by Lara Chapman
“That’s enough,” a voice says, calm and strong.
But it’s not Jen’s voice.
It’s Mom’s.
I spin on my heel so fast I make myself dizzy, but I quickly recover and walk to Mom’s side. Reaching for her hand, I squeeze my love and strength into her, unsure of how much she’s heard.
“What’s going on?” she asks slowly, like she really doesn’t want to know the answer.
Jen jumps from her seat and walks toward us. “It’s just a misunderstanding,” she says, dismissing me with a wave of her dainty hands. “You know how kids can misinterpret what they hear.”
“That may be true for some kids,” Mom says, her voice steady and level. She’s in emotionless-news-anchor mode. “But I can promise that’s not true for Sarah. She’s got better instincts about people than I ever had.”
“Don’t be so sure,” I say.
“What did you hear, Sarah?” Mom asks, her eyes still locked on Jen.
“She told Vic lies about you.”
“What kind of lies?” Mom asks.
“She told Vic you’re a lesbian.” I say it quietly, hoping the softer I say the words, the softer the blow. But there’s no escaping the pain of a knife being shoved in your back.
Mom doesn’t react like you’d expect someone to, full of hatred and vengeance. For a second, I think maybe she didn’t hear me. But when she finally speaks to Jen, it’s clear she has.
“I trusted you and helped you. More than once, I’ve gone to bat for you when Vic wanted to pull your story. But what hurts the most is that I let you into our lives, which were pretty darn great without you. Just like they’ll be when you’re gone.”
“Beth,” Jen says, her eyes pleading.
“You’ve lied to further your own agenda, friendship be damned.”
“You don’t understand.” Jen’s face has gone from devious to destroyed.
Mom moves closer to Jen, releasing my hand. “Don’t ever come near me or my daughter again. I’ll expect a written and signed admission of the lie you told on both mine and Vic’s desks in the morning. Otherwise, I’ll lodge a complaint against you so scathing that the only job you’ll get at a news station is delivering coffee to real journalists. Like me.”
Piercing daggers shoot from Jen’s eyes as she pushes past us and out the door.
Mom heaves a huge sigh. “Well.”
“Are you okay?” I ask, hugging Mom so tightly I think I’ve popped her back.
She laughs. “I’m okay if you’re okay.”
“Then we’re good,” I say.
“No,” Mom says. “We’re better than good. The two of us together? We’re fabulous.”
That which is striking and beautiful is not always good, but that which is good is always beautiful.
—NINON DE L’ENCLOS
Chapter Sixteen
The urgency pulsing through me to make things right with Kristen is even stronger after witnessing everything Jen put Mom through tonight. When I tell Mom I need to go to Kristen’s house, she doesn’t ask questions.
I fly down the familiar subdivision streets and stop with a screech in front of her house. I knock, then unlock and open the door the same way I’ve entered her house for as long as I can remember.
Kristen’s sitting on the couch, bowl of popcorn in her lap, TV on. She doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t kick me out, either.
A good sign, I guess.
Now that I’m here, I’m not sure how to fix things. Especially since I’ve already decided I won’t write the letters or Facebook messages anymore.
“Can I sit down?” I ask, which sounds so formal, so wrong.
“Suit yourself,” she says, muting the television but avoiding my eyes.
I sit cross-legged on the couch and face her. “I’m sorry about this afternoon. You’ve been the absolute best friend ever and I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or make you mad.”
Kristen smirks with a sideways glance. “Yeah, I really wasn’t expecting you to say no. You don’t do that a lot.”
Nodding, I smile back. “I’ve spoiled you.”
“You’re telling me,” she says with a giggle. “Honestly, after I thought about what you said, it made sense. I mean, I guess it is kind of weird to have you keep writing to Rock. You’re just so good at it. Whatever I write sounds so second grade in comparison.”
