“Quit pullin’ on that lip. Come on, Andi. I’ll dance with you if it will make you happy.”
Whoa. Maybe I am more than a little drunk. Getting off the stool proves to be a little harder than I imagined. Miller keeps his arm around my waist and leads me to the middle of the smoky bar, right in front of the band that’s just back from a break. He pulls me into his arms as soon as the singer starts a kick ass rendition of These Arms of Mine.
I might be lost in martini land, but not lost enough to realize that my dance partner is barely moving. I open my eyes and pull my head up from his chest. He’s looking down at me, an ache in his eyes there that I’ve never seen before. It’s a different look than what I saw last night. This look makes my eyes start to sting and burn. It’s honest, raw, pure emotion and it hurts, especially after our talk this morning. He says he can’t be with me, but this look is completely contradictory to everything he told me. I don’t understand.
Putting my head back on his chest, I whisper in a voice that barely comes out, “I would have said ‘yes’.”
I feel the warmth of his hand on my face, his thumb moving back and forth over my cheek before he moves it under my chin and forces me to look up at him.
“What did you just say?” he asks.
We are no longer moving, just standing completely still in the middle of the crowded bar, surrounded by dancing couples.
“I would have said ‘yes’.”
His other hand comes to my face to join his first one. I close my eyes. This is too much. I’m not used to feeling this much. Not anymore. This onslaught of emotions feels foreign in my body.
“When?” The question comes out in a low rasp.
“Last night.” My chest feels like it’s being squeezed in a vice-grip and I’m having a hard time breathing.
His forehead hits mine. I feel his warm breath wash over my face.
“Andi, open your eyes and look at me.”
I do as he asks, but a streak of blonde hair over his left shoulder catches my eye. I gasp, thinking it’s Lucy for a second. It’s not her, but they could be twins. The resemblance is uncanny. When he realizes that I’m not paying attention to him, he looks over his shoulder to see what I’m staring at and he looks startled, as well.
“Oh my God,” he says, shocked, dropping his hands and going over towards the girl, leaving me standing there in the middle of the dance floor.
I see the two of them talking, and it’s the quickest I’ve sobered up in my life. Any traces of vodka in my system are long gone. Well, not gone, but the martinis I had earlier are threatening to come back up as I watch Miller talking to this beautiful girl. It’s obvious that they are not strangers. He’s touching her, which is making me sick to my stomach. Those hands were just on me seconds earlier.
I run to the bathroom, splash some water on my face and try to get my shit together. I’m jumping to all sorts of conclusions about what could be going on between Miller and that gorgeous girl out there. I stay in the bathroom a few more minutes and text Celeste. I need my friend. I need her to talk me off the ledge, so to speak. She knows what to do in these sorts of situations. I, on the other hand, have no idea what one does when this happens. All I know is that I need to get the fuck out of here.
I walk out and scan the floor for Miller. I spot him and his friend a few minutes later at the bar, sitting close, each of them with a beer in hand. I guess he amended his ‘sticking with water’ statement from earlier. I guess he just can’t drink around me. That answers my questions about what was rough on him last night.
Time to go.
As soon as he sees me approaching, he smiles and reaches for me. I keep my hand by my side, fidgeting with my phone. I don’t really want him touching me right now. His brow wrinkles in confusion, but I just ignore it.
“Andi, you’re never gonna believe this.”
“Try me.” Whoa. That came out a little on the bitter side.
“This is Hope.”
My turn to be confused. I have no idea what he’s talking about.
“You remember. I told you about her in our field that very first night. Hope, the girl that I met, that led me to the gas station worker that led me to Fairhope. Ring any bells?”
Oh yeah. Now I remember. Hope, the girl he had sex with. Hope, the girl he’s currently sharing a beer with. Hope, the girl who’s the spitting image of the girl he’s madly in love with but can’t have. Hope, the girl I want to strangle the life out of with my bare hands. This is all so fabulous.
“I remember. Hi,” I say, giving her a little wave.
She smiles at me. Isn’t she charming?
“I need to go.” I hold up my phone to make my lie seem more believable. “Celeste called while I was in the bathroom. Charley woke up and is asking for me.”
He reaches for his wallet to close out our tab, but I put my hand on his arm to stop him.
“No, stay and catch up with your friend. It’s right around the corner. I’ll see you in the morning.”
He looks at odds, like he wants to stay, but doesn’t want to let me leave. He’s looking back and forth between the two of us.
“I don’t like you walking by yourself.”
“Miller, it’s down the street. Stay and play with your friend. I’ll text you when I get back. I gotta go.”
I walk away from Miller before he has another opportunity to argue with me. I walk away from Miller before he can see the tears streaming down my face. By the time I make it out of the bar I’m practically running down the street, unable to stop the flow of tears, unable to stop the pain I feel as my heart breaks at the thought of Miller with Hope.
Chapter Seventeen
Miller
I should have gone with her, I think, as I sit here and listen to Hope. She’s clearly had too much to drink, and I’m not the least bit interested in anything she’s saying. She’s going on and on about her friend’s wedding, how they are here for her bachelorette party, she can’t believe she ran into me, blah, blah, blah.
