by Tiana Laveen
“Yeah.” Mike mouthed something to one of the engineers. A few moments later, the lady exited the studio. Bailey took several deep breaths. Her chest felt constricted, as if something heavy had suddenly sat upon it and put pressure on her airways. Then, the ringing in her left ear returned. This had been an ongoing issue, on and off, for over the past two years. She’d seen several doctors, who’d concluded it was due to allergies, but none of the prescribed seasonal medications had aided her.
“Damn it.” She cupped her ear and held it. Soon, the engineer returned to the studio with a bottle of water. Opening the soundproofed door with a friendly smile, she handed it to her. “Thank you.” Bailey forced a smile.
If I can just get through the next twenty minutes, I’ll go home and rest.
“Okay.” She opened the cap and took a hearty swig of the water. “I’m ready, Mike.” The man cued the music, and she began.
“It’s time for a vacation!” she said in a chipper voice. “American Airlines has teamed up with Porte Vive to offer an exclusive chance to win an all-expenses paid, four day, three night…four…day…four…four…day…”
“Bailey?” Mike looked up, his expression concerned. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Words were inside of her mind, but her world became blurry and her vision doubled. “Bailey? Something’s wrong with her!” A sense of panic overcame her as she tumbled out of her seat and hit the floor hard. Pain shot through her arm before everything went completely pitch black…
He never answered calls from numbers he couldn’t identify, but this one came up on his phone as, ‘St. Luke Medical Center.’ A voice he’d never heard before asked for him by name.
“Hello, I am calling to speak with a Mr. Chancellor Hartmann.”
“This is he. Who is this?”
“My name is Bethany McCall, a nurse at Aurora St. Luke’s Medical Center. I am calling on behalf of Bailey Hawthorn. Are you familiar with her?”
“Yes … yes! Has something happened?” He stood in his bedroom in a clean shirt and underwear, preparing for their evening together at the symphony.
“Unfortunately, yes. But she is okay right now.”
“What happened? What’s going on?”
“I can’t tell you that, Mr. Hartmann, I’m sorry. But she asked that I call you and for you to—”
“I’m coming! Tell her I’m coming right now!” He disconnected the phone and fumbled about, his head in a fog as he searched for his pants. His heart beat so fast, he leaned against the wall, his thoughts taking him somewhere he didn’t want to go. After a few moments, he gained his composure, quickly finished dressing and headed out the door. When he arrived at the hospital, he didn’t recall how he’d gotten there. He knew he had driven, but his mind was all over the place, filled with unbelievable worry. When he approached the hospital doors, he paused.
Please, when I go in here, let her be all right… I can’t take it if something were to happen to her. I just found her. I need her!
When she opened her eyes, all she could hear were machines and low, murmuring voices that were too far away to decipher. The buzzing in her ears was gone, but the off and on dizziness remained. She tried to focus, her eyes tired and the drugs in her body making her woozy, but then, she saw him, his lips curled in a smile.
“There you are…” She reached out slowly, motioning for his hand. Chancellor stood from his chair and placed his neatly folded coat on his lap, on the end of her hospital bed. “You look so worried! I’m okay, honey! Just a little tired. I guess I’ve been overdoing it lately.”
“No.” He shook his head, his eyes suspiciously moist. “It’s not just being tired, honey. They’re running tests. Something is wrong; they’re just not sure what yet.” It proved a struggle to keep her smile, but she forced it, refusing to let it slip. Vigorously shaking her head, she pulled her hand from his grip and grasped the hospital sheets in her fist.
“No, you worry too much, Chancellor. I—”
“Bailey, this is serious.” His tone was somber, firm, and his brows furrowed. “I’ve been here for twelve hours and counting. I’ve spoken to the doctor twice and the nurses several times. You are my girlfriend. You are … the love of my life. You always will be.” She swallowed at his words. He took hold of her hand again and squeezed. “I want to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst, and I pray that you do the same.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead, then went to pick up the heavy wooden chair and bring it closer to the bed. She started to unravel, yet kept the tears at bay. He smiled at her, his eyes saying so much that he didn’t have to speak. Sitting down, he squeezed her hand, then picked up his cell phone and began to scroll through it.
