by Stacey Nash
He looked mighty fine in suit pants and a dress shirt, especially with the top button undone to show off that tiny bit of skin at his collar that I couldn’t resist touching. There was no one else I’d prefer to have as my plus one, regardless of how he or she looked. I would have preferred it if he didn’t shave, though. His face seemed sadly bare.
“At the last wedding I went to, Kayla and Jordan decided to make chocolate-covered rose petals while everyone was distracted with cake cutting.”
His hand moved in circles across my back.
“No way! Please tell me it wasn’t from the bouquet.”
He chuckled.
“Tell me about her.”
Logan sighed, a heavy drawn-out noise that spoke of heartbreak. “She was beautiful, and sassy, and she was sixteen …” His voice choked, and I hung my arms around his waist, resting them on his hips, feeling terrible for dredging up painful memories. She was a huge part of his life though, and I wanted to share it. Maybe in time …
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. You don’t have to tell me, I get—” Logan silenced me with a soft kiss.
“It’s okay. I want to.” He nestled my head in the space under his chin. “Kayla and Jordan were only a year apart, and they were close. I thought they’d both be all right if I left. But they were trouble. Together, apart, they were always up to no good, and I was forever bailing them out. Like at that wedding with the fondue fountain.” Logan sighed. His voice had an almost wistful tone, but that changed when he continued.
“The bastard never actually hit any of us, but I guess I never realised how much I’d shielded them both from his constant attacks.” Logan took a long breath and I rested my cheek on his chest, my fingers stroking the exposed V of skin. “He’d yell that we were worthless sacks of shit for stupid stuff like not putting a dirty dish in the sink, then he’d slam it into the wall so close I’d think he was trying to brain me. But that wasn’t the worst; there were the times he’d go days without talking. He’d talk to everyone else, just not the person who he was pissed off with. Walk right past them, like they didn’t exist. God, that made me feel like I was the worthless sack of shit he was always banging on about.”
“Whatever happened, Logan, I’m so, so sorry. You have to believe, though, that it wasn’t your fault.”
“It was and it wasn’t.” His hand dropped from stroking my hair and his chest rose beneath my cheek. “It was that bastard’s fault for the years of beating us all down with hurtful words until we thought we were no better than dirt under his feet. It was my mother’s fault for being just as bad, but mostly … mostly … hell, Liv. I should never have left either of them. I’d thought I was doing the right thing. My parents laughed when I told them I was going to uni to get a degree. They thought I lied about my high school results, that there was no way I could have achieved the right grades to get in and that … that made me so damn determined to prove them wrong. I lost sight a little though, got wrapped up in the college life. I still studied, but I partied hard too. Then the night I got the call …”
Logan scraped his cheek through my hair and I tightened my arms around him so my hands came together at his back.
“The second I woke to my phone buzzing, I knew. My stomach dropped, and I didn’t know if it was Kayla or Jordan, but my gut told me there was something wrong. And it was with one of my siblings. Jordan was screaming down the line when I picked up. He couldn’t wake her.”
His voice cracked, and his chest heaved against my cheek. I held onto Logan while he let go, small sobs and sniffs that I could feel in my own heart, and I cried with him.
“Painkillers,” he said. “Did you know that if you take enough of them you just fall asleep and never wake up?”
I released my squeezing hold and took his face in my hands, then gently placed a kiss on his mouth and followed it with another. I dropped a million tiny kisses all as soft as could be, and Logan’s tears mixed with mine—salty, and wet, and oh-so broken. My heart bled for his loss. Not only the loss of his sister, but the loss of so many other things. Logan was a precious man who didn’t deserve the cards he’d been dealt. He’d lost his sister, and here he was, raising his brother to save Jordan from a similar fate.
How dare my mother look at him as if he were anything less than saintly?
We stood in the fading light until the bridal party disappeared from their photo shoot, each of us quiet as we clung to each other. Logan had had a hard life, but he didn’t let it knock him down, or taint his caring personality. More than any degree or job, that was something to be proud of.
I locked Logan’s hand in mine and together we entered the reception hall, ready to face the evening, both of us a little more sombre.
Of course the seating plan had us at the same table as my parents. I hadn’t really expected anything less, but I’d hoped it would be different. We walked into the room amidst a wave of guests, my arm around Logan’s waist and his around mine. My heels clicked against the polished floorboards as I led us toward the table marked with a four.
They weren’t there yet. Probably making connections, working the crowd, or one of those other terms my mother used for talking to people she barely knew, but from whose acquaintance could be a benefit. It was so fake.
Logan pulled the chair out and I snapped from my daze. “Sorry. I’ve been so lost in my own thoughts today.”
“It’ll be okay.” His lips brushed over my forehead. What he didn’t say then, but he had earlier was Don’t let them hurt you. I concentrated on those words as we both sat then I reached for the wine in the centre of the table. “Want one?”
Logan shook his head and his hand settled on my leg which was jigging. I was so nervous, I even forgot he’d volunteered to drive tonight.
