“Stop this at once, Byron. Go back to your book, and let me handle this.”
“Oh, you’ve handled things, haven’t you? For two years you’ve battered our daughter to the point she had to leave the damn country. You’ve humiliated her with our friends and hers. You’ve turned what could have been a discreet mistake into a source of public ridicule, when you could have shut your mouth and let the whole affair blow over after Helen left the country.”
“I … I,” she sputtered.
Byron advanced on her, his jowls trembling beneath his rage. “And you could have been discreet, Priscilla. Do you know how I know you could have been discreet? Because I’ve seen it, firsthand. Did you truly believe you could keep your secrets forever?”
“What are you talking about?” Priscilla stepped backward, almost tripping over the center table before catching herself.
“You and Stephen Buckwell. That’s what I’m talking about. All those society luncheons? Ha! If anyone is the talk of San Francisco because of her inappropriate behavior, it’s you, my dear, not our daughter.”
“What?” Helen choked.
“Oh yes. Your mother has been having an affair with my partner for quite some time now. I’ve let it slide because of the scandal a divorce would cause. And I’ll admit to a little satisfaction knowing that being married to me makes her positively miserable!” He laughed. “Evil of me, I know.”
“Daddy!” Helen’s cheeks turned red, and she glanced at the floor.
Paul stepped aside when her father approached. The much-older doctor took her shoulders, and she raised her gaze to meet his.
“Helen. I’m sorry. I never should have let her badger you all those months. I came here, not to drag you home like your mother insisted. No, I came to apologize and beg you to come back. I’ll open my practice to you, full partners. I’ll be needing one when I get back,” he offered, smiling. “I hope you can forgive me and come home, where you belong. You and whomever else might come along.”
Paul’s heart leapt into his throat. The look on Helen’s face was so full of hope, he could barely breathe. Everything she’d ever wanted had been offered to her on a silver plate. A medical practice, a partnership with her father. Acceptance. A full life of privilege.
What could he give her? Dust, and more dust. A township where she felt inclined to change who she was to fit in. She was a modern woman, of a modern age. Her thoughts, her ideals, her very being was a part of that age. Western Australia was decades behind the rest of the world as far as attitudes and customs were concerned. She’d been living out of her own time for months.
She needed to dance, to drive a car fast and drink a whisky slow. He couldn’t give her any of that. How long before her spirit withered and died a horrible, outback death?
After a moment, she looked at him. The hope in her eyes said it all. She wanted to go home. She’d chosen to give in to him only because her other choice had been loneliness. Could he blame her?
No. She’d done what men had been doing for centuries. Take what love one could. He already missed her.
“You should go, love. Offers like this don’t come along every day. Even an old bushranger like me knows that.”
She frowned, then looked away.
“Well, dear? What do you say?”
Helen nodded. “Thank you, Daddy.”
“Good!” he bellowed. “I knew I could count on you. I’ve booked us all passage home for three days out. That should give you enough time to complete your cases here.”
“Three days?” Helen asked. “But what about Doc? He’ll need to find a replacement.”
“Nonsense. I’m sure you were mostly just his nurse, and you’ve given him that black woman to help him out.”
Paul wanted to throttle the old man. A nurse? His daughter was as fine a doctor as old Doc, and probably a better doctor than her father. He was about to open his mouth and give the old bastard a piece of his mind when Helen spoke.
“I suppose you’re right.”
She was obviously set on getting the hell out of there. Steam heated his blood. But if that’s the game she was willing to play, who was he to call her on it? Only the man who loved her, that’s all. What rot.
“Well, I have a run to make.” Paul cleared his throat. “I’d like to say it was nice to meet you all, but—”
“Paul?” Helen’s voice caught on his name as though she couldn’t bear to say it.
“No worries, love. It’s been fun, hasn’t it? I’ll be off now, and if I don’t see you before you sail, have a right nice time of it, will you?”
He couldn’t leave the flat quickly enough. He should have prepared himself for the eventuality that she would leave him. Why it came as such a surprise, he couldn’t say. Maybe it was because she’d fought so hard to keep him away in the beginning.
It didn’t matter. She owned a piece of his soul, and that was something he’d have to live with for the rest of his life.
Crikey. He already missed her.
“I just heard,” Nanara announced, flying into the room with her new uniform flowing about her booted ankles. “Tell me it’s not true!”
Helen sucked in a warm breath and closed her eyes. “It’s true, I’m afraid.” She opened her eyes, pulled the last of her dresses from the wardrobe, and turned around to face the bed. Her valise was nearly full. All that was left to pack were her recordings and a few photographs.
“You can’t simply leave. This is your home.”
“No, not really. I mean, it could have been. But truthfully, I’ve only been here a few months, and my family is in San Francisco.”
“Paul isn’t,” Nanara added sternly, her hands fisted on her hips. “You can’t tell me you want to leave him.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course, it does. Are you cracked?”
She shoved her dress into the valise and fastened it closed. She wasn’t leaving for a few days, but she had no intention of wearing anything other than her very sedate dress until then. She’d be lucky if she even climbed out of bed tomorrow morning.
