As he’s telling me this, I think back to the night she called me. He was at work, and she was crying, upset, and missing me. Goose and I are quite the fucked-up pair.
“I’m trying. I was doing better, but coming back here was not a good idea. I wasn’t ready to deal with it. I’m sorry, Bennett.”
He nods. “One day, I hope the two of you can work on your friendship. I hope you can get back what you once had. You’re her best friend. As much as I hate to admit it, she needs you. The two of you need each other. I don’t think the two of you know how to be without one another. You need to figure out how to do it with me in the picture. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know. I had no idea she was having a hard time.”
“Really?” he scoffs. “What did you think? That you leaving town wasn’t going to affect her? She went from having you every day to not even being able to speak to you. It’s like you died when you left. Get your shit together, Miller, so you two can fix your friendship.”
“I’m workin’ on it.”
“How? With that girl I just talked to?”
I glare at him, but don’t say anything. I don’t want to talk to him about Andi.
I feel like I’ve aged ten years when we finally pull up at the hotel. This has been one of the longest days of my life. I should have just left those boxes here and stayed in Fairhope, where it’s safe. Left the ghosts to rest in peace.
Before both of my feet can even make contact with the pavement, Andi is in the doorframe, pushing herself between my legs, hugging the life out of me.
“God, Miller, are you alright?”
Now that I’m with Andi, it feels like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. The stress from the day is not so pressing. How can she do that to me? She pulls back slightly, grabbing my face and twisting it this way and that way. I’ve seen her do this with Charley countless times when she’s checking for injuries. I still her hands by placing mine on top of hers, and I rest my forehead against hers, seeking solace in the contact.
“I’m fine. Nothing’s hurt but my pride,” I whisper.
She closes the gap and kisses me on the corner of my mouth, lingering for a second or two longer than she usually does. I close my eyes and revel in the contact. She keeps one of my hands in hers and pulls me from the truck. I sway on my feet, so she wraps her arms around my waist to keep me from falling and making an even bigger ass of myself tonight. I think I’ve reached my quota for the evening.
I look up from the ground and notice Bennett and Goose watching us, I’m sure very curious about the scene they just witnessed.
“Thank you for getting him back to me in one piece. I honestly don’t know what I would do if something happened to Miller,” she tells Bennett.
“No problem,” he says, pulling Lucy to the front of his body.
“Hi,” she says, her voice small. “I’m Lucy.”
“I’m Andi,” she says, removing one of her arms from around me to shake Lucy’s hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”
Lucy just smiles. She has a funny look on her face. I’m sure she’s trying to figure out the dynamics of what’s unfolding before her eyes.
“Well, thanks again. I think I need to get him into bed. If the two of you are ever in Fairhope, make sure to come say ‘hello’.”
She leads us to the hotel’s entrance. As much as I’m tempted to turn around and look at Lucy one last time, I don’t. I keep my focus on Andi as she guides us through the doors of the hotel.
***
Andi
I want to tear into Miller, but he looks like he’s had a rough enough night without me putting in my two cents. He’s lucky he didn’t get his ass kicked. Bennett doesn’t look like someone who appreciates people sniffing around his woman. Things could have played out so much worse. I’m dying to find out what happened, but, Miller’s practically passed out standing up, so I don’t think I’ll get the story from him right now.
He’s not the only one who’s had a difficult night. I thought he would be coming back after a few hours when he left us here earlier. I spent the day and night worried sick about him, but trying not to let it show. Celeste, Charley and I went exploring around downtown Baton Rouge, while Miller was out getting wasted and doing God knows what. As the two of us ride up the elevator in silence, I do what I’ve been doing all night since he called me from the bar. I listen to his words flutter through my mind, on a continuous loop, teasing me, punishing me, mocking me.
You know what, Andrea Hope? If things were different, I could fall in love with you, too.
I waged war with my mind all day, telling myself tequila will make you say things that just aren’t true. Then I argued with myself, saying it will bring out the truth, and make you admit things that you’re too scared to say otherwise.
