by Lauren Canan
Wade hesitated to the point she didn’t think he was going to answer. “Yes. We are married.”
To her horror, tears sprang into her eyes and fell down her cheeks. “Did I have an affair? Is that it? Was that why you got so angry the first day I was here? Because I asked about Murphy? I can tell you I wasn’t thinking of any particular man when I asked about that name.”
Wade merely looked at her.
“That’s it, isn’t it? There was another man.” She felt sick. How could there have been anyone else in her life when she had Wade?
“No. Yes. I honestly don’t know.” He gritted his teeth, his jaw muscles working overtime. “It might be rumor. You are the only one who can answer that, and you can’t until your memory returns.”
“Oh, that’s a great answer. I’ve lain in bed and tried to imagine what I did that would alienate my husband so completely, but I have no clue. If it’s in my head, it won’t come out.”
“Victoria...”
Her voice was broken. “You’re my husband. I love you. But I can’t go on like this.”
He closed the bedroom door as he watched her closely in the ambient light.
She took a deep breath. “What came between us?”
For several minutes she didn’t think he was going to answer. Then he turned toward her, sat back down in the chair and clasped his hands together between his knees.
“Some people say I’m a workaholic. They’re probably right. I’m used to traveling, setting priorities and making things happen. I spend more time en route than I do here or anywhere in the United States. Therefore, I’m not good husband material. I realized years ago that CEOs of other companies tended to work better with those who were married, who had a stable home and a family environment. I don’t know why, but there it is. Business tends to go better if I give the impression I’m an established family man.”
He paused to look at her as if trying to tell if he was making any sense. “There were past relationships. They went badly. I’d rather not go into the details, but marriage to a loving bride was not going to happen for me. Let’s just say I have...trust issues.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “And you? You wanted to be in the inner circles of the elite rich. After your father lost all of his money...well, you were devastated. So, we made a bargain. A written contract. You would become my wife on paper only for a period of one year. If we both were in agreement at the end of the year, if we both met the contractual stipulations, we had the option of renewing it. If you bailed out before the year was over, you would forfeit a million dollars. There are other stipulations. Either of us, for instance, could see others as long as we were discreet and it didn’t go public. There were other things involved in the agreement, but that’s basically it.
“If I made love to you, I’d feel like I was taking advantage of you. It wouldn’t be fair until you knew about the agreement. I couldn’t do that.” He shook his head. “I’ve tried to leave you alone, but since you came home from the hospital, there’s something...something I can’t ignore. My apologies for almost letting it get out of hand.”
Victoria was in shock. She didn’t know what to say. Of all the things she had imagined, it was as far as you could get from this. A contract. His statement explained so much. He didn’t love her. He didn’t have to love her. He needed only to be cordial and ensure she was made comfortable until the end of the agreement. During that time he would continue to travel, immerse himself in his business matters and leave her in this place alone. A searing pain pierced her heart.
“So...we’re really married.”
“On paper only.”
“And you don’t or never did love me?” It hurt to ask the question, but she had to know.
The answer was a long time coming. “No.”
The tears welled in her eyes and fell down her cheeks. She felt humiliated. Hurt. A fool.
“I should definitely go.” She sniffed and grabbed a tissue from the table by the bed. “If there is a suitcase I can borrow, I would appreciate it until I get settled.”
“Go? Victoria, I don’t want you to go.”
“No, I guess you don’t. How would you ever be the settled family man if I left?” She sucked in a deep breath. “Come on, save yourself a million, and just lend me the suitcase. I can’t live like this. I don’t know anyone who could. Of course, I don’t know many people right now.” She tried to insert a bit of humor, but it failed miserably. She kept wiping her face, but the tears kept coming. “I must have been out of my mind to ever agree to such a thing.” She walked to the door, but Wade beat her to it. Still wiping the tears that ran nonstop, she stood in front of the closed door and waited with more patience than she felt for him to open it. “I’m sorry about the amnesia thing. It must have really put a crimp in your plans.”
“Victoria.”
“No, Wade. No more. I don’t need details. You’ve told me everything I need to know. I just want a suitcase and a taxi that can take me...somewhere.”
He stood looking down at her for the longest time.
“I would like to leave now.” He opened the door and she walked through. Somehow Victoria made it to her room and to the bed before the dam burst. She cried hard, tears of hopelessness and deep sorrow. Tears that came from her heart. What a fool she’d made of herself. She thought back on all the worry about not fitting in with Wade, his world, his lifestyle. At least now she knew why. She had to wonder if she ever had fit in. She glanced down at the silver ring on her left hand. With its assorted stones, it was gaudy and too big. She slid it off her finger and put it in a drawer. It was so not her and it didn’t represent the caring admiration a real husband was supposed to have for his wife. As she closed the drawer, more tears welled in her eyes. This was a nightmare. A lurid dream from which she couldn’t seem to awaken.
