Harley’s frown relaxed a little and he bent a brotherly kiss to her forehead. “You are right, of course. Now, if only you could spread the gospel. . .”
From a small rise, Heath watched this tableau with pain and understanding. Harley was a good man, much better than the insipid Geoffrey, though Harley could claim no title or noble breeding. He had wealth and youth and would make an excellent husband one day. The scandal of an annulment would not scare him away. He could not wish for a better development than this.
His mind knew all of this and approved. So why did he feel as if a stake had pierced his heart and the coffin lid closed in on him?
Setting his jaw against the pain ravaging his heart, the Earl of Heathmont turned his horse back to the path. He had returned early to consult with John about the sheep disappearing from the back field. He still needed to make some decision about the thatching of the hay barn. It was time he began considering the state of his lands.
Chapter 16
A few weeks later, with the ship nearly finished and ready for sailing, a torrential rain gave Heath the excuse he needed to stay home and catch up on the mounting bookwork. By keeping his distance, he had succeeded in driving a wedge between himself and his tempting young wife. She left him alone and went about her own tasks as he settled at the desk with its musty ledgers and stacks of yellowing bills.
But even in his study with the rain pounding against mullioned windows and a fire licking at the grate, he could not concentrate. A pair of laughing green eyes danced in his mind as he dipped the quill in ink. A small chin tilted and full lips pouted as he scratched across the faded lines of ledgers. He stared at the fire and saw honey-blond hair floating in the breeze, and he wondered what she was doing now.
The silence began to make him uneasy. While he was away from home, he knew others looked after her. Each day he heard reports from John or his mother or even passing neighbors on what Aubree had done that day. He knew when she went with the Sothebys on picnics, knew when Harley took her riding, knew of her attempts to hire servants and patch old quarrels. He heard disapproval in some of the reports, laughter in others, but affection in all.
The little brat was worming her way into the hearts of the entire county.
The little brat and her pets, he might add, as one of the Siamese kittens leapt to his lap and butted its head against his stomach, begging for attention. He heard the dog lunging down the steps in search of its prey, but the cat did not seem disturbed. Heath had noted a runt lamb in the stable with Dancing Star and a brood of yellow chicks flocking near the kitchen door. Aubree had too much love bottled up inside her with no other outlet but the animals.
That made him more restless, and he lifted the cat into his arms to go in search of his wife. He could not curb his curiosity on how she would spend a rainy day. She had wrought miracles on the musty old manor, but surely there was little more she could do without help.
Stroking the kitten’s head until it purred like the machinery of contentment, Austin wandered through the downstairs halls. He had hoped to hear voices or the clatter of brooms and mops but the halls were silent. He very much wanted to hear his wife’s laughter voice right now.
Only persistence discovered her whereabouts. The library door was ajar, and he glanced into the unlit interior, almost believing it empty until the fragrance of lilacs wafted toward him. Pushing the oak panel aside, he stepped into the dusk.
Gowned in white muslin, Aubree’s slight form offered an ethereal wisp of light against the gloom of dusty shelves. She stared pensively upward where the rain trickled through a flaw in the rotting woodwork and ran in a stream down the spines of a few ancient religious tracts.
“Whatever you’re thinking, I can’t afford it,” Austin announced, his voice echoing in the carpetless room.
Startled, she glanced toward him, and a smile turned up the corners of her lips. “Thoughts tend to be expensive, don’t they?” she answered.
He grinned. “Yours do. Every time I see that frown upon your forehead, I hear the clank of coins falling.”
It was a gentle criticism. He had said nothing when the carpet appeared on her bedroom floor and the hangings on his bed had changed. He knew the spices in his food had not come free and the new linens cropping up on beds and table were not the result of charity. He did not know whether they came from her purse or his credit, but he did not begrudge her these comforts. They were little enough in light of what she had given up to be here. He just wished her to be aware of their cost, for he intended to repay every cent.
She frowned in concern. “I did not mean to cost you money, Heath. I only meant to make you comfortable. The chickens will soon produce egg-laying money, and I will soon have my quarterly allowance. I did not think. . .”
Heath deposited the kitten into her arms. “Little fool,” he muttered, “I am not complaining. But if all you have to do is think up more ways to squander your time and egg money on this ruin, perhaps I can put you to more profitable use.”
Aubree searched his face eagerly. “Do you mean it? Can I be of some help to you?”
His heart lurched in his chest, and he knew better than to involve himself further, but he could not turn his back on her excited gaze. “It’s about time you learned the worth of money. Instead of my sitting there poring over columns of figures, you should be learning where it goes. Come, I will teach you how to keep books.”
“I suppose I asked for that,” she said with a wry laugh.
Heath found it easier to work through the stack of bills when a golden head bent at his side, recording them in the ledgers. He showed her the income he expected to make this fall on the harvest and the worth of the sheep in the back field. She commented on the high price of bringing in labor from outside the county, but even so, the profit would be a good one. He felt better about the state of his finances after explaining them to her. If all went well, he would be out of debt within a year.
