I surreptitiously watch Jayne as she rolls the dice and claps over a high score. A family life is something I’ve given little thought to in the last few years. My parents are still happily married, so I know it works out well for some people.
It just didn’t for me.
“Your turn, Mia,” Jayne says.
Mia falls against the couch cushions and sighs. “I’m too tired.”
“Aw. Come here.” Jayne wraps her arms around Mia and pulls my little girl into her lap. Mia goes willingly, snuggling up close to Jayne, her bunny forgotten on the coffee table.
My throat tightens at the sight. All of Mia’s previous nannies were good with her, but my daughter never took to anyone in quite the way she’s already taken to Jayne.
Her mother used to hold her that way…on the days when she was sober and home.
My eyes burn, and I quickly look away. “I’m getting some tea. Anyone want anything?”
“I’ll get it for you,” Jayne says.
I don’t turn to look at her. “No, no. It’s fine.”
Ray has just left, and Eddie is off somewhere, which means I have the kitchen all to myself. I put the kettle on and lean against the counter as I wait for it.
What was going on back there? Watching Jayne and Mia cuddle, I felt something I haven’t in years. Such warmth—I haven’t been in love in… Shit. Maybe ever.
Mia’s mother and I didn’t have the traditional happily-ever-after love story. We were only together for a couple months before she became pregnant. Not for a second have I ever regretted my daughter’s birth, but there were other things about the situation that caused me pain…things I don’t like to think about.
Footsteps make me look up. Jayne is in the doorway, casting an uncertain look my way.
“Mia wanted an apple,” she says.
“Right. I’ll get it.” I move for the fridge, but she’s faster, already taking an apple out of the drawer and reaching for one of the cutting boards on the island.
“She likes it—”
“Cut into slices with cinnamon sprinkled on it.”
“Yeah.” I lean back against the counter and watch her cut up the apple. “You’ve learned a lot in only two weeks here.”
“It’s my job,” she says simply.
“Mia likes you. A lot.”
I don’t miss the way her hands still on the cutting board. “I like her, too,” Jayne says, voice barely above a whisper.
You fit in well here.
The words are on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t say them. I don’t even know why. Maybe I’m one of those guys you always hear about who are impossible when it comes to opening up. Maybe I’m no good with feelings or with loving anyone who isn’t my daughter.
So then why can’t I get this stunning, red-headed nanny off my mind? How come I think about her night and day?
“The water is ready.”
“Huh?” I ask, just as the kettle’s shrill whistling hits my ears.
I kill the stove and pour the water into the waiting cups. “You heard that?”
“Yeah. You didn’t?”
“I was distracted.”
“By what?”
Now, it’s my turn to freeze. I take my time turning away from the counter and coming to face Jayne. She stands at the island, everything still except for her heaving chest. I don’t need to be an expert at reading body language to know what’s going on. She wants me as badly as I do her.
For a brief second, I consider closing the space between us. It wouldn’t take more than a few strides.
But then I think of Mia, and I remember what it is I have to lose here. I screwed up with the last three nannies, and that can’t happen again.
“I should get this to Mia.” Jayne plates the apple and sprinkles some cinnamon on it. I realize I never answered her question.
“I was thinking about how good you are with Mia.”
“Oh.” Jayne’s eyes widen slightly.
“We’ve never had a nanny that she gets along with this well.” My voice cracks on the end part. I already feel like I’ve said too much, gotten too close to confessing everything.
“She’s a special little girl,” Jayne whispers.
I can only nod.
She takes the apple slices, leaving me alone in the kitchen with my thoughts once more.
Chapter 12
Jayne
“I liked today,” Mia tells me from her spot in bed.
“I did, too.”
“You were here all day long. Can we do it again tomorrow?”
I tighten the covers around Mia’s side. “Not tomorrow, but maybe another time soon.”
Mia yawns, blinking fast. I can tell that she’s only about a minute away from sleep.
“Do you want me to read you a story?” I ask.
“No,” Mia murmurs, her eyes closing. “I’m too…tired…”
She’s out.
I twist to look at where Benjamin stands in the doorway. “That was quick,” I whisper.
“Only because she’s sick,” he whispers back.
I nod and slowly get up from the bed. Together, we tiptoe from the room and down the stairs. It’s barely dusk; Mia has gone to sleep a whole two hours early.
“Thanks for staying,” Benjamin tells me in the foyer. “It really made Mia’s day.”
“Yeah. Of course.”
I start to go for the coat closet.
“Would you like to stay for a drink?”
I slowly turn to face him. “Won’t a drink ruin your chances of getting better?”
“I’m already feeling better,” he answers.
I consider that. He did fall asleep on the couch earlier without meaning to, and ended up snoozing for over an hour. Once he woke up, he claimed his headache and every other symptom was gone.
“Okay,” I eventually say. “A drink sounds nice.”
“You like red wine?”
“I love it.”
That makes him smile—which makes my heart somersault.
“In that case, I have something to show you.”
Benjamin takes me down the back hallway and into the basement. We go past the arcade games, the movie theater room, and to the door at the back, which leads into the wine cellar.
