I wasn’t sure what I was going to do until I went to wake JT and found him sitting on the edge of his bed, dressed in the suit I’d bought him for the funeral—which was several inches too small everywhere—chewing the cuticles from his fingers.
I couldn’t put him through this.
I sank down into one of the chairs, suddenly more exhausted than I think I’d ever been.
“Jack drew up a paper that says we acknowledge that the adoption was never legal. But by signing the paper, you agree to allow me visitation with JT a couple of times a year.”
Harrison made a sound that could have been a groan, but was more like a swallowed sigh.
“Why?”
“Because you were right. We shouldn’t be putting JT through all of this.”
“So you’re just going to let me walk away with him?”
And then I groaned. Pain tore through me so quickly that I couldn’t hold it all in. Tears fell, staining the papers Jack and I had argued over all morning. I couldn’t stop them, couldn’t brush them away fast enough to get ahead.
“Why are you doing this?” he demanded again.
I looked up, looked at Harrison through a sheen of tears.
“Because I finally did the one thing that we both should have done from the beginning. I asked JT what he wanted.”
“And this is it?”
“He wants to know you. He wants to know the life he might have had if his birth mother hadn’t given him up.”
Harrison looked away for a brief moment, that tendon jumping in his jaw again. I wanted to go to him, wanted to touch him. I wanted to make the tension go away, wanted to make him forget about all the anger and the hurt and the pain we’d dished out on one another since this began. But I couldn’t. It wasn’t my place.
I stood and pushed the papers toward him.
“That’s for you and your lawyer. I’ve already signed it.”
I started to move past him, eager to go home and hide under my covers for a day or two or ten. I half hoped that Harrison would stop me from leaving the room. But he just watched me, his expression unreadable. I walked out of the room and found Jack waiting at the elevators. The corridor was quiet again, only the two women who were there with Harrison, his lawyer, and another, older woman all sitting together on a low bench. They looked up expectantly when I walked out, but I didn’t know them. I didn’t know what to say to them.
I joined Jack at the elevator. I thought my knees might give out on me, but I managed to stay on my feet until we got to the parking lot.
“You okay?” Jack asked.
I shook my head. But there was really nothing to say, was there? It was over.
I turned to get into my car when a man suddenly appeared beside me.
“Are you a friend of Harrison Philips?”
“Excuse me?”
The man held a digital recorder near my mouth. “Could you tell me why Harrison Philips was appearing in family court today?”
“That’s none of your business,” Jack said, trying to move between me and the obnoxious stranger.
“Is it true he has an illegitimate child?”
“Leave!” Jack demanded, shoving the guy’s shoulder.
“I will find out,” the man insisted. “And that will be big news. Your face will be all over the tabloids by morning.”
I sighed.
That would be just my luck.
And then my cellphone rang.
“Penny? It’s Nick.”
“What’s up?” I asked, hoping that nothing had gone wrong at the bakery. That was all I needed on top of everything else.
“It’s JT. We’re at the hospital.” He hesitated a beat. “It’s bad, Penny.”
I didn’t even stop to hear the rest. I jumped into the car and sped off, my only thought a prayer.
Please, God, please.
Chapter 18
Harrison
“What’s going on?”
Anger was burning in my chest, but it was anger directed at my mother, not Penelope. I didn’t want her to think I was angry with her. In fact, I just wanted this day to be over.
I was still reeling from the revelations my mother had made. Hell, I was still reeling from the fact that Libby had her here without talking to me. Like this day wasn’t stressful enough. Today the judge would speak to my son and decide if he should live with me or his sister, Penelope. And, as desperately as I wanted a relationship with the child that was taken from me without my knowledge, I didn’t want to hurt Penelope.
And now she was standing in front of me, her face puffy and blotchy from all the tears she’d been shedding.
Why did this have to be so hard on everyone? Why wouldn’t she take me up on my attempts to work this out outside of court?
She sank down into one of the chairs stationed around the small conference table where she sat, exhaustion visible in every line of her beautiful face.
“Jack drew up a paper that says we acknowledge that the adoption was never legal,” she said in a soft, emotionally drained voice. “By signing the paper, you agree to allow me visitation with JT a couple of times a year.”
I tilted my head slightly, trying to wrap my mind around what she’d just said. Did she really just do a three-sixty?
“Why?”
“Because you were right. We shouldn’t be putting JT through all of this.”
“So you’re just going to let me walk away with him?”
She groaned, nearly doubling over with the hurt that flashed through her eyes. It killed me to see it, killed me to know I was the cause of all that pain. It ripped through my own anger, my own fears and hurt. It tore everything away and left me feeling raw inside.
She was really sacrificing her own desires to do the right thing. I have never known anyone else who was so willing to do that.
No one.
“Why are you doing this?” I demanded again, needing to know she was doing this for the right reasons.
She looked up, tears making her beautiful eyes look like sparkling jewels.
