Blast Off!

by Nate Ball

“Olivia is right,” Principal Luntz said with a slight smirk. “I understand you’ve been traipsing about your neighborhood in the middle of the night in your boxers.”

  “Unmentionables,” Olivia corrected him.

  “What?” I yelped. I shot Olivia a look. “That’s not . . . What the heck does ‘traipsing’ mean?”

  “Look, I’m sure there’s medication your parents can get for you,” Principal Luntz said.

  Medication? I looked at Olivia and raised my eyebrows. She gave me a confident smile in return.

  Principal Luntz leaned forward and peered at me over his glasses. “Now then, this business about having a crush on your teacher, Miss Martin. I’m afraid there’s no medication for that type of thing.”

  “Who?” I asked, not understanding what Principal Luntz just said. I whipped my head in Olivia’s direction. “What did you—” I stared at Olivia, but she didn’t return my gaze.

  “Zack, sometimes we have feelings that we don’t understand,” Principal Luntz said, tapping the tip of his pencil on his nose.

  “No!” I interrupted. “I don’t have any feelings.”

  Principal Luntz gave me a calming motion with both hands. “Despite the strong feelings that we have, we still have to comport ourselves with the utmost propriety.”

  I shook my head. “‘Comport’? I’m afraid I have no—”

  Olivia grabbed my arm. “What Principal Luntz is saying is that despite the fact you’re experiencing a severe case of puppy love, you can’t act out inappropriately in class.”

  “Exactly!” exclaimed Principal Luntz, pointing at Olivia with his pencil.

  “Puppy love?” I groaned, staring at Olivia with crazy eyes. “Really?”

  “There’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Principal Luntz said with chuckle.

  “Yes, Zack, it’s the most natural thing in the world,” Olivia said, patting my arm with a pretend look of understanding and sympathy.

  “These feelings will pass, probably in a few days,” Principal Luntz said with a dramatic wave of his hand. “Nothing to be ashamed of.”

  “I am not ashamed of anything,” I said slowly. “I don’t even—”

  “But in the meantime let’s cool it with the disruptive behavior in class,” Principal Luntz interrupted, gazing intently at me over his glasses.

  “Okay,” I whispered, defeated.

  “Wonderful! I must say, Zack, you’re lucky to have a friend like Olivia. She is one sharp cookie. She explained everything. But what really concerns me is the bit about you sleepwalking in your underwear.”

  “Unmentionables,” Olivia corrected him again.

  “Unmentionables, yes,” he agreed, nodding.

  Unbelievable.

  “That could be dangerous,” he said, almost smiling before leaning forward and pressing a button on his phone. We heard a ringing on the speaker. “So, I’ll just have Miss Sturney call your mom for me. I’ll notify her of the situation and let her decide the best course of action.”

  Olivia sat up. She looked at me with panic in her eyes. “Oh, I don’t think that will be necessary.”

  “But—” was all I could think to say before Miss Sturney, our school’s secretary, answered Principal Luntz on the intercom. “Yes, Mr. Luntz,” we heard her say through the small speaker. “What’s up?”

  At that moment, something strange happened: Principal Luntz opened his mouth to speak, but didn’t say anything.

  Olivia and I exchanged a look.

  “Bob, you still there?” we heard Miss Sturney ask.

  And just as quickly as he froze, he came back to life. “Miss Sturney, I feel like a yummy banana split. With walnuts. And some of those colorful little things on top.”

  Now Olivia and I both froze.

  Amp!

  “What do you call those little things?” Principal Luntz asked us.

  “Do you mean sprinkles?” I said after a moment’s pause.

  “Yes, sprinkles!” Principal Luntz cried. “You catch that, Miss Sturney?”

  The speaker on the intercom was silent. Miss Sturney was obviously processing this odd request. “You want a banana split, right? Well, I’ve got lunch orders here, sir, that I have to get to the cafeteria, but I guess I could run out for one—a banana split, I mean—if you really need one.”

  “With walnuts,” Principal Luntz added.

  “And sprinkles,” I added.

  “Yes, I heard you,” an unhappy Miss Sturney answered.

