We walked toward the door, and I bumped him with my hip. “Right. I’m such a wild child.”
“So I hear.”
He handed me the key, and it looked so ordinary. Then he gave me a small envelope. “Those are your codes for the other doors. Your prints and things have already been entered into the system. You have access to everything except the work floor. You’ll get that once you’ve finished training.”
I decided to ignore the fact that they were still keeping secrets and shook my head. “So, why didn’t you come see me this weekend? Hot date with another woman?”
He laughed. “Absolutely.” When I looked at him, my eyes wide with horror, he laughed even harder. “Not really! I thought you might want some space after all this, to let it sink in.”
“Oh. How courteous of you,” I said, a little flatter than I’d intended.
We walked down the steps together. “Okay, well, clearly that was a mistake. You can attend my public flogging after your training.”
I softened and laughed. “I wouldn’t miss it. What’s on the agenda for today?”
“Today, you meet Tracy.”
Turned out, Tracy was my no-nonsense instructor. She was petite, a few inches shorter than I was, with big, blue eyes and long, blonde hair. But her doll-like appearance belied her temperament. Her voice was deep for someone so small, and it was obvious she wouldn’t tolerate tomfoolery of any kind. She commanded a certain amount of authority, and even though she looked much younger, her experience and mannerisms made me place her in her late forties.
Owen told me that she’d been with the Unseen for quite some time, but he hadn’t elaborated beyond that, which didn’t surprise me. More secrets.
“Mackenzie,” she said when we met her in the gym. It was a statement, not a question. “I’m Tracy. I’ll be your instructor.” She led me away from Owen, to one of the small rooms at the back of the gym. I returned Owen’s thumbs-up with an unsure smile before turning to follow her.
Once we were both seated in the room, at opposite ends of a small table, she said, “Do you have any questions before we begin?”
“Yes, actually. Something’s been driving me crazy. Owen keeps making jokes about how relieved everyone is that I’m starting my training because they’re sick of hearing all of my questions.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Why don’t they just block me?”
She sat back in her chair and thought for a moment before speaking. “An untrained reader’s thoughts are much louder and more difficult to block out than a regular person’s.” She paused to make sure I was following, and I nodded.
“Because of this, your voice can be… distracting. Only someone who’s highly skilled can block someone like you all the time. Most of us can block you part of the time, but we all hear tidbits now and then. Except for maybe David. He hears what he wants to hear. Make sense?”
“So you’re saying that when I’m not low man on the totem pole anymore, I won’t be able to block new people one hundred percent because of how loud they are?”
“Exactly. As you learn to hone your skills, you’ll naturally start controlling your volume, making it easier for other readers to block you. Then, you’ll learn to quiet your thoughts so much that others won’t be able to hear them, even if they’re trying. Picture yourself like a lighthouse. Before you met us, you were super bright, so that we could find you. Now, we’re teaching you to use the dimmer switch to avoid attracting unwanted attention.”
“Unwanted attention?”
“Yes.” She didn’t elaborate. “Is that all?”
It was far from all, but I had more than enough to chew on for the moment, so I nodded.
“Blocking is still a while off for you, I’m afraid. You’re going to start off by learning to zero in on a single voice.”
“Okay…” I trailed off, not exactly sure what that meant.
“I mean that when there are multiple people in the room, I will teach you to hear only one person’s thoughts. I will show you how to choose who you hear and who you don’t hear.”
“You can do that?” I felt for my iLs in my purse. “Without this?” I showed it to her.
She frowned, disgusted. “That is a crutch only the weak-minded use. You will not be allowed to use it here, or ever again for that matter.” She jumped to her feet, snatched it from me, placed it on the ground, and unceremoniously crushed it beneath the heel of her shoe. Then she returned to her seat as if nothing had happened.
I swallowed the rising panic. My lifeline to the outside world had just been destroyed. I can always buy a new one if this doesn’t work, I thought, trying to reassure myself.
“No. You will not get a new one of these ridiculous Band-Aids. When I’m through with you, you won’t need or want one ever again.”
I swallowed, but my mouth had gone dry, so all that went down was a lump of air, which offered no comfort whatsoever.
A short knock came at the door, and then a man slipped inside the room, shutting the door behind him. “I’ve invited Camden to join us today,” Tracy said. “He will be our second voice.” She nodded at him, and he returned the gesture. He gave me a quick smile before he seated himself next to Tracy, across the table from me. I felt like it was two against one.
“I suppose it is,” Tracy said. “We are going to allow you into our minds at the same time. Your purpose is to listen to Camden only. I will be able to tell when you have succeeded, so don’t even think about lying to me if you haven’t achieved your goal.”
I shook my head rapidly. Did anyone ever lie to her? I couldn’t imagine what must have happened to that poor soul.
“It wasn’t pretty,” she said with a sly smile. “Shall we?” she asked Camden.
“Wait,” I choked. “How do I…?” I trailed off, not sure how to verbalize what she was expecting me to do.
“Discipline your mind.”
I waited for her to say more, but I was met by silence.
