It was there, on the couch, that I was suddenly struck with a horrible thought. I sat bolt upright. “No, no, no.”
My stomach did another flip-flop, but for a very different reason. In a panic, I rushed into my room to throw on whatever clothes I could find. I tried counting back the days since my last period in my head. I was late.
What if I was pregnant? How could I have been so stupid? I rushed out the door and slamming it shut behind me, sped to Mack’s gas station on the edge of town. I didn’t want anyone in Helen’s Corner to see what I was buying. Cheap pregnancy tests were up near the front counter. I grabbed three. For just a few bucks, I could find out if I’d royally fucked up.
No need to wait till I got home, Mack gave me the key to the bathroom attached to the outside of the building. It was dirty and dingy, but none of that mattered. I peed on the stick and stood staring at it while time slowly ticked by.
Oh, god, don’t let it be positive. It couldn’t be happening. Knocked up by a man who didn’t not only didn’t want me, but who was leaving to go back into the military. Because active combat was better than being with me.
My heart raced and I started crying before the results even showed up on the tiny screen. I couldn’t help thinking about every worst case scenario. I didn’t even know what would happen to me, a human carrying a shifter’s baby. Would I be able to carry it? If so, could I handle doing it all again?
I closed my eyes and prayed, but when I opened them again, the prayer hadn’t worked. It was positive. Remain calm. I had two more. I opened both of them and peed on them both. I was crying so hard, I could barely see, but it didn’t take long for both to read positive. My stomach lurched and I had to lean over the toilet and vomit again.
I was pregnant with Holt’s baby. I threw everything in the trash, splashed cold water on my face, and left the bathroom. Mack looked at me questioningly. Probably ‘cause I’d been in there so long.
I needed to get away. Maybe even run away. Sell the shop and get away from Helen’s Corner for good. I’d messed up. If I could extricate myself from the mistake I’d made, maybe I’d find some peace.
What the hell was I thinking? This was my home. Adrenaline fueled panic pumped through me and I kept having crazy thoughts of flying off to Argentina, or Siberia.
I could leave and not even go back to get my stuff. No, that was crazy talk. I couldn’t leave. Not without some saltines to settle my nausea. I swung into the parking lot of Karmov’s Market and almost ran over Charlie and an older woman, who was clearly her mom. My bad luck was ridiculous.
They followed my car to the parking spot and were standing next to it when I got out. I must have looked the way I felt because Charlie’s eye widened and she put her hand on my arm. “Sonnie, are you okay?”
Her mother’s eyebrows rose in alarm until they almost touched her hairline and she visibly breathed in deeply through her nose. She gasped and put her hand over her heart. “Oh, honey!”
Charlie looked at her mom and then back at me. “What?”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Her mom took me into her arms and brushed the hair back from my face. “Come to Mama Jean. It’s okay. You’re okay. How long have you known? Did you just find out?”
“Find out what? What the hell is going on, Mama?”
Charlie’s mom’s reaction was such a stark contrast to how I remembered my own mother reacting the first time around that I fell completely apart. I sobbed in her arms, wracking, ugly, gasping-for-air sobs that stopped traffic in the parking lot as people slowed down to stare. It didn’t matter.
“Does someone want to tell me what’s going on?”
“Charlotte, not now. Your friend here is going through something.”
“I can see that! I’m just wondering what the hell it is and how you know about it.”
“Well, I know, smartass, because I can smell.”
I heard Charlie scoff and get closer to me. She sniffed me and sighed. “She smells a little different. Oh, no, are you sick? What is it? Is it bad?”
I pulled back and wiped my eyes. “I’m so sorry, Charlie.”
Her mom glanced between the two of us. “She doesn’t know about you and…?”
I shook my head. “Holt and I… well…it just happened and I couldn’t seem to stop it. I’m horrible. And I’m so, so sorry.”
Her mom stroked the side of my face. “And now you’re pregnant.”
Charlie gasped. “What?!”
I winced and bit my lip. “It was wrong and I messed up.”
“No, no, of course you didn’t. My idiot brother. I’m going to kill him.”
