Which made me sad. It was good for kids to see people of diverse lives get together. But apparently, not everyone thought so.
“No Melissa?” I asked Casey quietly as we made our way to the dining room.
He shook his head, but didn’t say anything.
Seeing him, I not only felt sad, but angry. I was the same person I’d been before, but she didn’t seem to see it that way.
I couldn’t do anything about it. I felt bad for Casey, and sorry that my life was causing him friction, even though Melissa’s feelings were her own to manage. It didn’t mean that I wasn’t unhappy for my brother.
As my mom and dad brought out the food, conversation was idle, but I picked up on a thread of… something. I couldn’t tell what it was, but there was an undercurrent.
What was this fresh hell?
Then I laughed at myself. It’s not all about you, Bryant, I thought.
Once everyone was eating, my mom cleared her throat. “Thank you to everyone who was able to make it to dinner tonight. I know it was a last minute get together, but Dad and I really appreciate it.” She smiled.
“I asked everyone to dinner because I’m really concerned about what appears to be a growing rift in this family and I wanted to see how we can work together to help heal it.”
Was she talking about me? About Melissa’s reaction to me?
Casey must have had the same thought, because he said, “Mom, I don’t know if there’s anything we can do, if you’re referring to Melissa.”
“I am, dear. I don’t appreciate that Melissa is insisting on keeping the children away. They are part of this family whether she wants to be or not.”
“I can’t tell my wife that my kids have to do something she disapproves of,” Casey started.
“Is this because of me?” I put down my fork. “What is she not allowing the kids to do?”
Casey flushed. “She won’t let them come to anything you’re going to be at.”
Wow. Just… wow. That hurt, and the sword that Graham had driven into my heart came back and stabbed me again. I put my hand on my chest as it was a physical pain.
“She expects me to not show up for family events anymore?” My voice came out in a whisper.
A moment of hesitation, and then Casey nodded.
The rest of the table was silent.
“Did you all know about this?” I asked.
Slowly, everyone nodded.
“So what is it you’re asking me?” I could hear the steel in my voice. My heart may be bleeding, but to hell with this, if it was what I thought it was.
“We’re not asking you to do anything,” Mom said. “This isn’t on you. It doesn’t change the fact, however, that this means things will be bumpy for a bit. I guess we are asking something—for you to be patient.”
“Why is it I need to be patient with the narrow, close-minded thoughts of someone else? Her attitudes are not my problem! I’ve always been respectful of everyone in this family. Melissa needs to learn how to do the same!” I could feel my anger rising.
“No, they are not, but they do affect us all. Including you,” Mom said. “Don’t you miss the kids?”
I stopped. “Yeah, I do. So what, you want me to stop showing up? Because that won’t change things for me. And you’ll be making me change for someone else’s wrong. Sorry, Case, but she’s wrong,” I looked at my brother.
“I know that, and you know that—we all know that,” he sounded frustrated. “I’ve been hearing about it daily, and I’m really tired of it.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, and I meant it. “I don’t know what to say, and I’m feeling kind of ambushed here. Like, I don’t know what you expect me to do, and I feel like you’re asking me to do something. This isn’t my problem to fix. I can’t fix it!”
“No, you can’t. I have to say, I’m pretty disappointed that she’s taking this point of view,” Mom said.
“Dad, what do you think?” Matt interjected.
“I understand her surprise, but Bryant isn’t any different from the guy he was before he told us,” Dad said, frowning. “It was a shock to me, and I needed some time—”
“You honestly had no idea?” Priscilla asked.
“You did?” I interjected.
“We always knew. Matt won the bet, remember?” She smiled.
“I did,” Matt looked smug.
I remembered that he and Casey had a bet, but I hadn’t thought it was a big deal.
Casey rolled his eyes. “For the record, I wasn’t shocked. I don’t care. As long as you’re not an asshole,”
“Casey! Language!” Mom got her oar in.
“And as long as the person you’re with isn’t either, what the hell do I care who you date?”
“Did Melissa know about the bet?” I asked.
Casey shook his head. “It wasn’t that big of a deal. But after dinner the last time, she went on and on. I’m really sorry, man. I didn’t know she felt this strongly about it.”
“So what, I can’t see my niece and nephew? Is she afraid the gay will somehow rub off?”
“I don’t know. She’s pretty pissed at me right now,” Casey shrugged.
“This is not your problem, Bryant,” Priscilla leaned in. “It’s one hundred percent on Melissa.”
“That’s all well and good,” I said, “But Casey would probably like to stay married. And I would like to see Casey Jr and Hannah again before they’re adults.”
“So what would you suggest?” Dad asked.
“Why is everyone asking me? I’m not going to change for Melissa. She’s being a bigot, and her thought process is pretty outdated. I’ve been around those kids since they were babies and there’s never been any problem. She had no issues with me babysitting when it worked out for her,” I added.
“All I am asking is that we all have a little patience and give one another a little extra space. Nothing has to be done. Although, Casey, I think you ought to tell Melissa that as their father, you can bring them to a family dinner.”