Paul had left her.
He hadn’t fought for her to stay with him. He’d heard her father’s offer and leapt on the chance to be rid of her. Just like that.
Just like she’d known he would.
“I’m not cracked, Nanara. It simply isn’t working out, that’s all.”
“It was working out just bloody fine before your oldies showed up, I reckon.”
“Nanara, please,” she whispered.
“All right. I’ll leave off. But mind what I say. Sometimes you have to put aside what others think and do what you want.”
“I’ve tried.” Helen sat on the edge of her bed, her entire world shifting away in a series of tiny quakes and shudders. She would not cry. She would not cry, and she would not beg.
Never again.
Nanara sat next to her, taking Helen’s hand inside her much darker one. “We’re friends, aren’t we?”
“Of course, we are.”
“Then listen to me. I never thought I could be so happy. I worked on the station because I refused to live in the filth of a reservation and the Winters are nice people. But that’s not what I wanted. I came here when you asked me to because there was nothing left for me in the clans.” She lowered her head, pulling at a loose thread on her new dress. “But something happened.”
“What?”
Her face lifted, shining with a bright smile that could only come from a soul in love. Djuru …
“Djuru and I have been talking again, among other things,” she giggled. “He’s more wonderful than I ever imagined now that I’ve been able to get to know him. And I think he likes me, too.”
“That’s wonderful, Nanara.” It wasn’t fair, but it was wonderful. She was happy for Nanara. Honestly.
But, of course, her own heart was breaking all over again. This time, the pieces were so small, she doubted she could ever find them all, much less put them back together. So much had ha
ppened, it made her head spin. Falling in love, her heart breaking all over again. Even telling her parents about her miscarriage had been doubly painful when her father had looked more relieved than concerned.
“You don’t understand. I’m saying that you and Paul should be together. Don’t let him leave when you know you love him. Fight for him. Make him see you. You can’t simply run off and leave things like this.”
A roar sounded through her bedroom window. A familiar roar—one that could only come from one source. Helen rushed to the window with Nanara directly behind her.
Paul’s bright yellow plane, shimmering in the sunlight, flew overhead. The wings reflected the light like a diamond, brilliant and clean. Slowly, the plane turned and banked to the south. Toward Perth.
“It’s too late, Nanara. I’ve lost him.”
17
Would you like another cup of tea, Mother?” Helen lifted the pot in anticipation of her mother’s reply.
“Thank you, dear.”
They were sitting in the parlor. Soft music came from the phonograph, one of the few recordings her mother approved of, while Priscilla plied a needle and colored thread through a sampler. Helen had been reading a book, but the words blurred and ran together so that she couldn’t even remember the last chapter.
Was this all she had to look forward to? She had already decided that she would no longer practice medicine when she returned to San Francisco. Her father might have promised her a position in his practice, but she wasn’t under any misconception that his partners would agree. The local hospital had already denied her application before she’d left San Francisco.
Everyone who mattered knew about her history. They knew her shame, and she couldn’t blame them for their caution. Why would any patient trust her with their life when she had such a lack of good judgment with her own?
So that left only one option for her. She would live a shadow of her mother’s life. Her father’s wealth would gain her access to the ladies’ clubs and society. She would play hostess to various events alongside her mother, but no one would really accept her. She had shamed herself and her family. She had committed the greatest of all sins, as far as they were concerned. She’d become pregnant and, as far as they all knew, delivered an illegitimate child. They didn’t know the child hadn’t survived, that the pregnancy had ended on the voyage from California.
And if they did, they would all assume she had ended the pregnancy on purpose.
It didn’t matter anymore. Paul no longer wanted her. His was the only opinion that mattered, and before she’d been given the chance to explain, he had made his choice. She wasn’t good enough.
If only she hadn’t allowed herself to believe she could be happy. Before she’d met him, she had come to terms with the idea of being alone for the rest of her life. At least she’d had her medicine. But she’d fallen in love with the handsome flyer, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t take her heart back.
By comparison, it had been so easy when Reginald had refused her. She hadn’t really wanted him, but had wanted to do the right thing. When she’d discovered he was married, that his wife’s money and prestige were more important to him than her, and their child, she’d made the decision to survive. At all costs.
It had been a good plan. While it had lasted.
Still, no matter how much she missed Paul already, she couldn’t bring herself to regret their time together. She had replaced all of the bad memories of her time with Reginald with wonderful memories of Paul. She could hold onto them forever, bring them out when her life became too lonely, and keep a piece of him close.
“I certainly hope you’ve learned your lesson well this time, Helen,” her mother chastised. “I don’t want any more rash decisions. You’ll see your father was right once we are safely home.”
“Yes, Mother.”
How could she be safe if she weren’t with Paul? Didn’t he realize that she couldn’t possibly be happy without him? Did he remember how he’d promised to keep her safe always?
Helen rubbed her stomach, the ache and sickening turns growing with every passing moment.
“Doc!” Tim O’Leary called from the clinic. “Doc, are you up there?”
