I sat on my bed and thought how I had lied to Mr. Hinkle twice today. And how I lied to Maggie. And how I lied on account of not knowing what else to do. Was that why everbody had lied to me? They didn’t know what else to do? They didn’t know how to tell the truth without making things worse? I said a quick prayer for God to forgive me for them lies I been telling.
I wanted to take a nap. I felt heavy and tired like I could finally sleep. But I figured I best try to do my homework. I opened my math book. At the top of the page with my assignments, Mr. Hinkle wrote, “I believe in you, Lydia.”
27
It’s about dinner, singing, and Jake’s mama.
TUESDAY, MARCH 9, 1954
Tomorrow is Mama’s new trial. Ever since I went to the cemetery, I knowed that I want Mama back home. That’s still my dream. And I knowed I want to live with her again. I feel confused about myself sometimes, and it troubles me that all I thought about who I be is gone. I wish Mama and Gran would of told me the truth.
I sure have changed a lot since Mama was took away from me. I wonder iffen Mama has changed. Will her and me be able to talk and feel close to each other after all we been through?
Miss Parker done a real good job for Mama with the appeal. The judge agreed to the reasons why Mama deserved another trial. Somebody else’s trial needed to be changed, so the judge told Miss Parker a month ago that he had an opening tomorrow.
Miss Parker says she’s real hopeful about this new trial. But she also says I ought to be prepared that Mama might not win this trial either. I don’t know how I can be prepared for that.
Me and Uncle William and Aunt Ethel Mae drove up to Ohio yesterday morning. Miss Parker and Mr. Hinkle met us there. Pastor John and Doc Smythson comed up this evening to have dinner with us.
Miss Parker reserved us a room at a real nice hotel. It’s called a suite. I have my own bedroom. It’s the fanciest place I ever slept in my life. Miss Parker even paid for it. She said when Mama wins her civil case against the hospital, we can pay her back iffen we want.
That hotel even had one of them newfangled television sets in the lobby. It sure is weird seeing little fuzzy gray people moving across that there box. Them people’s voices come right out of the box, too, just like on the radio.
I don’t think them television sets be for me. You have to stare at the picture. I like to move around and do stuff when I listen to the radio. Besides, I make much better pictures in my head than the pictures of them people on that little screen. And my head pictures be full of colors!
Yesterday afternoon after we got settled in at the hotel, I went shopping with Miss Parker for a new outfit to help give me confidence. We went to a big store call Lazarus. Aunt Ethel Mae didn’t want to go with us. She said she was all wore out from the trip and needed to rest up. I was right surprised on account of how much she likes shopping. She said she would shop after the trial when she wasn’t so worked up. Uncle William gived me some money to buy her a present.
So me and Miss Parker went all by ourselves. I tried on a whole bunch of dresses, and Miss Parker and me chose a navy blue one with a white collar. She said the jury would take me seriously in that dress.
The store also had a whole floor that sold shoes. “Can we just put the shoe beside my foot to see iffen it looks like it will fit?” I asked Miss Parker.
Miss Parker laughed. “I don’t think you want to buy shoes that you haven’t tried on. You can’t tell if they’ll be comfortable by looking at them.”
“Oh,” I said. I took my shoes off. Miss Parker saw the cardboard I had stuffed in them. Then she turned her head away real quick. My face felt hot, and I looked away, too, until the man that tried shoes on my feet asked me how I liked them.
I picked out what the salesman called white patent leather Mary Janes. They was so shiny I could see my face in them. Miss Parker said she thought maybe I should pick out some school shoes, too, just in case my Mary Janes was too tight to wear to the trial.
Then Miss Parker took me to a place in Lazarus that cuts hair. They called it a beauty salon instead of a beauty shop. I got me one of them fancy big-city hairstyles. The woman that cut my hair said she didn’t want to take much of it off—that she thought it was real pretty long. She cut bangs in the front and showed me how to use bobby pins to curl them. Then she rolled the ends of my hair in tight little curlers. When my hair dried, I learned how to put it up in a ponytail.