“You don’t give yourself enough credit.” I’m so happy she sees my point of view I could hug her. Standing my ground with Kristen is definitely new territory for me.
“Does this mean I have to stick up for myself now?” I ask, half joking but seriously hoping she’ll still be there for me.
“You’ve always been able to do that for yourself, but I like doing it. Gives me an outlet for all my frustration.”
I laugh out loud, knowing how true that statement is. I swear, she enjoys the verbal barbs with my tormenters way too much.
“Are we okay?” I ask tentatively.
“You know I can’t stay mad at you.”
“Good, because you won’t believe what happened tonight,” I say, grabbing a handful of popcorn before diving headfirst into the drama at the station.
When I walk into the cafeteria the following day, Rock and Kristen are already seated. Directly across from Kristen is someone who looks suspiciously like Jay Thomas. Same neatly styled blond hair, same lean build. When the three of them burst out laughing, I’m positive it’s Jay. Only he can make Kristen laugh that hard.
After zipping through the line, I drop my salad on the table and sit across from Rock, whose eyes are soft and warm, just like everything thing else about him. The sad thing is I really miss our Facebook messages. I’d begun looking forward to reading them and seeing what question he’d come up with next.
Aside from his annoying habit of dating my best friend, I really and truly think I might love him. Not in the typical high-school-crush way, either. I mean the real thing.
“Hi, Sarah,” Jay says, wadding up the paper wrapper his burger came in. I swear, guys eat entirely too quickly. It’s so unhealthy.
“Hi,” I answer, then turn my focus to Rock and Kristen. “Sorry I’m late. I had to grab a scholarship application from the office.”
“Another one?” Kristen grumbles sympathetically. “How many of those things have you filled out?”
“All the ones I qualify for,” I tell her truthfully. It’s not that Mom hasn’t saved for college, because she has. But I think it’s my duty to help out as much as possible. I mean, college is expensive, and I’d love it if Mom could keep some of the college savings for herself. She’s way overdue some serious spa time.
“We were just talking,” Kristen says, giving me a cautious look coupled with a mischievous grin.
“About?” I ask, keeping my eyes on my best friend. When she glances at Jay, I know exactly where this is headed.
“Apparently,” Jay says, taking over the conversation, “these two are headed down to Montrose for some poetry and chocolate and they want us to come along.”
Oh no, no, no. I am so not doubling with Kristen and Rock.
Not again.
“This weekend might be bad,” I say, shaking my head as I run through every possible excuse in my head, but it’s not like I’ve got a bunch of excuses on standby. Guys haven’t exactly been knocking my door down.
“The whole weekend?” Jay asks, brows drawn down in skepticism. I’ll give him this much: at least he’s smart enough to realize I’m floundering.
“Maybe,” I say. “Mom and I talked about going on a weekend shopping trip to Salado.” Which isn’t a total lie. We did talk about going to Salado, a small Texas town known for its antique shops and art museums.
Once.
A couple of months ago.
“Really?” Kristen asks, shocked at the news. She knows better than anyone that Mom and I don’t get away much.
“Maybe,” I say, avoiding Kristen’s eyes.
“Why didn’t you say somethi
ng last night?” she asks, totally not letting me off the hook.
“Well, you know, we were talking about other things. I guess I forgot.”
Kristen is absolutely not buying the load of crap I’m trying to dish out. In fact, I’m pretty sure no one at the table is convinced. But I shoot her a “save me” look and, like the best friend she’s always been, she digs me out of the hole I’m in.
“That’s too bad,” she says, dragging a french fry through the lake of ketchup on her plate. “Could’ve been fun.”
“Tell you what,” Jay says, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out his cell phone. “Give me your cell and I’ll check with you this weekend. Maybe your plans will change.”
“Oh yeah. Um, sure,” I stammer, then quickly spout out my cell number.
“Let me see your cell phone,” Jay says, hand extended. “I’ll put my number in yours so you can reach me.”
