“Forgive me angel, I wanted to wait.”
I am eighteen today and only had my first kiss. I didn’t understand my feelings whether emotionally or physically. Although the fact he’s my professor stands out loud and clear, this is wrong, all kinds of wrong. The only thing that comes to mind is to walk away. Which is exactly what I do, he didn’t follow.
I made it safely to my room where I stew over the events of the day, confusion and feeling out of control. I begin writing, my notebook not far. I touch the new silver necklace with my fingertips hanging around my neck like a choker.
Drowning
The water cold, the current strong
It drags me out where I belong.
The ripples call my name in shame
The hope had fled, from where I came
I won’t fight I let it come
My final breath has just begun.
Beneath the dark and lonely sea
The world will fade and I’ll be free.
The knock on the door pulls me from the depths of my writing back to the present.
“It’s Godfrey, Miss Novak.” He waits a beat. “Dinner’s at six, don’t keep the Master waiting.”
The Master.
“I’ll be down momentarily.” I need a minute before facing him to clear the chaos from my mind. Nevertheless, I am called upon whether I am prepared or not. I slip on my shoes and once down the stairs, I freeze when I see him seated his back to me as I will myself to move. But stay rooted, as if my feet were cemented to the floor. Then, I heard my name.
“Grace.” His voice even, a lack of emotion of any kind. He never turns, never looks, yet he pulls me in by some unknown power. I draw air into my lungs and enter the dining room, passing his steady glare.
“Dr. Vane…I.” Tripping over my words feeling totally off balance, I take my seat quickly. He can be moody if he’s so inclined, but once our gaze crashes his eyes grow dark and his jaw is tight.
“You ran.” His expression softens. “I wish you wouldn’t do that.”
My cheeks betray me as they burn pink. “I was…”
“What Grace, you were what?”
And in that moment, I felt the truth would serve me well, fighting it would only make matters worse.
“Afraid.” I drag my eyes away.” I’d never been kissed.”
“Angel don’t you see, I want to share those first with you, and I will. Grace.” His colbert eyes focus intensely on mine. “Understand there’ll be no running, ever.”
He makes the parameters crystal clear, I would have no choice, no say. It crosses my mind to leave, but where would I go? My parents are off digging up dirt, looking for bones. I have no one in my life I can turn to, the thought was staggering to be completely and utterly alone. I’m torn away instantly when Godfrey enters with dinner. Feasting on filet mignon covered in a bourguignon sauce and small red potatoes, he pours me a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon, a Napa Valley specialty. Raising his glass, he waits as I do the same. “To new beginnings.” The clink is heard, and I drink with purpose, forcing myself to slow and pace myself when all I really want is to be numb.
“It’s bold, opulent and dark fruited wine, pares exquisitely with the beef.”
“Yes, it’s lovely.” I soon believe that in his determined pursuit he will have me. “Another, please.” I push the glass closer, his gaze shifts to mine as he refills my glass. After eating only half my dinner I push the plate away.
“Finished angel?” I only nod, feeling the faint effects of the wine, wanting one more glass but I’m too overwhelmed to ask. “I’ll escort you to your room.”
Hope withers and dies, this is happening whether I want it too or not, it’s only eight pm too early for sleep. Yet he takes my hand in his as we ascend the wooden stairs, creaks, once silent are noticeably piercing my ears. Once at the door his stern shell gone, I shiver at his calm. “What happens privately is between us angel.”
It doesn’t feel real as panic ripples through me, I can’t breathe, or move my body until the quivering begins. “Shhh…” He whispers and opens my door. The silver streaks of moonlight shine through my window and bounce off the walls, a deceivingly pretty back drop to what’s about to happen. I hear the door close and the click of the lock. He approaches slowly, then gently pulls me close turning me in his arms. At first, I cringe away bile rising in my throat, he sees the fear in my eyes, but it doesn’t faze him.