“Mom,” Casey said.
His tone indicated this wasn’t the first time she’d mentioned this to him.
Mom held up her hands. “I’m not interfering. I don’t interfere in my children’s concerns. But I am capable of offering a suggesting without being a meddling old biddy.”
A moment of silence hung in the air, and then the entire table burst into laughter. My mom’s suggestions were legendary, and we’d all been on the receiving end.
“Well, call me names if you like. But I don’t care for talking about one of my children without them knowing. And if we can end this conversation in laughter, with everyone aware, I’m fine, and I’ll keep my peace.” She glanced at me as she spoke, and I saw why she’d been feeling guilty. My mom didn’t get involved in taking sides, or talking behind the backs of any of us. She never had.
I smiled back at her, grateful that she’d dragged this out into the open. Her words brought more laughter and with that, conversation returned to lighter topics. I was feeling better because I wasn’t being booted from the family homestead. I figured I had to get through another half-hour, and then this particularly embarrassing dining experience would be over.
“Hey, Bryant,” Priscilla said. She stopped, a look of hesitation on her face.
“Yeah?”
“What happened with Graham?”
So much for the easy half-hour to escape.
I sighed. “Do you really want to hear my tale of woe?”
All five of them nodded their heads.
“I asked him to marry me. He said no, and he left.”
“That night?” Matt asked.
“He had a bag packed, and a car waiting.”
“Why did he say yes?” Mom looked confused.
“I don’t know. Well, I think I do now,” I added.
“What do you mean? Don’t speak in riddles,” my dad grumbled.
I sighed again. This was so humiliating to admit. “Tibby had him followed—”
<
br /> Matt and Casey hooted with laughter.
“Yeah, I know, but I love her for that. Anyway, she had him followed, and he moved out with another guy. So she had our PI loiter near him and this other guy, and he overheard them talking. Apparently, Graham was seeing him before he moved out.” I looked down. I didn’t want to cry, not even in front of my family.
“What a bastard,” Priscilla said.
I looked up. “Yes, he is. But I didn’t know that, and last week, I called him. Right after I told you guys the truth, I told him that I’d come out. It was always one of the problems between us. I asked him to come back, so we could start again. He said no that he needed some time. A month went by, and I felt like I deserved to hear something, so last week, I called him.”
Now I felt anger sliding through me. “He said no for good this time, because, and this was his reason, he did all the emotional heavy lifting in our relationship, and if he came back, it would be the same thing, and he deserved better.”
“God, what a nasty thing to say,” Priscilla said. “Talk about deflection! I know this must really hurt, but you dodged a bullet with that one.”
Matt nodded. “Yeah, he hasn’t even had the guts to tell you there’s someone else? That’s crappy.”
My family heaped condemnation on Graham’s head. I hoped that wherever he was, his ears were on fire, and he couldn’t figure out why.
For the first time since this whole thing had blown up in my face, I felt a little better. Yes, my sister-in-law was looking like she had a raging bigot closeted inside her. Yes, I’d been dumped not once, but twice by the guy I thought was the love of my life.
But my family supported me, and I loved hearing them give me their opinions.
I’d been going over all the things that Graham had said to me and seeing where I’d made mistakes. I’d been so busy faulting myself that I hadn’t taken the time to see why he might be more than willing to lay blame at my feet.
To make himself feel better about his actions.
I’d get through this. With my friends, and my family, there was no way I wouldn’t.
I left dinner to hugs and feeling better than I’d felt in months.
I was going to do my level best to stop thinking about him. He was in the past, and while I couldn’t turn off love like a faucet, I could start cutting down the water flow.
Water.
That made me think of Declan.
I still had a happy hour date with him on Friday.
I’d made the date with him because I couldn’t find a reason to say no, not when he was being so decent about my whole mess.
Now I found myself looking forward to it.
When I got into work the next day, I gave Tibby the brief overview of my family dinner while we were fixing our coffee.
She was furious with Melissa. “My God, what century does she live in?”
“Not the one the rest of us do, apparently. I can understand her problems with my lifestyle, even if I think she’s ridiculous,” I put lifestyle in air quotes. “But to act like I have a disease, you know, the gay, and that it might land on the kids is just ridiculous.”
“At least everyone else is supportive.”
I nodded. “It doesn’t make her any less shitty, but it makes me feel a little better to know that she’s standing alone with her thoughts on this.”
Tibby frowned. “Like it’s her business, anyway. This is no worse than if you had a crazy girlfriend.”
“You would know, huh?”
“Shut up. I was very good after we made our agreement. You hated him, he was gone.”
“True. But look what problems crazy caused for you.”
“Are you siding with Melissa?” Tibby’s eyebrows rose.
“No, but I do understand not wanting crazy in your close circle.”
“Well, even though Graham is a shit, he’s not crazy. And you’re certainly not. She was happy to use you to babysit,” she added.