“I could elaborate. I can discuss the semantics of it with you until I’m blue in the face, but it won’t help. You need to experience it for yourself. When it comes down to it, you just need to discipline your mind. Nothing more, nothing less.”
Right. Sure. Okay. Discipline my mind. That’s easy. I mentally rolled my eyes.
“Why are you here?”
It was such an abrupt question, I stammered to answer it. “Well, I… I wanted to learn how to control it.”
“It?”
“What you all refer to as the gift.”
“And what do you call it?”
“My curse, I suppose.”
“It’s not a curse. Get that out of your head before we go any further. It may not be a gift, but it’s certainly not a curse. I like to think of it as a responsibility. And that means we don’t treat it haphazardly, wantonly going through life using crutches to control it. We must work hard to use it to the best of our abilities, constantly honing it so that we’re at our best every day, so that we can hopefully use our talent to bring some good to this world.”
“Oh.” I hadn’t really expected an epic monologue from her, and I didn’t know how to respond. Truth was, I’d never looked at it that way.
“Now, are you ready to begin?”
I took a deep breath. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
Camden started thinking first. His voice came to me smooth and low, very Barry White. Welcome! How’s it going so far?
Well, I’ll let you know in a—
Tracy interrupted us. No small talk. Just work.
I looked at her. What are we supposed to talk about?
You are not to engage me. You are to block me out entirely. Get to work.
I scowled at her, and she scowled right back. Shifting my gaze back to Camden, I waited for him to say something else, but he didn’t. Neither did Tracy.
So, any tips on disciplining my mind? I asked him.
I think it’s different for everyone. The way I found my center might
not work for you. I think that’s why she said you have to—
Do it yourself, Mackenzie. Quit asking him for ways to cheat, Tracy interrupted again.
Stung, I blurted out, “I wasn’t trying to cheat. You said to talk about work!”
She tilted her head, and her expression softened a bit. “Okay, clearly, you’re not getting what’s happening here. Let me walk you through it. You and Camden will share a thought connection. I will interrupt, trying to provoke you any way I know how. My job is to be as distracting as possible. Yours is to ignore me, filter me out, and eventually not hear me at all.”
Feeling dumb and chided, I hung my head a bit.
“Maybe it’s a good time for lunch? I’m getting a little hungry myself, Trace,” Camden ventured.
“What?” I looked around for a clock. “It can’t be time for lunch already.”
“It is, if you want it to be,” Tracy said.
“But I haven’t learned anything yet.”
She chuckled. “Sure you have. You’ve learned who Camden and I are. That’s enough for the morning. We’ll revisit this in an hour.” Her soft demeanor vanished. “Don’t keep me waiting.”
“Of course not,” I said as I stood and scrambled out of the small room, grateful for even a momentary escape.
Owen was waiting for me when I practically fell out of the room. I straightened, trying not to look like a complete buffoon.
“How’s it going?” he asked, although I was certain he already knew the answer.
“I suck. But Tracy gave me a break for lunch, so let’s go get some food.”
“Oh, come on,” he said as we walked toward the stairs. “You don’t suck. No one can do it on their first day.”
“Really?”
“Well, I don’t know. I’m not the authority on training. You’d have to ask Tracy for some hard facts. But I’m sure almost no one can do it on their first day.” I jabbed him as we finished climbing the stairs to the main floor.
“And you? Did you do it on your first day?”
He smiled devilishly. “Honey, I never kiss and tell.”
I rolled my eyes. “So no, in other words.”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Nope. Took me about a month.”
I withered at the thought of accomplishing nothing for a full month, but the flurry of activity in the kitchen quickly distracted me. People were at the fridge getting food, making sandwiches at the counter, taking chips and snacks from the pantry, and a few others were already eating at the tables.
It was still an adjustment to be around so many people without my iLs. The image of my broken lifeline flashed in my mind. How would I function if it took me a whole month to learn anything? I swallowed the rising panic, bringing myself back to the bustling kitchen.
“Jeez, how do you get what you need without getting in the way?”
“What do you mean by ‘getting in the way’?” he asked as he reached around the girl standing in front of the fridge to grab a bottle of water. “Want one?”
I nodded. In the end, I stood off to the side while Owen made us a couple of sandwiches, grabbed a few handfuls of chips, and carried our plates to the table.
“Thanks,” I said as he put my plate in front of me.
“I may not have learned to zero in on one voice on my first day, but I’ve always known how to make a mean ham sandwich.”
I smiled in spite of my mood.
Tracy and Camden came in and got their food, but they didn’t stay. I wondered if they were friends outside of torturing new people together.
Owen laughed out loud. “They’re not torturing you. Don’t let Camden hear you say that. He’d be destroyed, the old softie.”
“Camden? Really? He’s so…” I trailed off, trying to come up with a politically correct way to describe him.
“Big, black, and intimidating?” Owen filled in between bites of his own sandwich.
“A bit less eloquent than how I was going to put it, but yes.”
“Don’t let him fool you. Tracy, on the other hand, is genuinely a hard ass.”
“I picked up on that all on my own.”
