“Good luck with that. Is she still coming up with creative ways to castrate me?”
Andi’s eyes twinkle. “Yes, but she likes seeing me happy, so she’s trying to look past the cause.”
I sink my hands into her hair at the nape of her neck and make sure her eyes are glued to mine before I ask her what I’ve been dying to know. “Are you happy, baby?”
“Very,” she whispers, coming in for a kiss.
“Me too,” I whisper back, right before her lips connect with mine.
For the second time today, a stark truth escapes my mouth. I’m happier than I can ever remember.
Chapter Twenty-One
Andi
“You better watch yourself,” I tell Miller, “that sounds a little messy.”
I constantly tease Miller about things getting messy between us, but I keep waiting for the day when he doesn’t brush it off. I want him to tell me that we are messy, tangled, knotted, and so entwined that he doesn’t know which way is up. But, tonight, like always, he laughs off my comment.
“There is no mess involved in this. Even if we were the old Andi and Miller, I would still take you to dinner to celebrate the fact that you’re going back to school. I’m proud of you,” he says, pushing me onto my back in the bed of his truck. “The night just wouldn’t end with you in my bed,” he adds, rolling on top of me.
My breath catches in my throat, but I try not to let him see how he affects me. Yeah, right. “You’re so sure of yourself. Maybe I don’t want it to end in your bed.”
“That’s fine. I’ll fuck you at the restaurant.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” I say, attempting to sound insulted, but my words barely come out. I’m getting turned on at the mere thought of sneaking around with Miller in public.
“We’ll see,” he says, jumping out of the bed of the truck.
I sit up, looking around the field, thinking we got caught. As much as we come out to the fields, it’s not exactly legal to drive out here in the middle of the night and hang out. I feel the rumble of Miller’s truck as he starts the ignition and hear the radio cut on. He comes back to the bed of the truck and slides me to the tailgate, pulling me to my feet.
“I want to dance with you,” he says. He’s got such a serious look on his face. It’s the looks like this one gracing his face that I can’t handle. The looks of outright lust and desire are one thing… I know what to do with those. The looks like the one he has on his face right now scare the shit out of me. This raw, pure emotion is terrifying.
I don’t hesitate to move into his arms. I never hesitate…he’s polarizing. The strains of the current song end and Miller gets our bodies lined up in the perfect position. I can’t help thinking about the last time, the only other time, we’ve ever danced. I push that night in New Orleans out of my mind. I don’t want to ruin this moment.
Lenachka’s I Want to Love You starts to play and I’m sure Miller can feel the heavy pounding of my heart hitting against his chest. I don’t know if he’s ever heard this song before, but as it plays, his movements slow, his steps falter, and his body pulls slightly away from mine. I can’t move, and I can’t pull my eyes away from his. I’m having trouble getting each breath to leave my body, and I’m shaking so bad that if he wasn’t holding on to me I would be laying in the grass right now.
Messy.
This is getting so messy.
I want the mess.
The thought hits me with a stark realization. I don’t want to be friends with Miller anymore. We stopped being friends the minute he pulled me up the stairs at The Shipyard and asked me for more. How can he not feel this?
He’s lying to himself.
We are surrounded by the beautiful lyrics of this song, the comfort of our field, and we can’t move. We stopped dancing after the first few lines of the song. It’s beautiful, it’s organic, it’s us.
“I think I need to get you home,” he whispers, still unable to move, unable to pull away from my gaze.
Unable to stop the words from leaving my mouth, I whisper back, “I think you’re scared.” I want to push them back in, but it’s too late.
“Of you?” he says, trying to laugh it off.
“Of what’s happening between us.”
He moves away from me and starts walking towards his side of the truck, breaking our connection. I feel the loss, both physically and emotionally.
I should have kept my mouth shut.
“Nothing is happening between us. We’re not letting it, remember?”
You’re not letting it, I think to myself, but I don’t want to say the words out loud. I’m not going to push him. I don’t want to lose him over this.
I don’t know if I can keep him, either.
I don’t know if I have room in my heart for two men. Charlie Bankston still takes up so much space there. I don’t know if I have the space for Miller Ashby.
We drive in silence. It’s not uncomfortable, but it’s not exactly a welcome silence, either. My thoughts are a jumbled mess. Miller reaches over while he drives and keeps his hand on my leg, a soothing move, but I still feel the tension between us. His hand roaming up and down my thigh is the only thing keeping my tears at bay.
Ever the gentleman, he walks me to the door and unlocks it for me.
“Do you want to come in for a little while?” I ask, desperate to hear ‘yes’ leave his lips.
“Do you want me to?” he asks, searching my face.
I smile at him. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”
“I’ll come tuck you in, but I need to get going.”
My smile gets bigger. It’s these moments with Miller that are my favorite. It’s not always about the sex. He takes care of me.
We walk toward my bedroom in silence, our hands entwined, our bodies close. We peek in on Charley on the way to my room. She’s sound asleep, surrounded by the stuffed animals Miller got her in New Orleans. It takes a minute to find her in the menagerie of critters. He smiles, loving to see her treasuring her things.
