“All set?” he asks, seeming to have it together now. He’s fine. You would never know he just got off the phone with Lucy.
“All set. I’m all yours.”
I mean it in every possible way.
“Perfect.”
“Are you going home for Thanksgiving?” I ask, interrupting the stillness of the field. I’m fairly certain I know the answer, but dying to know what he’s going to say. Things have changed back home, and he may surprise me with his response. It’s less than month away, and I don’t know if I could handle him leaving me to go back there.
He runs his hand up and down my spine, mulling over the answer. “I don’t consider that my home anymore.”
I sit up in the bed of his truck, the blanket that’s covering us slipping down my shoulders. I can hardly make out his face in the darkness, but he must see the shock on mine.
“I haven’t thought about Baton Rouge as home since we went, Andi. I feel like an outsider there.” He runs his hand up and down my thigh. It’s covered by the blanket, but I can feel it leaving a blazing trail along my skin. “This feels like home to me. I have no plans of leaving here.”
My heart is beating triple time as I let his words roll around in my head, wanting to press him for more, but I don’t. I wish I wasn’t such a coward. I wish I could tell him how I feel, but I can’t. Instead, I ask him to take me home.
We drive home in silence, our hands connected, my mind working overtime. I need to let these feelings out before they all come rushing out and I can’t control them. I need to figure out how to let Miller know how I feel without him panicking. I think Lucy is the key. I need him to realize how huge it is that he can have these conversations with her and he can handle it. As if on cue, his phone buzzes with a text.
“Can you get that?” he asks.
I grab his phone from the cup holder, seeing Lucy’s gorgeous face lighting up the screen, along with a text alert.
“It’s Lucy,” I tell him.
In a calm, normal voice he says, “It’s late. I’ll see about that tomorrow.”
“Miller, what if it’s an emergency?”
“She would call if it was an emergency. I told her to call me if something changed. She texted.”
I’m staring at him, mouth hanging open. Does he not realize the enormity of this situation?
He glances at me and takes in my expression. “What?”
“Miller!”
He squeezes my hand. “If it’s bothering you that much, read it. I’m telling you, Maggie and the boys are no different from when I talked to her earlier. She would call otherwise.”
I unlock his phone, and read the message, letting him know he was correct. Everyone is fine, there’s no change. She’ll call tomorrow. He was right.
“Told you,” he says. “I don’t want to think about any of that tonight. I only want to think about you.”
I smile, fighting a yawn in the process. As much as I love these nights in the field with Miller, I miss sleep. It’s hard to come by these days, and I need it desperately.
“Tired?”
“Exhausted. I’ve surpassed exhaustion. I’m not sure there’s a word for what I am.”
He laughs. “You want me to bring you home?”
“Will you stay with me?”
“I wouldn’t stay anywhere else.”
I snuggle into his side as he drives and I promptly pass out, waking only when I feel him moving behind me early the next morning. I don’t even remember how I got into bed.
“Andi,” he whispers, his voice covering me like a blanket, instantly warming my body.
I don’t say anything, just push back against him, letting him know that I’m semi-awake.
“I need to be inside you.” He nips at the side of my neck, and then soothes it with a kiss. “I need you, right now.”
I nod, moving my hips against him with a little more force, his hand moving between my legs, slipping in my panties, finding that I’m more than ready for him this morning.
He pulls my hair up to expose the back of my neck, blazing a trail of kisses along my neck, down to one shoulder, then across to the other, all without his fingers slowing their teasing. I cry out when they leave me, wanting this to never end. He moves down my body, his hands stripping me of my panties, his mouth replacing his fingers. His tongue is lapping at me, teasing me, torturing me, and I’m moaning and crying out. His fingers are back, working in tandem with his mouth, all while his other hand is gripping my waist, holding me to the mattress. His fingers curl up inside of me, his mouth bites down gently, and I let out a feral groan. He doesn’t stop his movements until I’m in a near-catatonic state, incapable of moving.
“I hope you don’t think I’m done with you,” he says, crawling up my limp body. He grabs the back of my neck and kisses me, hard and fast on the lips. “I’m nowhere close to being done with you,” he growls, pushing into me.
I can feel another orgasm coming, or maybe it’s aftershocks of that first insane one. I can’t be sure. I don’t even think my brain is working. I’m on my side and Miller’s got one of my legs at an impossible angle, pummeling in and out of me, reaching places that I’m not sure he should be. I lose track of how many times he makes me come before he collapses on top of me in a hot, sweaty, messy heap.
“Good morning,” he says, nipping at my shoulder.
I just grunt. That’s all I’m capable of at this point in time. He’s robbed me of my ability to speak. I’m not sure when it will return.
“I’ve left you speechless. I’d definitely call that a good morning,” he teases. “Let’s go shower, and then I’ll cook you something. Maybe food will help you find your voice.”
Chapter Twenty-four
Miller
I’m desperate for Andi, but I need to get a run in, and she’s got studying to do. My running club is meeting up on the pier. I use the term ‘running club’ loosely. I met these guys a few months ago. We run together a few days a week, but usually end up at McSharry’s having a Guinness or Irish Car Bombs, depending on what kind of night it is. We’ve been running together (and drinking together) more lately since Andi’s occupied with school and I’ve got some free time on my hands.
