by Celia Aaron
A car turned right in front of us. It would have hit me if I’d stepped down like I’d intended.
Damn. Niles was throwing off my headspace, making me do things that were beyond dumb.
I just needed to get to some sort of sanctuary where I could think straight. His hand was still on my waist, making any rational thought impossible. My hair stirred at my ear from his warm breath, scented with delicious coffee. His fingers pressed into me almost possessively. His chest was hard against my back as he kept me against him.
“Calm down, Annalise. I’m not going to hurt you. Not anymore.” It was a whisper I wanted to believe.
The light finally changed and we were moving. When his hand left my waist, I missed its pressure and warmth. Like an idiot.
The crowd spaced out as we reached the next corner and only a handful kept trudging up the slope along with Niles and me. We passed storefronts with ropes of garland and lights. Scents of peppermint and cinnamon flavored the air. I should have felt comforted. Instead, I felt on edge. My emotions were roiling. Niles didn’t seem like the boy I remembered. The one who stole my diary and read my most secret thoughts before throwing them back in my face. Red suffused my face at that particularly painful memory.
Maybe he was different. I granted him that. But would that be enough to make me reconsider anything? How much could a person really change?
“Annalise, please, just let me walk with you.” He stayed behind me, waiting for my permission. No, definitely not the Niles I remembered. The Niles of days past would have barreled past me, not caring if I fell on my ass. Actually, he would have preferred that outcome.
I slowed my pace. He matched me, still waiting for some sign of assent. I took a deep breath and waved my hand in a “come on” motion. He took the few steps between us and walked at my elbow. We moved along a bit slower than my previously frenzied pace. He smelled wonderful, like coffee and some sort of woodsy soap. I pushed my scarf further up, trying to cover my mouth and nose against the invading scent.
“Cold?”
Was that genuine concern in his voice, his blue eyes? I looked away quickly, staring up toward the chalet. I was frozen, my Dallas wardrobe no match for the mountain winds. But I just wanted to get out for a little walk and a lot of caffeine. A shiver shot through me.
Niles moved closer to my side. “Here.” He shrugged off his heavy coat.
“Wait. No.” I tried to scoot away. The last thing I wanted was help from Vile Niles. But he slung the warm coat around my shoulders. It was toasty and smelled even more like him. “Won’t you freeze.”
“No, I’m good. Really.” He was wearing a blue plaid button-down with some sort of thermal looking undershirt. His jeans were a dark blue, hitting his muscular frame in all the right places. Whoa. That was not the way to be thinking. Not at all.
“So, how’s school?” He asked, his elbow touching mine lightly as we ambled past the bustling storefronts.
“Fine.” I drew my arm closer. Touching was bad, especially when I couldn’t decide if I wanted to run or snuggle more deeply into the coat that smelled like him.
He sighed. “Okay. I get it. Walking’s enough for me.” He looked down into my eyes. “For now.”
A little thrill went up my spine at his words. Disgust, surely that was why.
We walked the rest of the way in silence. Ugly memories paraded through my mind but they were cut off by his hand at the small of my back when we maneuvered around some ice or the way he looked at me with concerned yet somehow hopeful eyes. Confusion settled over me like a fresh snow. I’d always believed that the best predictor of future behavior was past behavior. But Niles was destroying that paradigm moment by moment.
By the time we reached the chalet, the sun was already sinking behind the mountain, sending everything into shadow. The chalet was lit up, warm light pouring out of the wide windows. Mom’s Christmas tree glowed through the night, beautiful and overdone at the same time.
“Your mom went all out on the tree.” Niles opened the front door for me and stood back so I could pass. Who is this man?
“Yeah.” I entered the home, the smell of some sort of delicious food, spiced with citrus, hit me in the nose. The uphill walk back to the chalet had made me even hungrier. I stripped off Niles’ coat and handed it back to him. He took it and hung it on the pegs by the front door and held his hand out for my light jacket. I pulled it off along with my scarf and hat.