* * *
What in hell was he thinking? He had finally admitted the nature of their relationship, and she’d taken it a lot harder than he would have expected. He couldn’t believe the truth had rolled out of his mouth. When he’d heard the words, it sounded unbelievable even to himself. It sounded cold and calculating, which of course it was. Victoria’s reaction tonight was far from her smile of elation when he’d first presented the idea. She’d gone after it tooth and nail. Couldn’t wait to sign on the dotted line. Couldn’t wait to move into the mansion. And certainly couldn’t wait to begin living the high life.
Wade felt bad about it. He couldn’t think he’d done the wrong thing in telling her. She deserved to know. It was a situation of damned if he did, damned if he didn’t. But he hadn’t expected her to immediately want to leave. He didn’t want her to leave, especially since there was no place safe she could go. She would require a bodyguard. She probably didn’t remember that and he had a feeling this new Victoria would not be thrilled by that fact. Sadly, that was what his life had come down to when he wasn’t at the ranch. He had a feeling that convincing her of this would be next to impossible, which would only lead to more anger and frustration.
But fearing for her safety from kidnapping was not the only reason he wanted her to stay. She had changed. She intrigued him. If their situation were different, he would have already invited this new version of Victoria out, and by now would have had her in his bed. The problem with that train of thought was he didn’t want it to be a onetime thing. He wanted more from Victoria than a couple of nights in bed. He wanted to continue getting to know her. She was smart, beautiful and sexy as hell. And she wasn’t trying to be any of those things, which made her even sexier. She had an air of innocence about her. Fresh and vivacious, she touched him on more levels than anyone he’d ever known. While he’d not spent time analyzing his feelings, he knew what he felt for Victoria was different from anything he’d experienced with any other woman. It was exciting and new. It was also frightening in that when her memory returned, it was possible she would revert to th
e way she used to be. She’d become as different as night and day from her old self, and while he wanted her to regain her memory, he desperately hoped her personality wouldn’t revert to the way she had been. He’d always envied his brothers for finding the perfect women, while at the same time telling himself he had the perfect life. No complications. Just doing what he loved and what he was very good at: finance. Corporate mergers. Contracts.
He actually had never given any thought to truly settling down and having a family. Until recently. What Victoria would do when her memory returned and how much she and her mother would try to milk him for were suddenly number one on the I Don’t Give a Shit list. But that thought twisted into the fact that he desperately didn’t want her to become her old self again. He was walking a tightrope between desire and reality and it was making him crazy.
A little voice reminded him of all the lies and the fact that Victoria couldn’t be trusted. All the men she had supposedly been with over the past few months alone. Then there was the question of whether it was all a setup. Something staged to make him jealous or for some other nefarious act to provide her with more money. That he honestly didn’t know.
He paced the floor, needing to find a resolution. Maybe after she’d had a chance to calm down, they could talk. Maybe after he’d had a chance to think, he would see the current situation a lot differently. Right now he felt as though he’d just found her, and tomorrow, if he left it up to her, she would be gone. He would not permit it. Muttering under his breath, he walked to the shower. How had he managed to get himself into such a damnable situation?
Deep down where no one could see, he’d started having illusions of becoming the family man that up until now had just been an irritating thought. Since the accident, Victoria had brought to light how lonely life really was. Oh, there was plenty of socializing, parties on the yacht, dinners at the finest restaurants around the world. If he needed to, he could always find a date with women who knew how to play the game.
But there was no comparing them to Victoria. For the first time, he was beginning to glimpse his solitary, structured life through her eyes. It was an empty, often lonely existence. It was a life without nurturing, consisting of accomplishments no one cared about, other than those who would benefit monetarily. Over the past weeks, he had fought against these ridiculous sentiments, but he couldn’t deny the way he felt when he and Victoria were together: alive and looking forward to the next day. There was no posturing, no expectations other than to just be himself. At times it felt as though an enormous weight had been lifted. Still, Wade held on to caution.
Because when her memory returned, the old Victoria would be back. He knew it in his heart.
Eight
A knock on the door broke the silence of the night. Victoria turned from the window where she’d been staring out at the garden below. Unable to sleep, she’d paced at first, then started packing a few clothes to take with her when she left. She wouldn’t take much because Wade had probably bought most of it for her. When she was done, she’d soaked in the tub, which helped a little to settle her nerves. Then she’d put on a nightgown and gone to the balcony.
She looked at the clock. It was three in the morning. There could be only one person knocking at her door at this time of night.
Finally, the door opened. Wade stood on the threshold, tall and muscled, wearing only a pair of sweats.
“I just wanted to check on you.” He ran a hand through his hair; it appeared as though it wasn’t the first time he’d done so tonight. “I know I upset you, and that wasn’t my intention.”
Victoria shrugged. “It is what it is. At least now I understand a lot of things that didn’t make any sense before. I’m fine. At least I will be as soon as I can find my own place.”
