His mind refused to clear as his arms and legs cut through the cool water. The dark, mysterious mountain sky and the snow falling outside the ceiling to floor glass walls surrounding the pool provided none of the answers he sought. Back and forth, he continued his laps until his knee started to throb slightly and he knew it was time to call it quits. It wasn’t helping anyway.
He stopped by the edge of the pool and reached for his towel. What he really wanted was a run, but the swimming was the extent of his doctor-approved exercise, and he sure as hell wasn’t dumb enough to jeopardize the progress he’d made with his recovery.
Progress he couldn’t have made this quickly without Emma.
Climbing out, he wrapped the towel around his waist and sat on the edge. Reaching for his phone, he saw a missed text message from her.
Feeling lonely in this huge bed.
He sighed, feeling his body spring to life. The effect a simple text from her had on him couldn’t be healthy.
And could mean anything.
But until he was sure that his desperation to hold on to her wasn’t the reason for these new conflicting emotions, he couldn’t pretend to be ready to give her something he wasn’t sure he could give. Once he got back on the ice, would he still feel that moving forward with a relationship was the best thing? Or would hockey once again take over, pushing everything else to the sidelines…including the woman he cared about?
The one lying in a bed just a few floors up, missing him.
Grabbing his sandals and robe, he left the pool and hit the button on the elevator.
He may not be ready to give Emma his heart just yet, but he could give her everything else.
Chapter 15
Text message received at 8:04 a.m.: Where are you?
8:32: Are you okay?
8:46: Text me back right away—I’m worried about you. P.S. Sorry I was a bitch.
Emma wondered if anyone had ever explained the idea behind text messaging or sleeping in on a Saturday to Jess. She didn’t think so, otherwise her sister wouldn’t assume the worst when Emma didn’t respond right away.
Rolling to her side, she sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, glancing at Ash sleeping soundly. He was too gorgeous, sprawled across the sheets, one arm overhead and his sculpted back facing her, and she reached out and touched his shoulder gently before getting up. The night before had been both amazing and terrifying. She’d put everything out there. And now all she could do was wait. Wait for him to feel things as much as she did. And hope that eventually he would.
Grabbing the robe, she slid her feet into a pair of slippers and went out onto the deck. Closing the door as softly as possible, so as not to wake him, she dialed Jess’s number.
“Are you okay?” Her sister answered on the first ring.
“Of course I’m okay.” She leaned over the deck rail, staring at the snow-covered mountains in the distance. She used to love it there. She’d spent so much of her life there. She’d missed it the last three years, and the dull ache in her chest hadn’t disappeared completely. She shivered in the cold mountain morning air and tightened the robe around her.
“So where did he take you?” Jess asked, sounding nervous.
“Breckenridge.”
Silence.
Emma waited, feeling her irritation with her sister rise to an unhealthy level with each ticking second of nothing. “Okay, great talk, Jess. I’ll text you once we get back.”
“Wait!”
She did reluctantly.
“You’re not there to compete, are you?”
She felt her chest tighten. She’d never fully understood her sister’s problem with her snowboarding days. And sure, she’d suffered a terrible injury, but did that mean she could never snowboard again? While she wasn’t certain she would ever be ready to try, Jess’s constant criticism and butting her nose in where it didn’t belong only made Emma want to.
“No,” she said finally. And she hoped they wouldn’t be going near the competition slopes. Asher had yet to mention anything about the tour, and while she wasn’t fool enough to think he hadn’t realized the events started today, so far he’d been smart enough not to broach the subject.
Though they hadn’t done much talking about anything.
“Good.” Jess sounded relieved. “So…what are you doing there?”
Emma sighed, her exasperation too much. “Crazy passionate sex. Bye, Jess,” she said, disconnecting the call at her sister’s surprised gasp.
The patio door opened behind her as she slid the phone into the pocket of her robe, hearing the ping of yet another text. No doubt from her sister. One she wouldn’t be reading. She was desperate to enjoy the rest of her time there. In a few weeks, Ash would be fully healed and back on the ice…and she needed answers before then.
“Let me guess—Jess?” Asher asked, coming outside and wrapping his arms around her waist. He’d put on pajama pants, slippers, and nothing else, and his bare arms around her were immediately covered in goose bumps, but felt warm to her touch.
She nodded. “She thought you kidnapped me.”
“I did,” he said, kissing her neck.
His appetite was insatiable, but so was her own. The simplest touch, kiss, feel of his breath on the back of her neck sent her hormones into overdrive and made even more of a mess of her heart.
Staring off toward the mountains, she cleared her throat. She had to know. “So…question.”
She felt him tense and her stomach turned. No doubt he thought she was going to pull a girl move and start a conversation about their relationship, demand answers and force him to talk about feelings. She’d let him off the hook on that for now.
“Why are we here?” she asked instead.
He turned her around to face him and his expression was worried. “Not buying the winter getaway angle?”
Her heart fell. “No.” Damn, it was about the tour. “The Winter Tour?”