I shook my head. “Don’t tell him. He doesn’t want this. Or me. I don’t want him to know.”
She shook her head. “I’m so fucking sorry, Sonnie. The other night must’ve been terrible. Did you already know?”
Her mom cleared her throat. “Judging by the panic in her eyes and the light scent of pee, I’d say she just found out.”
My face heated and I looked away. That was mortifying.
“Mama. Jesus. Light scent of pee? Come on, Sonnie. Let’s get you home.”
“Sorry, dear. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. It’s nothing noticeable, unless you’re sniffing for it. I just smelled Holt’s smell in you and it startled me, so I went looking for other clues.”
“Ew, Mama. Don’t say that.”
“What?”
“That you smelled Holt in her.”
I was going to die of embarrassment.
“I meant the baby.” Her mom slapped her on the arm and placed her hands on my shoulders. “From now on, you call me Mama Jean. And, no more worrying. We’ll sort this all out. Everything’s gonna work out just fine.”
I wanted to believe her. “You don’t hate me, Charlie?”
“Of course, she doesn’t.”
Charlie looked at me behind her mom’s back and rolled her eyes. Then, she cupped my cheek and smiled. “I love you, Sonnie. I could never hate you. We do have a lot to talk about, though.”
I nodded. “A lot.”
They walked me home and fussed around me, clucking their tongues when I refused to let them stay and take care of me. I’d gone behind my best friend’s back and now I was pregnant by her brother. I didn’t deserve their fussing over me. I couldn’t handle the guilt.
“We’ll get it all sorted out, Sonnie. Don’t be so hard on yourself while we’re gone.”
“There’s nothing to sort out. Holt is going to leave, back to active duty, then one day he’ll find his mate. He doesn’t want me or this baby.”
Mama Jean ruffled my hair. “Hush your tongue, child. You just wait and see. Things have a way of working themselves out.”
Both women stormed out of my house, determined looks on their faces. Charlie didn’t seem to realize how much she took after her mother. The two of them were going to go rip Holt a new one, I knew it. And just in case he wanted to come by and have words with me for not using protection, I locked my door, crawled into my bed, and pulled the covers over my head. There was no way I was answering the door for him. I never wanted to see him again.
17
Holt
Legs kicked up on the railing of the verandah, I winced when my younger brother, Daniel, offered me a nip of his moonshine. “Hard pass. I’d like to keep my organs intact, thank you.”
Daniel shrugged. “More for me. This shit is good. I made it myself.”
“And that’s exactly why I’m not drinking it.”
I stared out at the fireflies dotting the lawn and sighed. I hadn’t seen Sonnie in too many days. Not a second went by she wasn’t forefront on my mind.
“What’s on your mind, bro?”
“No one.” I shook my head. “I mean nothing.”
“I know that’s not true. You’ve got that constipated look, which always means you’re arguing with yourself.”
“I don’t have a constipated look. Don’t you have something productive you should be doing?”
“Nop
e. I’m on vacation. My mission, as I see it, is to sit here, get drunk, and bug the shit outta you.”
“Mission accomplished.”
I’d been torn up, thinking about Sonnie being hurt. Thinking about how hard it would be on me to be an ocean away from her if it was this hard just being across town from her.
“What are you thinking about?”
I gave Daniel an exasperated look. “Are you serious? How does anyone think around you?”
“Were you always this testy? Testes? Testicle-testicular?” He took another swig of his moonshine and grinned. “You sure you don’t want some of this? It’s pretty fucking good.”
Before I could respond, the sound of tires screeching got my attention and I looked down Charlie’s driveway to see her car speeding towards the house. “Shit.”
“What the hell’s going on? She looks madder’n hell.” Daniel got up and scooted past me to get to the front door. “She’s got Mama Jean with her, too. If this is you, I feel sorry for you, bro.”
“I don’t think I did anything.” Charlie threw her door open and got out pointing at me. “Fuck.”
“You!” She jabbed her finger in my direction again. “You yellow-bellied, low down, piece of pond scum! What the hell is wrong with you? First of all, you sleep with my best friend.”