“Ha! So, you are learning something!”
The fire in my eyes was hot enough to wilt the lettuce on his sandwich.
“Oh, come on. What did you expect on your first day?”
“I don’t know. Some kind of success,” I said as I picked the crust off my sandwich and jammed it into my mouth.
He lowered his voice. “I think you being here at all is a success, but that’s just me.” He looked into his water bottle as he took a drink instead of making eye contact. “Listen, the world can be a terrible place. I know you’ve seen it. But as mind readers, we have the potential to help fix it. Someone once said something about how the opportunity to change or save one life was worth a little sacrifice. But I think she was talking about her favorite boy band or something to do with music. It probably doesn’t apply here.”
I swatted at him. “Yes, well, I just hope I can live up to everyone’s expectations.”
Putting down his water, he leaned in toward me. “What exactly do you think we’re expecting?”
“I don’t know. It’s got to be amazing though, given the way you practically begged, lied, and cheated to get me here.”
“Okay, no one lied or cheated, and I think begged is a harsh word to describe any of our interactions.”
I rolled my eyes. “Typical insecure man. I was being facetious.”
“Well, I don’t know what that means because I would never behave that way.” He hid his grin behind his sandwich.
I threw a chip at him.
“Hey! Don’t waste good chips!” He picked it up off the floor and ate it. I cringed. “Five-second rule.” He rolled his eyes dramatically. “Girls and their cleanliness. Jeez.”
I laughed. “What time is it, by the way? I don’t want to keep Tracy waiting.”
“None of us do.” He glanced at his watch. “Yeah, let’s go.” He gathered the plates and put them in the dishwasher, leaving no trace that we’d been there at all. Considering how many people had been through the kitchen at lunch, it looked surprisingly clean.
Owen approved of my observation. “That’s the idea. We all pitch in and clean up after ourselves. This place would be a sty if we didn’t.”
We walked back down to the gym in silence. I was too consumed by the prospect of more failure to make small talk.
When we got there, Owen tried to encourage me. “Don’t think about it like that. You’ll get it eventually, and when you do, it’ll be awesome. Like your Everest.”
I frowned. “I already have my Everest. And I still haven’t conquered that. The last thing I need is another unreachable goal.” Despairing, I turned to face him. “Maybe this was a mistake.”
He took me by the shoulders. “This was not a mistake. Nothing with you in it is a mistake.” He paused, letting that sink in. Then he shook me a little. “Now, tuck in your bottom lip and get to work. There’s no room for self-pity here.”
I straightened up. “Yes, sir!”
He smiled at me, but I couldn’t quite bring a smile to my own face. The prospect of the long lesson before me was too daunting.
And, as it turned out, I was right to dread my next lesson. The afternoon dragged on, drenched in failure after failure. Tracy continued to berate, attack, and otherwise annoy me as I tried desperately—and unsuccessfully—to focus on Camden. Although the work wasn’t physical, I was sweating from the effort by day’s end.
I’d lost track of time when Tracy finally sat back in her chair. “I think that’s enough for today. We’ll pick back up here tomorrow.”
I frowned. “Can I try one more time?”
“Honestly, Mackenzie, I don’t think one more time is going to make a difference. You’re not going to have your epiphany moment today. You’re just not. Might as well come to terms with that right now.” She looked over at Camden. “You ready to call it a day?”
He nodded.
“No,” I said, too loudly for the small room. “One more chance. That’s all I’m asking. I refuse to end the first day of this new life in defeat.” I thought I saw a flash of sympathy pass over Tracy’s eyes, but it was so brief that I couldn’t be sure.
“Fine. You have ten minutes.”
What makes you think this time will be different? Camden asked me.
Taking a deep breath, I concentrated on Camden’s voice and my breathing. I closed my eyes, hoping it would help me shut Tracy out that much more. I don’t know. It probably won’t.
I thought I heard Tracy’s voice say something, but it was too quiet to make out the words. Not like a whisper, though, more like an echo. I resisted the urge to strain to hear what she was saying. I probably didn’t want to know anyway. Camden and breathing. That was all I cared about.
No, probably not. But at least you’ll know you’ve tried your best, right? You can go home feeling satisfied.
I guess. I wanted to have some kind of success today. To know I made the right choice. When I opened my eyes, he was staring at me intently. Tracy had moved across the room and was standing right next to me.
“Jesus! You scared the hell out of me. What are you doing?” I yelled.
She leaned on the table in front of me. “I can’t believe it.”
“What?” I looked back and forth between the two of them. Camden had a huge, goofy grin on his face, but Tracy just looked perplexed.
“I’ve never heard of someone doing it on the first day,” she muttered, almost to herself.
“Me either,” Camden said. “We’ve got a regular prodigy here!” He got up, and it felt like his height and breadth filled the small room completely. Reaching for my hand, he shook it enthusiastically. “Congrats! You did it.”
“I did?”
“You did,” Tracy answered. “I was talking nonstop that whole time, and you didn’t hear a single thing.”
“She was slinging some real doozies too,” Camden said, pride saturating his voice.
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