“Wow,” I breathe, looking around. The wine cellar is a proper one: at least eight-by-eight feet, and each and every wall is covered with racks.
Benjamin finds the bottle he came for right away.
“This is it. A smooth Malbec.”
“Is that a movie theater?” I ask him as we pass a set of double doors. Mia already told me there was a movie theater down here, but I’ve had trouble believing it.
“Kind of. It’s a small one.” He doubles back and reaches into the room to flick the light on. It illuminates a screen covering a whole wall, two black couches, and half a dozen giant bean bags.
I can feel my eyes bugging out as I step into the room. “Wow.”
“We don’t use it very much.”
I turn back to face him. “Why not?”
“When I bought this place, I thought I’d be entertaining a lot more than I am. And we did, at first. But then…”
He trails off. Is the “we” him and Mia’s mom?
Benjamin smiles, but it’s obviously forced.
“How about we drink this down here? I’ll go grab some glasses.”
“Sure.”
I settle onto one of the couches and wait for him. Despite the fact that the home theater doesn’t get much use, it’s well maintained, every inch vacuumed and dusted to within an inch of its life.
No wonder the housekeeper comes so often. She certainly has her hands full with this many rooms.
Benjamin is back in a few minutes, two glasses and a wine opener in hand. I wait quietly as he ceremoniously opens the bottle and pours us each a glass.
“Wow,” I say after my first sip. “This is good.”
He nods knowingly, and we sit silently for a few minutes, drinking our wine
on opposite ends of the couch.
“Want to watch something?” Benjamin asks.
I shrug. “Sure.”
He sets his wine on one of the shelves along the wall and goes through a stack of DVDS. One falls to the floor, and I pick it up.
“Mia. Year One,” I read. “Aw, little Mia. How about this?”
Benjamin slowly straightens up. “Sure.”
He doesn’t want to watch it; I can tell from the look on his face.
“It’s okay, we can watch something else…” I go to put the DVD down, but he takes it from me and pops it in the player.
Home video footage of Mia sitting in a high chair appears on the giant screen.
“It’s cool that you have this,” I comment. “Everyone else records on their phones now and uploads to the cloud.”
Benjamin chuckles. “I work in tech, remember—I know the importance of keeping a hard copy.”
We take our seats again and watch as baby Mia bangs her palms against the high chair’s tray. The scene switches and we’re in a field. This time, Mia’s not alone. There’s a blonde woman.
Her mother. I recognize her from the picture in Mia’s room.
Benjamin tenses up.
“Let’s stop this.” I jump up and shut off the player. My face is burning. We shouldn’t have played the DVD. He was trying to be nice by putting it in, but I should have been firmer.
There’s a quiet moment in which my own breathing sounds too loud.
“I’m sorry,” I manage.
Benjamin looks at me. “It’s fine. I don’t think about her that much.”
I sit back down on the couch, this time a little closer to him, taking the cushion next to his. “Mia’s mentioned her a few times.”
His face snaps in my direction. “What has she said?”
I look into my wine, feeling awkward. “She told me that she had a mommy who loved her very much and that she went to Heaven…that’s all, I think.”
Benjamin sighs, his shoulders sagging. “She died of a drug overdose.”
It’s such a brutal confession, one I never expected from Benjamin. So far, he’s been careful about keeping space between the two of us, about never showing me too much.
His honesty stuns me.
Benjamin eyes me. “But you probably knew that.”
“No. I didn’t.”
His eyebrows knit together. “You didn’t? It’s all online, right there for anyone who wants to know.”
“I’ve never looked you up.”
His face softens, and he starts looking at me in a new way, his eyes roving across my face as if he’s looking for something. Warmth fills me up, and I’m compelled to both look away and keep staring back at him. Before I can decide which one I’ll do, he speaks.
“Hayden was a model. We met in New York when I was there on a business trip. We were young. I was only twenty-two. She was even younger.”
I can barely breathe. My stomach is twisting. This story isn’t going somewhere cheerful.
“She liked to party.” Benjamin sighs and sits back against the couch. “She tried to cut back. She really did…for Mia.” His eyes become soft, but his voice is even softer. “She really loved Mia.”
I can feel the tears welling in my eyes. I blink them back as I sadly smile.
He goes on, his voice tone monotonous now, as if he’s speaking of an event that happened to someone else. “She died when Mia was two. She took a pill at a party; she didn’t know what was in it.”
“Oh my God. That’s awful,” I gasp.
“That’s the way it is.”
“Does Mia remember her at all?”
He considers that. “I don’t think so…I hope not. Maybe it’ll be easier on her if she doesn’t.”
“I don’t know,” I admit.
His eyes lift to me. “What about your family?”
“My parents live right outside of the city. I’m an only child.”
He keeps looking at me. “That’s all?”
“That pretty much sums it up.”
“There has to be more there.”
I sigh. “We don’t really…get along that well. I mean, it’s complicated. They offered to have me move in with them after I left the army, and I said no, and that kind of upset them.”
