“I’m afraid,” I said softly.
“So am I,” Devlin whispered. “But not for you and I, Love. We can conquer this together.” He squeezed me gently. “Would you like me to sing to you?”
“Yes,” I said, relaxing back into him. “It will help me relax.”
Minutes later, lulled by his sweet voice, I fell asleep.
* * * *
When I woke a few hours later, I was ravenous. In my despondency, I accepted Devlin’s offer of letting Serena make me a sandwich.
The first bite of melted cheese and ham was Heaven. “This is good!” I told her.
“Thank you,” she replied quietly.
I’d just popped the last bite into my mouth when Lash came into the kitchen. I averted my eyes, swallowing quickly.
Devlin looked at him, then to Serena. “Leave us.”
She quietly dried her hands on the towel, and left the room. Though she could most likely hear us from the other room, I appreciated the gesture of privacy, anyway.
“What did he say?” Devlin said, pouring us all a glass of red wine.
Wine sounded great right about now. It didn’t go with grilled cheese, but screw it. I drank some immediately, trying to settle my quaking nerves.
Lash came over to the table. “I’m sorry,” he hissed at Devlin. He put a plastic bottle with single pill in it in front of me with a sharp click.
I couldn’t do anything but look at that one pink pill, all by itself in the bottle. It was huge. Worst of all, my name was on the bottle with Camlyn’s. Bile rose in my throat.
No one said anything. The silence stretched.
“Sar, go to the bathroom and take it,” Devlin said gently. “It should start to take effect in a few hours. What you have is not bad, and the pill will cure it. It won’t hurt our baby. But you’ll have to restrict Theo for about a week—”
Tears flooded my eyes, as guilt did the same in my heart. I’d opened myself for this. I hadn’t insisted on protection, even though I knew he’d just been with Cin, and I’d suspected she was none too discriminating. Sure, I’d been under the control of The Lust, but I should have been able to do something...
“Sar, go take it, please,” Devlin said again.
I got up as calmly as I could, and went to the bathroom, shutting it behind me without a sound. Reading the label, I was glad to see alcohol was not forbidden, though it agreed with Devlin: no unprotected sex for at least a week afterward. There was no pamphlet with it to tell me what disease the drug treated. Screw it, I was happy never to know.
I swallowed the pill, then tucked the bottle in my pocket, knowing I’d have to mark the days on my calendar, so I didn’t forget. I’d be damned if Theo had to pay for my mistake. But there was going to be Hell to pay, anyway. I had to tell him what I had done and who I’d done it with. Knowing he’d be furious just made me feel that much worse.
I washed my face and fixed my hair, hoping that Lash would leave before I went back. When I left the bathroom, he and Devlin were still in the kitchen talking. I paused, just out of sight. From what I was hearing, I didn’t want to be in the room.
“—it’s over?” Devlin finished, amazement and empathy in his tone.
“She said she didn’t give it to me, and I told her that she was the only one!” Lash hissed loudly, furious. “I gave her the meds, and she said she didn’t have anything. I told her that we were done unless she agreed to take them, and that I was protecting myself from now on, because I couldn’t trust her. She said we were done. Fucking bitch.”
I looked through the door crack, next to the hinges. Lash drank his wine in one swallow, then hurled his empty glass across the room to shatter against the wall.
I cringed. This was the man I’d just been intimate with today; the man who’d given me the first STD of my life.
“I’m sorry,” Devlin said softly. “I know you liked her a lot.”
“She was my favorite,” Lash said mournfully. “And she was close by. Shit!”
“There are other female weresnakes around,” Devlin said gently. “What about that girl from Harrisburg?”
“I can call Lyssa, maybe see if she’d come up from PA on a weekday.”
“I’ll ask Titus to teleport her for you,” Devlin said gently. “It should only be for another two months or so. You may not need to help us out again. I’m grateful you’re helping me and Sar, but I don’t want to screw up your love life.”