I shrugged. It was funny that she went to the same place I did regarding me watching the kids. “Maybe, maybe not. All the things he did to make me feel horrible, all while cheating his sanctimonious ass off…” I trailed off. Despite my intentions, I’d thought about Graham after I got home last night, and I’d woken up mad at him.
It was the first time I’d been anything other than angry at myself or sad that he was gone. I saw it as improvement.
“There’s that. Okay, since we have you momentarily sorted, can we get back to work?”
I leaned around Tibby and looked out the window into the small courtyard in the back of our office building. “Holy shit, did you see that?”
She turned. “See what?”
“The snow.”
Tibby looked at me as though I’d suggested walking through the office naked. “What is in your coffee this morning, Bry?”
“Nothing. But you’re nagging me to get to work, rather than loaf in the break room. Hell has frozen over and it’s snowing on a summer day.”
Her mouth fell open, and she chucked her napkin at me. “Jerk.”
“Well, it is a first,” I said, laughing as I made it to the door. “Maybe I should go and play the lottery, too.”
“Just for that, I’m not coming with you today. You go and battle that old dragon,” she sniffed, and turned her back to me to finish up her coffee.
“Oh, please,” I said as I left. “You can’t resist the challenge.”
She said a rude word loudly as I closed my office door behind me.
Tibby did come with me to the afternoon meeting because she couldn’t resist the challenge and she didn’t care for the attorney we were working with.
She pretty much wiped the floor with the woman, although it was done in a polite, genteel fashion. I loved to watch her work. Even after all this time, people still underestimated her.
And then it was Friday.
I chose my clothes with a little more care, fussing over my hair. It wasn’t necessary—we kept everything we needed at the office—but it calmed my nerves to go through the rituals.
Even though I’d already been out on my first date with Declan, in my head, it hadn’t been a first date. It was just a nice time out with a nice guy.
For me, it had moved to date territory.
I brushed my hair over once more and then looked into the mirror. “That’s what it’s going to be.”
For a Friday, we were swamped at work. I don’t know what it is, maybe our clients all have some secret email chain or something, but they all went off the deep end in one form or another today. Our billable hours went up, but Tib and I were hopping all day.
After lunch, Declan texted me.
Hey, how about Maxime? Happy hour mussels!
That sounds great, I responded.
See you at 6
OK
I waited to see if he was going to text back, but since he didn’t, I got back to my pile of distress work.
At 5:30, I stepped into her office, and collapsed in a chair. “What the hell? Everyone needed their hands held today!”
“It’s that potential legislation. It’s got everyone looking over their bits and having lots of time to think. You earned your keep today, pretty boy,” Tibby laughed. “What’s on your agenda tonight?”
My cheeks got hot, and I hesitated before answering. Tibby, of course, saw it.
“What? What do you have going on to look like that?”
“I have a date,” I said.
“With bike guy? Devlan? What’s his name?”
“With Declan, yes.”
Her smile faded as she peered at me. “Does he know your whole deal?”
“When you say it like that, it sounds so Jerry Springer.”
“Oh, stop. You know I wasn’t inferring that. I just wondered how honest you’ve been with him.”
“Are you giving me shit?”
“I might be. You’re not exactly in the baggage-free territory, Bryant.”
“Says the queen of baggage.”
/> “Hey, my baggage is now on one small cart, and it’s a cart I share with my darling, devoted husband, so you can step off my baggage.”
I had to laugh. “You’re right. Seth is a brave man.”
“No, just a smart one,” she said with an infuriating amount of smugness. “And I was totally honest with him after we met again.”
“Come on. I’ve been out with this guy once. I’m not going to dump my whole sad tale on him right now. That’s a sure way to not have another date with him.”
“Are you ready to date?”
“I don’t know, honestly. When I told him, he said let’s take it slow, be friends, and see what happens.”
“Really?” She sat back in her chair, folding her hands in her lap. “That’s pretty impressive.” She looked over my head in what I called her ‘thinking’ look. Then she looked back at me. “All right. You can date him.”
“Hey, you don’t get to vet my dates.”
“I do now. You’re not in the best place, thanks to that asshole Graham.”
I was about to tell her to piss off, when I realized that she was just trying to help, trying to do for me what I’d done for her so long ago.
“All right, Mom. You can give your opinion, and I won’t be rude when you do.”
“If it goes to five dates, you have to have dinner with me and Seth.”
“I’ll see about it,” I said. “You can’t tell me what to do.”
She laughed as she got up. “Yes, I can. Friend prerogative. But I won’t tell you what to do for another four dates. Call me tomorrow and gossip? Where are you going, by the way?”
“I suppose. And we’re meeting at Maxime.”
“You’d better call. Maxime will be nice. All righty, then. Night, Bry. Have a good time.”
“You too, old married lady.”
She didn’t rise to the bait, only laughed.
I heard the door close as she left and then I ran to the bathroom to look at my hair one more time.
15
I stopped as I walked along the sidewalk toward the restaurant. My stomach was in knots, and I felt my palms sweating. The nerves were back in full force.
“Stop it,” I muttered to myself. It wasn’t like I hadn’t met this guy before.
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