“Are you hungry? The food here is awful, I don’t have to try it to know that.” His voice was soothing—calm. She could only keep staring at him as his thumb traced over the illuminated screen of his phone, and then she began to tremble. His eyes shifted, meeting her gaze. Without a word, he placed his phone down on the bed and ran his hand up and down her arm, while her tears finally started to stream down her face.
“I’m scared,” she said quietly.
“It’s okay to be scared, sweetie. But you’re not alone. Whatever is going on, I’m here with you, and we will get through it together.” He picked up his phone once again and looked at the screen. “They said you haven’t eaten much, so I can choose something for you or you can decide. But the last thing I’m going to let you do is starve to death.”
“I’m not hungry…” She looked away towards the closed hospital door.
“I know you’re not, but you have to eat anyway.” As the minutes passed, her mind went in a million different directions.
What was happening at the studio? Did they get someone else? What about her other jobs lined up for the rest of the month? What if this was more than just some respiratory infection or a nasty flu bug? She’d been healthy most of her damn life. She walked, and she ate fairly well with the exception of cheat dinner Saturdays. She liked to laugh and enjoy life; she had friends, family, and a thriving career. She had Bernie, a furbaby that aided in reducing her stress. She now had a gorgeous, smart, and honest-to-his-bare-bones boyfriend … and he was good to her. This couldn’t be happening!
“How about some burgers from Mazo’s? You love their food.” She snatched a tissue from the box that sat on the little bed tray and blew her nose.
“That’s fine.”
He called in the order to Ubereats, while she felt silly in the scratchy hospital gown and the strange smelling place.
I can’t remember the last time I was in a hospital. Oh, yes, I can—it was when I’d brought my friend, Donnette, to get her ultrasound.
She shook her head, trying to figure out her world and keep her head up when Chancellor’s ‘look the demon directly in the eye’ type of attitude was tearing her down.
As he rattled off their orders on the phone, she stared at him, feeling helpless, and hoping to draw a bit of courage from the sight of him.
She felt weak, so she stared at him, hoping to draw some strength…
She stared at him, looking, hoping and praying for answers…
But none came. She was the one usually doling out good advice, lifting others’ spirits. She wished he’d walked in there and told her, “Everything is going to be alright, baby! You’ll be out of here in no time!” But he didn’t.
He’d stayed there while she slept. From the look of the magazines on the floor by his chair, and the trashcan full of empty coffee cups, he’d kept himself entertained and awake for as long as possible. She didn’t even ask if he’d slept; it was obvious from the slight discoloration under his eyes that he hadn’t. Chancellor was not the sugarcoating type. He didn’t come with bottles of honey, or offer donuts and chocolate covered dreams to shove up one’s ass. However, it did appear that he was learning to be more diplomatic in his diehard, straight shooter approach. And this notion, even at that moment in time, made her smile.
When something s
cary might be coming your way, do you want a man scattering rainbow sprinkles on the issue, or do you want a cowboy ready to aim at the frightening monster hurling towards you? Chancellor’s guns were loaded, and if he was afraid, she couldn’t tell. He refused to be anything other than her rock to lean on…
…Two days later
Chancellor was scared shitless. His ass had been planted in a chair for what had felt like an eternity, for he was afraid to leave her for more than a minute or two. He didn’t want her to not find him there when she awakened. With his heart swelling with worry, he managed to keep a straight face and look the part. He knew exactly what he looked like—he wore the same face he showed in most meetings when someone was presenting information that made not one bit of sense, but he played along, nevertheless.
Now, the doctor had spoken.
“Do you have any further questions?” The doctor looked back and forth at him and Bailey, his thin, long nose dotted with dark freckles while his cheeks remained fairly free of them. Chancellor found that odd as he busied himself with distractions … anything to help him not ‘react.’.