I caught his stare. He’d tensed as I’d removed the knit warmth piece by piece. He watched me intently now, his eyes hungry. I wanted to look away, to forget I saw that look. But I couldn’t. My heart pounded and my skin felt as if his hands were on it, touching and teasing. His adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard and broke eye contact. He hung everything up and turned back to me, his eyes no longer giving anything away. Guarded.
“Anna?” Mom called.
I let out a breath, not even aware I’d been holding it. “Coming.”
I followed her voice through the living area and into the kitchen. Niles followed.
“Oh, there you are. And I see you found Niles.” Mom’s smile faltered.
“Yes. We got a coffee.”
“Together?” Mom flipped a browned fish filet in a pan with an obscene amount of butter. Brent was setting the table in the adjacent dining room.
“Not really.” I spotted an open bottle of red and beelined for it.
“With the fish, Anna?” Mom asked. “I thought we’d have a white.”
I didn’t care what color it was, I just needed alcohol. I poured a glass and took a decidedly unladylike gulp. Mom turned and watched me over her shoulder as she worked on the island cooktop. She raised an eyebrow in question. I shook my head. I couldn’t discuss anything right now, especially not with Niles in the room. She took the hint and returned to dinner.
Niles leaned against the door frame, not exactly relaxed. Handsome, though. Too handsome. I took another drink. Undeniably gorgeous. I drained the glass and poured another.
Brent walked past with a bowl of salad. “Go easy, Anna. We have to have enough wine to get sauced every night for two weeks. I’ll start rationing if necessary.”
I laughed and raised my glass to him. Niles smiled and began helping Brent with the food. Mom bossed me around a bit and we all fell into our roles. I had never been much of a cook, so getting the salad dressing and watching Mom make the risotto was the height of my participation. When it was all done, we sat down and dug in. I was across from Niles and made a point of not looking at him.
“So, Niles, tell us about your rowing team. I heard there was a competition or something that’s a big deal in England?” Mom asked.
Brent laughed and shook his head. “It’s much, much more than just a competition. The Boat Race is, is—” he leaned back in his chair, eyes misting beneath his glasses “—transcendent. My year with the blues, we beat Cambridge by a full thirty seconds. Thirty seconds, can you believe that? Those were the days, I tell you.”
“Blue?” I smiled, my body lighter than it had been all day. “So Oxford team is blue? Is Cambridge red, then?”
“We’re both blue, actually,” Niles said.
I took another drink of wine. Mom was nuts. This red went perfectly well with the fish she’d made. I giggled. “Both blue? What sort of crap? How do you even tell which team is which?”
“Oxford wears a more dignified darker blue, almost navy. Cambridge, tossers with no sense of style, wear some lighter blue. Hideous, really.” Brent took a respectable drink of wine.
Niles nodded in agreement.
“So you won?”
Niles raised his gaze to meet mine. “Yes, my team did.”
“Your team?” I laughed. “I’m shocked anyone would let you on a team with other normal human beings. Were they afraid you’d kill them in their sleep or something if they didn’t?”
The room fell silent and Mom dropped her fork onto her plate with a clink. “Anna! Apologize right this minute.”
“I won’t. You know what I mean, right Niles?”
He closed his eyes and when he opened them I saw pain there, pain I’d inflicted. I thought it would feel good, hurting him the way he’d hurt me so many times. Instead, I just felt sick.
“Annalise—”
“No, it’s okay, Ellen. Really.” Niles wiped his mouth and tossed his napkin down next to his half-finished meal. “I need to turn in. It was a long flight and I’m beat. Thanks for this lovely dinner. Delicious as always. Please excuse me.” He rose and squeezed his dad’s shoulder before leaving.
The room seemed to deflate, as if I’d stuck a pin in it. Mom took what was left of my wine and put it out of my reach.
“Really, Mom?” I rolled my eyes and tamped down my unease. Was she right?
“Yes, really Anna. Why would you say something so awful?”
I fisted my hands next to my plate. “Oh, I’m awful. Have you forgotten about how he treated me?”