  Miss Sturney sounded downright peeved. But Principal Luntz looked as happy as a kid on the first day of summer. He released the button on the intercom, cutting off Miss Sturney without so much as a “Thank you.”

  “Scrumdiddlyumptious!” he said with a giddy chuckle and a clap of his hands. “Okay, now back to class with you both.” He scribbled on a yellow pad, and tore off two late passes.

  I stood. Olivia stayed put, looking from the late pass to Principal Luntz a few times.

  “Olivia,” I hissed. I stepped toward her, gently grabbed her wrist, and led her slowly out of Principal Luntz’s office. I shut the door without looking back.

  “Did you do that banana split thing?” she asked.

  I shrugged.

  “Dang it, Zack, you need to tell me what’s going on, or I’m calling the FBI!”

  I looked around. “Okay, okay,” I said. “But I can’t show you here. C’mon, follow me.”

  13

  The Reveal

  Standing in the janitor’s supply closet with Olivia, I found myself at a loss for words. Just yesterday I had a good idea of what fourth grade was going to be all about. Now it was about avoiding interplanetary war and dealing with an annoying blue alien who could make you gag on imaginary spoiled milk.

  Man, what a difference a day can make.

  Olivia folded her arms. Her eyes were drilling through mine. She was waiting for an explanation, and I hadn’t the foggiest idea where to start.

  “This better be good,” she said through clenched teeth.

  “You remember that blue guy I was telling you about?”

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake!” she exploded. “Not this again. Look, I’m not buying any explanation that involves your imaginary, sad uncle.”

  “He’s not my uncle!” I exploded back.

  “Well, then who are you talking about?”

  I sat down on a huge, white bucket of floor polish. I placed my backpack on the next bucket, knowing Amp was probably listening to all of this.

  “Use your words, Zack,” Olivia said.

  “Enough of this!” Amp called out from the pocket of my backpack.

  Olivia was so taken aback by my backpack’s sudden ability to speak, she shrieked, stumbled backward, and fell awkwardly over a mop bucket on wheels. After bouncing off a wobbly shelf of toilet paper, she fell onto her back. The rolls wobbled, tipped over, and tumbled down on top of her.

  “Agh!” she cried.

  “Olivia!” I rushed over and tossed the toilet paper rolls off of her.

  “There’s something in your backpack?” she stammered.

  I nodded. “I told you he was small. Listen, he won’t hurt you. He’s my friend. He’s nice. He’s an alien. And I’m helping him fix his spaceship. Got it?”

  Olivia stared at me. “That’s a lot of information to give someone all at once.”

  I helped her sit up, and right there, just five feet in front of her, was Amp. He had crawled out of his pocket and was now standing perfectly still in front of us. He waved and did his best to make a friendly smile, though it really looked more like he had gas.

  “It’s the bald Smurf from your room this morning,” she whispered with a quivery voice. “Is he dangerous?”

  “He’s a pain in the neck, but not too dangerous,” I said.

  “Are you sure?” she said. “He looks weird.”

  “C’mon, Mr. Jinxy practically ate him. I’ve almost stepped on him twice.”

  “You know I can hear you both, right?” Amp asked.
>
  “He sounds ridiculous,” she said.

  “He’s funny, huh?” I agreed, helping her up.

  “Is he poisonous?” Olivia asked, not taking her eyes off Amp.

  “Poisonous?” I asked with a laugh. “Of course not.”

  “How do you know?” she asked.

  “I’m not dead, am I?” I answered.

  “Zack, I watched this old black-and-white movie once with my grandpa called War of the Worlds. It was about these aliens who come to Earth. But the aliens all end up dying because of bacteria, which are invisible.”

  “He’s fine!” I protested. “Healthy as a clam!”

  “Not him!” she said, grabbing my shoulders and looking at me with wide eyes. “He could have brought something here. Like killer germs or viruses or mold!”

  “He’s not moldy,” I said. “Relax.”

  “Olivia is correct to be concerned,” Amp said, waving his arms to get our attention. “She is a sharp cookie indeed. I’m not sure how ‘cookie’ and ‘sharp’ go together, but her fear is logical.”