It doesn’t matter. We can’t go there. I love my husband. And he’s obviously still very much in love with Lucy. I think tonight proved that. If he was ready for more, he would have come back to me, not gone to her house in the middle of the night after copious amounts of drinking.
The elevator stops on our floor, and I help my intoxicated friend get out of the elevator. He uses the wall for support, while I push my hand in one of his front pockets, trying to find his key. He stops walking and gives me that cocky grin I’ve come to recognize quite well.
“Andi, if you want to play, you just have to ask. I’ll be more than happy to give you what you want.”
Tingles shoot through my body as soon as the words leave his mouth. A warmth hits my body, the likes of which I haven’t felt in forever.
“Actually, I just don’t want you sleeping in the hallway. Where’s your key?”
He shrugs. “I’m not sure. Keep looking.”
He leans against the wall, arms and legs spread. The more I dig around in his pockets, the harder his chest rises and falls. His front pockets come up empty, so I move my search to the back. His face moves to my hair as my hands push into the back of his jeans, looking for that damn key. I can feel my heart beating in tandem with his, our breaths coming out in sync. His nose is up against my cheek, and I can feel it making its way down my face, and reaching my neck. My hands stop moving when his mouth reaches my ear. He whispers my name and I freeze. I can only hear one thing- those damn words from earlier.
You know what, Andrea Hope? If things were different, I could fall in love with you, too.
You know what, Andrea Hope? If things were different, I could fall in love with you, too.
You know what, Andrea Hope? If things were different, I could fall in love with you, too.
I shake my head and pull back slightly, remembering what I’m supposed to be doing, which is not letting Miller seduce me in the hallway of the hotel. My fingers finally wrap themselves around the room key and I pull back all the way. Miller runs his hands through his unruly black hair and stares at me, causing me to move to the door and unlock it. I open it for him but stay in the hall. I don’t think going inside would be very smart.
“I’ll come wake you up in the morning. We need to check out by ten. If I had to guess, you won’t be getting up on your own.”
I turn to leave, but he grabs my wrist, stopping me in my tracks.
“Please, Andi, don’t leave. I don’t want to be alone right now.”
I stare into his eyes, which are wrought with pain. “Miller, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
He’s not listening. He breaks the eye contact and tugs me inside with the wrist that’s still in his grasp.
“Why not?”
You know what, Andrea Hope? If things were different, I could fall in love with you, too.
“I think you need to sleep this off.”
He grabs my other hand and looks me in the eye. His sadness is taking over his entire face. I can’t handle that.
“Today was one of the worst days of my life. I want you to stay with me.”
I can’t say no to him. He makes me weak. When I nod, he gives me
one of his brilliant smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He pulls me to the bed and gets us situated just like he does in the bed of his truck on those nights I’ve grown to love. He’s on his back, my head is on his chest, and his arms are wrapped around me. I take comfort in the steady beat of his heart under my ear. It’s a sound I’ve come to crave. I need it like I need the very air I breathe to keep me alive.
“It’s not our field, but it will have to do.” His voice rumbles against my chest.
“What happened today?” I ask, pushing myself up on my elbow so I can look at my friend.
“It was awful. I tried to be strong, but every feeling came rushing to the surface the second I got back to town. It was so fucking overwhelming, Andi. I was drowning in it, unable to catch my breath. So, I did what I always do- got wasted to deal with it. Each place I went only made it worse. Then I found myself at her house, knocking on her door.” He closes his eyes at the memories of what transpired. I don’t think he wants to share them with me. A defeated sigh leaves his body. “You know the rest.”
My hand that was resting across Miller’s waist moves to smooth his wrinkled brow. I hate to see him in this pain. The emotion is displayed clearly across his face and he’s in agony. As soon as I make contact with his warm skin, he gets off the bed, visibly upset, pacing, reaching for the door. Upset turns to anger. I grab him, stopping him before he can leave the room. The door slams and he closes his eyes, blowing out a harsh breath.
