I remember one morning a lady rushed into my meditation class looking all stressed out. Afterwards she told me that she almost didn’t make the class because her child had taken his time as they were walking to school, pointing out a beautiful tree and some stunning flowers that he wanted to further investigate, and even stopping to say hello to someone he thought was nice. I said to her, “You rushed to get here to sit and meditate and yet you missed all the signs your son gave you of practising mindfulness on the way to school.” She looked at me completely confused and then the penny dropped, “Wow my son was fully present and in my mind I was already in the car driving to the studio!” Don’t let the special moments of the present get away, those are magical and deeply bonding in any relationship. So before we go blaming anyone else for their behaviour, it’s good to tune in and ask “Am I fully present in this relationship?” So much can be solved when we hold space for each other and truly see, feel and hear each other.
Go forward with self-love
Throughout the book, as you have worked your way through becoming more self-aware and accepting, learnt how to love yourself and take care of yourself, you will have peeled back those layers to find the issues lying at the core of whichever relationship you were working on when you started this journey. You have allowed yourself to perceive the relationship and yourself in different ways, learnt from it and taken the opportunity to heal what was unhealed within you.
I truly hope that the book and the exercises have inspired you to know that whatever challenging relationships you are faced with, you have the tools to return to for support whenever needed. Hopefully you will approach relationship issues with a newfound curiosity and allow yourself to figure out what that challenge is there to teach you. I also hope that it has reminded you of how powerful you are when you take back your control and focus on you.
You can now go forward with a deeper understanding of yourself and an abundance of compassion and self-love, yes? If not, I suggest returning to the self-love chapter and repeating the exercises, until you can shout YES to that question!!! Remember, I told you, you deserve to LOVE yourself!
Celebrating You
Thank you for going on this journey with me through the book. It’s been an honour to support you. I hope by now you know that you are an amazing human being put on this earth for a reason. Never let anyone convince you that you have to dim your beautiful light so that they don’t feel inferior. The world needs you and your light, so shine it as brightly as you can – there is room for everyone. And if you ever have a moment of doubt, a little stumble, know that you are not alone – we all have those moments. Say these words to pick yourself back up. From my heart to yours
I am love
I am a beautiful radiant light
I am safe
I am enough
I am
And so it is
Love & Light
Camilla x
I hope to connect with you either online @camilladallerup or in person at one of my workshops or classes.
CHECKLIST OF EXERCISES
1. SELF-AWARENESS
Relationship inventory
Thought mapping
Relationship check-in
What negative stories have you created?
Hello beautiful!
What are you projecting?
Illusion or truth?
Tackling your resistance
Staying true to yourself
Become a master at manifesting
Raw-form journalling – download your thoughts
2. SELF-ACCEPTANCE
Me right here, right now
Mindfulness exercise
Filling the void
Grieving an unrealized dream
U-turn your thoughts with gratitude
Accept and switch it
Letting go meditation
Cutting the cord visualization
I forgive myself as I forgive you
Let’s celebrate you
Mirror exercise
3. SELF-LOVE
What do you believe about yourself?
Are you enough?
Be your own best friend
Ignite the love
Reframe – what is and isn’t true about what you think of yourself?
Working out your needs
A love letter to yourself
In the mirror
Self-compassion and you
Create a self-love ritual
Hypnotic visualization – falling in love with myself
4. SELF-CARE
Day 1: Morning ritual
Day 2: Fuel your joy
Day 3: Let the love flow
Day 4: Divorce your bad habits
Day 5: Chakra balancing
Day 6: Ultimate self-care
Day 7: Nurtured from inside out
RESOURCES
Articles
Epigentics: www.brucelipton.com/resource/article/epigenetics
‘Bad is Stronger than Good’: http://assets.csom.umn.edu/assets/71516.pdf
‘When Good is Stronger than Bad’: http://www.rickhanson.net/teaching/tgc-public-summary/
‘Greater Self-Acceptance Improves Emotional Wellbeing: https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/greater-self-acceptance-improves-emotional-well-201605169546
‘How the Universe Views Intimate Relationships’: https://www.elevatedexistence.com/marianne-williamson-how-the-universe-views-intimate-relationships
‘The Scary Power of Negative Words’: https://goop.com/wellness/mindfulness/the-scary-power-of-negative-words
‘Can Plants Really Get Upset?”: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5703247/Bizarre-experiment-shows-talking-plants-thrive.html
‘IKEA conducts bullying experiment on plants – the results are shocking’: https://globalnews.ca/news/4217594/bully-a-plant-ikea/
Marianne Williamson: https://marianne.com
‘Living Beyond Limits’: Amy Purdy: https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_purdy_living_beyond_limits?language=en
‘When two TV greats meet: Oprah opens up on her traumatic childhood during David Letterman lecture series: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2239102/Oprah-Winfrey-opens-traumatic-childhood-David-Letterman-lecture-series.html
‘Scientific Proof that Negative Beliefs Harm Your Health’: Dr. Lissa Rankin: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-9690/scientific-proof-that-negative-beliefs-harm-your-health.html
‘Mindfulness of Feeling Tones’: http://summitmindfulness.com/2016/09/mindfulness-of-feeling-tones/
‘Love Yourself to Stay Healthy’: https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn19575-love-yourself-to-stay-healthy/
‘Self-esteem and autonomic physiology: Self-esteem levels predict cardiac vagal tone’: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0092656610000929?via%3Dihub
https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/pdf/Heart,%20Mind%20and%20Spirit%20%20Mohamed%20Salem.pdf
‘5 tips to stop negative self-talk once and for all’: https://www.jackcanfield.com/blog/negative-self-talk/
