by Devon McKay
Too bad he couldn’t have shared the news I was a father over a cup of it, he mocked bitterly, knowing Jessie’s father wasn’t in the position to divulge such a secret. Thomas would never betray his own daughter’s trust. No, he wasn’t the person Nate was angry with. He was angry at Jessie.
And himself.
Jessie isn’t the only one I’m worried about. Her father’s words came to life again. This time they made complete sense. He had the kids to worry about.
Nate climbed the last two stairs and settled on the porch swing, a seat he had sat in many a night holding Jessie’s hand and staring at the stars. He gulped down another sip of the coffee. Why did he return here? Everything he looked at reminded him of something about her. He took a deep breath, placed the cup of coffee on the wrought iron table beside the swing and closed his eyes.
How could one little lady give him such a large headache? His head pounded as if it were being squeezed in a pair of vise grips. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, trying to ease the tension. He heard Thomas step out of the house and the gentle creak of the closing screen door. The slight weight of the older man altered the porch swing.
Nate wasn’t ready to talk yet, so they sat in silence.
The pressure of a gentle hand pressed on his knee, and although he found the behavior strange, it was also comforting. He opened his eyes, but the person who sat beside him wasn’t the one he had expected to see.
A small boy stared back at him—like looking into a mirror.
“Hi,” the child said with an impish smile and little wave of his hand.
Once he got over the shock, Nate replied, “Hello.”
He studied the boy’s face...his face. The surprise of finding out he was a father still hadn’t worn off yet. It was hard for him to believe this was his son. Having a child of his own had never been on his list of things to do. An image of his dad appeared, and Nate’s past came back to haunt him. What if... He swallowed hard, not wanting to bring the surfacing doubts to life...what if he was a worse father than his own had been?
“My name is...ah...” My name is Daddy? The words refused to leave his mouth. “I guess you can call me Nate...for now. And who...what do I call you?” He fidgeted under the child’s unblinking stare.
“Gage.” The boy flashed a toothy grin, the front two teeth missing. “My sister’s name is Jade.” He pointed a stubby finger toward the pasture. “We have cows.” This was stated matter-of-factly as he reached for Nate’s hand.
Nate was taken aback by how much the gesture undid him. It seemed so...normal. His heart swelled. This little guy belonged to him. His anger began to wane.
“My sister gets us chickens for dinner. She catches them with her hands.” Gage held out both hands and shook them. “Like this. Mom says its ammaazing.” He drew the word out long and loud, and reached for Nate’s hand again. “I like Rosie’s fried chicken. And I don’t care if Jade catches ‘em with her hands.”
He stared at the boy, catching his gaze. Lost in the identical pools of blue, he nodded his head in agreement. “I like Rosie’s fried chicken, too.”
“Really?” Gage flashed another toothy grin. “So did Papa Walker. Grandpa.” The boy’s smile faltered. “Do you think there’s fried chicken in Heaven?”
Papa Walker. Nate winced.
The child moved on, changing the subject. “What about blueberry pie? That’s my favorite,” he stated, not waiting for an answer before scampering off the swing and disappearing back through the screen door.
Without as much as a goodbye, the boy—his son—was gone, leaving Nate alone with his thoughts. His hand was still warm from where Gage had held his so naturally, without judgment or question. How easy it had been for the child to trust him...a complete stranger.
The boy returned within minutes, not only with a whole pie, but his sister in tow.
“Who are you?” Jade narrowed her eyes in suspicion.
“Nate,” Gage volunteered, sticking his index finger into the center of the pie. “He’s my friend.”
“Why do you look like my brother?” the girl inquired, placing her hands on both hips, and pursing her lips, appearing much older than six. She examined his face, then Gage, and back again.
“Well...” Nate began, shifting under her demanding gaze. Her actions reminded him of himself. If the child was anything like him, she would also refuse to believe any explanation other than the truth.
“I’m...your father... I’m your dad,” he stuttered.