I can fall the fuck apart later. Won’t do that shit in front of her…
“Uh, no, I think … I think I understand now.” Bailey’s voice did not possess the vibrant, bubbly tone he was used to. She was zapped, her will and zest sucked away through some chasm, a vacuum devoted to stealing the fire out of the good souls in the world. The doctor said a few parting words, and he offered them a smile before he turned and left them to their own devises.
“So, it’s Meniere’s Disease.” He said the words aloud, needing them to sink in for her, and for him. “I’d never heard of it before.” She got off the hospital bed and walked away.
“Apparently, I won’t be hearing at all anymore.” She snatched her coat off a hook on the back of the hospital door.
“Bailey, don’t say that. There are treatments.”
“Didn’t you tell me to face the music?!” she snapped. “I may not ever hear another song again! You’re the one with the motto of, ‘you have to look obstacles in the eye!’ Hey, at least those two things still work. I can be a seeing-eye dog. I’ll be deaf by the morning, and my career will be trashed!”
“Bailey, that’s not—”
“If I can’t hear, then I can’t speak correctly, and if I can’t speak correctly, then I can’t do voiceover work; and then I’ll eventually run out of money, then I’ll lose my house, and everything will be a fucking disaster!”
He got to his feet, grabbed her arms and made her face him. He broke into a million pieces as he felt her pain radiate through him.
“Listen to me, damn it! That’s the worst-case scenario! I do say you can’t turn away when the going gets tough, but that also means you can’t let something beat you just because it arrives on your goddamn doorstep, Bailey! You’re stronger than this!”
“Don’t tell me what I am!” She pulled away from his grip. “Everything I’ve ever worked for is on the damn line. This disease is responsible for my vertigo. It’s responsible for my sudden bouts of fatigue, too! Don’t you understand that if I can’t hear, can’t stand straight due to getting dizzy and feel like I have to sleep all the time, then I can’t take care of myself? This is a nightmare! One I will never wake up from!”
“Stop screaming and listen to me. Do you honestly think I’d let you lose your house, Bailey?”
“Chancellor, I don’t want or need you taking care of me, like I’m some invalid. I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time, and I refuse to depend on someone else for my basic necessities in life. What is it with you, Chancellor? Are you messing with my mind? One minute you want to beat me over the head with the cold, hard truth and the next you are acting like a candy striper. Just leave me alone!”
Tears ran down her cheeks as she opened the door and burst out like a cannonball. He watched her run down the hall towards the elevator, her energy heavy and depressing. He stood there for a moment, trying to figure out what he should do or say. Before he knew it, his legs broke into a sprint. He weaved and swerved around people as she neared the elevator doors. She pushed the button, her back towards him, and his heart was beating out of his chest. Catching her by the arm, he swung her around.
“It’s not going down like this, do you hear me?” He pointed in her face, his breathing ragged and his chest heaving. “We’re going to deal with this together, whether you like it or not.”
“I’m not kidding around with you,” she hissed. “Leave. Me. Alone.” She punched the down button so hard, it looked as if her finger may snap off.
“Leave you alone to do what? Feel sorry for yourself? I don’t want to hear another damn word about Ms. Independent Bailey, the woman who won’t accept any help because she’s got it all together, needs no one, and has been sewing her own clothes, cooking her own food, and all that other bullshit since the age of two! I am woman, hear me roar, right? Yeah, yeah! We all get it, Bailey, Jesus! Drop this charade. You will need help whether you like it or not, damn it!”
“Ahhh!” She laughed mirthlessly. “I see the ol’ nasty, mean Chancellor is back with a vengence. That didn’t take long, now did it? But why is this elevator taking so long?!” She shot the thing a nasty look and she slammed her fists into the buttons, over and over.
“I’m not mean to you. I’m truthful. I’m what you need, just like you’re what I need. All that shit you’ve told me about recognizing my issues, getting help, blah, blah, blah was just some Oprah Winfrey book club type rhetoric, wasn’t it? You didn’t really mean it. It was just some Chicken Soup for the Soul crap you memorized—but when you need to swallow your own broth, you don’t like the flavor. Well add salt and pepper, because no matter what, it’s going down the hatch.”