I can’t think about anything but Andi. I know she was drinking, but something major was on the brink of happening on that dance floor. I keep replaying it while Hope yammers about her friend being a bridezilla, and I don’t think I was reading into what Andi was telling me, or misinterpreting what she was saying. Andi wants to be with me. There was nothing else to say ‘yes’ to last night. The only thing to say ‘yes’ to last night was me. US.
Andi wants to be with me. Except now, I’m sitting here with someone I have no interest in, instead of being with Andi.
“So, is that her?” Hope asks, running her hand up and down mine.
“What?” I ask, getting pulled from my thoughts.
“The girl who broke your heart. The one you told me about that night. Is that her?”
I shake my head instead of giving her a verbal response, even though it’s a lie. Andi does, in fact, break my heart. I know she’s asking about Lucy, but all I can think about right now is Andi. Day in and day out, I battle with the fact that I want her and I can’t have her. She made that clear the first time we kissed, and then the next night when she told me the tragic tale of her and her husband. But she just blew that all to shit minutes ago in my arms on the dance floor. I down the rest of my beer and pray that it helps me forget about Andi.
It doesn’t work, so I order another one.
My vicious cycle is starting back up.
I consume beer after beer, seeking that moment where I just forget.
It never comes.
Hope’s hands are getting more liberal in their exploration. I can’t let her touch me like she wants to. It doesn’t feel right. I don’t want her hands on me. Staying here with her instead of leaving with Andi was a mistake. I want to get out of here.
“Uh, it was good seeing you, but I need to go.”
She gets off the stool and looks around, tears welling up in her eyes. “My friends are gone.”
“What?”
“I don’t see my friends
. They left without me.”
She’s starting to freak out, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t just leave her here.
“It’s ok. Call them and I’ll take you to meet them.”
Still crying, she tells me, “I don’t have my phone. My friend Callie has my phone and ID in her purse.”
I run my hands through my hair, trying to figure out what the hell to do. “Do you know where they were going after this?”
She shakes her head and wipes at the falling tears.
“Do you want me to take you back to your hotel?”
“We can try, but I don’t know if they’ll give me a key. The rooms are in my friend’s name.”
“Where are you staying?”
“The Montleone.”
I laugh. Of course it’s the same hotel where I’m staying. I pay our tab and we leave for the hotel. As we walk, Hope uses my phone to call her friends to try to find them, but none of them answer. And, as she guessed, the clerks at the front desk won’t make her a key for her room. She’s not listed as a guest. I only have two options at this point- leave her on the streets or let her crash in my room.
“You can stay in my room tonight. I’ll go stay with Andi.”
I call her and Celeste, but neither of them answer their phones. I don’t want to go knock on the door and wake up Charley. Hope looks overjoyed at the prospect of sleeping in my room. I hate to break it to her, but we will not be having a repeat performance of our first meeting. There’s only one person I have any interest in sleeping with, and it’s certainly not her.
We get in the room and her eyes light up at the sight of the king sized bed in the middle of the room. As soon as the door closes, she’s on me. I was expecting it, so she barely gets her lips on mine before I’m pushing her away.
“This isn’t why I brought you back here,” I tell her, walking to the other side of the room.
“Why else would I be here? Why would you ask me here if you didn’t want me again?”
“I don’t know. Maybe so you wouldn’t be left alone in a strange city to fend for yourself. Seriously, touch me again and you’re out. We can’t do that again.”
Her lip starts quivering and her eyes get wet again. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. I’ll get you something to wear and you can get some sleep.”
I find her a shirt and some boxers in my suitcase and disappear into the bathroom so she can change. Triple checking to make sure the door is locked, I take a long shower and pray she’s passed out when I’m done. I just want to crawl into bed and put this night behind me. I need to have a talk with Andi in the morning. She and I need to get some things out in the open.
When I come out of the bathroom, I call Hope’s name a few times, but her steady breathing tells me that she’s asleep. I ease into bed as quietly as I can and stay as close to the edge as possible. I lay in the stillness of the room, thinking about Andi in my arms, the confession about wanting to give herself to me leaving her full, pouty lips.
A knock at the door jolts me awake. When I open my eyes, I notice the sun blazing through the sliding glass door of the hotel room. I rub my hands up and down my face, not realizing I slept so long. Before I can even sit up, I hear voices coming from the opposite end of the room. One voice in particular is a voice that I would recognize in a sea of thousands. It’s raspy and shoots straight to my gut every time I hear it. It’s asking for me right now.
Fuck.
“He’s still sleeping. We had a late night.”
I jump out of bed. Hope is standing in the doorway, blocking Andi from seeing inside the room. She’s still in my shirt, her blonde hair wild from sleep.
This looks really fucking bad.
“Tell him we’re leaving in ten minutes and to meet us downstairs.”
“Andi, wait,” I holler from the bed, stumbling as I try to get untangled from the covers. “Let me explain.”
“I’m not interested in an explanation,” she says from the doorway before walking away. Hope shuts the door.
