby-Trapped Pickup
50 The Case of the Most Ancient Bone
51 The Case of the Blazing Sky
52 The Quest for the Great White Quail
53 Drover’s Secret Life
54 The Case of the Dinosaur Birds
55 The Case of the Secret Weapon
56 The Case of the Coyote Invasion
57 The Disappearance of Drover
58 The Case of the Mysterious Voice
59 The Case of the Perfect Dog
60 The Big Question
About the Author and Illustrator
John R. Erickson, a former cowboy, has written numerous books for both children and adults and is best known for his acclaimed Hank the Cowdog series. He lives and works on his ranch in Perryton, Texas, with his family.
Gerald L. Holmes has illustrated numerous cartoons and textbooks in addition to the Hank the Cowdog series. He lives in Perryton, Texas.
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