by T. Banny
“ So what? If she’s not a good person, then you shouldn’t be around her. It’s as simple as that," Ro said, with a small shrug of her shoulders.
Bethany looked at me, as if willing me to understand, since Ro wouldn’t. Ro did have a tendency to see things black and white. But I knew people could be complicated, and they didn’t always find it easy to make the right decision.
“ Ro, let’s hear Bethany out," I said. “ I’ve already decided I’m not telling Chan. But I do feel like I should tell someone in school about what Samantha said. I don’t want anyone to get hurt”.
“ Sit down," Ro said to Bethany, pointing to her bed.
Bethany sat down at the edge of Ro’s bed, her hands on her knees. “ First, I’m glad you’re not going to tell Chan. It would really stress him out. More than he already is. Chan feels personally responsible for Samantha, and everything she does, you know?”
I nodded. He held a lot of guilt over Samantha’s pregnancy, and her breakdown.
“ Samantha manipulates Chan like you wouldn’t believe. She’s always blaming him for getting her pregnant. Which is kinda messed up, because it’s not like he raped her or anything. It was just an accident. Then she blamed him for losing their kid. She said she wasn’t mentally well when her parents made her sign away her parental rights, and Chan should have done something about it. But he was only fifteen himself, you know? He thought he was doing what she wanted, what their parents wanted”.
Bethany shook her head, then continued. “ She’s tried to commit suicide twice, and each time she blamed Chan. She makes it seem like he’s this controlling, obsessive guy, when it’s the other way around. And she totally has his parents on her side. The Sutton's think Chan doesn’t appreciate Samantha”.
“ But how can they not see her for what she is?" Ro asked.
“ Money, I guess," Bethany replied. “The St. John’s are like A-Park royalty. They’re old money, you know? Every family in A-Park wants to associate with them. You’re nobody if the St. John’s aren’t friendly with you. The Sutton's think it’s like a blessing from above one of their sons is seriously involved with a St. John. Even my parents get upset with me anytime I try to cut Samantha out of my life.”
“ I can’t even imagine," I said. Ardsley Park sounded so different from Egg Cove. In Egg Cove, everyone was pretty much the same. Sure, there were some families, like Joaquim’s family, and even my Mom, who’d achieved some financial success. But having money wasn’t enough to have people admire you or respect you. In Egg Cove, people liked you if you were decent, kind, and gave back to the community. Money wasn’t everything. But maybe was because there wasn’t much of it anyway.
“ It’s tough, believe me. Our parents place a lot of expectations on us. And if you don’t measure up, you pay the price. Chan’s parents expect him to make things work with Samantha. No discussion. And she knows it. Samantha can pretty much abuse Channing, because she knows there’s nothing he can do about it”.
It was hard having to hear all Channing went through with his parents. I knew they were hard on him, but Bethany made it seem as if they didn’t care about him at all. They had to see what Samantha was. Why would they want to anchor their son to someone like her for the rest of his life?
My mom wanted me to be with Joaquim because she liked his family, and she liked him. But she would never expect me to stick by him if he was abusing me. She loved me too much to want to see me miserable.
“ OK, so Nellie won’t tell Chan since he’s got so much on his plate," Ro said, shortly. “ But what are you going to do about Samantha? Are you going to let her beat another girl up? Because that’s kind of messed up”.
“ No, we convinced her to leave Ava alone. I had Ava go up to Samantha and apologize," Bethany said, and she looked ashamed.
“ Apologize for what?" Ro asked, incredulously. “ What does Ava have to do with Channing?”
“ Sam thinks Ava likes Chan. She’s convinced Ava wants him," Bethany said. She turned to me. “ It’s not true. Ava already has a boyfriend. Nate Harris. She only sees Chan as a friend. It’s all in Sam’s head”.
“ So what the heck did Ava have to apologize for?" Ro repeated.
“ I just told Ava to tell Samantha she was sorry for flirting with Chan and it would never happen again," Bethany said, quietly.
“ You don’t think that’s wrong?" Ro questioned, sounding thoroughly disgusted. “ To tell a girl to apologize for something she didn’t do? And what if it gets back to Ava’s boyfriend? He won’t be happy to hear Ava was flirting with another guy, especially not his best friend”.