I make quick work of getting out of my clothes while Miller gets a shirt out of my dresser for me. When he gets me ready for bed, I always end up in one of his t-shirts. How they ended up in my dresser, I’m not quite sure. He never stays over here and has never had the opportunity to forget a shirt here. But, I have several of his LSU Law shirts safely tucked away in my drawers. As he pulls one over my head, I can’t help but smile.
Careful Miller, I think, your heart’s showing.
“Hop in,” he says, peeling back my sheets.
I get all settled in and he tucks the blankets around me, just like I do for my daughter.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” I ask, desperate, once again, to hear a ‘yes’.
“I don’t know,” he answers, his dimple making an appearance through the scruff gracing his face. “I have to check my busy schedule and get back with you.”
He gives me a panty-melting kiss and walks towards the door.
“‘Night, baby.”
“Goodnight, Miller.”
My bedroom door opens and I’m giddy with thoughts of his return.
“That was disappointing. It lasted about thirty seconds.”
“Not everything is about sex, Celeste. He was just tucking me in.”
She sits down on the bed with me and searches my face for any indication of pain. This is her ritual any time I spend time with Miller. She’s so scared I’m going to get hurt. She can’t wait to jump on the chance to kick his ass.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“You look sad.” Before I can respond, she goes on. “Don’t argue with me, Andi. I can read you like a book. I don’t think y’all got in a fight, you just look sad. I won’t say anything bad about your friend, just tell me about it.”
I tug on my lip for a few seconds. What is wrong with me? I have no idea. The only thing I do know is that something shifted tonight and neither of us know what to do with that.
“Noth
ing happened. We were dancing, and something shifted between us. Things are changing, evolving. I could feel it. I think it scared him.” I close my eyes and let out the breath I’ve been holding since we left the field. “It scared me, too.”
She scoots in bed with me and grabs my hand. “Why are you scared?”
I laugh. “What’s not to be scared about? I’m scared that my feelings for him are one-sided. I’m terrified of losing the feelings I have for my husband. I’m scared I only have room in my heart for one person.” I feel my chest tighten when the next thought crosses my mind, before I can even form the words. “I don’t want to lose either one of them.”
Celeste sits up, wide-eyed, grabbing my other hand in hers. “Are you falling in love with him?”
“I don’t know.”
I don’t know if I’m falling in love with him or if I’m already there.
I wake up the next morning, not feeling any more settled after a night of sleep, and drag myself into the kitchen to get breakfast started for my daughter. When I flip on the light, I notice a box sitting on the kitchen table, a folded note sitting on top. I instantly recognize the box from my favorite bakery and smile. Miller’s messy handwriting is scrawled across the note. Prioritizing, I grab a pastry out of the box first, and then open the note to read it.
A-
Picked up some of you and Charley’s favorites. I’ll pick you up tonight at 7 for our back to
school celebration. Cappy’ll be by at 6 to pick up Charley. Pack her a bag- she’s staying the
night.
M
The pastry drops from my hand, long forgotten, as I re-read the last sentence of Miller’s short note. Staying the night? My heart starts beating overtime at the thought of Miller filling Cap in on our plans, and then proceeding to ask him to keep my child overnight so the two of us can have a sleepover. I’ve never stayed over with Miller. Ever. We just don’t do that. It’s just so messy. I grab my phone, needing to thank him for the food and gage his mood. Last night he was in a weird place.
Andi: Thanks for breakfast
Miller: Hope it’s ok that I snuck in this AM to bring it
Andi: If you bring food when you sneak in, feel free to do it anytime
Miller: Be careful with what you give me permission to do
Miller: You ok with dinner tonight?
Andi: Yes
Miller: And ok with Charley staying with Cap?
Andi: Yes
Miller: Pack yourself a bag too. You’re staying with me tonight
Miller: Never mind. You don’t really need clothes for what we’ll be doing
Before I can send him a response, Charley comes pattering into the kitchen, yelling for me. I pick her up and breathe her in, twirling her in my arms. As soon as she spots the box from Miller, though, she’s squirming out of my arms and reaching for a doughnut. I get her situated at the table and grab her some milk, pick my phone back up, but am interrupted by Celeste.
“When did you go get these?” she asks, shoving a bear claw in her mouth, moaning in delight.
“I didn’t. Miller dropped them off this morning.”
She raises an eyebrow and continues her love affair with the pastry. “So everything is cool? What did he say?”
“He didn’t say anything. They were on the table with this note.”
I hand her the note, letting it speak for itself.
“A sleepover? Shit.”
“Shit,” my daughter parrots, between bites of her chocolate doughnut.
Chapter Twenty-two
Miller
The night couldn’t be more perfect. The food is delicious, the wine is flowing, the weather is beautiful, and the woman sitting across from me is stunning. I was speechless when I picked her up for dinner. You would think she would lose the ability to rob me of my words when I see her on a daily basis, but she continues to do it time and time again.