“It’s okay, Dev,” Lash said with a drawn out hiss. “If I hadn’t been with Sar, I wouldn’t have checked, and then I still wouldn’t know. You know what happens if you don’t treat—”
“Yes, I know,” Devlin said grimly. “That’s why I wanted you to go today. Still, I’m surprised your immune system didn’t just repel this—”
“I’m still fighting the poison,” Lash said in an empty voice. “Between that and my age, I’m not surprised.”
Poison? What poison?
Devlin didn’t reply. Worried his silence meant he knew I’d been listening, I walked in, sitting back down in my chair.
Lash looked up at me, then held my eyes. “I’m sorry, Sar,” he hissed.
I took a few seconds to call myself a coward, then said, “It was my fault. You said no, and I—”
“Just accept my apology,” Lash said coldly.
“I accept your apology,” I whispered.
He made a fist, and brought it down on the table hard, making the remaining glasses clatter. “I’ll be in my room,” he hissed. “Don’t need me for a while, Dev.”
“That’s fine,” Dev said, nodding.
Lash got to his feet in a graceful motion, sliding his chair back, then strode off, disappearing through the door.
Tears flooded my eyes. Devlin grabbed a paper towel and wiped them away. “I’ll call Danial,” he said quickly. “You need some time away from all this. I’ll see if he can’t move up your plans. He can’t catch what you have, just as I can’t.”
“He won’t be able to go tomorrow, not with his business—”
“Money talks, Sar. Besides, he alone knows best how The Lust affects you. He’ll make it happen.”
Maybe that was for the best. “Okay.”
“Do you want something else to eat?” Devlin said gently.
“No. But please tell Serena I’ll try to get back here on Wednesday somehow so we can bake.” I got to my feet. “I should just go ask Danial now myself.”
Devlin nodded, surprised. “I will. Please watch yourself, Sar. You shouldn’t be with Theo alone, not until you have told him about your condition.” He kissed my forehead. “Don’t worry. He loves you. He’ll understand.”
I sighed. If only it were so easy.
* * * *
“You what?” Theo roared. “How could you be with him like that? He’s tried to kill me twice—!”
“Shut up, Theo,” Danial said angrily. “This is not about you; it’s about Sar. She had no control, so don’t judge her. You weren’t here when Sar was pregnant before. The problem could easily have been much worse if she’d been at Hayden with a group of Dev’s bears.”
Theo went white.
Thanks for that comparison, Danial. “The problem is worse,” I said awkwardly, flushing. “I caught something from him.” I started babbling, my words coming out as fast as I could get them out. “I can’t be with you for a week, Theo. But maybe I can spend next week with Danial and we can go away like he wanted us to. He can’t catch this—”
“I never wanted to go away with you just for a tryst anyway,” Danial said quickly. “We don’t have to have sex—”
Theo rolled his eyes. “Like that would happen.”
Danial looked affronted, but said nothing.
“Are you...um, did you see Camlyn?” Theo asked.
“I’ve already taken the cure. I’ll be fine—”
“Not if Lash does you again,” Theo spat, jealously heavy in his words. “He’ll re-infect you—”
“He’s taken the cure as well,”
I said hesitantly. “But I’m hoping it never comes to that again—”
“Fuck that!” Theo shouted. “I’m supposed to trust him? I can’t believe—”
“Theo, shut up!” Danial shouted at him. “This isn’t about you and Lash! If you can’t handle this, then get out of her life! I am sick and tired of your pissing and moaning!”
Theo glowered at Danial, who ignored him, instead turning to face me. “Come here.”
I went into his arms.
“I agree with Theo,” he said softly. “I don’t trust Lash. But Devlin does, and I know how he feels about you, Sar. He wouldn’t put you in danger, especially now.” He kissed me gently on the forehead. “If you need to be with Lash again, do so. Devlin said when he called me that he has told Lash that he needs to be with you at all times, unless he himself was with you. Though after this, I doubt Devlin will be leaving you alone for more than a few minutes at a time at Hayden.”
“Sounds like you already talked to Devlin while I was walking over here to meet with you and Sar,” Theo said sharply. “So once again you know before I do. Are you going to go away with her?”