  “Wait, you brought mold with you?” I asked.

  “I am not like you both,” he reassured us. “I don’t carry other organisms on my body. Single-celled or otherwise. Totally different biology.

  “Council Note,”

  he whispered into his wrist again.

  “Germs. They are microorganisms, really small living things. Apparently, some of them can make humans sick. Further study warranted.”

  “What was that about?” Olivia asked.

  “Oh, he’s studying us,” I told her. “His planet is planning to invade Earth.”

  “What?!” Olivia yelped. “You should have called the president. Or the army. Or an exterminator!”

  “Calm down,” I said. “Amp is a scout. He came to check things out. Obviously, he’s realized that invading Earth is a really bad idea. So he needs to hurry up and get back to call the whole thing off. We’ve got to help him.”

  Olivia thought this over. “Am I the first person you’ve told about him?” she asked, concern now rising in her voice.

  “He’s my friend, Olivia,” I said. “If other people find out, it’ll become a mess.”

  “It’s already a mess,” Olivia said. “Listen, Zack, that’s an alien standing right there. Don’t you watch movies? These things always turn out badly!”

  “Olivia, I need to return to call off the attack,” Amp explained. “The sooner the better. In fact, ideally by four forty this afternoon.”

  “What!” I shouted. “That’s hours away, Amp!”

  “That’s why I couldn’t wait at your house. I need a high-powered magnet and we need to figure out an alternative way to launch my spaceship if I’m going be able to get back to Erde in time.”

  “Well, so much for calling in the cavalry,” Olivia said. “By the time we get the police to believe our story, we’ll be serving our Erdian overlords.”

  “The key thing,” Amp explained, “is that my initial launch system needs to be replaced. You could help me and Zack. We could use a sharp cookie like you.”

  “Oh, and what kind of cookie am I?” I asked Amp.

  “I’m sorry, I still don’t get the whole cookie connection,” Amp said. “I’m just trying to fit in. Look, all I need is to replace my initial launch system. Surely you can help with that?”

  “I don’t even know what an initial launch whosie-whatsie is, so probably not,” Olivia said.

  “Well, I need to get my ship moving up, away from this planet, before I can activate my secondary thrusters.”

  “How about a trampoline?” I said. “Or we could just throw it.”

  Amp groaned. “It’s not a paper airplane, Zack.”

  “Hey, I’m just spitballing here, Amp! There are no bad ideas when you’re spitballing.”

  “But you just came up with two,” he said, looking confused.

  Just then the bell rang and Amp dove instantly back into the pocket of my backpack.

  “See, he’s even scared of a floofy bell,” I said, but my voice sounded hollow now. “Okay then, how about this: we’ll sneak into the science lab after school.” I snatched up my backpack and carefully zipped Amp’s pocket. “There has to be something there that we can use. I mean, how hard can it be to launch a spaceship?”

  We exited the janitor’s closet and headed off to the gym for PE class in a daze.

  Olivia sighed. “Honestly, how am I supposed to concentrate on jumping rope now that we’re just hours away from preventing an alien invasion of Earth?”

  I could not have agreed with her more.

  14

  Blocked

  “No tungsten, but there are magnets here that we need,” Amp said.

  Olivia and I hid out in a recess equipment supply closet after school finished for the day. Surrounded by scuffed balls, bats, jump ropes, nets, hula hoops, and orange pylons of every description, we listened carefully as Amp described what he needed.

  “Hold on. What’s a tungsten?” Olivia asked.

  “It’s a special kind of high-density metal that can resist heat,” I explained. I could feel Olivia staring at me with surprise. I wasn’t known for my knowledge of rare metals, or anything having to do with science for that matter. “The science lab doesn’t have any,” I continued. “But it does have magnets, which we also need to fix Amp’s spaceship.”

  “I’ll have to do without the tungsten,” Amp said. “It makes my voyage through space more dangerous, but I can go without it.”

  “How do you know we have the magnets you need?” Olivia asked Amp.