Books
Anderson, Simone, Journey to Health (Allen & Unwin)
Berman, Ph.D, Laura, Quantum Love (Hay House)
Brach, Tara, Ph.D., Radical Acceptance (Bantam)
Cameron, Julie, The Artist’s Way (TarcherPerigee)
Chopra M.D., Deepak and Tanzi Ph.D., Rudolph E., The Healing Self (Harmony)
Chopra, Deepak, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success (New World Library)
Davidji, Secrets of Meditation (Hay House)
Desmond, Tim, The Self-Compassion Skills Workbook (W.W. Norton & Co)
Dyer, Dr. Wayne W., The Power of Intention (Hay House)
Foundation for Inner Peace, A Course in Miracles (Foundation for Inner Peace)
Hagen, Steve, Buddhism Plain and Simple (Broadway Books)
Hamilton, David R., I Heart Me: The Science of Self-Love (Hay House)
Hanson, Rick, Buddha’s Brain (New Harbinger Publications)
Hawkins, M.D, Ph.D, David R., Letting Go, The P
athway of Surrender (Hay House)
Hicks, Esther, Hicks, Jerry, The Vortex (Hay House)
Kabat-Zinn, Jon, Meditation Is Not What You Think (Hachette Books)
Mason, Keith, Thoughts That Harm, Thoughts That Heal (Piatkus Books)
Michels, Barry, Stutz, Phil, The Tools (Spiegel & Grau)
Peer, Marisa, I Am Enough (One Edition)
Pfender, April, Chakra Balance (Althea Press)
Rippentrop, Ph.D., Betsy, Adamson, Eve, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Chakra (Alpha)
Ruiz, Don Miguel, The Four Agreements (Amber-Allen Publishing)
Saradananda, Swami, The Essential Guide to Chakras (Watkins)
Tolle, Eckhart, The Power of Now (Namaste Publishing)
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
When we are being challenged by a relationship, we don’t think “one day I’ll be grateful for this and for the hurt and frustration”, but with time we realize that every challenge is an opportunity to grow within. I have learnt so much about myself through relationships, some that I continue to learn from and some that only came into my life to wake me up to the wounds that I needed to heal. I’m grateful for them all. The most painful were those that cracked me open the most and pushed me to make some seriously important decisions for myself! I am forever a teacher and a student, and I want to thank all of my clients. The way they have invited me into their lives and their challenges has inspired me and wanted me to always learn more, study and evolve both as a coach and as an individual. They have taught me as much as I have taught them and for that I am thankful.
I was raised by two extremely good humans – my mum, who taught me never to give up if you believe in something, and my dad, who has a level of patience that’s beyond belief. He taught me that sometimes it’s okay to slow down and go at your own pace. Their support can be felt always, even though we live thousands of miles apart – I love you mum and dad! And thank you to my sister, who is a rock to me always. If I am ever overwhelmed, I know who to call. I’m so lucky to have a best friend as a sister.
Thank you to my meditation community at Unplug Meditation in LA. I love you all. I feel extremely grateful that we have such a special place to connect and support each other, and that I have meditation, dear friends and colleagues to turn to when I’m having an off day.
And thank you to author Yung Pueblo, whose work I admire so much. Thank you for writing the foreword to this book – you are such an inspiration and I’m grateful for the way you share your work with the world and inspire people like me. Thank you so much and keep shining your light brightly!
Thank you to my wonderful editor, Dawn Bates. I said it in the last book and I’m going to say it again – I can’t imagine how I would have done it without you. Thank you for brainstorming with me and helping me stick to deadlines, and for your expertise and your guidance. I believe you are an angel sent to help me through the book-writing journey. So much love and gratitude for you landing in my life.
And to my publisher, Jo Lal – wow, I can’t believe here we are with book number three. It seems only like yesterday we had our very first meeting and you took a bet on me with book number one. Although sometimes I need a few days to digest your feedback, mainly because it is honest and constructive and it pushes me right outside my comfort zone, I know 100 per cent you always have my best interests at heart and it always helps me push me further than I would have ever pushed myself. All of your support, and that of everyone at Watkins, means the world to me – thank you. I’m so very proud to be a Watkins’ author, a company with such integrity.
And Kevin, my husband, thank you for always being so understanding and supportive and I’m sorry you didn’t see me much last year whilst I was writing. Thank you for cooking me delicious meals and giving me the love and space to create this book. I love you!
Sven, our beloved dog, I dedicate this book to you. You taught me more about relationships than I could have ever imagined. Your calming energy and unconditional love was so special – the late-night cuddles and meditations when I was writing but tired, and wondering what the next words would be, energized and inspired me. I still can’t believe we had to say goodbye to you. The grieving is real, but so are all of the magical memories of you. You will live on in our hearts whilst you will no doubt be chasing baseballs in heaven. Thank you for the 10 years you chose to be with us and for showing me how loving with an open heart looks and feels.
The story of Watkins began in 1893, when scholar of esotericism John Watkins founded our bookshop, inspired by the lament of his friend and teacher Madame Blavatsky that there was nowhere in London to buy books on mysticism, occultism or metaphysics. That moment marked the birth of Watkins, soon to become the publisher of many of the leading lights of spiritual literature, including Carl Jung, Rudolf Steiner, Alice Bailey and Chögyam Trungpa.
Today, the passion at Watkins Publishing for vigorous questioning is still resolute. Our stimulating and groundbreaking list ranges from ancient traditions and complementary medicine to the latest ideas about personal development, holistic wellbeing and consciousness exploration. We remain at the cutting edge, committed to publishing books that change lives.
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It's Not You, It's Me Page 14