Just as I’m walking down the steps from my apartment, my phone starts buzzing. I pull it out my pocket, expecting Goose, but am a little startled to see Bennett’s number across my screen.
“Hello?”
“Hey, man. Lucy’s with Maggie, so I told her I’d call you. Maggie woke up earlier.”
The tension I’ve felt over the last few days leaves my body instantly, and I sink down on the bottom step of the staircase, my legs numb. I take my first full breath in days, welcoming the oxygen into my lungs.
“Thank God,” I breathe out. “She’s good? No complications?” I ask.
“She seems fine. Just mouthin’ off to the hospital staff, but that’s nothing new. Finn made it back from Ireland about an hour after she woke up, so she’s calmed down.”
“How are the twins?”
“Small and weak, but they’ll be good in no time. Their lungs are really the only things holding them back at this point. They just need some time to get bigger and stronger.”
I close my eyes and send up a heartfelt ‘thank you’, grateful that my prayers were answered. “Tell Lucy I’ll call her soon, and Mags, too.” I pause, deciding I need to add one more thing. “Thank you, Bennett.”
“What for?”
“Goose told me you saved them that night. If it wasn’t for you, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.”
“She’s my family. I love that hard-headed woman.”
“We all do.”
“Speaking of women,” he says, and I groan. I know what’s coming. “Lucy says you’re still seeing Andi.”
I sigh, running my hand through my hair. “Are we really doing this, Bennett?”
“Doin’ what?” he asks, feigning innocence. He knows damn good and well what I’m talking about.
“Talking about this. We don’t do this.”
“Why not? You and I are having a normal, civilized conversation that doesn’t revolve around my girl, you trying to steal her, or me trying to kill you. This is big. I want to talk about your hot little red-headed girlfriend.”
“I’m not doing this with you.”
“Oh, I think we should do this. Is it getting serious? Do you love her?”
“Are you done?”
“Are you bringing her back here again? She seemed cool when I talked to her. I think I want to hang out with her. Maybe the two of you could come have dinner at the house. You know, like a double date. How about Thanksgiving?”
What the fuck? “Bye, Bennett.”
I hear him laughing as I push ‘end’.
Bastard.
I sit for a few more minutes, letting the good news sink in. I shoot off a text to Lucy, then decide I need to go to Andi’s. I need to share the news with her. She can take a break from studying to hear this. She’s been worried about Mags, too.
I jog down to the pier and let the guys know that I’ll meet up with them later, and then take off in the direction of Andi’s house. When I round the street corner and head up the walkway, I don’t see Celeste’s car in the driveway, so I don’t bother knocking. I throw open the front door and cross the entryway in a few strides, but stop dead in my tracks, dumbfounded.
Andi’s studying, but she’s not alone. She’s sitting mighty close to some douche on the couch, their thighs touching, their heads together, and a red haze covers my vision. I’m seething. I was under the impression she’d be studying alone, or with Kellyn. She never mentioned this asshole.
I clear my throat and she looks up, surprised to see me.
“Hey. What are you doing here?”
“Well, I came to give you some news. Who’s this?” I stay a few feet from the couch so I’m not tempted to haul him off of it and punch him in the face.
“Miller, this is Nick. Nick this is Miller,” she says, getting off the couch. He gets up, too, and sticks out his hand for me to shake. I don’t want to be polite. If I shake his hand, I might break it.
“You’re sitting kind of close to someone who’s got a boyfriend.”
He drops his hand, staring at Andi with a puzzled look on his face.
Interesting. It doesn’t appear that this fucker knows who I am.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” she tells him.
“The fuck I’m not,” I growl.
She whips her head around and gives me the iciest glare I’ve ever seen from her.
“I’ll be back,” she tells him, and stomps away from the couch, grabbing my arm as she passes me, dragging me behind her towards the kitchen.
“What is your problem, Miller?”
Her chest is heaving, her eyes are blazing, and if it were possible, I bet I would see smoke shooting from the top of her head. She’s livid. It’s a little scary. It’s also hot as fuck. If there wasn’t some jackass in the living room, I’d bend her over this table and screw all that anger right out of her.
“I don’t like coming over here, expecting to see you studying alone or with Kellyn, but seeing you cuddled up with some prick on the couch. You were practically in his lap.”
“You have some fucking nerve. Get out,” she yells, pointing towards the front door.
“No.” I cross my arms and lean against the counter. She’s crazy if she thinks I’m leaving. “We’re talking about this.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why did you tell him I’m not your boyfriend?” It’s sort of a pussy thing to admit, but that hurt my feelings.
“Are you kidding me with this shit?” she yells, her voice growing louder every time she talks. Her face is turning the color of her hair, her arms are waving wildly.
“Why did you say it?” I ask, pushing off the counter, grabbing her wrists and pulling her close.
She yanks out of my grip, boiling. “Because You. Are. Not. My. Boyfriend.”
“You spend your nights in my bed and you give your body to me. I’m fairly sure that makes me your boyfriend.”