“Where are you going? It’s nearly three in the morning. You sure as fuck aren’t getting in your truck.”
“I can’t deal with this. I need to go.” His face is twisted in anguish.
“What do you need to do, Miller? Do it here. Scream. Yell at me. Hit something. Get it all out, but you’re not leaving this room.”
We’re toe to toe, and panting like we’ve run for miles. I push at his chest and he opens his eyes. They are blazing. The anger is gone, and pure, unadulterated lust is in its place. The look causes me to gasp and he pins me to the wall with his tall frame, trapping me against him. The vibes coming off of him are almost visible. I’m not scared of him, just terrified of what’s about to happen. I’ve seen this look on a man many times before, but it’s always been from my husband.
“There’s only one thing I know to do that will make me feel better, Andi. I need to fuck. I need to bury myself balls deep in a woman and just forget. That’s the only thing that will help me.”
I gasp at his frankness. He’s never talked to me like this before. Sure, he’s flirted countless times, but this brazen declaration of his need is new. Before my brain can form a coherent thought, he continues.
“I want that from you. Right here, right now. Are you willing to give yourself to me? Will you let me fuck you, Andi?” he asks, his mouth right on top of mine, his finger blazing a path down my throat. I’m panting, my mouth is dry, and for the first time since I met Miller, I just want to stop thinking and say ‘yes’.
His body is flush against mine. Every solid inch of Miller Ashby is pushing against me. His hips are grinding into me, helping plead his case. His hand at my throat moves down my body and reaches around my ass, squeezes it, and lifts my thigh. He wraps my leg around his waist so I can feel him moving against my center. I push my head against the wall, panting at the contact. Miller takes that as an invitation to run his lips up the column of my neck and to my ear.
“Come on, Andrea Hope. Let me have you. I’ve been craving another taste of you since you teased me with one in the bar that night. It’s all I can think about. It consumes my thoughts. I need more. I need you.”
Before I can give him an answer, his mouth is on mine. There is no hesitation like last time we kissed. The guilt over what’s happening between the two of us isn’t all consuming like it was the last time. It’s there, but muted. I can tune it out. I want this.
Miller becomes more aggressive and kisses me with his whole body. Mouth, tongue, hands, hips… he’s everywhere. Miller’s kiss is a total body experience. It’s unlike any kiss that I’ve ever shared with a man before. Scorching heat is burning my skin everywhere he’s touching. I’m about to explode. His groans cause a tugging at the very core of me.
I want him, no question about it. Can I do this? I think I can handle it. I pull my mouth away, ready to surrender myself to Miller Ashby, ready to let the words tumble from my mouth, when I hear a pounding at the door and my daughter’s cries from the hallway. Miller drops my leg and jumps away from me, shaking his head like he’s coming out of a daze.
“Andi, are you in there?” Celeste asks from the other side of the door. “Charley had a bad dream. She’s asking for you.”
Without a moment’s hesitation, I throw open the door, grabbing my daughter from Celeste. The second she’s in my arms, her cries subside and she lays her head on my shoulder. I turn back towards the room to apologize to Miller, but I hear the bathroom door slam shut.
Chapter Fifteen
Andi
Charley is sleeping again before I can even manage to make it back to the room I share with Celeste. I’m not quite sure how I make my legs work well enough to get down the hall, but I do. Flashes of what just happened with Miller keep popping up in my mind. I know that if my daughter hadn’t had a nightmare I would be in his bed right now. I would be having sex with Miller. My knees weaken and my belly clenches at the mere thought.
Celeste gets the door open and I gently place Charley on the mattress, making sure her blanket and stuffed puppy are within reach in case she wakes up again. I smile when her thumb immediately goes into her mouth. She only does that when she’s sleeping heavily. I’m hoping that her nightmare was a one-time thing tonight and she’ll sleep soundly for the rest of the night. I’m exhausted. I need sleep.
Who am I kidding? There’s no way I’ll be going to sleep after what just happened with Miller. The heavy ache I’m experiencing won’t allow it.