“I just thought we’d check out the competitions. There’s a lot of great talent here this weekend.” He paused. “Maybe even do a little snowboarding…you, not me, obviously,” he said with a slightly nervous-sounding laugh.
She looked away.
“It’s been a while since you’ve been on the slopes, and you can’t say you don’t miss it.” He rubbed her arms and crouched to look into her eyes.
She swallowed hard. How often had Ash repeated the same sentiments, trying to encourage her to get back out there? He really wasn’t giving up on this. “I’d rather not.”
“Oh, come on. Just because you don’t compete anymore doesn’t mean you can’t watch. I still watch every NHL game even though I’m not playing.”
She cocked her head to the side. “Hardly the same thing. You know you’re going back to it.”
He raised one eyebrow.
She shook her head violently. If he suggested she enter the competition, she was packing up her shit and leaving him there on the mountain alone.
“Okay, okay…relax.” He paused, looking squirmy as though there was more he wasn’t saying.
“What?” She folded her arms across her chest and waited.
“Your old coach is here.”
Her eyes widened. “How do you know?” Had he gone so far as to check the listings on the events? She hated that Jess was right. This was his exact reason for bringing her there.
His only reason?
Disappointment crept into her chest. So much for thinking he’d been thinking about the two of them…away together to figure things out. So far, things had only gotten even more complicated.
“I saw his name listed as a judge on the website. He doesn’t have any athletes competing in the events.”
Her heart fell even more. Her former coach had given up coaching a few months after her accident. The day she’d officially retired, so had he. But he was still an active participant in the snowboarding community. She hadn’t seen him since the day she left the hospital, but like her family and Ash, he’d been there eve
ry day to visit while she was recovering.
Coach Jarvis had been like family to her. Her coach for more than ten years, he’d helped her rise through the ranks and secure her place on the Olympic team. She knew he partially blamed himself for her accident, but she didn’t.
She’d known the weather conditions had been terrible, and she’d taken the chance anyway. Against his warnings. Her accident had been her fault alone.
“What do you say?” Asher asked, looking hopeful.
It would be nice to see Coach Jarvis…Reluctantly, she nodded. “Okay. We can go to today’s events and see Coach Jarvis. But I’m not snowboarding, and one word about me competing and I’ll kick your ass,” she said, only half-joking.
Asher was nodding eagerly. “That’s all I ask.” He pulled her into him.
She placed her hands on his bare chest and leaned back slightly to look at him. “Just one day, then we forget about the competition and spend more time in the hot tub.”
“Deal,” he said, kissing her forehead.
And maybe finally do some talking.
An uneasiness filled her, and her stomach was in knots. If Jess had been right about Asher’s intentions for the weekend, was it possible her sister was right about more?
* * *
The historic mining town was ready for the holiday season with its streetlights boasting large white and silver snowflakes and the storefront windows competing for the most elaborate Christmas display. Winter wonderland themes, gingerbread themes, and Santa and his elves were everywhere she looked. As a kid, visiting Breckenridge with her family, she’d thought it was the North Pole—certainly the most magical place she’d ever been to during the holidays. At night, the view of the village was truly spectacular, illuminated in white lights, the shadows of the mountains giving the valley a warm, cozy feel. Right now, the sidewalks were bustling with families enjoying the early morning festive events and skiers and snowboarders getting ready for the day’s competitions. Shopping bags and snowboards passed on either side of Emma and Asher as they made their way toward the base of the mountain where the tournament was being held.
Of all the places she’d competed, Emma had loved Breckenridge the most. The beautiful village with the variety of challenging slopes made it the perfect combination of adrenaline-seeking fun and relaxation. Tourists and locals blended together in a big, friendly community, where everyone shared a passion for the outdoors and winter sports. And it had been close enough to Glenwood Falls for her family to make the trip to watch her compete, though it was usually only her mother who did.
She took a deep breath, sucking in the cold breeze as she scanned the familiar surroundings through her sunglasses. She knew every inch of the resort by heart. She had practically grown up there, staying in the cheapest lodges, three to a room…no one caring about having to take turns sleeping on the pull-out sofa, as long as they were able to get some sleep before hitting the slopes again the next day.
She’d been lucky to rise above the other competitors in her group. They’d all been talented, daring, amazing snowboarders, but she’d had that little extra spark of drive and determination that had given her the edge.
As much as it pained her to be there, it also felt like home. An odd combination of emotions spiraled through her as they approached the ski school, where the competitors checked in for the events. She expected to see some familiar faces, and she hoped she could handle whatever emotions arose. No one had been able to believe she’d simply walked away four years ago. Most of her friends had tried coaxing her back, but had given up when her fear had started to creep into their own spines, shaking their confidence. Seeing them now might be hard.
No one wanted to be around someone who reminded them of their mortality, their limitations, the possibility that they could fail or worse…
Oblivious to her inner turmoil, Asher squeezed her hand and smiled as they continued along the crisp, snowy path. “See, I knew you’d be okay once you got here.”
That’s what he thought?
His own excitement was written all over his handsome face. “This is so great.”