The truth was out. And as uncomfortable as it had been, he found it brought a sense of relief, too.
Jade, silent for a moment, stared deep into his eyes. “Hmph...that’s funny.” She stepped closer, peering into his face. “I always wanted one of those.”
“She means a daddy.” Gage shrugged. “She’s always wanted a daddy.” He paused only long enough to gather another scoop of pie. “Rosie says Santa doesn’t bring daddies for Christmas, just presents.”
Nate’s heart stopped, guilt twisting his insides.
“Can I still call you Nate, Daddy?” His son questioned.
Nate grinned. The boy had a smear of blueberry across one cheek, making it hard to take him seriously.
“Of course, Nate’s good. And Jade?” He studied his daughter’s heart shaped face. Damn if she didn’t look just like her mother. “You can call me Nate for now, too...if you like,” he said, scooting over to make room for her.
She smiled coyly. Appearing satisfied now, she made her way to sit beside him.
“No. I’ll call you Daddy.”
Again, she was a normal, carefree child, sparing him a sweet smile, wrenching his heart in two.
He sucked in a deep breath. Like mother like daughter, the little girl already had him wrapped around her little pinky.
“Can I have some pie, too, Daddy?”
She hugged his arm, and he found it hard to tell her no. Gage handed the pie over to Nate, and Jade dug her fingers into the center, almost identical to the way he had witnessed his son doing a minute before.
“You two ever hear of a fork?” he remarked before joining in, peeling off a piece of crust and dipping it into the center to scoop out a healthy dose of blueberries.
“Where are you little heathens?” Rosita called from inside the house. “And where is my pie?”
Gage choked on his mouthful, while Jade released a shrill giggle. The housekeeper appeared at the screen door and on the front porch in less than a minute.
“There it is,” Rosita released in a stern voice, placing her hands on her hips in mock anger. “Not just two little pie stealers, but three. I see you guys invited a friend.”
“He’s my daddy. And he’s company,” Jade delivered freely. “You should always offer company a piece of pie,” she added in a sing song voice.
“Well, you are right. You should offer company a piece of pie...not a whole pie.” Rosita attempted to hide a smile at the impetuous child’s statement. “And you should also know when it’s time to brush your teeth and go to bed. Now go. It’s late. You two should have been in bed long before now.” Rosita helped both kids off the swing and swatted their butts as they raced into the house. She spared a concerned glance at Nate.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Rosie?” he asked, giving into the heavy burden of betrayal. How could she not tell him? She was as close to a mother as he was ever going to have.
He stood, placing the pie on the seat. Rosita sighed, her gaze locked with his. He could see the guilt, the shame.
“I wanted to, Nate. You are like a son to me. But you have to understand. It wasn’t my place.”
He began to pace, the anger starting to brew again, like a smoldering volcano. She joined him, clutching the sleeve of his jean jacket, two of her small steps matching one of his.
“I can’t tell you how many times I told Jessie to search for you...to tell you. She’s just so stubborn. She’s so much like...like...you,” she spat in frustration.
Stepping in fro
nt of him, she placed her hand on his chest, and he saw a flash of anger intensify in her eyes. How quick her emotions changed.
“You can keep this up...whatever this is!” She waved her arms in the air. “Or you can now be a daddy to your children and go tuck them into bed.”
Witnessing her exaggerated retreat back into the house, Nate was unable to stop the rumble of laughter growing in his gut. Rosita had always been feisty, an impetuous storm, slow and steady at first, and then finishing with a finale of fireworks. And she was right.
Now, he could be a daddy.
Chapter 14
Jessie’s shift had been a rough one. It was harder to work the bar when it was slow. The time crawled by in a sluggish manner, as if the minutes were measured in quicksand. In fact, she found herself spending more time watching those minutes tick by than she did tending bar. They’d been short one server, which didn’t matter much because the bar was so dead, however, it did leave her feeling quite uncomfortable. She and Alan were the only two working.