He tilts my chin green eyes lift to his blues. My heart was beating so loud I knew he could hear it. “I’ve wanted you since the moment we met.” His chiseled features, and raven hair are molded to perfection he lowers slowly his gaze drifts to my mouth. His lips are gliding over mine. He tasted of sweet wine and a masculine musk scent floats over me. I instinctively melt into him, the cries in my head silence under the sweep of his mouth.
“I have to touch you, to know you’re real.” Panic comes raging back, as he reaches behind me taking hold of the slider, the metal teeth’s continual coil hits the bottom stop.
“I’m not ready.”
“I beg to differ.”
“Has anyone ever told you no before?”
“They’ve tried.”
“But…”
“Do as I say Angel.”
He pushes my dress over my shoulders, it slid the length of my body and pools at my feet. I was left clad in the pink bra and panty set he obviously had chosen for me. Hunger and thirst rage in his eyes, as his breath quickens, he takes hold of my hand as I step out of the dress. He tightens his hold and wraps his arms around me, bracing my heart as it thunders beneath my chest. “I didn’t realize your body was so mature, Grace. As beautiful as any woman’s.”
I didn’t feel mature, I didn’t feel like a woman. I watch as he removes his tie and jacket placing them neatly on the chair. He flicks each button open but leaves his shirt on. I can see a splatter of chest hair, his pectoral muscles displayed.
“You’ve waited for me.” It was a rhetorical question, he knows I have. His cufflinks are carefully placed on the tall antique dresser. And his shirt is discarded slowly, his gaze never leaving mine.
My head falls back against the wall, as my eyes close shut. This isn’t happening, darkness circles in as the room begins to spin. Where was my will to fight? Only seconds past and his body presses against mine, caging my frame against the wall. I feel his erection on my belly, a moan escapes. “Oh God.” He whispers, and continues to slowly rub himself against my body, his hands find my hair and twist in the long strands. His mouth lands on mine with great urgency, his tongue invades as I only obey, move with him instead of against him. He breaches my every defense, his free hand brackets one side of my body, imprisoning me. Yet the grind of his hips intensifies, his surge of desire is in control now.
He breaks the kiss his arm remains in place. His touch gentle when his finger sweeps over my cheek, down my neck, throat and finally my cleavage. “Undress for me, angel.” He turns, crosses the room and sits on the end of the bed, casually. I can hear my silent screams no, shouting in my head, I don’t have to do this. But, his patience is thin, as fear slithers in. Unable to move, I tremble as I reach behind and unclasp my bra it tumbles to the floor as my ample breast are exposed. I complied without thought as I push my panties down my legs and I kick them aside. A moment of clarity burst through, I’ve never been seen naked before, certainly not displayed sexually in front of a man. My virginity at stake.
He swept the length of my naked body. My eyes squeeze shut blistered with shame.
“Open your eyes Grace.” He adjusts himself beneath his trousers. “Don’t ever hide from me.” He stands and flips his buckle open, whips it from its loops, and disregards his pants. He’s left in his fitted boxer briefs.
“Touch me.” He says without question; did I want to touch? I cross the room and sit on the bed next to him. The softness was long gone, need was driving, and it needed fuel, he guides my palm over his clothed erection, pressing hard and moving with speed. As if shifting ge
ars, we were in first, second was when he slid his briefs down his legs, his penis bounced and twitched.
“Grace place your hand, here like this.” I was now fisting his cock with his hand over mine, teaching me how he liked it. “Now the tip.” Wetness appeared causing the movement to become slick and quick. “Perfect.” He says through clenched teeth.
Then with a sudden stop he removes my hand, on the edge of his gripping sensation. “This can be pleasurable Grace, open your legs angel.”
No, no, no.
“I won’t ask again.” I part them only inches. “More.” I cringe in awkwardness as I expose the most personal part of my body to him. His hand is now between my thighs, fingers sweep and circle my most inner parts.
