The next several hours were the easiest and most relaxing I’d had in years. At least with anyone besides Andrew and Lacy. Hell, it was even more relaxing than most occasions when I was by myself. Despite the heavy waters we’d waded into, my brain shut off, all the voices and warnings and shit shut up. We walked through the forest, explored the shoreline, and simply wandered around. Most of the time, we didn’t speak much, but when we did, it amounted to nothing at all. It was lovely. As was holding Walden’s hand. Despite all the sex I’d had, handholding hadn’t been a commonplace activity for me. I liked it much more than was comfortable.
We drove into town and picked up a frozen pizza and ice cream. When we returned to my house, Walden put the ice cream in the freezer and shocked the shit out of me. “Can we try the sling again?”
For a second I wondered if it was some sort of test, but that didn’t seem like Walden’s style, and I was beginning to trust that I understood him by that point. “Sure. If that’s something you want. Please know that I don’t expect—”
“I know that.” He cut me off, took the pizza box out of my hands, and put it in the freezer as well. “How about I hop into the shower and you get downstairs ready? I’ll meet you there?”
“Yeah. Absolutely.”
There wasn’t much to get ready. Setting out the lube, condoms, and getting a couple different sizes of dildos. I had some other toys that did border on the BDSM spectrum but didn’t feel right pulling them out, given we were already pushing things. I’d save them for later.
Disappointment cut through me at that thought. There wouldn’t be a later. We’d have this time in the sling, and then maybe something before bed or in the morning, but maybe not even those. This was it. Then Walden would complete the metamorphosis from hookup, to friend with benefits, to friend. Keeping him in my life eased my ache a little, though it still scared me that he was becoming important to me. There were very few people like that. But the thought of not getting him naked again?
No. No more thoughts of that. I couldn’t mourn that loss while I had him naked. I needed to enjoy every minute.
I quit stewing as he padded down the stairs. And my mind completely shut off as he rounded the corner, his nervous grin the only thing he was wearing. He was already mostly hard, and his fair skin was lightly pink, probably from the heat of the shower. The dampness caused his hair to be more curly than wavy, and it hung nearly to his shoulders. He’d left his glasses upstairs as well, though that surprisingly disappointed me a bit. He was so tall, and thick, and completely delicious-looking. “Walden Thompson, you are one sexy motherfucker.”
He laughed, blushed, but didn’t argue. Though it was clear he wasn’t comfortable with the compliment, it seemed to please him. He pointed to the sling. “Want me to just get in?”
To my shame and confusion, I didn’t. I wanted to kiss him. To feel his arms around me. I could have any man in a sling. I couldn’t have Walden’s lips or his embrace. “That’s up to you. Whatever makes you most comfortable.”
He studied the sling for a bit, obviously considering backing out. He walked over to it, and his cock stood straighter. He’d made his decision, and I couldn’t help but be disappointed. “Yeah, I just want to get in there. Not saying to rush through it, but maybe it’s better to just pull the Band-Aid off.”
“Okay.” I started to remove my shirt, then paused. “How do you want me? Do you have a thing for getting fucked while someone has clothes on, or do you want me naked?” If we were doing this, with all his issues around it, I wanted it to be as fantasy perfect as I could make it.
“I like the clothes.” Clear disappointment crossed his features. “Actually, though, since things change after tonight, I want you naked. I want to feel you. See your gorgeous body.” His smile returned, and I saw the instant that dirty side of him began to take over. “Please.”
I loved that he knew what that word did to me, and that he used it like he did. “Yes, sir.”
As I stripped, Walden positioned himself in the sling, getting the leather straps to comfortable positions under his back.
I was hard as a rock as I closed the distance and stood next to the sling. I held up the dildos. “We’ve got options.” I waggled the bigger one.
His grin completed its transition. “Surprise me. I can handle either.”
I laughed. “Oh, I wasn’t worried about that. I have met your ass before, remember?” A flicker of what looked like shame clouded his expression, and I regretted my words. I reached out and grabbed his dick, then gave a sharp pull. “That’s a good thing, remember? Who wants a bottom that can’t take everything his top wants to give.”
His brows popped upward, and I realized what I’d just implied.
Whatever. I wasn’t taking it back. For tonight, at least, I was his top. Totally and completely his. Walden looked so beautiful, his muscled body seeming almost too big for the sling. The flush of his cheeks, the pure edibleness of his body, the trail of precome announcing his arousal. He was wonderland waiting to be taken.
I dropped the dildos to the ground where I could reach them easily, let go of his dick, and ran my hands up the back of his thighs, lifting his legs as I did so. “Let’s get you into these stirrups. I’m gonna need some room.”
He let out a panicked breath after I got the first one situated.
“Remember, we can change directions anytime. We can do as much or as little as you want. We can go back to the bed or to the counter or to the edge of the cliff, for all I care.”
He nodded.
“And if you tell me to switch from the dildos to my cock, believe that I’ll have a condom on. You’ll be safe.”
He nodded again and seemed to relax some. “I know. I trust you.” That wicked smile began to return.