“Why?”
“It’s a long story.”
“Condense it.”
I guffaw. “Okay. Let’s see…um, when I was a kid, they both worked all the time. Like, sixty to seventy hours a week. I didn’t get to see them much. And then, when I went into the army, they didn’t understand it. They tried to convince me not to.”
“And they still don’t get it?”
“No.”
“Why did you join?”
“I wanted to push myself, to find out how much I’m capable of…and I wanted to feel like I was of some service.”
“No better place to do that than in the service.”
“True.” I smile.
“And so you didn’t move in with them. You live with your…” His lips turn up.
“Wife?”
“There we go.” He jabs at the air with his pointer finger.
I laugh. “You wouldn’t have hired me if you knew I was straight, huh?”
It’s a ballsy question, but the wine and Benjamin’s own confessions have me feeling brave.
His cheeks puff as he exhales and looks up at the ceiling. “Honestly? No.”
“Even though I’m good with Mia.”
He winces like my comment caused him pain. “Yeah. That’s pretty shitty, huh?”
“A little, but I don’t care.”
Benjamin looks at me in confusion. “How can you not care? Most women would flip over finding that out.”
“I don’t care,” I carefully and slowly answer, “Because I understand. You have a lot on your plate.”
His dark lashes flutter. “Yeah,” he agrees, the word all breathy.
I gulp, realizing how close we are. It’s been a while since Benjamin has looked away from me, and now his face is swaying slightly toward mine…
I suck in a breath, my heart racing. Gone are all my concerns about getting involved with my boss. I want Benjamin’s hands on me; I want to know what his lips taste like, feel like. All of a sudden, nothing else matters.
Without warning, he pulls back. “It’s late.”
I have to search for air. “Is…is it?”
It can’t be any later than eight.
He stands. “Thanks again for staying.”
“No problem.”
My face is on fire, and I feel like an idiot. Benjamin was about to kiss me; I know it…but then, he drew back. Because, unlike me, he has a brain and knows us touching each other would be a bad idea.
“I’ll walk you out.”
I want nothing more than to be alone right now, but I let him show me to the door.
“Good night,” I say as I step over the threshold.
He doesn’t quite look at me, instead aiming his gaze at a spot above my head. “Good night.”
I feel like I’m going to throw up. This time, I don’t pause to survey the dark yard for any potential dangers. I’m in my car and down the driveway within a minute.
As I drive home and my pulse slows, I realize that everything is okay. Benjamin and I didn’t slip up. We kept things platonic.
But the truth, I now realize, is that I no longer have qualms about getting involved. If Benjamin were to so much as lay a hand on me, I would give him everything he wants, and I would never look back.
Chapter 13
Benjamin
I push back from my computer desk and stretch my arms high above my head. Two o’clock. The perfect time to take a little break before I finish up some emails. Then Mia will be home from school, and I can spend a little time with her before getting back into my home office and finishing up.
Her cold had her out of school for two days, and though she went today, I decided to keep the momentum going and work from home. It�
��s not too busy of a week anyway, and I like being at the house when she gets in after school.
Pushing open my office door, I go into the hallway, noticing two things at once: it’s eerily quiet and the place smells like cookies.
“Hello?” I call, making my way down the hallway.
I turn into the kitchen—and nearly fall over.
Jayne is at the counter, spooning cookie dough onto a baking sheet. It’s the first time I’ve seen her today, as I was already in my office when she took Mia to school.
It’s a good thing I didn’t set eyes on her until now, because I would have been too distracted to function. Not with the dress she has on.
The skirt barely brushes the tops of her knees. Combine it with the lace apron she’s wearing, and she looks like she belongs in a dream…a very raunchy dream.
“Hi,” she says, setting the bowl on the counter.
“Hi.” My voice is thick and heavy. I try again. “Where is everyone?”
“Ray and Nina already left, and Eddie is visiting his brother till tonight. Remember?”
“Oh. Yeah.” I rub my palm against the back of my head. Seeing Jayne in such a sexy getup has made it nearly impossible to think.
I’ve been basically avoiding her since the other night in the theater. Not because I don’t want to see her, but because I want to see her too much. She’s all I can think about anymore, and that’s not good.
“I’m baking cookies,” she explains. “Want some?”
I walk over to where she’s holding a spoonful of cookie dough and drop my face to take a bite.
Jayne’s eyes go wide. “I meant of the already baked ones.”
That’s when I notice the cookies cooling on the stove top. “Oh. Sorry.”
“It’s—it’s okay.”
Her voice is heavy, silky. We’re standing only inches away. If she breathed hard enough I’d feel the exhale on my face.
Before I have time to think about it, my hand is moving up and cupping her face. The hand holding the spoon drops to her side and she closes her eyes, leaning into my touch.
Electricity courses in my veins. I’ve been waiting weeks to touch her, believing it would never happen. There are too many reasons why it shouldn’t, but at this moment, I can’t find it in me to care.
Nanny For Hire - A Steamy Single-Dad Billionaire Romance (San Bravado Billionaires' Club Book 2) Page 7