I stood up.
“Second of all, you crush her.”
I sat back down.
“Third of all, you knock her up!”
“Wh—What?”
Mama climbed the porch steps, shaking her head at me. She looked disappointed. “Yes. Pregnant and devastated, poor girl. What have you done, Holton?”
“P-Pregnant?”
“You. Knocked. Up. My. Best. Friend. Asswipe.” Charlie slapped the side of my head and then did it again. “I am so pissed. I want to knock the shit out of you, but Mama is watching, so I’ll just tell you this. You need to make this right, and if you cause Sonnie any more pain than you already have, I’ll have Daniel neuter you. With the hedge clippers.”
I stood up but Charlie put her hand on my chest and shoved me back down. I was about done, though. And stunned stupid. Not only that my mate was pregnant, but that my mother and sister were the ones to give me the news instead of Sonnie. In her mind, I was guessing, I had all but abandoned her. “That’s enough.”
Charlie laughed. “Hardly. I love you, Holt, but Sonnie doesn’t deserve your hit and run attitude. This is serious. She needs someone who loves her and will commit to being there for her. Not someone temporary. What’s she going to do with that? Are you going to visit your child once a year when you get leave?”
“I said that’s enough.” I stood up and moved past them. “I’m going to see her.”
“Don’t you hurt her.”
I ran to my truck and threw gravel pulling out of the driveway. My heart was in my throat because I knew I’d messed up. I could feel my entire world narrowing to the pint size of Sonnie and I just wanted to be with her, make sure that she was okay, reassure her. We had to talk. I had to… I had to tell her that we were mates.
I sped to her house and parked in front. Rushing up to the door, I tried the knob. Locked. I knocked, harder than I meant to, and heard her gasp from somewhere inside.
“Open up, Sonnie. It’s Holt. We need to talk.”
I waited a few seconds, but she didn’t make any move to open the door. Her breathing was erratic and I could tell she was crying, but she wasn’t budging.
“Come on, Sonnie. I know you’re in there. Come to the door, please.”
Nothing. I heard the rustle of her sheets, but nothing else.
“Sonnie, please. Charlie told me. I want to talk. I just need to see you. Please. Come on, let me in.”
Finally, I heard her bare feet on the hardwood floors, moving slowly towards me. She got close to the door, but then she stopped. “Go home, Holt. I don’t want to talk. I got nothing to say right now.”
Her voice, weak and full of pain, cut me like a knife. I’d done that to her. I wanted to fix it and take away her pain, but if she wouldn’t talk to me, how?
“Please, Sonnie.”
“Leave me alone.” She sounded on the verge of hysteria. I pressed my forehead to the door and swore. I wasn’t getting in without forcing my way in, and that was no way to convince her to talk to me. I’d already done enough damage. I wanted to make it better, not worse. She needed space, clearly.
“Okay. I’ll go for now, but I’ll be back. We need to talk.” As I listened to her walk away, I slowly descended her steps and got back in my truck. I’d figure something out.
New mission: fix this.
18
Sonnie
Charlie dragged me to St. Anon. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay home and cry myself to sleep and eat raw cookie dough. I still didn’t feel great and I couldn’t get the sound of Holt’s voice out of my head. Going out sounded like a horrible idea, but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. She could be incredibly headstrong.
During the meeting, I sat at the outer edge, fielding sympathizing looks from other women. Guess it was obvious that something was wrong with me. My close friends were shooting me worried glances every so often, mixed with puzzled looks at my stomach. I kind of felt like a pariah.
I hoped that they would want to run and would be distracted by shifting and playing, but it was useless. As soon as the meeting was over, they skipped the run and caught up to me, even though I was all but sprinting home.
Charlie was at the front of the group, a gentle but concerned expression on her face. “Where are you running off to?”
Muddy shook her head. “Forget that. What the fuck? How are you pregnant?”
I groaned. “How is it noticeable?”
“You’re putting off all kind of pheromones. That little kid is going to be strong.” Muddy touched my belly and shook her head again. “You… You smell like Charlie.”