I knew when I saw Pinzone’s that this was a place I wanted to bring Andi. It looks like a little piece of Italy was dropped in the middle of downtown Fairhope. We are sitting outside, surrounded by the worn stucco, brick walkways, iron balconies, and columns that makes this place so unique. We’re tucked away in a little nook so that we can have some privacy, which makes this night all the better.
We stay long into the night, drinking more than we have in a while. Andi’s quite vocal tonight, going on and on about everything under the sun, and about nothing at all. I love seeing her this carefree and excited about things. She’s pumped about going back to school. I feel an intense jealously about having to give up my time with her, but I’m glad she’s getting what she wants. As she finishes up her current glass of wine and her last bites of dessert, her laughs are echoing through the courtyard, her hand is rubbing up and down my leg, and her mouth is teasing my neck.
“I think I need to get you out of here,” I tell her, clamping my hand down on hers before it goes too high.
“I think you made a promise to me in our field last night,” she purrs in my ear.
I pull back from her, searching her face for some indication of what she could be talking about. She gets a stern look on her face, fighting a smile.
“‘That’s fine. I’ll fuck you at the restaurant,” she says, attempting to make her voice sound like mine.
I sit up straight in my chair, her words shooting straight to my cock. She leans in close, putting her mouth right up to my ear again. Her breath comes out warm against my face, which isn’t helping the situation I’m currently in.
“I didn’t wear panties, just to make it a little easier for you,” she whispers, before getting up and walking in the direction of the bathroom.
Fuck.
After she walks away, I look around the courtyard. Except for a few waiters moving in and out, the place is empty. It’s a weeknight, and it’s close to closing time, so everyone else is gone. When I’m sure I can get up and not embarrass myself, I set off to find my red-headed temptress.
I head toward the bathroom and am grabbed and pulled into an alcove, shrouded in darkness. Andi’s lips are on mine, the lingering tastes of dessert and wine hitting my mouth going straight to my head. I push her against the heavy wooden door in the darkness, one hand restraining her wrists and holding them above her head, the other going to her skirt. I hear her head thump against the wall.
Her hands move out of my grasp. I open my eyes and try to see in the darkness. She’s got them wrapped around a heavy wrought iron knocker, which is even better. Now I have both of my hands at my disposal.
“Open your eyes and look at me,” I tell her. I’m so fucking turned on I can barely talk.
“Keep them open. This is gonna be fast. You need to tell me if someone’s coming.”
She giggles. “Someone’s coming,” she says, pushing her hips against my erection.
“I’m serious.”
“Me, too.”
I push my mouth against hers, my hand moving between her legs. She’s soaked, ready for me to take her against this door. I can feel her clamp down around my fingers as soon as I thrust them into her tight little body. She’s moaning into my mouth, killing me with her noises.
“Miller,” she begs.
I don’t need her to beg. I undo my pants and ram into her, causing her hands to drop and her head to fall onto my shoulder. I grab her wrists and push them back up, holding them in place, guiding her hands to find the metal ring once more.
“No, Andi. Eyes open. You have to watch.”
She bites down hard on my shoulder before picking her head back up, causing me to pump into her even faster. She’s moaning so loud I have to cover her mouth with my other hand. Seconds later, she’s coming, I’m coming, and we collapse against the heavy wooden door leading to the bathroom.
I pull open the door and yank her inside the bathroom, locking us in.
I can’t believe we just did that.
That was seriously fucking hot.
So hot that I forgot to use a condom.
> The thought smacks me in the face and sobers me up quickly. I’ve never forgotten to use a condom. Andi comes out of the stall, the realization hitting her, too. She takes one look at my face and sees that I had the same thought.
“It’s alright,” she reassures me. “I’m on the pill.”
“That doesn’t mean that I can be careless with you. I’m sorry.”
She smiles. “Don’t apologize. That was too good to be sorry about,” she says, pushing herself into my arms and kissing me.
“Let’s get out of here. I need to get you to a bed…pay you back for that bite.”
We walk home, the night air clearing the effects of the wine and mind-altering sex. Andi calls Cappy to check on Charley, satisfied to hear that she had a great night and is sleeping soundly, surrounded by all of the stuffed creatures she insisted on bringing.
The Shipyard is buzzing with people when we get back to the bar. I wish I didn’t have to walk through the bar to get to my apartment, but that’s the only way. Andi wants to stay downstairs and have a drink. I would rather poke my own eyeballs out than have to sit and make conversation with Celeste, but I’ll do it if it makes Andi happy.
“Tequila!” Andi shouts, slapping her hands down on my thighs.
“Seriously?”
“Duh. Don’t you remember how much fun it was last time?”
“I remember you kissing me and then freaking out and running away.”
“And look at us now,” she says, throwing her arms wide. “Having restaurant sex. Look how far we’ve come.”
I just laugh at her and shake my head. I don’t think a response is needed.
“Celeste,” she shouts, getting her friend’s attention at the other end of the bar. “My friend and I would like some tequila, please.”
Celeste comes over, glaring at me, but smiling at Andi. “How was your date?”
“Perfect. Now we’d like some tequila. You know, to make up for last time.”
The Promise of More: The Home Series, Book Three Page 16