“That was years ago, Anna. You’re two different people now, all grown up. It’s obvious he’s changed and so have you.” She neatly folded her napkin and gave me a pointed look. “But I don’t know if all of the changes were for the better.”
I winced at her words. She was my biggest cheerleader. Her words were a shock to my system. Was I being a jerk? I pushed back from the table.
“Anna, it’s okay. Stay—”
“No, Brent. It’s fine. I don’t want to ruin the rest of the dinner. I’m going to bed. I’ll see you two in the morning.” I didn’t look at Mom as I strode out with angry steps. Petty? Maybe.
The second I was out of the room, they began talking in low voices.
I climbed the stairs, tripping once before I made the landing. Niles’ door was closed. I stopped in front of it. Should I apologize? A chant of “assless Anna” ricocheted through my mind from my ninth grade year. No, definitely not apologizing. I went to my room and changed into a t-shirt and panties before going to the bathroom. It was a jack and jill between Niles’ room and mine. His door was closed.
A few of his items were on the counter – razor, toothbrush, and the delicious soap I kept smelling. I stilled and tried to listen for him. Nothing. He must have already been asleep. I brushed my teeth, trying not to think about what I’d said earlier. Once I was done in the bathroom, I slipped into the queen size bed. I was beat from the trip and admittedly a little drunk. Sleep took me quickly.
***
A weight settled on me. My eyes flew open. Red hair, blue eyes. Niles had his hand over my mouth.
“Be quiet, Anna. Let’s not wake our parents.”
Panic rose in my throat, but I didn’t make a sound. He removed his hand and stroked through my hair.
“What are you doing?” I hissed.
He leaned in, his lips so close to mine. “I just wanted to apologize and do it right this time.”
“You call this doing it right?”
He laughed, low and seductive. “I saw the way you looked at me. And I’ve read your diary, remember? I know this is how you want it.”
I drew a hand from under the sheet to slap him but he caught my wrist and pinned it to the bed. My heart pumped double time and my clit began to tingle. He was right. This – what he was doing – was my kryptonite. I’d always had fantasies of being forced. No one had been able to deliver. That’s why all my relationships ended. But the fear mixing with exhilaration in my veins told me that Niles could give it to me.
“So let me make it up to you. Let me be your fantasy.” He bent his head to my neck and nipped at my skin lightly.
I couldn’t tell if I was in a dream or a nightmare. Perhaps a mix of both.
Could I do this? When he fastened his lips to my jugular and sucked, I arched to him. Yes, I could do this. That seemed to be all the answer he needed. He got to his knees and ripped my blankets away. He was shirtless, his tan skin smooth and beautiful in the low light.
Am I insane?
He grabbed my panties, fisting the material in his palm and ripping. I made a surprised sound and he was on top of me again, his hand slapped over my mouth.
“Not a sound,” he rasped in my ear.
He reached down with his other hand and before long, I felt his head at my entrance. I was so wet, from the moment I awoke to find him holding me down, to now. The sensation of his tip pushing into my innermost flesh thrilled me more deeply than I thought possible. He took a fistful of my hair in one hand and kept the other clapped over my mouth.
Even in the darkness of the room, I could see the intense look in his eyes. He was a predator and it was time to take what was his. Holy shit.
‘Scared, little slut?”
I nodded even as my pussy clenched at his dark tone.
“You don’t even know scared.” He pushed inside me, his hips surging forward.
I cried out against his hand at the quick pain and the flood of pleasure. He gave me only a second to adjust before he was pounding into me, fucking me harder than I’d ever been fucked in my life. I loved every stroke, every impact, every exhale of his breath as I moaned against his hand.
His mouth was at my earlobe, licking and biting. “I know you want this cock. Your slippery little cunt told me so.”
He punished me, making my pussy wetter and plumper with his rough treatment. I wrapped my legs around him, digging my heels into his surging back. The pain along my scalp only made everything more real, more blindingly erotic. He bit down on my neck and I shuddered beneath him, pleasure covering my senses like a net.
