by Kyle Andrews
His smile faded just a little bit as he saw those questions in her eyes. He couldn't have known exactly what she was thinking, but he knew that she didn't trust him.
“We have to go,” Libby told both Uly and her mother.
“Be well,” Justin said to Amanda in his quiet, yet reassuring voice.
Libby couldn't imagine him being a part of any extremist group. For as long as she'd known him, Justin had been too meek for that sort of thing. Maybe he didn't even know Uly's secret.
Amanda put a hand on Justin's face and gave him a quick nod before moving on. With his parents dead, Justin had spent a lot of time in Libby's apartment building as a young boy. Amanda had watched him grow, so it didn't seem strange for Libby to see her mother looking into his eyes for reassurance. It just felt strange that he or Uly were there at all. They didn't have to be.
“We'll be right out here,” Uly told Libby as she passed him, following her mother. She didn't respond.
They followed a nurse down a long hallway, where trash bags and dirty sheets lined their path. The nurse didn't think twice about the mess, but Libby could see her mother still trying to avoid touching anything, the same way that she was.
They walked with her to the exam room. Once there, they were asked some questions about Amanda's symptoms, her work, and whether or not she'd been taking her supplements. They scanned her Civvie and pulled up her records. Then Libby and Amanda were left alone in the exam room, where they waited for another hour.
The exam room had seen better days. The paint on the walls was chipped and stained. There was a mop in the corner, sitting in a bucket of dirty water. There were hairs on the exam table, which disgusted Libby more than anything else, though she couldn't quite understand why.
Libby hated the hospital. It made her feel sick, just being there. It should have felt like the cleanest, most sanitary place in the city, but the longer she waited in that place, the more desperately she wanted to take a shower.
It was in her head, certainly. People knew what they were doing, and they wouldn't go out of their way to make people sick in a hospital. Libby just needed to put it out of her mind.
“Uly's such a sweet boy,” Amanda said, as though she were trying to find something else to think about too. “Justin felt warm though. I hope he doesn't get sick.”
Libby responded with a shrug. She didn't see any particular need to get into a long conversation about how warm Justin was.
“Why don't you spend time with them anymore? You all used to be so close.”
Libby shrugged again.
“Talk to me,” Amanda said, in a voice that sounded somehow demanding and caring at the same time. Libby had only heard that tone a few times before. It made her uncomfortable.
“There's nothing to say,” Libby told her. “We grew up.”
“Uly's family.”
Libby smirked and said, “What does that mean?”
“It should mean something.”
“It means we share some completely useless genetic link. That's it. You're not even really his aunt, so I don't get why he came.”
“Because he cares,” Amanda said, looking at Libby as though she thought the girl was crazy. “I've known him since he was born. Is it really that hard to believe?”
“I just don't get why it's supposed to matter. Why should I care about him any more than I care about a random stranger on the street?”
Libby genuinely wanted an answer for that question. For the life of her, she couldn't understand why she was so scared to find out the truth about Uly. Why shouldn't she want to turn him in if he was doing something wrong? Why would she risk implicating herself in his mess, just to protect him?
Amanda took Libby's hand and kissed it. She held it in her own as they waited.
Libby chalked the whole thing up to nerves on Amanda's part. She didn't like holding hands with Amanda, or anyone else for that matter. It made her feel weird and uncomfortable, but she didn't pull away. Amanda was scared about what the doctors might find, so Libby was willing to go along with it for now.
In an attempt to ease the awkward energy between them, Libby looked to Amanda and said, “You realize that my hand is probably covered in every disease known to man by now, right?”
Amanda smiled and replied, “The thought just occurred to me, yeah.”
It was a light moment, which was a rare experience for Libby to share with Amanda. They smiled together and for the first time in months, they had hope.
Then, the exam room door opened and the doctor walked in. He was a middle-aged man with horrible posture. His hair looked as though it had been neatly combed at one point, but had fallen out of place since then. The doctor seemed tired as he glanced down at the tablet in his hand and scrolled through Amanda's file.
“You're Amanda Welles?” he asked, keeping his eye on the screen.
“Yes,” Amanda replied.
The lightness in the room was gone, and now she sounded nervous. She squeezed Libby's hand. Libby tried to think of something that she could say or do to help the situation, but all she could do was stand there.
“And who is this?” the doctor asked, still reading from the file.
“Libby Jacobs. I'm her daughter.”
The doctor nodded and typed something into the file. He then asked, “What symptoms are you experiencing?”
“Umm... Well, there's fatigue. I'm tired all the time. And weak. Nauseous. I cough a lot,” Amanda said, watching as the doctor checked off boxes of possible symptoms on the tablet.
“Ever cough up blood?” he asked.
“Yes.”
A jolt of panic ran through Libby. She'd never seen her mother cough up blood before. She didn't know anything about it until that moment. She looked to her mother, wanting to demand an explanation, but she refrained from speaking. She was angry. She felt like her mother had been lying to her; another in the long line of people who were lying to her.