Charlie held up her hands. “It’s not mine.”
Muddy rolled her eyes. “Obviously. Your brother?”
I kept walking, hoping they’d keep standing there talking and wouldn’t notice.
“Wait a second, Sonnie. We’ve got to talk about this.” Carter took my hand. “You avoid us for two weeks, and then show up pregnant? I mean…are you okay? What happened? How come you never mentioned a man in your life?”
The barrage of questions on top of the stress I was shouldering was too much. I broke down in wracking sobs. Again. Immediately, I was surrounded by four women, each fighting to hug and comfort me. My chest felt heavy as I leaned into them. Everything was weighing on me. Past, present, and the possibility of the future closed in on me.
I couldn’t hold it in. Whether it was pregnancy hormones, the rejection from Holt, or my past come home to roost, I’d reached the last straw. “I did something horrible.”
Charlie wrapped her arm around me and led me the final half a block to my house. Carter, Denny, and Muddy followed close behind. “As much as I agree that sleeping with Holt is kinda gross, I wouldn’t call it horrible, and I don’t think you should be beating yourself up about it. What two consenting adults do is their business. I’m not mad at you, Sonnie, if that’s what you think.”
I shook my head. “Not that. Before. Before I moved here to Helen’s Corner.”
Muddy frowned. “You showed up here when you were eighteen. What the hell could you have done that was so horrible?”
We’d arrived at my house. Instead of going inside, I plopped down on the steps and rested my elbows on my knees. I wiped at my eyes and blew out a shaky breath. “I… I did this before then.”
Denny cupped my knee. “Oh, honey. The guy from Memphis? Is he real?”
I nodded roughly, sending my unwashed hair flying.
“Wait. What? What guy from Memphis? Why don’t I know any of this?” Muddy’s furrowed brow betrayed how much she hated being out of the loop when it came to gossip.
“We all have our secrets.” I looked at Muddy and then dow
n at my feet. “This wasn’t one I wanted to share. It’s the whole reason I ended up here.”
“What happened, Sonnie?”
“I fell in love. With an older man. He moved to my hometown from Memphis and he was so much cooler than any of the boys I knew. I felt special and flattered beyond belief that out of all the other women he could have had, he chose me. He paid attention to me. And I was smitten, head over heels. My parents were uptight and strict about everything, and I’d never had much interaction with boys. I was completely naïve. I would sneak out to meet him. I…I was sixteen.” I shook my head. “I didn’t know any better. He pressured me to have sex and I thought it was just what was expected of me.”
Charlie wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight. “Oh, Sonnie. You don’t have to tell us if it’s too painful.”
I looked around at the faces of my best friends, all staring back at me with concern, and decided it was the time to confess the secret that had been eating me alive. It was always there at the back of my mind, the guilt, the sorrow…the emptiness…it was killing me.
“I got pregnant. At sixteen. As soon as he found out, he hightailed it out of town. Back to Memphis, maybe. I don’t know. He just left. He got to walk away, and my life was ruined.” I ignored the shocked expressions on my friends’ faces and pressed on. “I was from a small town. Not much bigger than Helen’s Corner. Everyone knew. No one was sympathetic.
“My family shut me out. They wouldn’t let me leave. Instead, they chastised me. Then, they barely spoke to me. The entire nine months. I’d shamed the family in their eyes. My friends’ parents didn’t allow them to talk to me, either. I was an outcast. And then I had her.”
Tears fell down my face and I shook in Charlie’s arms. I hadn’t remembered Charlie wrapping her arms around me. My heart felt like it was breaking all over again.
“She was so beautiful. The most perfect thing I’d ever seen. I wanted to keep her. I begged and pleaded to be allowed to keep my baby girl, but I was a minor. My parents wouldn’t let me. I was sixteen with no job, no money and no way to care for her. They made me give her away. A young couple from somewhere around the Nashville area took her and they looked at her like she was the best thing in the world, because she was. She was my heart and they took her.”
Wolf Soldier (She-Shifters of Hell's Corner Book 3) Page 7