“Fuck off, Chancellor.” He fought a smile at her words, for they fueled him to keep going.
“I’d love to fuck you on, off, above or below, but you’re feeling a bit down right now and probably really don’t want that.” He didn’t miss the quick flash of a half-smile on her face before it faded into a tight grimace. “All I am asking is for you to listen to yourself, to tell yourself the same things you told me, but you can’t even take your own damn advice!” She batted back tears, looking helpless and angry all at once. “I love you, Bailey! Shit! I know it’s scary.” He took her in his arms, felt the rush of her tears against his chest as she shook in his embrace. “No, I don’t know exactly how you feel right now, but I do know that it doesn’t have to be the end of your world. I also know that you have to keep on moving forward!”
“But how?!”
“You have to keep doing what you love, embracing and enjoying life. You can’t get rid of me, no matter what you say, so just get that thought out of your mind because, no, I am not going to leave you alone. Not now, not ever. I’ll give you space, but leave you alone? No way! Now, let’s go. Bernie misses you and though Maria made sure he had food and water and she let him out for you a couple of times a day, nothing can replace his mom.”
“Maria is a good neighbor. I’ll send her a gift.” He knew Bailey didn’t give a damn about taking care of that right then, but she needed the distraction, something else to focus on.
He pressed the down button, ignoring the small crowd gathered around them. The doors finally opened and people began to walk around them, getting onto the elevator. Taking her by the hand, he led her on. She rested her head against his shoulder, and he looked straight ahead as the doors slowly closed.
It’s not over until we say it’s over, Bailey. And no, it’s not a game, but you’re only a loser if you never even try…
Maria was the lady next door to Bailey. She was widowed, very sweet, and kept to herself. She was also great to consent to help him at the last minute when he’d needed a dog watcher for Bernie while he and Bailey were away at the hospital. When they’d returned to Bailey’s home, much to both their surprise, the house was spotless and fresh, and a linen scent filled the dwelling.
&nb
sp; “Go on and get settled,” Chancellor said quietly to Bailey after they’d been inside for a bit and she’d gotten a chance to play with Bernie. “Lie down. I’ll fix you something to eat and take Bernie for a walk.”
Bailey nodded and made her way upstairs. Bernie tried to follow behind, but he called after him.
“Bernie.” He whistled from the kitchen, drawing closer to the staircase. The dog paused and looked at him. “Hungry? Snack?” The dog came back down the steps and pranced around, waiting for his bowl to be filled with something meaty. Chancellor heard the master suite bedroom door slowly close as he grabbed a can of dogfood, shoved it under the can opener and dished the pungent, dark matter into Bernie’s bowl. As the dog ate, he grabbed his cellphone and called Maria, leaving a voicemail to let her know she could expect a payment in the mail, the one she’d initially refused, along with a gift from Bailey. After finishing that business, he went out into the backyard and picked up broken twigs here and there that the recently melted snow had covered. Once back inside, he began to sort Bailey’s mail. Bernie waltzed up to him, running into his knee with this crown of his head. Chancellor reached down and gave the boy a good rub.
“Are you ready for a walk in a bit, Bernie? Just let me go through this mail and we’ll be headed out.”
Junk… coupons… a bill… another stack of coupons… half off Tikka Masala? Oh, we need to keep that one…
And then, he paused when he spotted a letter from the Walt Disney Company. He held the notelet in his hand for a spell, then dashed up the steps. After a quick knock, he opened the door and went inside. Bailey stood in the middle of the room, naked, brushing her hair into a ponytail. Offering a crooked smile over her shoulder, she then resumed her activities.
“Hey baby, I saw this and thought I’d bring it up.” She placed her brush down on her vanity and took the envelope from his hand. She paced the room, then grabbed her robe off the bathroom hook and put it on with one hand. He just stood there, waiting for her to say something.