Her anger visibly rises. “Bullshit. You set the precedent for this, Miller,” she says, gesturing wildly between the two of us, “so you know better than anyone what this is. The term ‘boyfriend’ would indicate the potential for more, which you made perfectly clear is not an option for us. If you were my boyfriend, there would be the promise of more to come for us. An actual future. If you were my boyfriend, there would be emotions and feelings and love. You took that off the table. We’re fuck buddies, Miller, remember?” Her voice gets small. The hurt is bleeding through, running deep within her words. “That’s all I’m worth to you.”
I open my mouth but I can’t get anything to come out. Is that really what she thinks? She just let it all out. This is so messed up. I need to fix this. I need to tell her that’s not true. Asshole sticks his head through the doorway, just as I’m about to speak.
“Um, I’m gonna go.”
“No, you’re not,” she says, and at the same time I bark out, “Good idea.”
He’s looking back and forth between us, the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.
“Don’t leave, Nick. Kellyn’s on her way, and my friend Miller was just leaving.”
He backs out of the doorway. “I’m gonna step outside and call Kellyn,” he says, and I wait for the sound of the door to close.
“Andi, please don’t ever say that’s all you’re worth to me. I’d never consider you just a fuck. You know that’s not true. I’ve never treated you like that.” I’m pleading with her, practically on my knees in the middle of her kitchen, and she doesn’t say anything in return. She won’t even look at me.
“Please tell me you know that’s not true.”
She nods, but doesn’t say anything. Her eyes are cast down to the floor. She still won’t look at me. I’m hurting her. What the hell just happened in here?
“Baby, look at me.”
She finally pulls her eyes up to meet mine, and I see tears. Not just the threat of tears, but fully formed, huge tears spilling over, falling down her rosy cheeks. She’s not even attempting to stop them. I hate to see her cry. It’s rare, and it guts me each time it happens. I pull her into my arms and let her cry.
“I feel like you do more crying than smiling around me lately,” I murmur into her hair.
She shakes her head.
“What are we doing, Miller?” she says into my chest.
“I don’t know.”
I feel her hand move to her mouth, her fingers pulling at her lip. “Do we need to stop?”
The thought of not having Andi hurts. It burns, deep in my chest. It’s a hurt like I’ve never experienced. I don’t want to stop.
“I can’t,” I whisper to her. “Fuck. We probably should, but I just can’t.”
I’m not sure how long we stand in the kitchen. I don’t want to let her go. Eventually, we pull away from each other. Her friend never comes back inside to study, but I never really thought that he would. I have to leave to get ready for work, and she’s got to go pick up Charley at Cappy’s house. We make no plans to meet up later. I forget to tell her the good news about Maggie.
I don’t tell her good-bye, just give her the most important kiss of my life and walk away. I try to convey everything I can into that one kiss. I think there are more things that I need to say to Andi, but I don’t know how. Things I’m scared to admit. Things my heart doesn’t know yet. Or, maybe it knows, but refuses to admit. I don’t think my heart and my head know how to communicate with each other. I hope she got everything I needed to tell her from my kiss. I think she did. She was crying again when we pulled away from our embrace.
I got what she needed to say from her kiss. Words she needs me to hear, but words she’d never dare say out loud. Words she knows would be a deal breaker. Words she knows would push me away.
Chapter Twenty-five
; Andi
I’m still sitting on the couch, still in the same position, still clutching my phone in my hand, when Cappy finds me later. Charley made a complete mess of the house, pulling toys into the living room and pulling food down from the pantry and dropping it all over the kitchen, but I can’t seem to make myself move. She finally played until the point of exhaustion and fell asleep on the loveseat.
I haven’t heard the voice that came through on the other end of the phone in about five years. I wasn’t good enough for her or my father when I married my husband, but now she expects me to drop everything and come running back to California to make my peace with the man that despises me. He’s the one that has sins to atone for; I didn’t do anything wrong.
My father had a massive stroke last night. They aren’t sure if he’s going to make it. My mother has requested my presence in California as soon as possible to say goodbye to a man who cut me out of his life and hasn’t had anything to do with me since that day. She’s purchased a ticket for me to fly out of Mobile. I promptly told her she’d need to purchase another for my daughter. She had no clue that I even had a daughter. How could she? They chose to disown me.
I snap out of my daze when I feel Cappy shaking my shoulders, asking over and over what’s wrong.
“My mother just called. My father had a stroke. She expects me to drop everything and fly to California.” I feel like someone else is speaking the words.
“When?”
“I have to be there later tonight. She’s got tickets waiting.” I look at Cap, see the concern on his face, and realize I can’t go.
He knows the moment I reach my decision, sees it cross my face, and sits next to me on the couch. “Listen to me, girl. I know this is the last thing you want to do, but you have to go.” I shake my head ‘no’, so he pushes on. “Andi, you will never forgive yourself if something happens and you’re not there to say goodbye. I understand that you have no relationship with them, but here’s the chance to fix that. One you may not have again.”
“They don’t want me,” I whisper.
The Promise of More: The Home Series, Book Three Page 18