“ Look, it was either Ava give a fake apology or run the risk of getting attacked," Bethany said. “ And trust me, Samantha would have done it. And she would have gotten away with it. Her family has enough money to get Samantha out of trouble”.
Ro didn’t look convinced. I felt bad for Ava, as well, but I felt Bethany had a point. It was better for Ava to lie to Samantha than for her to get seriously hurt. Especially if Samantha would just get away with it.
“ It’ll never get back to Chan, or Ava’s guy anyway. Samantha’s already dealt with Ava," Bethany said and she looked down at her hands.
“ How?" I asked.
Bethany shrugged. “ Ava’s cut out of our group. And trust me, for an A-girl, that’s like a fate worse than death”.
“ Sounds like a blessing to me," Ro snorted.
“ I know you don’t get it, Ro," Bethany sighed. “ But that’s just the way it is. You don’t mess with Samantha St. John.”
“ I don’t give a crap about Samantha St. John," Ro snapped. “ I just don’t want my best friend to get hurt”.
“ Then maybe she should never have gotten involved with Channing Sutton in the first place," Bethany pointed out.
“ Well, he went after her, if you want to know the truth! He was the one who kept asking Nellie to hang out!" Ro said.
Bethany smiled at me. “ Yeah. He was crazy about you from the first day he saw you. He said you looked so funny, hiding from a little bitsy spider. And he felt like a hero who rescued you”.
I blushed. “ It…yeah…whatever. It wasn’t exactly the way I wanted to meet the guy I’d fall in love with”.
“ You’re in love with Chan?" Bethany asked, tilting her head to the side.
“ Yeah," I whispered. “So much. I hate that he’s going through all this. I hate he can’t be himself, he can’t…”. I stopped myself. I’d said enough.
“ Well, I just want to warn you, Nellie. Samantha’s noticed you. I don’t think she suspects anything yet, but you’re on her radar," Bethany said.
“ What’s that supposed to mean?" Ro asked angrily.
“ I’m just not comfortable. Samantha’s mentioned Nellie a couple of times. How pretty Nellie is and all of that”.
“ Nellie is pretty. Big deal Samantha’s noticed," Ro scoffed.
“ Yeah, but…I don’t know. I just don’t feel comfortable with it," Bethany repeated. “ Chan’s one of my best friends. And I’m happy he’s happy. I don’t want Nellie to get hurt, because it would kill Chan. It really would”.
She touched my shoulder. “ So, just be careful. I know you and Chan aren’t flagrant with your relationship, but I think you both need to be aware Samantha knows something is up. Maybe not between the two of you exactly, but you just never know”.
“ I’d never do anything to hurt Chan," I said.
“ I know. I’d better go”. She got up.
“ I’ll walk you down," I said, getting up too.
She shook her head. “ That’s OK. I’ll see myself out”.
She gave us a little smile, and then closed the door behind her.
Ro sighed. “ Nellie, I think you’re in over your head. I know you love that boy, but I’ve gotta tell you. I don’t think he’s worth it.”
I thought about Chan. His kindness, his creativity. How much he sacrificed to keep his family happy. The picture frame he’d made for a child he�
��d probably never see… Ro was wrong. He was worth it.
I threw myself into school, and preparing for the Winter Dance. I even turned Chan down one afternoon to hang out with Joaquim. I needed a break from all the drama of my love life.
Joaquim, Tommy and Thiago pooled their money together, and rented a limo for Winter Dance. It was funny to hear them argue over which color limo to rent.
“ I say white. That’ll look really nice," Tommy insisted, but Joaquim felt black was more elegant.
“ I say pink!" Thiago quipped.
It was decided a black limo would be classier.
“ We are going to look like movie stars!" Ana said at lunch one day.
“ I’ve never ridden in a limo before," Ro murmured, her eyes gleaming.
“ You’ll be riding in a limo on your wedding day!" I teased.
Tommy and Ro were officially engaged. Tommy had arrived over the weekend with his parents, and his older brother. My mother had been so shocked it took her a moment to realize what Tommy was asking.