Danial looked at him with all of his old arrogance and possessiveness. “Devlin told me about it earlier today, while she was sleeping—”
“He didn’t tell me he told you,” I stammered, looking from Danial to Theo.
“Whatever,” Theo broke in. “Danial was most likely on the phone in that same minute he hung up with Devlin, arranging things.”
Danial’s eyes narrowed. “Yes, I was,” he said curtly. “Everything is arranged. Sar and I will leave tonight, in fact. You are to come here tonight to stay with Elle and Theoron. Brian and Demi will go to your house to watch it for you and Sar. We’ll be driving to the park. I need you to take her home and pack. I’ll be by around seven, or so.”
“Thought so,” Theo said sarcastically.
“Theo, as much as you’re my best friend, as much as I love Elle and know she’s happier knowing you, sometimes I think it would have been better for Sar if Terian had kept his word to you,” Danial said mildly. “If you had not come back, and had stayed with Aspen, or Tasha. Sar doesn’t need the guilt you give her. She has plenty of it all by herself. And I don’t appreciate it either, nor your constant griping and belligerence.”
Theo drew back at Danial’s words, his eyes wide, his expression deeply hurt. “How can you say that to me?” Theo whispered. “I love you like a brother. After Sar and Elle, you are the closest thing I have to family.”
Danial held me tighter against him. “I feel the same about you. These past ten years, we’ve been closer than I was to Devlin for the last four hundred. But Sar was mine before she was yours or Devlin’s. I am guilty of nothing but loving her. It isn’t wrong that I want to be intimate with her, or spend time with her, as she and I used to do before she loved you. And as for my rights in hearing about her condition before you did—she and I are Oathed now, or did you forget?”
Theo sagged, all the fire going out of him. “Look, I’m sorry, Danial,” he said quietly. “I know it might not seem like it, but I am trying. It just seems that the more I try to be okay with sharing Sar’s love, the more people I have to share it with.”
“I don’t love Lash!” I said harshly. “He’s—!”
“I worry that you’re going to decide you don’t want to live with me anymore or be with me anymore,” Theo continued. “I know I’m touchy sometimes, and my temper can be bad. Now that you’ve had Lash....” Theo trailed off, then swallowed hard.
“So what?” I said, not comprehending his stricken expression.
“He’s were, like me,” Theo said.
“He’s not you,” I said emphatically. “He made it pretty clear he dislikes me, and the feeling’s mutual—”
“But you enjoyed it,” Theo said pointedly. “You came, right?”
I flushed and didn’t answer.
“That’s not important,” Danial said scathingly. He held my gaze for a moment, then looked back at Theo. “What is important is you coming to terms with her carrying another dhamphir—”
Danial’s look had been curious and worried, and it was nothing to do with what he was saying to Theo. Danial knew as well as I did that I hadn’t ever come, or even been close to climax during sexual relations when The Lust had affected me before. Yet I’d come for Lash, a man I didn’t even like. Why?
“I have come to terms with it, Danial—”
Lash had also succumbed to physicality, but he was a man. Most men could separate sex from love easily. That he was such a man wasn’t a surprise to me.
“—I’m sorry. I know how much you wanted it to be yours,” Danial finished.
Theo let out a deep breath. “It doesn’t matter,” he said, resolute. “It will be Sar’s child, and I’ll love it just because it’s hers.” He looked down at me, his eyes emotional. “Just like you loved Elle, because she was mine.”
* * * *
Once Theo and I were on the road heading home, he began talking. “You heard that Janice and Ivan are going to mate later this summer, right?”
My face broke into a smile. Ivan, one of the werefoxes, had lost his best friend and brother, Demetri, and his lover, Suri, last summer. I’d been aware he’d found some comfort with Janice, another werefox, in early winter but hadn’t known it was serious. “I’m glad. I’d like to go.”
“Come with me?” Theo asked quickly. “It will be at night, but Danial has already said he might not make it, if he has business.”