“Welcome …” The MC had taken his place behind the microphone and gazed out over the assembled guests. “The bridal party will be with us shortly. But while we wait, let’s go over a couple of house rules …”
My attention was yanked away as my mother bustled up to our table and delicately slipped into the seat beside me. Dressed in a teal number that would have cost more than Logan’s Corolla, she looked stunning, if somewhat thin. Dad was two steps behind her, his tie matching her dress. I hadn’t seen them at the church as we’d snuck in a little late. Her elbow bumped into my chair as she took her napkin and laid it across her knee with a flourish.
Oops. I‘d forgotten; I reached for the folded square of material on my plate. Logan squeezed my knee, and with a steady breath I dropped the napkin where it was and snuck my hand under the table to rest on his. It was a tiny act of defiance.
We sat through the MC’s greeting and the welcoming of the bridal party without conversation. It wasn’t until they were seated that my mother acknowledged my presence with a, “Hello, Olivia.” Her gaze slid to Logan. “Is your friend a fellow Law student?”
“This is Logan, who I told you I was bringing, and no. He’s not, which I also told you.”
Logan reached across me, extending his hand. “Logan Hays. I’m majoring in psychology.”
“Oh, lovely. There’s a lot of money in the private sector. Will you open your own practice right away, or mentor under someone in one of the major clinics for a few years?”
Bam. Pleasantries were only for people she wanted to impress.
“Actually, I’m planning on working in schools, or somewhere I can help teens.”
“Well, Olivia.” My mother’s attention had moved on from Logan already. “How is school? Are your grades high? I’d hope so after the debacle with that disgusting footage.”
How dare she brush him off like that? Logan was a noble man who’d make a fine councillor for troubled kids. It was a career to be proud of, and one that would make a huge difference to many lives. Her questions were what were insignificant.
“Logan’s darn good at what he does. He pulls the top grades in his classes, and he’s got a knack for empathy and understanding.”
“What a
bout your grades, Olivia? I hope they’ve improved this semester.”
“No,” I snapped. “And actually … I’m thinking about switching degrees.”
Dad leaned across the table from his spot beside my mother. These huge round tables really weren’t as conducive to conversation as people thought. “I beg your pardon?”
“We’ll talk about it later.” I nodded toward the head table where entrées were just being served. “This is Beth’s wedding, after all.”
“Absolutely not, young lady, we will talk about this right now.” Mum tapped her red nails against her plate.
Logan leaned back in his chair and I felt his other hand press against my lower back, subtly letting me know he was there.
“Fine. Now it is. Law is never what I wanted to do. I don’t enjoy it, I’ve pulled bad grades all year, and I refuse to devote my life to something I’ve grown to loathe. It was never my dream; it was yours.”
“Then what do you propose to do?” Dad said, his tone tight.
I looked him right in the eye. “I don’t know. Something I enjoy.”
The breath my mother huffed out through her nose was so loud my aunt and uncle glanced at us from across the wide table.
“Where in the world did this preposterous idea come from?” Mum pinned Logan with an icy glare.
“Hardly,” I said. “Logan has nothing to do with this decision.”
Her lips pursed. “Totally out of the question,” she said. “I won’t have you disappointing your father any more than you already have.”
“You can’t choose my future.”
“You’re nineteen, Olivia, and we’re supporting you. So yes, we can.”
“Fine. Cut me off. I don’t want your money.”
My father cleared his throat and I realised the entire table—ten other people—were staring, but for once in my life I didn’t care. Logan leaned in, his nose brushing my cheek as he whispered. “You okay?”
I nodded and gulped down a mouthful of wine.
“Need some air?” he asked.
“Sounds wonderful.”
Logan took my hand and led me to our spot outside, where he pulled me into a hug which cooled some of my anger, making my legs feel a little weak with the brush of his lips against my forehead.
“Holy cow, that woman is impossible. She makes me feel like an errant ten-year-old.”
“Don’t feel bad. Your whole life has been about them, Liv.”
My hand rested on his chest. The steady rhythm of his heart beat beneath my palm, and I felt tired. I’d been fighting for so long; fighting to keep my grades high, fighting to maintain a pristine reputation, fighting for everything my parents said I wanted. Realising I wanted none of that had released so much tension. I felt like a sandbag with a hole.
“It’s like I don’t even know who I am. I mean, I know I enjoy hockey, planning stuff is kind of fun, and I love you. But I have no idea what I want to do with my forever … and to be honest, I wasn’t even sure of you until you made me realise that what I thought I wanted wasn’t what I needed at all.”
The corner of Logan’s mouth tipped up and a blond wave flopped over his left eye, making him look totally mischievous and utterly adorable all at once. “What did you say?”
I frowned, replaying the words in my head, and the moment my thoughts snagged on the right one, I smirked up at him. Logan’s hand moved to cradle the base of my head, and I grabbed the collar of his shirt, tugging his face down to meet mine.
“I love you, Stalker Boy.”