If he said so.
The happier and more at ease he was, the more edgy and anxious Emma felt. Couldn’t he tell this was hard for her? Being around everything she’d walked away from. She fought her annoyance toward him. He was trying to do something nice for her. Something he thought she needed.
She squeezed his hand as they entered the ski school.
Inside, signs directed competitors to the appropriate check-in desks based on their last names, and behind a row of tables, contest administrators confirmed attendance and handed out competitor numbers and tour bags with supplies and swag from sponsors. To their right a large banner announced that the previous year’s gold medalist was in attendance as a guest competitor, and her mouth went dry.
Emma had been on that poster once. She’d been that gold medalist, smiling happily, wearing her team colors proudly. She’d once been the source of local pride and the competitor to beat.
Now, she was there, terrified to strap on a snowboard to attempt the bunny slopes.
Pathetic.
Allowing him to drag her here had been a mistake. Walking away, moving on, was easier when she avoided situations like this. Being there now was bringing out an odd sense of longing that she hadn’t expected to feel. She didn’t like it.
“Come on, let’s ask if anyone knows where we can find Coach Jarvis,” Asher said, fighting his way through the crowd to the information desk.
Head down, praying no one noticed or recognized her, Emma followed.
No one did.
And that was unexpectedly a knife through the heart. Had she been away that long? Had she not left any sort of mark on the snowboarding community? She shook the thoughts away. She wasn’t a champion anymore. She didn’t deserve any praise or recognition for her previous feats. There were new, stronger, better competitors rising in the sport every day. No one cared about her anymore. Nor should they.
“Hey, we’re looking for one of the judges. Frank Jarvis,” Asher told the young girl at the desk.
“Sorry. Competitors aren’t allowed to…” The pretty blonde’s voice trailed as she glanced up and her eyes widened at the sight of Ash.
Right. He was recognizable.
“Oh my God. You’re Asher Westmore,” she said.
He nodded. “Yes I am. I’m not competing…We’re not competing,” he corrected, moving her forward. “This is Emma Callaway. She was a former competitor and champion and an athlete on Frank’s team. We just wanted to see him to say hi.”
The girl, wearing a dark blue one-piece ski suit with sponsorship logos on the front, tore her gaze from Ash to nod at her. “Yes. I remember you.” Her tone was ice-cold.
Emma searched the girl’s face, but she didn’t recognize her. Had they competed against one another in the past?
“Of course you remember her,” Asher said as the two women just continued to stare at one another. “She was a three-time Breckenridge champion.”
Unfortunately the girl was eyeing her with disdain. “She was also the competitor who dropped out of the freestyle at the last minute two years ago, eliminating our division for lack of entrants—meaning I wasn’t able to compete either that year.”
At that moment, Emma would have welcomed real daggers to the chest instead of the ones coming from the young girl’s eyes.
Shit.
Asher frowned as he turned to look at her. “You were back here to compete two years ago?”
Shit, shit, shit.
She clenched her jaw. “Let’s just go. I’m sure we can find Frank on our own,” she said, though she was in no hurry to find her old coach anymore or to run into any more people from her past. She longed for the privacy of the resort. And the hot tub and Champagne…
No doubt if this girl remembered her only for the mess she’d created two years ago by dropping out, for her loss of courage, others would, too.
Asher c
ontinued to stare at her, waiting for an answer or an explanation.
He was getting neither. At least not right now, right there in front of this girl. “Can we please just go?” she said.
The girl behind the information desk sighed, ignoring Emma as she told Ash, “Frank’s over at the preliminaries station, helping to check equipment.”
“Thank you,” Asher said as they walked away.
Emma’s legs felt like jelly beneath her, and her mouth was like sandpaper. Her hands shook slightly at her sides and her stomach was in knots. She’d never told anyone about her embarrassment there two years before, and now the man she loved knew what a failure she actually was.
Agreeing to come to the competition grounds had been a mistake.
Outside she headed back toward the rental vehicle, but he stopped her. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I chickened out.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t know, Ash. I got up there for the trial run and I hadn’t slept the night before and the conditions that day were shit…” Excuses. All excuses.
“Well, try now,” he said, jumping far too eagerly at the chance to use this new information against her.
“No.”
“Come on, Em. If you came back here after the accident, it means you haven’t let this go as much as you claim to.”
She tried to move around him, as people started to stare, but he blocked her path. She didn’t like the twisting in the pit of her stomach suggesting there might be some truth in his words.
“You deserve a shot at this again. You were great once. You could do it again.”
“Asher, shut up,” she said a little too loudly. Her head hurt and she just wanted to get away.
Surprise made his lips clamp together. But only for a split second. “What’s holding you back? We’re here anyway. Competitors drop out at the last minute all the time…”
Like she had.
She shot him a warning look but he pressed on.
“I’m sure Frank could get you appropriate gear quickly. The freestyle is two days from now, if you hit the slopes now and practice…” The excitement rising in his voice made her want to vomit. “Even an old routine would blow this place up…”
Maybe This Christmas Page 17