Amanda put her other hand over Libby's, but the effort was lost on her. Libby was too distracted, trying to think of all the potential illnesses that could go with coughing up blood. None of them sounded good.
The doctor continued, “Any fatigue? Nausea?”
“She just said there was,” Libby blurted before she could catch herself.
The doctor finally looked up at her and said, “I'm simply trying to be thorough.”
Amanda patted Libby's hand, and Libby realized that she was squeezing far too tight. If she didn't let go, she stood a chance of breaking her mother's hand. The last thing they needed was another appointment at the hospital, so she let go of Amanda and stuck both of her hands in her pockets.
The doctor moved toward Amanda, preparing his stethoscope. “Okay, let's have a listen.”
He took time to listen to a few areas of Amanda's chest and back, telling her to take a deep breath and release each time. Then, he went to the tablet and typed in his findings. He pressed a submit button, and waited for the next screen to come up before telling Amanda that he wanted to draw some blood and take a couple of x-rays.
The next three hours were spent having tests run and waiting for results. The doctor was nowhere to be seen during this time. Fortunately, the various nurses and techs were far more personable than he was. Their skill with a needle was questionable, but at least they were nice about it.
After they were done with Amanda, she and Libby sat in the exam room, waiting in silence. Once or twice, Amanda looked toward Libby and tried to smile, but it was obvious that she was nervous. Libby wished that she could say something or do something that would help ease Amanda's mind, but what could she say?
The doctor finally came back, still clinging to his tablet and flipping through test results. He sat down in a chair next to the exam table and tapped on his tablet screen a few times, mumbling something under his breath. He was frustrated.
Finally, he pressed the power button on the tablet and restarted it.
“This will just take a moment. I've been ha
ving trouble with it all day.”
Libby turned away from him and mumbled to Amanda, “Poor guy.”
The doctor didn't say anything to them as he waited for the tablet to start up. It was as though they weren't even there and he were alone in the room. It was only when the tablet came back to life and he pulled up the file that Amanda seemed to exist to him once again.
Scrolling through the file, the doctor took a deep breath and exhaled. He said, “Okay then. Here we are,” and then fell silent again, while he read. He clicked his tongue a couple of times as he skimmed through her results. Then, he shook his head and said to himself, “That's cancer.”
16
As soon as the doctor said the word, Libby heard Amanda exhale. She waited for the sound of another breath being taken, but she didn't hear it.
She looked toward Amanda and saw her mother staring straight ahead, with her mouth hanging open. It looked like she wanted to ask a question that she hadn't yet thought of.
Libby didn't know what to say or do either. The doctor went on, showing the x-rays and test results. He explained things in terms that neither Libby nor her mother could understand. He didn't slow down long enough for them to catch their breaths. He didn't try make them understand. The last word that either of them fully comprehended was cancer, and the word sat in Libby's gut like a feast of spoiled foods. Then the doctor told them that someone would be in to talk with them about treatment and he left the room.
Once he was gone, Libby turned to Amanda, trying to find words of comfort. There weren't any. She couldn't tell Amanda that everything would be fine, because she didn't know. In that moment it felt like Libby didn't know anything at all. Her mind was a complete blank.
It was Amanda who broke the silence between them when she said, “That guy was a tool.”
“Yeah,” was all Libby could say in response.
Twenty minutes later, a woman came into the exam room and introduced herself as Zuxu Fink. She was in her thirties, and a little on the heavy side. Her hair was dark brown, with a streak of gray in the front, which Libby couldn't take her eyes off of. She couldn't be sure that the streak was natural, but who had the time or money to dye their hair?
“How are we doing today?” Zuxu asked, with a big smile. She then pulled up Amanda's file on her own tablet and said, “Oh. That's too bad.”
She read on for several seconds, just skimming the basics of the file. Then she put the tablet down and said, “Okay. We're going to start the process of dealing with this. I will help you with that, so if you have any questions or concerns...”
“What is the treatment?” Libby cut in. “Chemo? Pills? Surgery? What are we looking at here?”
Zuxu nodded and looked Libby in the eyes as she replied, “That's a good question to ask. Unfortunately, there are a number of factors which will go into determining your mother's course of treatment.”
“What factors?” Amanda asked.
“Well, I already have your basic information. Work and residence and all of that. So what we're going to do next is fill out some paperwork, answer some questions, and then we'll submit your file to the treatment board. They'll review your file and determine which options are best for you.”
Amanda nodded, “How long will that take?”
“Normally, they have an answer pretty quickly. Every now and then it takes a bit longer. Trust me, this is not something that anyone wants to stall. We want to see you treated just as much as you want to be treated.”
“Then let's do it,” Libby pushed. She didn't want to sit around, chit-chatting while they could be getting their job done.
Zuxu took a deep breath and looked at Amanda for a second. She then turned to Libby and said, “I've scheduled you and your cousin for screenings. You may be able to help us with your mother's treatment, so I want to get a complete genetic workup of both of you.”
“What does that mean?” Libby asked, pulling back just slightly. She didn't want to undergo the same tests as her mother.