  “I checked this morning, during the commotion in the classroom,” Amp said.

  “Commotion you created,” I said.

  “Sorry about that,” Amp said, actually sounding sorry.

  “You only have three fingers,” Olivia blurted.

  Amp looked at his little hands. “True,” he said simply. “Three seems to be plenty. What do you do with your two extra fingers?”

  Now it was our turn to look at our hands. It was odd to think of fingers as “extra.”

  Olivia looked up. “How can you speak English so well if you just got here yesterday?”

  “Gosh, Olivia, he’s not on trial,” I said.

  “No, it’s a fair question,” Amp said to me. “Erdians happen to be quite good at languages. I’ve learned all the Earth languges. Although complex, yours was not too difficult to figure out, but clearly I still have lots to learn, like why it’s good if a cookie is sharp.”

  Olivia and I thought about that for minute. Neither of us could figure out a way to explain it.

  “We have learned the language of many other life-forms from faraway solar systems. Some languages are just simple chemical reactions, but another one we’ve learned is probably two hundred times more complicated than yours.”

  “Wait a minute,” I said. “What are you saying, Amp? Are you saying you’ve met other people from other planets?”

  “Well, I wouldn’t describe them as people,” he said casually. “Let’s just say they’re life-forms. Actually, one is a lot like a cactus plant on this planet. Not surprisingly, they don’t have much to say. However, there is one non-carbon-based life-form that is the size of your planet. You should see them. They are big, slimy, blob-type things, but friendly if you get to know them. But it takes them about a year in Earth time to say one full sentence. Frankly, I didn’t have the patience.”

  “We are not alone,” I said in my best scary voice.

  Olivia rolled her eyes.

  I cleared my throat. “Listen to the hallway; it’s totally quiet now. We have to get in that lab before Mr. Hoog comes in to clean it.”

  “Excuse me,” Olivia said, “but I’m not sure it’s right to just steal stuff from the science lab, spaceship or no spaceship. Stealing is not good.”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “Steal some junky old lab magnets or let the planet be attacked by an army of three-fingered blue aliens? Seems like a no-b
rainer.”

  “I’m just saying,” Olivia said, folding her arms.

  “There are lots of magnets in the lab,” Amp said. “But there is one type in particular that I’m interested in. It’s made of neodymium, iron, and boron. Each of those is on that big poster of elements in the lab, Zack.”

  “I remember,” I said with a nod.

  Amp continued like a half-pint professor. “The neodymium magnets have a very strong magnetic field. Very stable. They are so strong they could be dangerous, but the ones in your lab are quite small. No bigger than my hand. Very safe and perfect for what we need.”

  “But we can’t just steal them from the school,” Olivia said. “They’re not ours. They belong to the school.”

  Amp nodded. “I only need one to reset a few instruments on my ship, the ones that help me navigate as I skip through space. Twenty minutes is all I need. So let’s not steal it, let’s just borrow it without asking. We can return it tomorrow.”

  “Okay, we’re in,” Olivia said. “But if we get caught, our noodles are cooked.”

  “I have no idea what that means,” Amp said.

  “That’s exactly what worries us,” Olivia said, reading the look on my face.

  15

  Borrowing (without Asking)

  It was as if the stars had aligned.

  And all the planets.

  And a few asteroids, too.

  Everything was going as planned.

  The school’s main corridor was a ghost town. Not a sign of Mr. Hoog. No teachers walking around. No kids goofing off waiting to be picked up.

  We reached the lab absolutely, categorically, and unbelievably unseen.

  I raised myself up and peered through the lab door’s small window. The room was dark and quiet and empty. I grabbed the door’s handle, took a deep breath, and turned it. It was open!

  “Piece of cake,” I said, reminding myself not to switch on the lights.

  “Let’s do this, little man,” Olivia said to Amp, who was hanging out of the backpack slung over my shoulder.

  “The magnets we need are in that tub, on top of that white cabinet,” Amp said from behind me.

  “Whoa, that’s high,” I said, seeing the plastic tub labeled MAGNETS, BATTERIES, MARBLES, & DOMINOES.