“Because I finally did the one thing that we both should have done from the beginning: I asked JT what he wanted.”
“And this is it?”
“He wants to know you. He wants to know the life he might have had if his birth mother hadn’t given him up.”
And there it was. The life he would have had.
But what life would he have had? Was my mother right? Would Julia and I have ended up in some impossibly tiny apartment in New York, both college drop outs, both working dead end, minimum wage jobs? Or would I have been able to convince my father that taking care of my child was the right thing to do?
Deep down, I knew my mother was right. It would have been a disaster if I had known about JT all those years ago. My father would have disowned me, he would have stopped paying for my tuition at Stanford. And I, as much as I hate the characterization, would have been lost without my father’s money. I was a spoiled rich kid who didn’t have work experience, who didn’t know how to start over with nothing. I would have been lost.
But did that give my mother the right to forge my signature on the adoption papers and refuse to tell me about my child? Was that really an act of love? Or was it an act of betrayal?
Penelope stood, pushing the papers across the table at me.
“That’s for you and your lawyer. I’ve already signed it.”
She was gone before I could say anything.
“We need to go, Harrison,” Finn, my attorney said from somewhere behind me. “The judge won’t appreciate any unnecessary delays.”
I didn’t answer, my head still trying to wrap itself around everything that had happened this morning.
“Do you know where the kid is?” Finn pushed. “His sister and her lawyer just got on the elevator. Are they going to get him?”
I picked up the papers Penelope had left and brushed past Finn. I don’t know where I was planning to go, but I needed to talk to Penelope. I needed to know more.
Why was she doing this? Why was she letting JT go? Why hadn’t she been open to negotiation sooner? Why now? Why after everything that had happened between us?
The memory of her touch was still so heavy on my mind. I was jogging in the middle of the night a few days ago, unable to sleep because of this custody battle. I came to that small Texas town to get to know my son. I hadn’t intended to get to know his sister, really hadn’t meant to sleep with her. And I definitely hadn’t meant to have her served with a custody order the morning after. And, that night, I hadn’t meant to see the light on in her bakery, or to slip inside to make sure she was alright. I was the last person she wanted to see, and I knew it even as I laid my eyes on her.
But then she came on to me. She kissed me. She asked me – with her touch, her lips, her movements – to make her forget. And I did. For a brief time, I forgot, too. I forgot that things had gone so badly between us. I forgot that we were on opposite sides of this bitter custody battle. I forgot that our love making was a temporary thing that wouldn’t happen again, that wouldn’t see a future.
When I remembered, when she pushed me away and screamed for me to leave, it was an experience I’ve never had before. And I didn’t like it.
Things were out of control. I had to do something to make everything right. I wasn’t just going to take my son and leave Penelope behind, even if that had always been the plan.
Things had changed.
I slipped into the elevator as it was about to close, Finn rushing after me as my sister, mother, and former lover all watched dumbfounded in the middle of the courthouse corridor. If I rushed, I might catch Penelope before she left. But when I stepped out into the hot morning sun, it was just in time to watch Penelope’s car speed out of the parking lot.
Her lawyer was still standing in the parking lot, his cellphone glued to his ear. I ran over, pushing his shoulder to get his attention.
“What’s going on? Where’s she going?”
“She’s not running, if that’s what you think.”
It hadn’t even crossed my mind. But I figured he didn’t need to know that.
“Then where is she going in such a rush?”
The lawyer turned, glancing toward the edge of the parking lot where her car had disappeared. I could almost see the wheels turning in his mind. And then whoever he was talking to must have spoken because he cupped his mouth and said something I couldn’t quite make out. Then he disconnected the phone, sliding it into his pocket.
“What the hell is going on?” I demanded. “Where’s JT?”
The lawyer turned toward me again. “She gave you the paper, right? You’ve got what you want. Why don’t you just leave her alone?”
Because I couldn’t, but that was also none of his business.
“Something’s going on and I think I have a right to know.”
“You don’t need to know anything that isn’t related to JT.” The lawyer advanced on me, his eyes narrowing even as he took in everything about me in a glance. “Penelope is one of the kindest, most gentle people I’ve ever met. And you’ve destroyed her world, destroyed everything that mattered to her. She came home when her brother needed her, turned her whole life upside down for that boy. And in one stroke, you’ve taken all that away from her.”
“He’s my son.”
“Yes, but maybe blood isn’t everything.”
Would he have been surprised to know that I agreed with him? But this was all so complicated, and accepting the truce Penelope had offered was not the answer. I don’t know why, but it tasted bad in my mouth. I needed to see her. I needed to make sure this was really what she wanted.
I started to turn, thinking I could catch Penelope at home. But then that lawyer grabbed my shoulder and spun me around.
“You go near Penelope again, I will make sure she takes out a restraining order against you. She doesn’t need any more of your bullshit.”
It would have been amusing if he hadn’t touched me.