And he was behaving so strange.
If he wasn’t following her around the bar, his stare was. Then, when she clocked out for the night, he’d insisted on driving her home, even after she reminded him she had driven herself. He persisted with his demands, suggesting the least he could do was follow her so he knew she got home safely.
Which, at this moment, was exactly what he was doing. She sighed, trying to avoid the headlights of his large pick-up blinding her.
What had gotten into the man? She couldn’t remember how many times tonight he had mentioned his concern for her. Each time, the statement had been attached with a menacing glint in his eyes. Jessie shivered, wondering if it was his company she should fear.
Before, his peculiar conduct came across as he was worried about her, but now, she wasn’t so sure. Of course, he cared about her. The man made no secrets about his feelings. Shouldn’t that please her? It didn’t. Lately, his demeanor was more irritating than flattering.
Jessie pulled into her driveway. When her headlights spotlighted Nate standing on her porch, her heart lurched, then began to thunder in her ears. By the dark expression on his face, she knew there was something wrong.
Visions of the kids flashed before her eyes, followed by her father having another stroke.
She slammed on her brakes, throwing the car into park before she ran to the porch. “What’s wrong?” Panic swelled in her chest.
Nate didn’t answer, and her stare followed his narrowed gaze to where Alan pulled his large truck in behind her car. She ignored the one man and attempted to go around the other in front of her.
Nate blocked her way to the door, folding his arms across his chest. A spark of anger flashed in his eyes before being replaced with a more controlled expression.
“What could be wrong?” he replied calmly. “Perhaps something you forgot to mention? I believe two things would be more accurate?”
Confused, she turned back to Alan as his truck door slammed.
“Jessie, is everything all right?” The sound of his concerned voice cut through the tension.
“Everything is fine. I’m fine. Thank you for following me home,” she snapped, the annoyance in her tone louder than her words. She nodded her head toward the house. “My dad is home.” As if in perfect timing, the porch light flickered. “See? Go home, Alan, everything is okay.”
He hesitated and cast her an unsure glance.
“Yes, go home, Alan. Everything is fine,” Nate’s sharp and sarcastic tone left little room for argument.
She pursed her lips. “Really. I’m fine,” she said to Alan again.
Even from this distance, she noted the scornful ray of his stare as the man returned to his truck. After one more concerned glance, he sped out of her driveway.
“I don’t have time for games, Nate.” She returned her focus to the annoying man on her porch, pushing him out of her way. “Why are you here? Is it my dad?” Insane with worry, Jessie’s pulse quickened, her heartbeat threatening to jump out of her throat. “Is it the kids? Are the kids all right?” She almost screamed the last question, anxiety taking over all rational thought.
Nate cocked one eyebrow. “Calm down before you give yourself a heart attack. Your father is fine. But did you say kids...like these kids?”
He held up a photograph she recognized immediately. Gasping, she covered her mouth in surprise. The rapid drum of her heart missed a beat. The picture had been taken after dinner on Thanksgiving. The last family gathering with Papa Walker. Her eyes misted in an instant. The day had been one she’d forever cherish, recalling the way William had to coax them to smile with a piece of Rosita’s pumpkin pie.
“Cute aren’t they?” Nate continued. “I actually met both of these little tykes tonight. I even read them a bedtime story and tucked them into bed.” He studied the picture, pointing at Gage. “You know, he doesn’t much look like you. No, I’ll bet this little boy looks just like his daddy...” He took a menacing step closer. “Just like me?”
His words shocked her. She took a step backwards, her head spinning. She shivered, unsure of how stable her emotions were. Jessie’s thoughts spiraled into a whirlwind of emotions. He knows about the children...read them a story and even put them to bed...like...like a father would.
“When were you ever planning on telling me I had kids, Jessie? Never?”