My hips were already seizing, getting closer and closer to the ecstasy his body promised. With each hard stroke, he jarred my clit further and further toward the edge.
“Are you going to come, slut?”
His dirty talk caused a sensory overload. My moans into his hand intensified as my throbbing pussy made it clear I was on the verge of sweet release. I had never gotten so high so fast before. He was like a shot of adrenaline, waking my body up from a long sleep.
He locked eyes with mine, owning my body, my mind. His jaw was tense, his eyes fierce.
“Fucking. Hot. Cunt.” He punctuated each word with an even harder stroke.
I froze, my body seizing as my pussy contracted and spasmed, holding onto his cock as he continued his punishing pace.
“That’s right. Come for me,” he grated into my ear. Then he grunted, low and masculine. His cock kicked inside me and he shoved as deep as he could. He gave a few more smooth strokes before pulling his hand from my mouth.
I gasped in deep gulps of air as he collapsed on top of me, his cock still embedded in my pussy.
“Holy shite, Anna.”
“Oh my god. Oh. My. God.” It was all I could say, all I could think. I was suddenly religious after his cock showed me the light.
He dropped kisses along the spots where he’d bitten me earlier. “I’m afraid I’ve left a few marks.”
His mouth was delicious on my stinging skin. He met my eyes, the predatory gaze gone. He was soft now, caring – more so than he’d ever been when we were younger.
“Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
Oh, yes. Yes, you did. In the best possible way. “No. I’m fine. Really. That was just so…”
What was it? I didn’t quite have a metaphor for what being rough fucked by your loathsome stepbrother was truly like.
“I know.” He brushed his lips over mine so softly – our first real kiss.
Then he rose. When his cock slid out, a frustrated sound caught in my throat.
“More, Anna?” He laughed, low and sensual. “Don’t get greedy on me. I have two weeks to make it all up to you.”
He pulled his pajama pants up and backed off the bed.
In the low light he looked like a dark sex god, one that could make my deepest desires come true. Hadn’t he?
He disappeared into the bathroom and clicked his door closed with a quietly called “goodnight.”
Chapter Four
Niles
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My heart raced as I lay back down. Her scent was still on my body, and I knew it would color my dreams with her. Of all the things I’d done in my life, creeping into her room was by far the ballsiest. My cock hardened just remembering how she looked when she was asleep. Her large breasts strained against the fabric of her t-shirt and her dark hair streamed next to her on the pillow. She was gorgeous, far more beautiful than I remembered.
I strummed my fingers across my chest. What did I remember? I remembered being a total tool to her. She was right. Everything she felt or thought about me came from experience and I couldn’t blame her for it. But then she’d let me take her somewhere I could tell she’d never been before.
The words from her diary came piling into my mind as I’d lain awake and listened to her get ready for bed.
I had my first time last night with Gill. It was short, but he tried to be sweet about it.
Gill and I had another fight. He wanted to do it again, but I asked him to do what I wanted. Pull my hair. Do it really hard. Make it feel like he was taking something from me. He freaked out.
Gill and I broke up. He said I was sick for wanting what I wanted. He said I’d never find a man who would treat me like that short of bondage freaks.
If I knew where Gill lived, I would have been more than happy to go there and beat him senseless for touching her, for starters. For finishers, I would stomp the shit out of him for making her feel like anything other than the amazing woman she was. But who was I to do any of that? I had no doubt I’d made Anna feel worse about herself than Gill ever could.
I turned over on my side and stared out the window at the falling snow and the all-encompassing darkness. I closed my eyes, her beautiful body imprinted on the insides of my eyelids. I couldn’t erase the past, but I could make it up to her in the present.
***
I’d slept better than I had in months. I dressed and went down to breakfast.
I took a deep breath and went into the kitchen. I didn’t know what to expect. My palms were damp and I wished I’d checked to see if Annalise was still in her room. Her door was closed, though, and I wasn’t sure if I’d be welcome.