Like an obedient child, I pull the phone out of my purse and hand it over, then watch as he programs his information.
“I’d better run,” Jay says, jumping backward out of his seat. “I’ve got some homework I need to catch up on before next period.”
Rock nods his head. “See you around, Jay.”
“Sure thing. Talk to you later, Sarah,” Jay says, then walks away from our table and out of the cafeteria.
“What was that all about?” I ask, directing my question solely at Kristen. Rock knows I’m not interested in Jay, so I’m positive another double date wasn’t his big idea.
Kristen shrugs. “I just think you’re really missing the boat with that guy. You did have fun last weekend, right?”
“That’s not the issue here, Kristen. You can’t keep setting me up like this. I actually have an opinion about who I want to date. Or not date, as the case may be.”
“I just don’t get it,” she says. “You’re not marrying the guy, just getting out of the house and kicking up your heels a little. It’s our senior year, Sarah. It’s okay to have a little fun.”
There’s no arguing with Kristen. I’ve known it for years but for some reason, I still try. I look to Rock for support, but he’s got the good sense to keep his mouth closed, watching the two of us intently.
“Don’t look at me,” he says with a grin. “No way am I getting involved in this.”
Huffing out an exasperated breath, I look at my two favorite people sitting across from me. “Look, just … don’t do me any favors, okay? I can take care of my social life on my own. I appreciate the invitation to join you this weekend, but I’m not going. Not alone, not with Jay, not with anyone else. Okay?”
Kristen nods, her eyes apologetic. “Okay, Sarah. Whatever you say.”
Jay is waiting for me when I make it to my car after school. Leaning against the hard black steel makes him look even paler, but still good looking. Just not for me. Actually, the more I see him and Kristen together, the more I think they should be dating. But I guess that’s just wishful thinking.
I smile at him as I get closer. “Are you stalking me?” I tease.
“Guilty.” He pushes off the car when I unlock it and opens the door for me.
“What’s up?” I ask, knowing deep in my gut exactly what he’s doing at my car and wishing I had some graceful way to let him down.
“I know you said you were going out of town this weekend, but I thought maybe you’d change your mind if you knew the date would be solo. You know, just the two of us. Unless you think we still need chaperones,” he says with a cute little wink. And for the first time, I notice he’s got dimples.
“I don’t think it’s going to work out for this weekend,” I say, tossing my backpack onto the passenger seat. I stand in the open doorway of my car and face Jay. “Mom’s really looking forward to this trip.”
Even as I say it, I think I just might be going to hell for all the lies I’m telling this lovable guy who’s done absolutely nothing wrong.
“Sure, I understand,” he says, a knowing look in his eyes. “Maybe next week we can grab some dinner or a movie on the weekend.”
Okay, so my plan of letting him down easy and watching him ride off into the sunset isn’t going to fly. It’s time for me to put on my big-girl panties and deal.
“It’s just that my plate is really full right now. I’ve got a ton of scholarship applications to complete and homework that never ends.”
Jay nods. “Me, too. In fact, I’m pretty sure all the seniors are dealing with the same things. But …”
He stops, looking at me closely. Not at my nose, but directly into my eyes, like he’s willing me to read his mind.
“What?” I whisper.
“You know, Sarah, I really like you. I think you’re one of the smartest, prettiest girls at Northwest. I hope you’ll give me another shot sometime. It’s kind of hard to connect on a date when you’re doubling, you know?” The unspoken part of his message is clear: it’s hard to connect on a double date with Rock. Maybe Jay was astute enough to figure that out. It’s becoming clear there’s a lot more to Jay than the clown I’ve always pegged him to be.
I nod, keeping my thoughts to myself, wishing this awkward conversation would just end already.
Jay looks down at his feet. “Can I tell you something? As a friend?”
I cringe. That’s never a good setup. “Sure.”
“I’ve watched you a lot over the years—”
“You have?” I ask, interrupting in spite of myself. “When?”