I turn off the lamp and start to slide into bed with my daughter when I hear Celeste call out to me from the other queen bed in the room.
“Uum, no ma’am. Get your ass in this bed with me and tell me what I just interrupted.”
I make no move to get in her bed. Instead, I close my eyes and turn my head towards the ceiling so I don’t have to lie to my friend’s face, even though the room is shrouded in darkness and I know she can’t possibly see me. I hate lying to her.
“Nothing happened. We were just talking. He was drunk and I was making sure he was alright. Nothing was going on.”
“Don’t bullshit me. I could tell something was up as soon as you threw open his door. I’ve seen that look on your face enough to know what was going on. Were the two of you about to have sex, Andi?”
I can feel my face heating up at her words. Was I really going to let it get that far? God knows I wanted it to. I think about the feel of Miller’s hands on my body, his mouth and tongue on my lips and my neck, his hips grinding against me, and I know without a doubt that yes, I would have given myself to him.
“Andi?” she calls, pulling me out of my lust-induced memory. “You were. My God, you’re thinking about it right now,” she says, throwing a pillow across the small space between our beds and nailing me in the face, pulling me from my memories of Miller.
“Am I crazy?” I ask.
“Absolutely not. You deserve to be happy. I know Miller makes you happy. You both are better off now that you have each other. You two are practically dating anyway, but without any of the good stuff to go along with it. Y’all are like an old married couple. Why not throw sex into the mix?”
Visions of Charlie Bankston flash across my brain. My thumb starts to unconsciously rub my wedding ring, like it often does when I think of him. God, I miss my husband. So much, it’s hard to breathe sometimes. It catches me off-guard and pulls the air right out of my lungs.
“Because I might completely freak the fuck out?”
I hear her let out a long breath. It hangs heavy in the darkness of our
room. “Andi, if anything happens, and I’m sure it will, you have to keep it separate from Bankston.”
I return the sigh, mine a little heavier. “I don’t know if I can do that. Everything in my life is tied to him. Everything I do, every choice I make, I do with him in my head and in my heart. I can’t just turn that off. He’s still such a major part of my life.”
“I know that, sweetie, but I also know that he would want you to be happy. He would want you to have some sort of life. Right now, you’re just existing. You need to live.”
I bark out a humorless laugh and feel Charley’s tiny body twitch beside me. I lower my voice to keep from waking up my daughter. “You can’t use that as an argument. I doubt my husband would want me having sex with another man to find happiness.”
“You’re making it sound so crass, Andi. I’m not talking about a random one night stand with a stranger you pick up in a bar. It’s Miller. The two of you are best friends.” I can hear her smiling as the next words leave her mouth. “I think the two of you have the potential for so much more. Let it happen.”
I think about her words in the stillness of the dark hotel room. The potential for more. Do I want more with Miller? Would I even be able to handle more with Miller? I think back to the circumstances surrounding what just occurred between the two of us. Does Miller even want more with me, or was I just a convenience because he was drunk and upset over seeing his ex-girlfriend? Right place and right time sort of thing?
You know what, Andrea Hope? If things were different, I could fall in love with you, too.
I let those words sink in while I try to find sleep. They are still floating across the recesses of my mind when my alarm pulls me from sleep a few hours later. With heavy feet and even heavier eye lids, I dress for the day and get me and Charley’s stuff picked up. The three of us walk downstairs and grab some breakfast.
After we eat, I take my daughter on a walk to spend some time with her. I tell her about New Orleans, trying to remember everything Miller told me we were going to take her to do when we get there. She’s really excited about going to the zoo and to the aquarium. Charley is an animal lover. Cappy says her daddy was the same way when he was a kid. I love when he can give me any piece of information about Charlie that I didn’t know. I was married to him, but there’s still so much about my husband that remains a mystery, due to all the time we were separated because of his deployments. I hold onto any little details Cappy gives me and savor them, never wanting to forget them. I hope we’ll discover many more likenesses as we watch my daughter grow up and see her little personality develop.
The Promise of More: The Home Series, Book Three Page 11