It was so romantic my eyes had filled with tears. Tommy had gone down on one knee, and presented Ro with a beautiful diamond solitaire engagement ring. It was delicate, but sensible, just like Ro.
My mother had given her blessing, and we’d all gone down to the Harbor Restaurant to celebrate. After that, there was no way to keep the engagement a secret. Tommy was so excited he told all our friends, and Ro spent the next few days being congratulated. There were a few glances at Ro’s stomach, but she made sure to tell everyone she wasn’t getting married because there was a little Tomas or Romina on the way.
The only strange reaction came from the person we least expected to care. Ty Sutton actually came up to Ro one afternoon as we were walking to my car.
“ Is it true? You’re getting married?" he asked her abruptly. He didn’t even say hi.
“ Yeah," Ro said slowly. “ Tommy and I are engaged”.
“ You’re kind of young, don’t you think?" he asked, rudely.
“ It’s none of your business, don’t you think?" Ro retorted.
He had the decency to look embarrassed. “ I guess not. Well, good luck with that. Tommy’s a lucky guy”.
“ Thanks, Tyler," Ro said.
“ You’re welcome," he said, and he started to walk away. But then he turned and said, “I’d still like for you to call me.”
“ I give up trying to figure him out," I said, shaking my head, when he was out of earshot.
Ro didn’t say anything, but I noticed she couldn’t stop staring at Ty as he walked to his car.
The night of Winter Dance finally arrived. I was so frazzled by exams I got a few zits on my chin and forehead.
“ Why me, Ro? Why my bad luck?”, I moaned, as I looked at the huge red mountains on my face. My hickeys had all disappeared, but I thought it was probably better to be covered in suck marks than have giant red zits.
Ro was helping me put on my make-up. She told me to hush. “ Nellie, you can barely see them. And it would take more than a few zits to stop you from looking good”.
I gave a happy laugh. “I do look good, don’t I?”
The champagne dress looked awesome on me. I knew I was pretty on my best days, but tonight, the dress made me look Angelina Jolie gorgeous, as conceited as that sounded. It was cut in a way that gave the illusion taller than I was. The low neckline, coupled with a push up bra, gave me some cleavage. Ro dusted gold bronzer on the tops of my boobs, completing the push up effect. I was busting out of the dress like a Victoria’s Secrets Angel.
The golden color of the dress also complemented my dark hair and eyes. Ro thought makeup with a touch of bronze would suit me best. She did a fabulous job of applying gold dust on my eyelids, and lining my lips with a soft bronze pencil, and shiny gold gloss. If it weren’t for the pounds of foundation I needed to hide my pimples, I would have been red carpet glamorous.
“ You look beautiful," Ro said, proudly. “ Eat your crazy heart out, Samantha St. John”.
“ Don’t know about that. I’m sure she’s going to show up in some expensive Gucci or Versace dress, looking like a million dollars," I said, feeling just a teeny bit sorry for myself.
“ Who cares? She’s not wearing Channing’s pearls around her neck, is she?" Ro reminded me.
I glanced in the mirror, at the beautiful golden pearls hung on my neck and ears. It was strange how well they completed the dress. I felt kind of guilty, wearing a dress bought for me by one guy and jewels from another.
“ Ro, do you think I’m a slut? Seeing Joaquim and Chan at the same time?" I asked, frankly. Joaquim and I had kissed a few times in the past weeks. Nothing as intense as what Chan and I did. Still, there was no denying it was the type of kissing boyfriends and girlfriends exchanged. I mean, Joaquim had even slipped some tongue in, so they were definitely not friendly kisses.
“ No, Nellie. I just think you don’t know how to stand up for yourself," Ro said, frankly.
“ What do you mean by that?" I asked her, defensively.
“ I mean you’re kind of a pushover. If I were you, I’d tell Chan, it’s me or Samantha, bottom line. And I’d tell Joaquim as cool as a guy he is, there would never be anything between us," Ro explained. “ But you’re the type of person wants to please everyone. You want to keep Chan happy so you agree to sneak around with him. You want to keep Joaquim happy so you pretend to like him more than you do.”
“ Ro, that’s harsh," I said, frowning. Maybe she was a little bit right, but did she have to be so blunt about it? Couldn’t she see the reasons why I did it?