He laughs. “That’s beside the point, Sarah.”
“To you, maybe. But to me, it’s news.” Someone’s been watching me and I didn’t notice? How is that even possible?
“Do you realize how many people look at you at school? How many people say hi to you in the hallway that you completely ignore?” he asks.
I shake my head. “The only things I hear in the hallway are snide remarks. And, trust me, I’m well aware of all the gawking at my nose. I’m not blind.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. Do you even realize I’m the one who’s bought you the pink carnations every year at Valentine’s?”
“The ones left in my locker?” I ask, stunned. “Kristen and I have exchanged carnations for years. I just assumed they were all from her.”
“Afraid not.”
I stare at Jay, wondering how I could have missed that—missed him—all these years. Before Rock came along, Jay might have been someone I’d been interested in. He could’ve been the one taking me to school every day or the one who stayed up late at night planning the perfect date for us. And I’ve cheated myself out of that for years and didn’t even know it.
“You know, when we went out last weekend, you never took your eyes off Rock.”
“I—”
“It’s okay,” he says, holding up his hands to stop me. “I’m cool with that. I know you’d never hurt Kristen by betraying her that way. Honestly, I’d still like you to give me another shot.”
“I don’t know,” I say, shell-shocked. Part of me wonders why he’d even bother with me if he knows I’m into Rock. The other part of me wonders how I’ve missed Jay watching me for years. I mean, it would have been nice to know he was interested.
“I’ve been trying to figure you out for years, Sarah. I’ve finally gathered enough courage to ask you out, and you won’t even give me a chance. What does that say about you?”
His words swim through my head.
Looking at him, I shake my head, then drop into the seat of my car. “You’re a nice guy, Jay. But you don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.”
Jay shoves his hands in his pockets. “Think about it, Sarah. Just think about it.”
I slam the car door shut and start the engine without saying good-bye.
Then I watch Jay walk to his car, shoulders hunched, eyes on his feet.
And I can’t shake the feeling in the pit of my stomach where his words have landed.
Could he actually be right about me?
The best par
t of beauty is that which
no picture can express.
—SIR FRANCIS BACON
Chapter Seventeen
Instead of heading home to obsess over Jay’s parting words, I run through Sonic for the biggest Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper they sell, then head for Kristen’s house. Rock’s truck is parked in the driveway, but it doesn’t stop me from jogging up the sidewalk. I realize, of course, that being around Rock is probably not in my best mental interest, but I have to talk to Kristen about Jay.
I pause at the door, stopping myself from barging in like normal. I definitely don’t want to witness those two half-dressed on the living room floor. Instead, I ring the doorbell and wait.
When the door swings open, it’s Rock on the other side, looking like an honest-to-God, sexy-as-hell dream come true.
“Hey, you!” he says, obviously surprised to see me. “Come on in.”
Against my better judgment, I follow him inside, wondering where Kristen is.
He walks toward the kitchen, totally at home. I guess I should have realized Rock was spending a lot of time at Kristen’s house, but I’d never let my mind go there. There’s no denying it now. A shot of pure, torturous envy races through me; my heartbeat thumps in my ears.
“Kristen’s just whipping up something for us to snack on,” he says, entering the kitchen. The words flow from his mouth like it’s the most natural thing on earth for Kristen to cook. But I know what a disaster she is in the kitchen.
I stop short when I see her cramming a huge wad of bread into the toaster, plastic cheese wrappers strewn across the counter. She glances at me over her shoulder, a look of horror in her eyes.
“Hey,” I say slowly, trying to figure out how to salvage her snack without totally outing her. “Need some help?”
She nods, then returns her attention to the abused toaster.
I face Rock with an apologetic smile, desperate to get him out of the kitchen. “Would you mind getting my backpack out of the car for me? I totally forgot it.”
“Sure thing,” he says, shooting me a breath-stopping wink and sending my heart straight into my throat.