“Your pussy is slick, and wet for me. There’s no need to hide your arousal.” He finds my bud and works it tenderly. The pleasure intensifies startling myself with a growing need deep in my belly. “That’s it, move your hips sweet girl.” I can feel something stirring, crawling up my spine. He knows it too, as his pace speeds up. And as if caught up in a tornado my muscles contract, blood flows straight to his fingertips as I cry out my own release. Oh my God, as if a mare, I’m easily broken. My body betraying me, as it begs for more.
He’s pleased.
“That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.” He says then turns to climb towards the headboard, I follow without instruction.
Once together his hand cups my breast, then the other, each time taking long moments with his mouth and tongue. It was all so new to me, I didn’t know my role. I was past the point of saying no. I tried, and now that it was here, I could only hope that it would be pleasurable. He climbs on top of me, nudging my knees apart, balancing on his knees above me, He applies a condom with ease. And begins to lower his body, his weight presses me into the mattress. He kisses me the whole time, my mouth, my neck, his breaths heavy sighs above my ear.
“I want to savor every moment Grace.” He reaches between us, then guides the tip of his staff at my entrance. Not too forceful at first, but with expert care not to force inside too quickly, at first there’s only discomfort.
“Breathe angel, it will minimize the pain.” Pain. I struggle taking deep breaths.
With feral lust, with need he pushes in slowly his raging need drags his cock from my tender virgin depths and pushes with greater thrust. Breaking the barrier, I finally manage to catch my breath as a burning sensation intensifies.
“Shhh.” He says with comfort.” The worse is over.”
My inner walls fisting the intrusion, his body inside mine, fused together as one. He held my pain in his hands. Tasted my tears as they fell.
I saw the fight in his dark eyes his frown deepened, sweat beaded on his forehead as he held back his need.
This was even more agonizing than I imagined. The pain simmers then turns, every moment of pain was mixed with a moment of pleasure. Slowly the discomfort changes into bearable, even on the edge of pleasurable. His forced thrust, his strokes turn faster harder, rougher his frenzied shift in the throes of passion. His complete possession over me, my will, my body is his now. And before long, his face is buried in my neck, my hair, as he whispers promises of future nights to be shared.
I knew I was lost, the physical connection unlike anything I’ve experienced. His blood ran hot on raw emotion as he climbed, I felt his body jolt and with several long strokes he came muttering my name on his lips. “So, good.” His breath returns, and he immediately pulls out of my body. Crosses the floor into the bathroom, I hear the water running as blood seeped onto my thighs. He returns with a warm wet cloth and gently wipes it away. I got the distinct impression he enjoyed this part too much.
Once he’s finished, he moves over to the chair and is fully dressed within only moments. He rises, his expression void of any real emotion, yet he kisses my cheek. “Until next time, angel.”
The door clicks shut behind him as bitterness threatens to break through. No matter the logic my fractured feelings were misplaced, assuming there would be more, but there wasn’t more. I’m his obsession, his new play thing, a toy. Nothing more.
The necklace, where’s the necklace.
But calmly Theo steps in, and he’s right to do so. Grace’s care takes priority. We gathered patiently as Grace read her latest memories. it was beyond uncomfortable for her, for us as well. But I’m sitting on the biggest clue to date. Forced to wait until the moment is right to ask her, was there a tie between the two young women.
“Many forms of abuse are in fact abuses of power in which a person repeatedly attempts to control or manipulate the behavior of another person. That happens to be the case here with Grace, although this is an extreme circumstance. Theo waits a beat then continues. “That night transformed everything, although memories are fading in quietly and scattered in pieces, his power played a large role.”
I watch Theo, his forearms now resting on his knees, glasses off reaching out to her with compassion and understanding. “Emotional, psychological, or sexual abuse can include chronic patterns of coercion, humiliation, even jeopardizing your safety. We have to know what really happened.”
Grace sits with her notebook pressed against her chest, her arms crossed and forces herself to go on. “I believe the hidden memories are fighting to stay buried, once revealed…” The softness in her voice comes from a place of great pain. “There’ll be consequences, actions I may not be ready for.”
“Grace any form of abuse in an intimate relationship constitutes a violent power play from your partner. You must accept that these were his problems, his illness. It’s quite different than a consensual healthy relationship.”