“ I’m sorry, Nellie. But there’s a reason why you feel so insecure right now. A part of you must know you’re short changing yourself. You deserve to put yourself first every once in a while”.
“ I know you think Chan is being selfish by seeing me and Samantha at the same time. But he’s really not," I said, trying to make her see how difficult our situation was. “ He doesn’t want to hurt Samantha anymore than he already has”.
“ And what about you, Nellie?" Ro asked, gently. “ Has he thought about you? How it might be hurting you, having to be with a guy you can’t even see half the time? How you have to sneak around like you’re doing something wrong? The guilt and burden he’s placing on you? Seems like he has a world of consideration for Samantha, but none for you”.
“ That’s just not true!” I cried. “ He cares about me. A lot”.
“ I didn’t say he doesn’t care. I just think he’s selfish. He wants his cake, and eat it too. He’s taking advantage of you, and you’ve got to know that, Nellie. Deep down, you must see Chan is content with the way things are because it’s easier for him, not for you”.
“ Gosh, Ro. Can’t you for once stop seeing things so black and white? Realize there are shades of gray? Just because you have an easy relationship with Tommy doesn’t mean everyone else’s should be so simple!" I snapped.
Ro’s nostrils flared, and I could tell I had upset her. “ For your information, Nellie, my relationship with Tommy isn’t easy. Okay? It’s a lot more complicated than you think!”
“ Oh, really?” I scoffed. “ What’s so hard about it? Trying to decide whether you want to have McDonald's or Burger King on Saturday night?”
“ No!" Ro yelled, surprising me. “How about trying to decide whether I’m really in love with Tommy, or just with him because I think he’s a safe bet? Maybe the only reason I’m with him is because I’d rather be bored to tears for the rest of my life than end up with an abusive man like my father? Huh? And how about this crazy attraction I feel for Ty Sutton, of all guys? How I have to literally sit on my hands to prevent myself from picking up the phone and calling him!”
Ro threw the makeup brush she’d been powdering my cheeks with on the floor, and stormed into our bathroom. She slammed the door and locked it.
I didn’t know what to say. I had no idea Ro was feeling so conflicted, but I had to admit there were a lot of things in my life I had no idea
about. My mom’s new romance, Ro’s problems with Tommy… I was so involved with Channing I was ignoring all the other important people in my life.
My mom came to the door, concerned. “ Is everything OK? I heard slamming”.
“ Everything’s fine," I said, quickly.
“ Where’s Ro?’’, my mom asked, scanning the room.
“ In the bathroom, getting ready," I said, pointing to the bathroom door.
I could hear Ro crying softly, and my mom did, too.
“ Is she OK?" she whispered.
“ I think so. I’ll talk to her," I said, just wanting her to leave so I could apologize to Ro.
“ Tell her she should be happy! It’s going to be a fun night for you all," my mom said. She gave me a small smile, then left.
I went to the bathroom door,and leaned my head against it. “ I’m sorry, Ro. I was out of line.”
“It’s OK," she sniffled. “ Maybe I was too harsh”.
“ Open the door so I can give you a hug," I said, gently turning the locked knob.
She opened it, and as soon as she did, I wrapped my arms around her. “ I’m so, so sorry, Ro. I didn’t know you were feeling so confused. You’re always there for me, but I really haven’t been there for you, lately, have I ?”
“ It’s OK, Nellie. You’re right. Sometimes I am too cut and dry about things. I just want to see you happy, Nellie. You’re such a good person, and you deserve nothing but happiness. It’s why all the guys who meet you are crazy about you”.
I sighed. “ Guys are crazy about me because I’m pretty, Ro. Other than that, I’m not super smart like you, or funny like Em, or witty like Ana. If it weren’t for my looks, who knows if I’d ever get a guy like Chan, or Joaquim”.
“ That’s so not true, Nellie," Ro disagreed. “ Yeah, you’re pretty, but so is Bruna Porto. And you don’t see her with any nice guys by her side. Guys like you…people like you…Nellie, because you’re the nicest girl in Egg Cove. You’re sweet, and friendly, and you look for the good in everyone. Even in a girl like Samantha St. John. You give everyone a chance”.