The scent of lilacs hid the musty odor of old ledgers, and it wasn’t the flickering fire that took the chill from the room. They worked well together, and the task was done sooner than expected.
Heath stood and watched out the rain-spotted window while Aubree copied out the final set of figures in her fair hand. The rain had stopped and a golden sunbeam strayed from behind a dark cloud. He spied a piece of a rainbow and turned to ask Aubree if she wished to walk outside and find its end, but the sight of her slender back bent over his desk twisted the words in his mouth.
“How are you and Harley going along?” he asked, without any conscious intent of forming the words.
Aubree looked up at him in surprise. “Harley?”
He could tell by the surprise on her face that he had startled her, but the memory of the loving scene he had observed had haunted his nights these past weeks. He could not help but wonder what other scenes had taken place without his knowledge. Soon, his ship would be ready for sailing. Would he come back to find her completely lost to him?
“I spoke to him last week. He sounded rather evasive. I wondered if you and he had a tiff.” He tried to keep his voice casual.
Aubree lay down the pen. “Why did you not tell me he was your brother-in-law?”
The question caught Heath by surprise. He lowered himself to the comfortable chair beside the fireplace, propping his game leg up before the fire to absorb the heat. “I did not know you were in need of history lessons,” he answered almost curtly.
She ignored his curtness. “Harley tells me he has never heard your side of the story, yet he believes you innocent. Can you not speak of it now?”
She did not coax, but the seductive softness of her voice held the same effect. He could walk out and ignore her plea, but Heath discovered he wanted to talk. He would have her understand what others did not.
He voiced a story that had played inside his head countless times, never with complete understanding. “Louise and I grew up together, but we never knew each other. Her father was a merchant in Exeter when I f
irst met her. He made a fortune at the beginning of the war in ‘93 and bought one of the old manor houses my father sold off the abbey estate. Whenever I was home, Louise and I rode out together. She seemed more real, more accessible than the powdered, simpering misses of London. I wasn’t her first lover, but I didn’t mind. Marriage didn’t occur to me until after my father’s death, and I saw myself floating down the River Tick.”
He leaned over and grabbed a poker, jabbing at the crumbling embers of logs in the grate. He kept his back to her, and the high back of his chair separated them, so she could not see the pain of memory etched in the tired lines about his mouth.
“Louise wanted too much out of life, more than her father could give, more than I could give, as it turned out. Sotheby was losing his eyesight by then. His wife was frail, and he had three younger children he wished to raise among the gentry. He never said so, but Louise’s behavior was almost beyond his control. The opportunity to marry her into the nobility was a dream come true. Much to my shame, I allowed him to buy me.”
“I think you must have loved her a little, at first, didn’t you?”
Heath contemplated the question. “It’s easy to love when one is young and your whole life is ahead of you. She was beautiful and she made my nights happy, for a time. I could have loved her, yes, but it didn’t last.”
He thought of Aubree’s youth and understood more clearly his instinctive urge to keep her separate from him. She was so very young, he could make her think of love with only the smallest effort. He could take her and keep her without earning her love or respect, but he would despise himself for it, and soon enough, so would she.
He shifted his position to ease the ache in his leg. He was in a hurry to get this over with now. “Louise wanted to be introduced to London society. The idea of being a countess fascinated her. I tried to please her, but I had not the wealth to buy her the place in society that she craved and that her breeding denied her. After she went through half her dowry trying to please the unpleasable, I made her return here. From there on, everything went sour.
“I invested a large sum of money into a ship and did not dare let it out of my sight. I was gone six months. When I returned, Louise had spent what remained of the dowry and my cash and had run up my credit all over the county. I never knew what she spent it on. Very little went into the abbey, I know.”
He adjusted his leg and cursed as the pain shot up it. Aubree slipped from her seat, finding a small stool and sliding it under his foot. “You do not have to tell me this, you know.”
Heath didn’t pay attention. “Things went from bad to worse. When we were together, we fought continually. I think she looked for excuses to argue with me.” He wondered if Aubree understood what this meant between man and wife, but he did not explain. He knew now that Louise had taken a lover and fought to keep him from her bed, but the truth was ugly enough without this addition. He glossed over it.
“I took to staying in Exeter much of the time. Sotheby accused me of keeping a mistress and neglecting his daughter. In a way, he was right, but Louise seemed to prefer it that way.
“About that time, I noticed she had taken to wearing more powder than usual. She wore only long-sleeved, high-necked gowns in my presence. I didn’t understand it at first. I was young and ignorant. But when I came back from sea that last time, I learned the truth. If I could have pulled the man’s name from her tongue, I would have killed him. He destroyed her, literally destroyed her, and I still do not know who he is.”Anger and anguish twisted his voice.
“Please stop, please stop torturing yourself,” Aubree begged, sitting at his feet and massaging his injured leg.
Determined to have the tale told and done with, Heath ignored her. “I fully believe that last day she was mad. I don’t know what had happened, but when I came to the door, she flew at me in rage and tears. She was hysterical. I tried to calm her and she screamed. I yelled at her and she hit me. I offered brandy and she threw it in my face. I should have called for a doctor, but I was too far out of my mind to think rationally. I hit her, thinking to return her to her senses. It was the worst thing in the world I could have done.”