“Victoria, I don’t want you to go. It’s not safe for you to be out in the world without your memory intact. I don’t want you to leave, period.”
“Wade...you’ve shown me kindness by bringing me here and caring for me when I had no place else to go. I can now repay you by breaking that contract. You shouldn’t have to be out any more money because of me.”
“I don’t give a damn about the money.” He took in a deep breath and blew it out. “I’m worried about you. We’ve known each other for almost five years as casual acquaintances. Until the accident, I never really knew you at all. The relationship we have now is different than before. We’ve gotten to know each other this time. I like having you here. I want to know you better. I’d hoped you might still want to stay here and get to know me after learning the truth of our relationship.”
She looked up at him. Was he seriously asking her to stay? “Would a clothing-store mannequin not work as well for you? No feelings, no emotions to have to deal with, just give her a name and there you go. She won’t break any rules and I can guarantee she won’t be calling out other men’s names when you are in her presence. She might have a hard time signing a new contract, but what the hell. You can sign it yourself.”
She moved to close the door, but Wade blocked it.
“Victoria.”
She loved him. In the short time they’d had together that she could remember, she had fallen in love with this incredibly complex man. But her heart was breaking. All this time, she’d been afraid she’d done something wrong, and he’d let her go on thinking it. She could now add anger to the feelings of frustration and guilt.
“What exactly do you want from me now? I don’t have anything else to give.”
“Let’s see where this goes, Victoria. You might find you want nothing to do with me—”
“Ya think?”
“—but I would like to give it a chance. We have almost two months until the contract is up.”
“Oh, okay, let’s put it on a timer. See if you can fall in love with your wife in two months. Got a stopwatch?” Her sarcasm was not lost on Wade.
“Dammit, Victoria.” Wade closed the door behind him, grasped her shoulders and gently pushed her against the nearby wall. “That’s not what I meant. I didn’t expect to have these feelings for you when this whole thing started. And I didn’t expect you to feel anything for me. You didn’t, you know...when we made up the contract. You just wanted money and prestige. I’m sorry for not telling you before now, but it was a two-way street.”
It had never occurred to her that she’d wanted the contract as much as he did. Since being discharged from the hospital, they’d both begun to respond to the magnetic pull between them until they were unable to deny the intensity of love growing there. Those emotions trumped a contract as far as she was concerned. She nodded her head.
No matter what else happened in her life, she knew that in his arms was where she wanted to be. Not for money or prestige. Just to be held close and wanted like any woman who was in love with her husband.
He lowered his face to hers so that they were inches apart. Gently he wiped the tears from her eyes. “I want to explore the possibility that we have something special. I want you to be more than a token wife. I want you to give us a chance.”
She didn’t think she could cry any more, but in that she was wrong. Tears of happiness welled in her eyes. “No more withholding the truth. No more remote politeness. Oh, I’m so tired of being treated like a guest in my own home. Or rather, in your home.”
“Our home.”
“I don’t want your money. Promise me that contract will be torn to shreds either way.”
“We can discuss it later.” One large hand came to rest on her shoulder. “Much later.” He placed two fingers under her chin and tilted her head to meet his gaze. “Stay, Victoria. Stay here with me.”
The dam broke, and Wade kissed her hard. He drew her to him, and as soon as she responded to him, the kiss deepened. He’d kissed her before since returning from the hospital, but this was different. There was no hesitation, no uncertainty. No right or wrong. It was as though she wa
s his, and he intended to show her exactly what that meant. All barriers were down.
He scooped her into his arms and walked out the door and down the hall to his suite. He threw back the covers and gently placed her on the bed. The soft lighting shone on the muscles of his arms, his broad chest and tight abs. He stepped out of his pants and followed her down, kissing her in long, lingering exchanges.
“You’re my wife, Victoria. And you’re going to be in every way that matters,” he said roughly as he pushed away the straps of her nightgown. “In my bed is where you need to be. If you don’t want me, tell me now.”
For several long moments she held his gaze. In the ambient light she could see his eyes as they roamed over her face. Then she raised her head and placed her lips on his. He pressed her down on the mattress, and her arms went around his neck.
“I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more in my life,” she whispered. With that, he kissed her again, more deeply, like he couldn’t get enough of her.
He held her tightly, as though forgetting his strength, but it only served to make her heart beat faster with excitement. She’d wondered what it would be like to make love to him without all the restraints he had kept in place when he’d kissed her before. She was about to find out. She wanted to melt into him. She opened to the demands of his lips and tongue.
Without lifting his head, he shifted her to the center of the bed, working his knee between her legs to part them. His body pressed her down into the pliable softness of the mattress. He brushed her hair back away from her face and kissed down her neck, nipping at her collarbone, licking her ear before moving to her breasts. He eased her nightgown all the way off, and his hands covered the velvet softness of her breasts, causing the nipples to go taut. Her back arched up in a natural response, and she moaned.