“Get dressed and get out,” I tell her, trying to keep my anger in check. My teeth are about to shatter from clenching my jaw so hard.
“Did I do something wrong?”
I nod. “Please,” I beg her, closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths. “Just go.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize-”
“I know you didn’t. It’s fine. I just wish you wouldn’t have opened that door.”
She looks genuinely sorry. “I tried to wake you up first, but you wouldn’t get up and she was beating on the door. I figured it was important.”
She grabs her clothes from the night before and goes into the bathroom to get dressed. I throw on some clothes in record time and shove everything into my suitcase. I call Andi several times while I do this, but her phone is off.
Hope comes out of the bathroom and returns my clothes. I push them into my bag and head for the door. She apologizes once more, and heads towards the elevator without a moment’s hesitation. I don’t try to reassure her that it’s not her fault. There’s really no point.
I head to the first available clerk when I get downstairs so I can get us checked out of our rooms.
“Sir, was your visit with us less than satisfactory? I see you’re leaving a day early.”
He’s right. I was in such a panic this morning I didn’t even realize that we were only here one night instead of two. I must have really fucked things up. She’s ready to get back to Fairhope so she can get some distance from me.
“No, everything was great. We just need to get back home.”
I finish getting us checked out, but I still haven’t spotted my travel companions. When they finally emerge from the breakfast area I feel like a total asshole. Andi’s pain is visible on her beautiful face. Her eyes are puffy and red, providing physical evidence of what I’ve done to her. She won’t even look at me. Celeste marches right up to me, jabbing me in the chest.
“If you say one word to her on the ride home, I will cut your dick off. Understand?”
“You need to let me-”
Her voice gets louder. “No. I don’t need to listen to one word of your bullshit. Look at what you did to her,” she says, throwing one of her arms out, pointing towards Andi, who refuses to come near us. “I will not allow you to hurt her, Miller. She’s been hurt enough.”
“But I didn’t do anything.”
“Please,” she taunts, rolling her eyes at my denial. “I heard all about your little bedmate.” She shakes her head and gets really quiet, jabbing her finger into my chest as she speaks. “You just fucked up something that could have been so good.”
Her words stun me into silence. I walk towards the parking lot, hoping the fresh air outside will allow me to breathe a bit easier. I was wrong. The longer I go without talking to Andi, the worse it gets.
The ride back to Fairhope is pure torture. No one speaks. I sit in the front by myself, like a damn taxi driver. Andi, Charley, and Celeste squeeze into the back and sit together, their heads tucked close. I spend more time with my eyes in the rear view mirror stealing glances at Andi than I do looking at the road stretched out before me. Each time my eyes catch hers, she looks away. The red around the rims gets more prominent as we get closer to our destination. She thinks I don’t see her wipe the tears away, but I watch her each time her hands move to her face. She thinks she’s being discreet, but she’s not. I can’t believe she won’t even let me explain the circumstances surrounding what happened last night. She’s upset for no reason. I can’t let this go on any longer.
I call her name, but Celeste is on me in an instant. She leans towards my seat, putting her mouth right up to my ear.
“Not only will I cut it off, but I will shove it down your throat. Don’t say a word to her.”
I guess I need to give her a few days to get over it, then I’ll talk to her about it.
I can’t let this ruin us.
Chapter Eighteen
Miller
Two days. I go two days with no contact with Andi and I feel like I’m going to crawl out of my skin. My need for her grows with each passing hour. I try calling her and texting her, but she’s not answering. I put in more miles running in those two days than I have the entire time I’ve been in Fairhope. Running is the only way I’m staying sane. If she’ll just let me explain what happened, we’ll be fine. I need her to know that nothing happened. I would never do that to her.
Cappy is surprised to see us back early, but doesn’t comment about anything or ask me any questions. I don’t know if he and Andi discussed the reason why we came back a day sooner than we planned, but she’s not working at the bar with me. Instead, I get the pleasure of working with Celeste. At first I try to explain the situation to her, but each time I speak she comes up with new and creative ways to do bodily harm to me, usually involving my dick. I quickly learn my lesson and just keep my mouth shut when I’m around her.
I remember Andi telling me that she had to work at the bookstore Tuesday, so I decide to bring her lunch. I don’t know if she’ll talk to me, but at least I know she won’t make a scene there. And, as an added bonus, her guard dog Celeste won’t be there running interference. After my run Tuesday morning, I head home to shower and dress, excited for the day. I feel better than I have since we left New Orleans at the prospect of seeing Andi. It’s only been two days, but I can’t ever remember two days feeling so long. Time has been passing at a snail’s pace. I need to see her.
I head over to Panini Pete’s and pick up Andi’s favorite sandwich. Surely bribing her with food will work. I take my time walking to the bookstore, stopping to chat along the way with various people. I think about how I’ve come to consider this my home after living here such a short amount of time. Everyone here is so warm and welcoming. I can see myself settling down here long term and leaving my old home in the past. It’s probably best that way for everyone involved. I think this weekend proved that I need to move on.
The Promise of More: The Home Series, Book Three Page 13