And suddenly I was glad he’d chosen this way, even if he decided to stay with the dildos and not let me inside him. It was clear how much it cost him to be back in a sling, how much he meant that he wanted to do this with me. I was both humbled and more turned on by that trust than any other moment in my life. The only shadow over it was that I hadn’t earned his trust. Not really. I knew his story. He didn’t know mine. I shut down that train of thought as I fixed his other foot in the stirrup. This was about him. Not me. And I wasn’t going to let one of my goddamn issues spoil a single second of Walden’s pleasure.
Twelve
Walden
The first leather strap around my ankle made me wonder what in the world I’d been thinking. This was not a good idea. I wasn’t worried it would trigger me and I’d rush back to barebacking at the bathhouse, but it did bring it all back.
The hurt over Levi.
The nights in that sling, man after man fucking me. I hadn’t felt any pleasure. It hadn’t hurt either. I’d felt nothing. Nothing at all. Just completely empty, more so each night.
Then the fear had overtaken me. The realization of what I’d done. Then the months of waiting to find out if the prophylactics had worked.
The shame.
It all washed over me again, and it had been a mistake. I needed to get out of the damn sling.
Then Gilbert spoke, catching my attention. I focused on him standing naked between my legs, holding my free foot in his hand. He was gorgeous. The muscles, the chest hair, the abs, the cock that I couldn’t see but knew was ready and waiting. He was the fantasy man to complete the fantasy of being nearly helpless in a sling.
All of that was barely noticeable, though. I didn’t even appreciate his stunning face. His warm brown eyes captured me, as did the gentleness of his voice.
He wasn’t a nameless man strapping me in. He wasn’t thirty strangers lined up to dump their load into me. He wasn’t a stranger at all.
Not even a hookup.
This was Gilbert Bryant. And I could no longer say I didn’t know him. I knew him, and he knew my darkest places. All his beauty was nothing more than ribbons on a present. Pretty but meaningless. Gilbert Bryant was between my legs. The man who held me as I c
ried, walked with me hand in hand, and somehow still wanted me, knowing my darkness. Actually, that wasn’t right either. He didn’t just know my darkness; he understood it.
I was safe.
All of that rushed through me as he spoke. By the time he brought up the condom, I was already transitioning from nervous to completely aroused again, and quickly becoming desperate for anything he wanted to do.
And part of my darkness? I wanted him to throw away the condom and be fully inside me. But that desire didn’t feel dark; it just felt right.
I didn’t have to consider that, though. Even if I asked him to be in me bare, I knew he wouldn’t. That was how safe I was.
So when the first pressure of his lubed fingers pushed against my entrance, I let my thoughts and memories fly away, and I gave in to the pleasure.
I didn’t need much preparation, not after him fucking me the night before. Within a minute or less, he had three or four fingers inside me, and then he was testing me with his other hand, sliding in a finger and pausing.
“That okay?”
I glanced over my body and met his eyes. They were heated but worried. I nodded.
He didn’t look away as he pushed a finger inside, then another, and another. His left brow rose. “Ready for pressure?”
“Yeah.” I was ready for anything and everything he wanted to do.
Gilbert pulled like he had our first time. Prying me open, stretching me. Though it wasn’t like it had been. There was a tentative quality to it. I missed the fire of his abandon.
He twisted his hands while stretching me. “Still okay?”
“Gilbert.”
His other brow rose, matching its brother. “Yeah?”
“I trust you, really. And I’m okay.”
“You sure?”
I nodded again. And I was. I was okay.
“All right.” He swallowed. “You want me to do this for a bit, or do you want a dildo? I can—”
I couldn’t hold back a laugh. “I want Gilbert Bryant to do this.”
His expressive brows knitted. “I am.”
“No. You’re not. Gilbert Bryant would have torn loose already, and I’d be screaming, halfway to blowing my load way too early, not feeling like I’m directing a paint by number.”
“Sorry, I just want to make sure I don’t cross a line.”
I was suddenly aware that we were having this conversation with seven or eight of his fingers pressed into my ass. My God. It seemed slings weren’t my thing. Even though it wasn’t as hot as I’d envisioned, my heart did flip-flops at the care he showed. “Come up here.”
He let out a little laugh. “What?”
“Come up here and kiss me.”
There was a pause, and then he pulled his fingers from me, and walked around toward my head. I wished the sling was positioned differently, his cock was too far down to get it into my mouth, but judging from his reaction the night before, I figured his lips needed my mouth more than his dick. “Kiss me, Gilbert.”
He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine.
I allowed it to be chaste for about five seconds, then let go of one of the straps I’d been holding and gripped the back of his head as I slipped my tongue into his mouth.
He groaned, and I pushed in further.
With my other hand I reached down, trying to find his cock, but ended up smacking his thigh. Knowing what I wanted, he adjusted without breaking the kiss, and my fingers encircled his erection. I began to pump as I licked my tongue over his, over the roof of his mouth, tickled the back of his teeth. His cock twitched.