He’d brought it up to make sure I’d go with him, not Danial. After all I was putting him through, it was the least I could do. “Sure,” I said, laying my hand over his. “It’s a date.”
He squeezed my hand. “Nineva is coming, to visit Elle. It’s going to be something, seeing him again.”
That was a shock. Nineva was an African lion who had been held prisoner in Europe. Danial had sent two vampire trackers to rescue him, believing him to be Theo. They had brought Nineva back to Danial, and he had stayed for a while, recovering from bad wounds. He had been the first one to show Elle how to change when she’d been stuck in human form. “I knew Nineva still wrote to Elle, but not of this visit. When is he coming?”
“I think in June,” Theo replied. “He said he would tell us the flight number and arrival date when everything was arranged.”
“It will be good to see him,” I said, squeezing Theo’s hand. “We should have him over for dinner. Tell him he can stay with us, too, if he hasn’t already arranged to stay with Danial.”
Theo nodded. “Alright.” He paused. “You heard Sundown is living with Terian?”
There was uneasiness in his voice. Maybe he was as worried as I was about that situation. “Yes, he told me. I’m worried she’s going to hurt him again.”
“She might,” Theo replied, uncomfortable. “But that’s not what I find unsettling.”
“What is?” I asked, shooting him a curious glance.
“She looks like you,” he said carefully, as if he was worried the news would scare me. “Her hair is shorter and straighter, but she has your green eyes. Your bodies and features are similar.”
Terian had never told me that. “How similar?”
“Enough so when I first saw him kissing her in his lab, I told him I was going to kick his ass,” Theo said ruefully. “Then she turned around, and I saw it wasn’t you. I apologized for mistaking her for you, which only made Terian that much more uncomfortable.”
I shrugged. “Lots of women are dark blond and my size. When I meet her, I’ll have to see how much—”
“Titus arranged a meeting between Terian and Leri,” Theo interrupted.
I almost got whiplash I turned so fast. “What?”
Chapter Fourteen
“Titus, Leri, and Terian met. Leri asked Terian to forgive her for what she did,” Theo explained.
“Did he?” I asked. “I wouldn’t have, but Terian has always been more forgiving than me, despite his demo
n nature.”
“He said that he told her that he forgave her for trying to kill him and for abandoning him, but that he would never forgive her for what she did to his brother. He said he would hate her the rest of his life for that and that he never wanted to see her again.”
“Well, that went pretty well,” I said sarcastically, shooting Theo a look. “Terian must be really a saint, not a half-demon.”
“I thought so, too,” Theo nodded. “Weirdly, I think Titus was disappointed. He wanted Terian to accept Leri and welcome her back like he has.”
“Is he delusional?” I said incredulously. “Terian might be a nice guy, might believe the best in people, but he’s come a long way from the naive man who tried to hold me hostage years ago.”
“Titus loves Leri,” Theo said flatly. “Men do strange things, when they’re in love. Look what you’ve done to Devlin, for example—”
I almost said Titus was a demon, not a man, then told myself that was borderline racist. What I’d really be voicing was my worry that as a demon, he wasn’t capable of love. “I haven’t done anything to Dev, Theo,” I said, shifting uneasily. “He’s still the same sadistic and ruthless man he was when I met him. He just hides that part of himself from me now, because he wants me to believe he’s changed.”
“I didn’t think you knew that,” Theo said quietly. “I thought you believed he had changed.”
“I forget sometimes, because he is trying so hard to make me believe he has.” I sighed. “But every so often the glamour shifts, and I see that beneath it he’s the same as he was. The only thing that has changed is his feelings towards me.”
Theo didn’t reply.
* * * *
When we arrived home, Theo parked his blue Chevy outside the garage. “I’m leaving in six hours,” he said, as he got out.
I stopped midstride, giving him an odd look. Why did he think I cared where he parked? Hmm. I immediately walked to the garage and flipped open the keypad.
“Stop!” Theo said, panicked. He quickly canceled the command, before the door could rise.
“What’s in there?” I said, turning to face him. “You didn’t buy live rabbits again, did you—?”
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