“I don’t know what your deal is,” I said, stepping into him to show him I wasn’t intimidated, “but you don’t want to get into this with me. I will crush you.”
“Just because you’re some rich business man—“
“That has nothing to do with it. I could crush you without my money and my high powered lawyers.”
I saw doubt flash in the man’s eyes. Once again, I started to back off, but then he threw a punch at me. I saw it just out of the corner of my eye and ducked. Then, almost completely out of instinct, I buried my fist in his gut. He doubled over and I caught his shoulder to keep him from hitting the asphalt.
“Harry!”
I glanced over my shoulder. Libby, Finn, and Julia were rushing across the street toward me. I leaned close and said, “If I let you go, will you try to hit me again?”
“No,” he gasped.
I let go and he immediately sank to the ground, leaning back against the fender of a Toyota.
“What the hell?” Finn cried. “Why are you beating up the other side’s council?”
“He threw the first punch. I was just defending myself.”
Libby looked from me to the lawyer and shook her head. But Julia began to laugh.
“Some things never change,” she said.
“What’s going on?” Libby asked. “Where’s JT?”
And that’s when my cellphone rang.
Chapter 19
Penelope
My head was spinning. I was driving as fast as I could without ending up in the hospital myself. Maneuvering around slow moving cars, honking my horn almost continuously to make these idiots get out of the way. Didn’t they know that my world was collapsing around me? Didn’t they know I needed to get to the hospital before...before what?
Nick wasn’t particularly specific in his phone call.
It’s JT. We’re at the hospital. It’s bad, Penny.
It’s bad. Nothing else. No details about what happened, no specifics about his injury. Just that it was bad.
I told him to stay home. I told him that I needed to know where he was all day. I told him that if he left, he should send me a text. He didn’t.
My hands were shaking as I took a sharp left turn, causing the car to skid a little to the right. I needed to slow down. I needed to catch my breath. But how could I do that when I didn’t know what was happening to JT?
I felt like I should call someone. But who? Everyone I cared about was already at the hospital.
And then Harrison’s face flashed in front of my eyes.
Shit, shit, shit!
What would he do when he heard about this? Would he use it against me, bar me from ever seeing JT again? But then I realized that I was being selfish. Harrison was JT’s biological father, and I’d just signed over all my rights over JT to him. I had to call him. I had to let him know what was going on.
I pulled into the hospital parking lot and pulled the car to a stop haphazardly, taking up more than one parking spot. I took a deep breath and pulled out my phone to bring up Harrison’s number from my call log.
My heart was pounding as I listened to the hollow rings that I knew were no representation of the ring tone Harrison’s phone played each time someone called. He preferred a popular pop song whose title I couldn’t remember at the moment. Which was just great because I knew it would bother me…
“Penelope? Where are you?”
For a second I thought he already knew about JT. He sounded almost relieved to see my number on his phone.
But then I realized he couldn’t know. I didn’t tell Jack, and Nick never would have called him. The only way he could know would be if Susan had called him, but she wouldn’t do that. Would she?
“Penelope?”
“There’s been an accident,” I said slowly. “JT’s at the university hospital here in Lubbock.”
He didn’t even hesitate. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
Was it stupid that I felt as though an immense burden had just been lifted from my
shoulders?
The ER was exceptionally busy. I walked in and paused in the doorway to search for a familiar face. Then I saw Nick - dear, sweet Nick - leaning against a wall. One of JT’s friends, Sean, was there, too, with his mother.
“What happened? Where’s JT?”
Nick stepped forward and grabbed her by the shoulders. “He’s in with the doctors.”
“What happened?” I demanded again.
“It was my fault,” Sean said, his low and broken. “I thought it would be funny. I didn’t see the car until it was too late.”
“Car?”
Panic was building inside of me, threatening to turn me into a hysterical shrill.
A car? JT was hit by a car?
“I skipped class because JT wanted to hang out. We were skateboarding down 4th street and this car came out of nowhere…”
“Oh, God!”
I doubled over. If Nick hadn’t been there to catch me, I might have hit the ground. He pulled me against his chest and walked me a little distance away from the Wallaces.
“It’s not as bad as it sounds,” Nick said. “He hit his head and scraped up an arm. Might have a few broken ribs, too.”
“You said—”
“I know. I shouldn’t have said that.” Nick lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him and the expression in his eyes wasn’t reassuring. “It’s his leg, Penny. The car hit him just right and…” He stopped, but the horror that came into his eyes made ice spread from the pit of my stomach throughout the rest of my body.
“The Monroe family?”
I turned and found myself facing an exhausted doctor. He made an impatient gesture, pulling me away from Nick and the others to a quiet section of the hallway outside the exam rooms.
“I’m Dr. Campbell,” he said, not even looking at me. He was studying an iPad in his hands. “We’ve sent the boy up for x-rays. At the moment, I can tell you he likely has a concussion and a broken rib. The right wrist is a little bruised and will require a brace for a few weeks.”
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