Aubree gasped as she comprehended his reaction when she had hit him that last night in London. She shuddered at the memories that must have brought back, the rage that he had controlled. She knew now that he would never lift a hand to another woman. But he would undoubtedly walk out if ever confronted with such a situation again. She breathed a prayer of relief that he had not left her behind.
In a flat voice, Austin continued his recitation. “She ran out of the house and I followed. She had a head start and her mount was fresh. Mine was exhausted. I would have been better off if I had let her go. Then I wouldn’t have to live with what happened next for the rest of my life. I could remain as ignorant as everyone else as to what happened that day.”
His last words were so tortured, Aubree could no longer bear the pain of them. Without a thought to propriety, she slipped into Austin’s lap and slid her arms around his neck. He pulled her close, as one with a chill hugs a blanket, but he did not allow her to distract him.
“Louise was too fine a horsewoman to endanger her horse on the edge of the south crevasse. She wasn’t on her horse when I found her. She was balancing on a boulder above the highest point of the ravine.” Austin’s voice softened, as if speaking to himself. “When she saw me, there was a terrible expression of sadness on her face. I’ll never forget it. It was worse than what happened next. I think she died then, not a moment later. She lifted her hand in farewell, then before I could take a step toward her, she dived into the ravine.”
Pain crackled in his voice, and Aubree could see the image just as he must be seeing it. Her eyes welled with the tears and anguish that must be his, the helplessness and guilt that haunted his memory. They spilled down her cheeks as he held her against him and the moisture mixed with the wetness of his cheeks.
With a mutual craving for comfort, they turned to each other, and Heath sealed her lips with his. She tasted their saltiness and let him drink his comfort, burying his pain in her response.
The kiss deepened until Heath became aware of the pressure of young breasts against his side and soft thighs arousing hungers that had nothing to do with comfort. He craved the solace she offered him, but not at the cost they would have to pay. Sighing, he moved his kiss to cover her cheeks, realizing her tears were for him, and kissing them away. “Don’t cry, halfling. I am not worth your tears.”
Aubree shook her head, burying her face against his shoulder. “I feel so sorry for her.”
Heath’s eyebrows went up at this unexpected viewpoint. “You did not even know her, little goose. How can you feel sorry for someone you do not know?”
“But I know you,” she cried. “She must have seen what a fool she’d been, throwing you away for a man who would beat her. That is why she did it. At the last, she knew she could only save you by killing herself. She could never have known that you would be blamed for her death. It’s so awful, Heath. Why are people like that?”
Her incredible insight followed by her childish plea left him momentarily speechless. He had never seen Louise in quite that light before, but he knew at once that she was right. Louise had never been bad, but spoiled and selfish. Maybe, at the last, she had understood what she had done, when it was too late for everyone. The knowledge hurt, but not as much as the agony of believing he’d driven her to his death. How this child-woman could have seen it was beyond his ken.
“We’re all human, Aubree, we make mistakes. I think you’re giving me more credit than I deserve, but it’s too late to do anything but avoid making the same mistakes again.”
He could not set her from him just yet. He cradled her in his arms, breathing the scent of lilacs and enjoying the pressure of her supple body against his. They had been married nearly two months, and he had not had a woman since before that time. Desire lay close to the surface, but he kept it in ruthless control. Shortly,
he would sail away and be gone for months. Now was not the time to initiate actions that night never come to term.
As if reading his mind, Aubree shyly disentangled herself from his embrace. “Am I another mistake?”
A raw grin curled one corner of his mouth as he lifted her from his lap and set her on her feet. “You’re a mistake, I don’t doubt, but I didn’t make you. Not yet, anyway.”
She threw him a dubious look but avoided questioning. “Have you heard from my father? Has he found your sister’s husband yet?”
Heath lowered his leg from the stool and rose to ruffle her hair. “They know what ship was in the vicinity at the time Adrian was impressed, and they know its route. It will take time for messages to be left at all ports and for the ship to return to London. We can only hope now, halfling. You have done your share. I must learn patience and do mine.”
That puzzled Aubree even more, but she did not question it. She suspected he was being deliberately ambiguous, and she would not give him the pleasure of laughing at her. “Have you written your sister? She must be dreadfully worried.”
His blue eyes smiled upon her, causing her heart to race a little faster. “I have written, There was very little I could say, but it is better than nothing. Is there any other information you wish to pry from me? As you can see, I am quite willing to tell you all today. Tomorrow might be a different story.”
He rested his hands on her shoulders and she was loath to end the closeness. “Did you tell her of our marriage?” she asked, half fearful of his reply.
The smile slipped away. “I have told her of our marriage and your father’s help. I have told her nothing of the circumstances.”
Aubree nodded in relief. It had just seemed important that he acknowledged their marriage. She smiled and pressed a kiss upon her finger and laid it across his lips. “That is one secret that shall remain sealed forever.”
Indigo Moon Page 16