“What do you care? It doesn’t matter to you anyway. We don’t matter to you.” She held him at bay with an outstretched arm. With his presence so near, she wasn’t able to catch her breath, nor did she have complete control of her desperate and defensive emotions. “You’re just going to up and leave as soon as the wind changes directions,” she snapped, reliving the hurt and desperation of seven years ago over again. “And they are not yours. They’re mine,” she screamed, wanting to hurt him.
From the pained expression he wore, she could tell she hit her mark.
A minute passed before he spoke again. “I’m sorry for the way I left. And I would do anything to make it up to you, to take away all of the pain I caused you. But I can’t. It happened. I was an angry teenage boy full of nothing but hate. You deserved better than me.”
His candid statement oozed of guilt and brutal honesty. The words hung in the taut, tense air between them. She swallowed hard, her throat dry. Wasn’t this what she had always wanted? An apology? Then why didn’t his confession ease her pain?
It was too much for her to handle, and she struck out again. “That’s right, I deserved better than you. I still do. And I won’t do it. I won’t fall for your lies. I won’t let you break my heart again.”
The dam broke, releasing the cruel, harsh words like a rushing river.
“And I sure as hell won’t let you hurt my kids. That’s right, my kids. I refuse to let you back in just to have you runaway when the going gets tough, or worse, searching for the place you think you belong. It’s the ones you leave behind that pay, Nate. And I’ve already paid my dues. I do deserve a better man...one who won’t run away.”
His expression, raw with anguish, let her know the vicious words, full of bitter spite, had done their job, slicing him to the core.
For an instant, she relished in the agony they caused him.
He grabbed her upper arms in a firm grip, and she winced, not from pain, but the rage in his adamant stare.
“Wild horses couldn’t drag me away this time! And mark my words, sweetheart. I’m going to be involved in my children’s lives from this day on, even if we aren’t together.”
He released his grasp, and his blue gaze narrowed, stabbing through her like unforgiving ice.
“And they will never be raised by another man.”
With that final promise, he walked away from her.
As the night swallowed him whole, Jessie watched him go, shivering, but not from the cold.
Inhaling a ragged breath of air, she smelled rain and glanced up to the sky, noting the heavy cloud covering. There was a storm brewing.
Chapter 15
The rain fell hard, pelting Jessie’s window like small, sharp rocks, threatening to splinter the glass. The wind hit with a harder punch, shaking the house to its foundation. Although, the storm wasn’t the reason she couldn’t sleep. The fall months were known for blustery, unpredictable weather.
Jessie threw off the covers and walked to the window.
No, thoughts of Nate had kept her awake. Outside, it appeared almost as tempestuous as her emotions raged on the inside. She’d never meant to say such cruel things to him. The words had just come out. But, it was also the truth. So why then did she feel so damn guilty?
The answer was easy. Her children’s feelings were now at stake and constituted a large part of her guilt. Shouldn’t she be happy, at least for their sake? Hadn’t she always wanted their father in their lives? And there was the problem.
Her heart lurched in her chest. Where Nate was concerned, her kids had always been a secret. She gasped as the candid honesty twisted her gut. Jessie had hid her kids from their own father. What kind of mother did that make her? What kind of person? No wonder she felt guilty.
But she’d been protecting them. An angry spike shot through her as she defended her actions to herself. He would break their hearts. He would walk out of their lives, the same way he had hers.
Or maybe not.
The guilt resurfaced with the painful admittance...and the fact she hadn’t even given him the chance to prove her wrong.
Jessie traced a raindrop’s trail down the glass on the windowpane when a flash of yellow caught her attention. She pressed her face against the window, trying to make out what it was.
A person? Who on earth would be foolish enough to stand out in a storm like this?
Rubbing her eyes, her first thoughts were of Nate. Had he come back? Her heartbeat accelerated. Perhaps he wanted to apologize. She almost laughed, the thought too far-fetched to believe. Too stubborn, he wasn’t likely to admit fault for anything. Besides, she doubted she would ever see him again after the confrontation on her porch. Knowing Nate, he’d be a hundred miles past the county line by now.