As they walked, his eyes scanned her in close assessment. She knew he was just looking for signs of her having gotten sick from the cold—since he seemed to be hung up on that idea—but something about the way his gaze came back to her chest a couple of times made her look down at herself.
The cotton of her dress had gotten damp from her hair, and it was clinging resiliently. The thin fabric clearly revealed the unsupported curves of her breasts and the outline of her tight nipples.
She blushed a little—unable to suppress the self-consciousness—but Paul didn’t seem affected by the sight, other than his initial distraction.
He could have the most beautiful women in the city without even making an effort. He wasn’t likely to get excited by a stray glimpse of her quite unexceptional body.
He opened the passenger door for her calmly and shut it behind her before he went to get in the driver’s seat.
After he turned the car on and adjusted the heat, he smiled at her gently. “Do you want to get something hot to drink on the way home?”
She smiled back at him, fighting the instinct to be annoyed with him just because he was giving her that gentle look she hated. “Yeah, that would be great. Thanks.”
By the time Paul stopped at a nearby quick shop and came back with two cups of hot chocolate, Emily was feeling good again. She was tired and still kind of wet, but she felt like she’d accomplished something, and Paul wasn’t bad company at all.
They didn’t talk much on the drive home. Emily turned the music up again, and Paul drove fast. She didn’t sing this time, just listened and let herself get swept up in the heady rhythm of the music and the motion of the car. There was a kind of rich momentum to the combination of speed and sound on the dark road that was hypnotizing, compelling.
Whenever Paul glanced over at her, she made sure to smile at him—so he knew she was enjoying the drive.
She thought maybe he was too.
When they pulled back into the private parking deck under their building, Emily grinned and pulled her list out of her pocket.
She unfolded it and laid it on her knee. Without prompting, Paul reached down to a little compartment of his door and groped until he’d found a pen.
He handed it to her with a smile.
She crossed off from her list the item that said, “Go moonlight skinny-dipping at Lake Collins.”
As she was refolding her list, she said, “Thank you, Paul. Seriously. I really appreciate you taking me.”
“I was happy to.” He hadn’t turned off the car yet, and he hadn’t taken off his seatbelt. His eyes slanted away from her now, but she caught something reluctant in his expression that hadn’t been there before.
Emily stiffened, realizing Paul was going to say something she didn’t want to hear.
She’d thought they’d had such a good night.
“Emily,” Paul began, meeting her eyes again, seriously this time, “I’m glad we could do this, but I also need to know if you’re going to try to sneak out on me again.”
She sucked in her breath, surprised and a little relieved by the direction of his comments. She hadn’t been sure what he was going to say, but she’d briefly been scared he was going to tell her he couldn’t help her out with any more items on her list. “I’m not,” she said, lowering her lashes as she remembered the intensity of her feelings of rebellion earlier that evening. “I told you I was sorry about that. If I’m in this marriage, then I can’t have it both ways. I won’t do it again.”
Paul was silent for a moment, and she was sure he was scanning her face, although her eyes were still lowered so she couldn’t see him. He cleared his throat. “I don’t understand why you thought you had to do it in the first place.”
With a ragged exhale, she met his eyes again. “I don’t know really. It was like the last straw. I’ve had to accept…accept so many other things lately, and I just couldn’t accept your ordering me around.”
“I wasn’t—”
“I know you weren’t trying to order me around, but you were kind of doing that.”
When she paused, he was clearly thinking back to what he’d done and said earlier that evening. Then he nodded in internal acknowledgment. “I guess I was being…”
“Bossy,” she finished for him, slanting a little smile so he knew she wasn’t still angry. Then, since she could tell he wanted more of an answer, she stared forward at the gray concrete wall in front of the car and made herself continue. “You were being too bossy, but it was more than that for me. I don’t know if I can really explain it. Have you ever felt…Have you ever felt like you’re surrounded by shadows? And they’re all slowly encroaching on you?”
There was a long pause before he murmured, “Yeah.”
She cut her eyes over to him and saw with absolute clarity that Paul understood about shadows. She nodded, staring back at the wall since it seemed safer to speak that way. “Well, lately, the shadows all closed in on me so fast. Too fast. Too many of them. And they’re all taking things away from me. I guess it just felt like you were the only shadow I could fight.”
“Why am I a shadow?” Paul asked, very softly. When she jerked her gaze back to him, she saw his face was perfectly still but there was a glint of something vulnerable in his eyes.
“It’s not you,” she said hurriedly, afraid she’d hurt his feelings. “It’s not about who you are. It’s just that all these other shadows are taking away my choices, and I can’t do anything about them. I can’t stop them. I can’t stop them.”
For a moment, she had to hide her face, shaking a few times as her eyes blurred over and a flood of grief and helplessness overwhelmed her, but she controlled the emotion enough to continue, “So, when you started to take away my choices too, it felt like you were…you were one of them. And, unlike all of the other things, there was something I could do to resist you.”
She stared down at her hands for a long time after she finished, and it was absolutely silent in the car. Finally, she turned to check Paul's expression. He breathed heavily and stared straight in front of him at the wall she’d been focused on earlier.
“Do you,” she began, her voice cracking, “Do you understand?”
He met her eyes then, and she knew he did.
Tears started to stream down her face, and she brushed them away impatiently.
Paul finally spoke, his voice just slightly thick, “I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I’m just used to doing what I think is best. I’m trying to do right by you—I really am—and I needed to make sure you were safe.”
“I know. I know you weren’t doing it just to be mean and controlling.”
“I’ll try not to bulldoze you. I mean that. But there are going to be some things about your health and your security that I’m not going to back down about.”
She nodded, sniffing a little. “I know. I can accept that.”
“So,” he began, finally reaching over to turn off the car. For some reason, he looked just a little uncertain. “So we’re good?”
“Yeah,” Emily told him with a smile, “We’re good.”
They got out and went up to the apartment, and, after a quick shower, she was very happy to pull on pajamas and crawl into bed.
This day seemed to be endless, but it ended better than it began.
Emily knew she would always be a project to Paul—something he’d committed to and was determined to see through to the end. She was pretty sure he was working out some sort of private guilt with her, and she was okay with that. She knew their relationship would never be defined by deep affection or emotional connection.
But it felt like they’d understood each other just now, and she thought that, from now on, they could at least be closer to partners.
As far as partners went, Paul was a pretty good one to have.
Publishing Schedule
Listed is completed and will be published in six volumes on the following schedule. Each volume is 28,000-35,000 words (roughly 90-120 pages). Beginnin
g in Volume III, they will include adult sex scenes.
Volume I: February 8, 2013 (with free promotion days)
Volume II: February 15, 2013 (with free promotion days)
Volume III: February 22, 2013 (with free promotion days)
Volume IV: March 1, 2013
Volume V: March 8, 2013
Volume VI: March 15, 2013
About the Author
Noelle handwrote her first romance novel in a spiral-bound notebook when she was twelve, and she hasn’t stopped writing since. She has lived in eight different states and currently resides in Virginia, where she teaches English, reads any book she can get her hands on, and offers tribute to a very spoiled cocker spaniel.
She loves travel, art, history, and ice cream. After spending far too many years of her life in graduate school, she has decided to reorient her priorities and focus on writing contemporary romances. For more information, please check out her website: noelle-adams.com
Listed: Volume I Page 9