Smiling, Zuxu said, “We'll just take a quick scan of your DNA with a new device that we just recently started using. It's a prototype. Completely painless and it will let us see a profile of everything that makes you tick. All in a matter of seconds. No needles, I promise.”
Zuxu seemed way more excited about the prospect than either Libby or Amanda. Under different circumstances, the device might be fascinating, but Libby wasn't looking for excitement. She just wanted to help Amanda.
“Uly's not related to her,” Libby told Zuxu. “He's my father's brother's son.”
“That's fine. We'll run both of your scans through our database and see if you match any of our patients. Even if you can't directly help your mother, we might still use you for someone else. 'For city, for nation, for all.'”
That last line of hers was a quote from the pledge of allegiance. It was the patriotic call to all citizens to think of themselves as drops of water in the sea. There was no distinction between the individual and the collective good. It all sounded like a bunch of new-age nonsense, but it was reassuring for Libby to know that her mother's fate wouldn't rest solely in her hands.
“So, if you'll go get your cousin, the two of you can go to the nurse's station and ask someone to show you to the profiling room,” Zuxu told Libby. She then scrunched her nose and said, “We're still working on the name for the room. I think that one sounds a little too creepy.”
Libby wasn't listening to Zuxu anymore by this point. She turned to Amanda and quietly asked if she would be okay by herself for a little while. After Amanda gave her a nod, telling her to go, Libby said, “I'll go get Uly.”
She walked toward the door and put her hand on the knob before she turned around and asked Zuxu, “If you can get all of our information just by scanning us with this new machine, why did you just stick ten different needles into Amanda?”
Zuxu looked at Libby with that perfectly practiced smile on her face. She raised her shoulders in a way that was not quite a shrug, but still managed to convey the message that Libby wasn't going to be getting an answer.
After giving Amanda one last glance, Libby walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. She walked down that long hallway once again, making her way toward the waiting room.
The closer she got to Uly, the more she didn't want to have to see him or talk to him. The word 'cancer' was still making her sick to her stomach and the last thing she needed to deal with was the drama surrounding her cousin.
When she reached the waiting room, she found it even more crowded than before, which she hadn't thought possible. Even as she opened the door, she bumped into people who were standing, waiting for their chance to see a doctor. She couldn't imagine that all of them would make it into the office before curfew, which meant that some would have to come back the next day. She didn't know how the hospital would ever catch up.
She pushed her way through the crowd, looking from face to face for her cousin. It took her five minutes to find him, standing with Justin in one of the corners. They looked bored and tired, but they were still out there, waiting.
Justin saw Libby before Uly did. As his eyes met hers, he nudged Uly with his elbow and then motioned with his head. Uly looked toward Libby and something on her face must have revealed the bad news, because by the time she reached them, Uly was asking, “Cancer?”
Libby nodded. Uly didn't react with any great emotion. It looked as though he'd been expecting that news all day and he'd already moved past the shock of it.
Justin looked to his feet for a few seconds and then closed his eyes. It wasn't a grand emotional gesture, but at least it was more of a reaction than Uly displayed. Libby wasn't surprised that Justin was upset, but she found it a little strange to see his lips moving. It looked like he was talking to himself. He looked insane.
Uly nudged Justin in much the same way that Justin had nudged Uly a moment earlier, and Justin lifted his head.
“What happens now?” Uly asked Libby.
“You and I are going to get tested to see if we can donate blood or marrow or... I don't know. They said we might be able to help with her therapy. So we're getting tested.”
“What kind of test?”
“Does it matter? We're doing it,” Libby shot back, annoyed that he was even asking questions. “It's just a stupid scan. Something about our DNA.”
Uly looked to Justin, who just shrugged in response and said, “I'll wait out here.”
Uly seemed reluctant for some reason, as Libby led the way toward the door. He didn't say anything about it, but he didn't look comfortable going back there.
Libby kept her eyes forward as they walked. After they were through the door and in the hallway, when she was sure that they were alone, she asked, “Scared of doctors?”
“I don't like scans and tests,” Uly replied.
“What's with Justin?”
“What about him?”
“I thought you were dating Marti, but he's always hanging around.”
“We're friends. That's what friends do.”
“Where is Marti?”
“Where's Sim?”
There was obvious tension between the two of them, just waiting to explode. Libby was trying her best to act normal and ignore her issues with Uly, but she couldn't help the anger that she felt toward him. He was lying to her. The longer it went on, the more angry she felt.
They reached the nurse's station, but nobody was around to help them. They stood there, waiting for someone to come back, not saying a word to each other for several seconds. Libby didn't even look at Uly. She was worried that if she did, she would start yelling.
Never one to ignore confrontation, Uly lowered his voice and looked directly at Libby. He asked, “What's wrong with you? I thought we were over this.”
She wanted to resist the urge to respond, but she couldn't. She turned to him and said, “Wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with you?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I saw the paint on your pants. I know exactly what you're not telling me, so stop pretending that I'm a complete idiot.”