“Lydia, you look like a movie star,” Miss Parker said.
When I seen myself in that mirror with all the lights shining down on me, I was real surprised that it was me staring back. I looked real growed up.
Miss Parker bought me three scarves to cover the rubber band when I wore my hair in a ponytail. I picked out a white one that matched the collar of my new dress and a red and a green one to wear to school. I paid for a little bright blue scarf for Aunt Ethel Mae with the money Uncle William gived me. She likes to wear them tied at the side of her neck.
We picked out something nice for Mama to wear, too. Mama’s favorite color is green—the color of spring when everthing’s fresh and new. So I picked out a light green dress for her. It has skinny brown stripes. We found her a dark brown cardigan sweater the color of hot chocolate, and dark brown shoes to match.
“That’s a beautiful dress, Lydia,” Miss Parker said. “Your mother will love it. She has such a tiny waist, and the dress will show off her attractive figure.” Miss Parker also bought her some makeup, a brown pocketbook that she said Mama would need when she comed home (I liked when she said that), some hankies, and two new pairs of nylon stockings with seams up the back.
I looked through them boxes of stockings, thinking about what it must be like to be a growed-up lady. I think Miss Parker done read my mind. “Lydia, you’re a young lady now,” she said. “I think you’re too old to wear bobby socks to something as important as a trial—even the pretty ones we bought you to match your dress. Would you like to have your first pair of nylons?”
“Oh, yes!” I said.
She laughed. “It’s not as much fun as you think, believe me. You have to be very careful with them so you don’t get a run. If we get you a pair of nylons, we have to get you a razor so you can shave your legs. And we can’t forget a garter belt.”
“I’ll be real careful, I promise, but iffen it’s too much trouble, I can wear socks.” I was sure hoping she didn’t think it was too much trouble.
She was already trying to find my size in nylons. “We should get some clear fingernail polish. You can use it to paint your nails, but more importantly, you’ll use it to stop a run eventually. All you do is dab a little clear polish around the hole and on the sides of the run.”
We stopped by a drugstore, and she bought me a razor, deodorant, clear fingernail polish, and my first tube of light pink lipstick. It’s called Blushing Pink, and Miss Parker said it was perfect for someone my age. Miss Parker said I also needed a bag of rubber bands, some bobby pins, and curlers so I could take care of my new hairdo.
I couldn’t hardly believe it! My first pair of nylons! And lipstick! When we got back from shopping, Aunt Ethel Mae and Miss Parker and me told Uncle William and Mr. Hinkle to stay downstairs in the hotel to get something to drink. Then us womenfolk went up to my room so’s they could help me with my new things.
Them garter belts sure are weird contraptions! We laughed until our stomachs ached when they tried to teach me how to use that thing. I just about done a dance trying to get them seams in the nylons straight up the backs of my legs.
“Just be thankful you ain’t got to wear a girdle, darling,” Aunt Ethel Mae told me. “That’s something you want to put off as long as possible!”
Miss Parker nodded. “I agree with your aunt on that one, Lydia!”
After I got the hang of using the garter belt, I took them nylons off and put them back in the box. Then they showed me about making up a soap lather to put on my legs and under my arms. They left me alone in the bathroom to give it a
try. I took a razor blade out of the little container and placed it inside the razor. Then I screwed the razor up tight. My hands shook just a-thinking about scraping a razor up and down my skin. I let out a few ouches, but it weren’t too bad. The more I done it, the easier it got. I wiped off my legs and armpits with a towel and got the bleeding to stop in a few places by pushing on them spots with toilet paper.
Most of the time I just wet a bar of soap and run it up and down my armpits in the mornings to keep them from stinking. This time, I put on the deodorant. “Ouch! It burns!” I said out loud afore I thought.
“What’s wrong, Lydia?” Miss Parker asked from outside the door.
“That deodorant hurts!” I told her.
Miss Parker and Aunt Ethel Mae started up laughing. “I’m sorry, Lydia. We should have warned you not to put that on right after you shave your armpits,” Miss Parker said.