The kiss he responded with was borderline inappropriate for being in such a public place, but I didn’t care. Logan was my anchor in an unsteady future.
EPILOGUE
Six months later
I peered over Jordan’s shoulder at the UAC guide flopped open under his hand. A huge red circle marked Bachelor of Engineering, and it was at UNE; our university, right here in Armidale. I hid the excitement from my voice, knowing it might sway his mind. Staying close was what Logan had hoped he’d do, but we both knew telling Jordan that would make him run in the opposite direction.
“Do you really want to be an engineer, or have you just heard all the rumours about them partying the hardest?”
“Bit of both,” Jordan said, then flipped the pages forward. “It’s so hard coming up with all these choices. What I really want to do is Medicine, but then …”
“We’d have the same classes?” I teased.
“Oh man, we would? You’d totally cramp my style, Liv. Please tell me you aren’t doing Sports Medicine when you go back. Please.”
I chuckled. “Nah, fun as that would be, I’m leaning more toward Marketing. I loved Socio, and Marketing revolves around human reaction and perception, so Socio would be a subject I could continue through to four hundred level. Using that knowledge would be pretty awesome too, once I’m out in the work force.”
“You’d be good at that—yellow sells more burgers and all that crap. Hey … I bet you’d get to organise shit too.”
“Probably. What’s your third choice?”
“Dunno.” Jordan twirled the pen between his fingers.
He had months to submit his application yet. Good for him he wasn’t like me, though. I must have switched choices a dozen times already. My life had changed so much, and moving out of Oxley was just the beginning. I still had my nocturnal issues, but Logan was so supportive. Turned out it wasn’t every single night, and it wasn’t all night long, as Christian had led me to believe. The sleep specialist had said it was stress related, so maybe that was why it wasn’t too often now that everything had settled down.
“You ready, babe?” Logan’s voice carried from the kitchen.
“Two minutes,” I yelled, running back into the bathroom where I applied a final coat of gloss to my lips and stepped back into the living room, my tummy fluttering with nerves.
Logan gave me a huge smile from where he leaned against the couch, his long legs crossed at the ankles.
“I’m so darn nervous, Logan. Am I making the right choice?”
He pulled that errant lock of hair back from his face. “You’re doing the right thing. Forget about what is right, or proper, or bloody pretentious, and remember that for once you’re doing what’s right for you. What makes you happy.”
I drew in a deep breath. “Why are you always so right?”
“It’s a talent.” He smirked.
I grabbed my purse, and Logan’s arm swooped around my back as I bent to retrieve my joggers. I stood up, swivelling around to face him, and Logan pulled me against him and planted a solid I’m-not-going-to-see-you-for-six-hours kiss on my lips, totally making the earlier gloss application pointless.
“Take it outside, bro. I don’t need to see that shit.”
I broke away from our kiss, just far enough to yell at Jordan, “So don’t watch.”
He groaned and Logan brushed his nose against mine. “Ready?”
“Ready.”
Logan slung his backpack over his shoulder and held the front door open for me. The outside air was already warm and I could tell it was going to be a beautiful day.
We climbed in Logan’s car and as the engine started I stared out the front window, and Logan’s hand fell on my thigh. We were both headed to uni today, but for entirely different reasons.
This would be his final year of study.
But not mine. Taking a year off to figure out what I wanted to do with my life had seemed like a good idea, but I couldn’t just sit around the apartment doing nothing. It took exactly two weeks for that to get boring, and I needed a solid income to pay my share of the rent. They’d offered me a job at the sports centre last year, but I’d knocked it back because it would have eaten into my precious study time. Since I had nothing but precious time to ponder my future, the job seemed perfect.
Not only was it something I’d enjoy, but it was at a convenient location. Since it was on campus, Logan could drop me off on his way to lectures, or I could walk. I was luc
ky they had a position when I hit them up. I’d be working four shifts a week in a mix of locations; the front desk, the shop, and during school breaks, they’d offered me full-time hours to help out with vacation care for primary school kids. That I was most nervous of, even though the idea of running sports for kids sounded like fun.
I took a deep breath and stepped out of the car, hoping that I actually did enjoy this.
“Liv.” Logan dipped his head to look out the window. When our gazes met, he said, “What do you want for dinner?”
“Surprise me.” Smiling at how domestic we’d become, I turned to the sports centre, but before I’d taken three steps Logan called my name again. I spun around and the grin spread across his face was so huge that the chunk of hair that often fell over his eye brushed his top lip. “Love you.”
I grinned. “I love you, too.”
I didn’t know where my life was going, but I knew I had the friends in place to get where I needed to go.
If you loved Shh! read on for a sneak peek of Stacey Nash’s
Wait!
Oxley College #2
SYNOPSIS
Jordan Hays knows just how precious life is; that’s why he has his own mapped out. He’ll work to pay his way through university while he studies hard, regardless of the constant distractions. Because when it comes to becoming a nurse, he’s deadly serious. He won’t fail to save someone again.