“It doesn’t feel different”
“Trust me, physical aggression sexually, or mentally is not healthy.” Theo pauses as she absorbs his words. “I only ask that you don’t put blame on yourself when future memories come in. It may trigger guilt, he may have groomed you to play a part in this, but Grace he manipulated you. Just keep writing.” She nods, but inside I could practically hear her mind resisting.
“Nichole.” Theo urges me on.
“Grace.” I begin cautiously. “There’s been a development.” I feel Steels gaze on me, as she turns to face me, I can see how fragile she is, but I continue.
“What can you tell me about a necklace?” She instantly reaches for her neck, bare lacking the silver trinket.
“Vane.” She replies, choking on the words. “It’s gone.”
Grace just cemented my suspicions, I turn to Steel his hand is rubbing his head, his short cut spiking with the friction. I want more from her, but I can see the torment. I’ll have to wait before I continue the questioning.
“Grace, you can go lie down, if you like.” Flynn, always the protector leads her down the hall and reappears only moments later. His face didn’t change, although the turmoil revealed tonight must have flipped his emotions upside down.
“You okay buddy?” Steel rests his hand on Flynn’s shoulder as he nods. But he wasn’t, how could he be?
“We don’t have solid proof, but it’s only a matter of time.” I offer as we share highlights with Theo, and he agrees to return anytime. Flynn walks him out, only to turn back, and face me head on.
“What’s the FBI’s role in this?” Flynn’s tone was clipped. I understood his over protective nature concerning Grace.
“It’s the FBI’s case, prepare yourself for that.” Flynn begins pacing as Steel reaches for him. He huffs and yanks his arm out of Steel’s grip.
“The girl they found today?” He asks, open ended. “You think Vane did it?”
“We’re still not sure of anything. But we know now there’s a connection. The problem is Grace doesn’t have the necklace. Yes, we have her word, but that’s far from being proof. No judge will offer a warrant of any kind.” I say, facts were facts.
“Pray that he’s never found, because I’ll rip him to shreds.” Flynn’s threats are disregarded, he’s upset I got that.
“
We need to go.” Steel says. “Just be there for her, as you’ve done all along, I trust you.”
We leave, and by the looks of it we’re driving towards the mountains, the sky was threaded with silver as the moon cast light on the tree tops as we drove in silence. We’re stopped at his gate, he punches the code in and waits for it to open.
“What is it, Steel.” His gaze locks on mine. “Flynn’s right, we need to nail the bastard, go after him now.”
“You can’t think like that.”
“Excuse me?” His anger or frustration jumps a notch. “Didn’t you hear what Grace said?” We stop at his front door, but didn’t move from his SUV. “Sometimes walking the lines of right or wrong are blurred. This is one of those times.”
“No, it’s not. We go by the book, so we can make the case stick, you don’t want him walking the streets over a technicality, do you?”
He opens his door and crosses over to mine, he opens it but looks at the ground, I hop out and make my way towards the front porch. I can feel the heat fuming off him as he unlocks the door, Whiskey barking hello. I step inside and give him a pat on the head. Steel crosses the room into the kitchen where he opens the refrigerator and pulls out two long necks. I meet him at the island as he hands me mine, opened.
“Subjects closed Steel, we’re done for now.”
“Are we now?” He stalks around the island heading my way. “Maybe releasing some pent-up anxiety would prove to be beneficial?” I raise a brow in question. Suggestively implying a blatantly sexual reference. It wasn’t his style, but then again, we’ve never been on the opposing sides of anything before.
“I don’t think Dr. Grant would approve of your sexually fueled aggression.” His brow lifted playfully.
“Oh, I happen to know he would.” As he barged ahead, and before I knew it I was pinned against the wall leading to the bedroom. He reaches behind his head pulling off his shirt, while he works on my white blouse, each flick of the buttons exposing more flesh. My gaze travels over his rock-solid body, a master piece.
Hard as Steel: Book four ( Surviving Series ) Page 13