The burning didn’t last too long. I put my clothes back on and looked in the drugstore poke. The lipstick seemed to stare back at me from the bottom of the bag. When I told Aunt Ethel Mae everthing we bought, she said I should only wear the lipstick for special days like Mama’s trial. She said she didn’t want people thinking I was a hussy, whatever that is. Miss Parker looked at Aunt Ethel Mae kind of strange when she said that, but she didn’t say nothing.
I couldn’t help myself. I pulled the lipstick out of the poke and held the tube up to my nose to smell it. I thought it would smell like flowers or cherries, but it didn’t smell hardly at all. I touched it with my finger. The lipstick felt sticky, sort of like peanut butter. The color was so pretty, like the soft pink roses Gramps had planted for Gran. They blossomed ever year in the spring in back of our house in Paradise. I wished the lipstick smelled like them roses.
I knowed I shouldn’t ought to do it, but I stroked the lipstick on my lips and looked at myself in the mirror. My face seemed to be getting a little longer, and my freckles didn’t look so dark no more. My hair hung almost to my waist, even after the lady at the beauty salon cut a couple of inches off. I kept thinking about Gran saying I was going to be a looker someday. I wondered iffen a boy might ever say I looked pretty. I thought that might feel right nice iffen he did.
I took one more long look at myself. In six days, I would be twelve years old. All these nice things Miss Parker done for me was like birthday presents—more presents than I ever got in my whole entire life for a birthday or even for Christmas. But I knowed the only thing I really wanted for turning twelve was for Mama to come home. I would give all them presents back for that to happen.
I wiped some soap on the washcloth and scrubbed the lipstick offen my lips. I was real glad the lipstick was a light color, on account of not being able to get it offen the washcloth. I didn’t know lipstick stained like that. I folded it up real good so the lipstick didn’t show and laid it on the edge of the bathtub. I hoped the hotel didn’t make us pay for that washcloth. I felt real bad about that, but I was afeared to let Aunt Ethel Mae and Miss Parker know what I had gone and done.
I walked out of the bathroom, barefoot and with my socks in one hand. “Child, I wondered if you was ever coming out of there,” Aunt Ethel Mae said. “Let’s see how you did.”
I pulled up my skirt a little with my other hand and turned a circle to show them my hairless legs. They cheered and laughed. “Well done, Lydia,” Miss Parker said. “Welcome to womanhood!”
After I put my shoes and socks on, we went downstairs to have supper with Mr. Hinkle and Miss Parker in the hotel cafeteria. I was right surprised to see Jake’s mama, Doc Smythson, and Pastor John waiting for us in the lobby. Miss Parker explained that she had invited them to join us. I never expected to see Jake’s mama again. Miss Parker introduced everone by their full names—Mrs. Sheila Nowling, Dr. David Smythson, Reverend John Legg, Mr. William Garton, Mrs. Ethel Mae Garton, and Miss Lydia Hawkins.
I wanted to ask Mrs. Nowling about being there, but I didn’t think it would be polite. I was just glad to see her again. I sat between her and Miss Parker, but we didn’t have a chance to talk afore dinner, ’cause Miss Parker was busy telling people what to expect during the trial.
Miss Parker offered to order for me. I said sure on account of not knowing what a lot of that stuff was on the menu. She ordered me a steak, a baked potato with sour cream, broccoli and cheese, and a salad with Thousand Island dressing. For dessert I had something called Boston cream pie. That Boston cream pie was even better than hot chocolate at Kresge’s 5 and 10! At first I thought it was just yellow cake with chocolate icing, but it also had vanilla pudding like Gran used to make in the middle of it. Yum!
I ain’t never had steak afore. It was so tender I barely had to chew—a little salty and real moist. I said a inside thank-you to the cow that gived up its life for my meal. Gran learned me and BJ to do that. Mama said it was on account of Gran’s Cherokee blood that she had so much caring for animals and the land. My great-grandmother was a full-blooded Indian. I feel right proud about that.
When we started eating dessert, Jake’s mama turned to me. “Lydia, I’m glad you sat beside me,” she said. “I have some things I want to tell you. I visited your mother in prison yesterday.”