“Fuck, Walden.” There. That was the sound I needed. The growl, the desperation. The heat.
I gave his erection another pump and then a swift jerk as I let go, eliciting a quick intake of breath. I bit his lower lip, then broke the kiss. I met his eyes. “Use me, Gilbert. I need you to use my body and don’t ask me for permission for anything. I’ll let you know if I need you to stop.”
Despite the renewed fire in his eyes, there was still a hesitation.
“Use me.” I lowered my voice to a snarl. “Please. Use me.”
“Fuck. Yes.” He kissed me again, but it was rough, painful, not sweet at all. Gilbert was back. Thank God. Then he moved back to my ass. I expected fingers, but after the sound of pumping the lube bottle, he pressed the tip of a dildo to my hole, let out another growl and shoved it in.
Though I was plenty stretched out, he went deep, hitting the next ring of muscle and not giving it a chance to adjust.
“Fuck yeah!” Pain shot through me, and I arched up, the stirrups supporting my weight so my hips were nearly even with Gilbert’s face. There were no more thoughts of the past or worries of how I looked or seemed. Everything centered around physical sensation, on my body and how Gilbert chose to use it.
He didn’t stop, just pushed in deeper, causing more pain. But it was exquisite. Feeling him deep. Even if it wasn’t his cock, just knowing that he was responsible, that he was controlling what happened to my body. What happened inside my body.
“Fuck, yes, Gilbert. Use my ass. Please. Use me. Use me.”
“Hell yes, dude. I’ll use that sweet ass.” He pulled the dildo out with a swift yank, causing me to gasp in shock. He smacked my stomach, the lube making a loud pop and leaving oil over my skin.
I hadn’t even managed to lower myself back to the support straps under my hips and back when Gilbert plunged the dildo back in, just as deep as before. But this time, he started thrusting, fucking me with the silicone cock. He built a rhythm with one hand and pumped my cock with the other.
I was going to come, and I couldn’t even make my voice work to tell him to stop, that I didn’t want it to be over so quickly.
But he knew. He let go of my dick barely a second before it was too late, held the dildo still inside me, deep, but not letting it move. “Not yet. You’re not coming yet.”
“Thank fucking God!” I let my head fall back and my knees fully collapse open. I hadn’t realized I’d been holding them still.
“Yeah, that’s it. Open for me. Let me use that talented hole however I want.”
Yep. He was back. Gilbert the Sex God was back.
For who knows how long, I didn’t worry about words or even trying to sound human. I wasn’t capable of anything other than grunts, growls, screams, hisses, and assorted animal sounds that couldn’t have been attractive. But with each new utterance, Gilbert seemed to grow wilder.
He switched to the larger dildo, fucking me, then sliding his fingers alongside it, stretching as he fucked. Pumping the dildo deeper as he smacked my stomach again, then flicking my nipples, and biting my inner thigh.
Over and over again I thought I was going to come, that I wouldn’t be able to hold back my orgasm any longer, but he’d pause at the right moment, then squeeze my cock so hard coming wasn’t an option.
Through it all, Gilbert never stopped grunting, cursing, and issuing praise about how he loved using my ass. And as much as I wanted it to last forever, the edging was too much. Any more and I’d come, no matter what he did to try to stop me. But I wanted him in me when I came. I wanted him raw, but I wasn’t going to ask, even if I knew he’d keep me safe despite my wishes. “I’m gonna come, Gilbert. I’m gonna come.”
“Good. That’s my fucking hot man. I wanna see that load.” His speed on the huge dildo increased.
“No, I want you inside me. Not that.” I smacked his hand away from my cock and squeezed it. “Quick. Fuck me for real.”
He yanked the dildo out, and I heard it smack against the wall somewhere behind us, and then he plunged his dick into me.
I howled. Though he was smaller than the dildo, any human was, I was so tender from being used, that his cock set me on fire. No matter how big a dildo was, nothing felt like the real thing. And it was Gilbert inside me, not just any man. I let loose of my dick and came instantly, my come splattering over my face, chest, and stomach. “Don’t stop. Fuck me till you come.”
Gilbert didn’t reply, just shoved against my thighs with both hands and fucked me, the greased skin of his hips and his large balls slapping against me with loud smacking sounds with each pummel.
After being used and overly sensitive from having come, I wasn’t sure I could take it, even though I’d begged for him to keep fucking me.
Then he let out a scream of his own, something between a war cry and call of triumph, and his rhythm shuddered.
Satisfaction washed over me as he pumped a few more times. “Yes, Gilbert. That’s it. I want it all.”
He smacked my stomach again, making nothing more than a wet sound in the lube and come covering me, then gave a final shudder and pulled free.
Gilbert stood there, shoulders and chest heaving, his breaths coming in ragged pants. His lips curved into that knowing smile. “Good?”
I laughed, and the sound surprised me. It was happy and content. Huh, I was happy and content. Hadn’t felt that in a while. “Like you can’t tell how good it was.”
The Garden (Lavender Shores Book 2) Page 12