Helen leapt from her seat by the window and threw open the door of her apartment. “Tim? What’s wrong?”
Tim appeared at the bottom of the stairs, his expression drawn and sweat soaking through his clothing.
Her first thought was of Paul. He’d been gone for only a few hours, but what if something had happened?
How would they even know?
“It’s Emily Winters.”
“I’ll get my bag.” She flew down the stairs and into the clinic. Blood pumped through her body with a life-giving force she hadn’t felt in too long. Only a few days had passed since she’d last experienced the exhilaration of being truly needed, but it seemed like a lifetime. “What’s wrong? Is it the baby?”
“Aye. We were on our way here when she started complaining that the baby was coming early. She thought we had plenty of time to reach you, but we had to stop along the way. Dale thought he could deliver the little mite, but it’s been more than two days.”
“Two days?” Helen put the last of the supplies into her bag and spun on Tim. “Why didn’t you come get me sooner?”
“That doesn’t matter much now, does it? Dale sent me for you. It’s a good six hours on horseback to reach them.”
“Why on earth were they coming here?” Helen headed out of the flat with Tim directly behind her, carrying her bag.
“Where do you think you’re going,” her mother asked in a voice as pious as any Helen had ever heard, “with … him?” She stood in the doorway, her back straight and her shoulders square and hard.
“Out of my way, Mother.”
“You can’t possibly leave, unescorted, with this man. Haven’t you done enough to ruin your reputation?”
“I’m a doctor, and one of my patients needs me. Get out of my way, or Tim will move you!”
Priscilla blanched, her mouth hanging open.
“Prissy!” Doc appeared on the staircase, a pair of rose trimmers in one hand. “For once in your life, get out of the bloody way.”
“Richard!” she gasped. “How can you approve of this? She’s a young woman, and she can’t go gallivanting across the countryside with some strange man.”
“Oh, for pity’s sake, woman. She’s a doctor. That’s what she’s here for.” He dismissed Priscilla with a roll of his eyes, then nodded to Helen and Tim. Finally, her mother shifted out of the doorway and allowed them to pass.
Doc asked, “Where are you going, precisely?”
“To the billabong where we used to have the rope swing. You know the one I mean?”
“Yes. Someone will follow with a medical wagon so we can bring Emily here. Off with you, now.”
Helen hurried outside, where she found two freshly saddled mounts. For the first time, she was thankful for her new dress. The wide, flowing skirt would make riding that much easier. Tim secured her bag to the back of his saddle, and once he’d helped her to mount, they rode like the wind out of town.
They rode for hours, alternately running and walking the horses. The road they traveled wound along the edge of the De Grey River. Trees lined the riverside and sparse desert, tinted red with dust, and fading sunlight spread from the other side, reaching to the horizon.
They urged the horses as hard as they dared. With no replacements, they were forced to stop twice to water them. Every second seemed to take an hour. Every hour seemed like a day.
Along the way, Tim explained Emily’s condition. No matter how severe the pains, the baby wouldn’t move. She’d been screaming for a full day, and Dale had feared she wouldn’t have the strength for much more. That’s when he’d sent Tim for help. They’d had enough babies to recognize when something was terribly wrong.
Losing a child was the worst thing a mother could experience. Jayla had lost hers early, and that had be
en hard enough. Helen had been nearly four months along when she’d lost her child on the ocean voyage from America. The pain of that loss still haunted her, still made her regret so many things. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to bring a child nearly to point of life, only three or four weeks from the brilliance of healthy birth, only to have that child ripped away.
Emily had been so happy just last week.
But then, so had Helen. The future had seemed so full and rich, the possibilities endless. Life could turn so quickly. In an instant, everything was different. With a few uttered phrases, the walls came crashing in, and nothing mattered anymore.
Wasn’t anyone entitled to happiness? If not her, then Dale and Emily certainly deserved it. And what about Paul? Hadn’t he done enough for others that he should have some small amount of peace for himself?
She was to blame for his unrest. If she hadn’t kept the worst of her secrets until the very end, perhaps he could have trusted her enough to love her. Maybe he would have believed in her forever, like he’d wanted to.
Instead, she’d betrayed him with her lies and half truths.
In the end, she deserved whatever pain she must bear—but he didn’t.
A distant scream sliced the late-afternoon twilight like a sharp, piercing blade.
Tim kicked his horse to a full run. Helen followed, holding to the reins with fingers that burned against the leather. She followed him off the road and into a stand of trees. The soft, sandy earth cushioned her feet when she threw herself off the horse and ran to a large tent erected well away from the water’s edge.
“Bring my bag!” she yelled back at Tim before she ducked into the tent.
Emily curled on a makeshift bed Dale had made from a combination of fallen leaves, palms, and blankets they’d brought with them. She was on her side, hugging her belly while Dale tried to soothe her by stroking her wet hair and her naked back.
Dale turned his gaze on Helen, the pain in his eyes imploring her to help. “I don’t know what’s wrong. The baby just won’t be born,” he whispered hoarsely, his voice a series of cracks.
The Flyer Page 23