“You got to talk to her?”
“Yes, I visited for as long as they allowed—about twenty minutes.”
“What did she say?”
“She wanted me to tell you how much she loves and misses you. Then we talked about what happened to your brother. I told her how sad I was when I read the article about her and BJ. My cousin sent it to me in Alabama. I was so thankful Miss Parker contacted me about coming up here to speak at the new trial. That woman who registered patients at the hospital did the same thing to my husband and me that she did to your family. She told us not to bother reading the contract because we wouldn’t be able to understand it.”
“What did you do?”
“I skimmed it as quickly as I could, but like your mother, I knew signing that paper, whatever it said, was the only way to get Jake into the hospital. That woman kept sighing, shaking her head, and tapping a pencil while I tried to read it. When I asked a question, she said, ‘Do you want him in the study or not?’ I signed. I doubt that she told those rich white folks who came to her office not to read the contract.”
“I didn’t know that happened to you, too.”
“When Jake and BJ were in the hospital together, your mother and I talked about the way that woman treated us. Sarah told Miss Parker about our conversation. I think I’m going to be able to help your mother tomorrow, Lydia.”
“Thank you,” I said. Afore I thought twice, I scooted my chair back and reached over to hug her.
She hugged me, too. Then she smoothed my hair behind my ear with her hand and smiled at me. I didn’t get the ponytail tight enough and some strands of my hair had come out. “You know, Lydia, Jake’s sister, Janine, is only a year younger than you. I don’t think you ever got to meet her. She always stayed at my cousin’s house when we went to the hospital because she was too young to visit Jake. You two have a lot in common.”
“We sure do. Just like you and Mama and BJ and Jake.”
Mrs. Nowling nodded. “That’s true. Your mother and I have so much in common that for a few minutes yesterday we didn’t talk at all. She put her hand to the glass that separated us, and I put my hand up to hers, almost touching but not quite. But all that we shared in our hearts connected.”
“That sounds real special.”
“It was. It meant a lot to both of us, Lydia. We took comfort from each other.” She smiled, and then she pulled a piece of paper out of her purse and handed it to me. “I wrote down my daughter’s name and address. I thought you might like to write to her. Janine stayed behind with her father so she wouldn’t miss school. I’m going to have to leave as soon as the trial is over, so we probably won’t have a chance to talk again. I’m a teacher, and I need to get back to my students. I had to stop teaching when we took Jake to Ohio, but the Negro school where I l
ive in Alabama desperately needs qualified teachers. I went back as soon as I could.”
“Mr. Hinkle said he read in the newspaper that the Supreme Court is trying to decide whether to make a law that there can’t be no more separate Negro schools. He said iffen they pass that law, Negro children and white children will go to school together, the way it always should have been.”
“It’s going to take schools in the South a long time to abide by that law, Lydia, even if the Supreme Court passes it.”
“How come?”
“People are afraid to change ideas and beliefs they grew up with, even when those ideas stem from hate and ignorance.”
“I don’t see how anybody could hate you, Mrs. Nowling.”
“Thank you, Lydia. That’s where the ignorance comes in for some people—hating what you don’t know or even try to understand.”
It was hard for me to figure out what she was saying, but then I thought about how them doctors and nurses treated BJ and Jake. “It’s not just in the South, is it?” I said.
“No, Lydia. Ignorance and hate are diseases that can affect people of all colors and backgrounds. That’s why I want to teach—to help children develop skills so that they can overcome whatever obstacles other people try to place in their path. I want them to live happy and fulfilling lives.”
“Was it hard to teach kids after losing Jake?” I was thinking about how hard it was for me to see them little tykes at Halloween.
“I think teaching saved me,” Mrs. Nowling said, and smiled.
When we finished eating, we walked over to the lobby and sat down in them couches and chairs. No one else was there. Uncle William said, “Excuse me. I need to get something from the car.” When he comed back, he had the magic dulcimer wrapped in Gran’s sunshine quilt. He laid it on the little table in front of one of the couches. I ain’t never been so shocked in all my livelong life!
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